“There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares.”―
Please take the time to read this entire post. It is one of the most well-documented articles on both the original sexual abuse and the long-term efforts to have Kevin DeYoung, Harry Reeder, Christ Covenant Church, and Charlotte Christian School respond to the abuse, both in the short and long term. Stuart’s account demonstrates, in my opinion, that the church has not changed in its response to abuse.
Harry Reeder left Christ Covenant to go to Briarwood Presbyterian Church. He died this year in a car accident.
It also shows how one supposed leader of The Gospel Coalition, Kevin DeYoung, has a long way to go. In 2022, I wrote Kevin DeYoung’s Better Discussion on Abuse Isn’t. Stuart’s post causes me to stand by my opinion as stated in that post. When I started writing almost 15 years ago, at this point, I had no idea of the depth and breadth of the callousness towards sexual abuse by church leaders and churches. Sexual abuse victims have helped me to see that the battle won’t be over for a long time, if ever. Evil persists in the form of abusers, churches, and other Christian entities with a heart of stone. My heart goes out to Stuart for the pain he has suffered through the years. He is brave to be willing to tell his story, and I am honored to host it here. -Dee
Stuart Griffin’s story is told in his own words.
(TWW used Grammarly for routine editing purposes only.)
This won’t be easy to read and sometimes it may be hard to follow. This is the best I can do attempting to piece together the last thirty-two years. So I apologize that it’s not a nicely organized story. It’s not a nicely organized situation. It’s written more as a stream of consciousness in chronological order. It struggles with transitions, cohesiveness, etc. as parts of the events of my story occurred with years separating one from the other. But it’s all important. I am thankful you are taking the time to read this.
Further, it’s tough to write about a situation without supplying adequate context. Especially one that includes a subject as emotionally charged as sexual abuse and events that have spanned over thirty years. It’s complex, as most of our lives are. But it’s especially difficult if you’re not a writer like I am not. But context, chronology, and accuracy matter and that is the reason behind the incredible length of this narrative. But I wish at some point in my past I would have stumbled upon a detailed description like this written by someone who has experienced what I have. A story that doesn’t save detail for the sake of brevity. I would have found it valuable. I would have felt not as alone. So in my fidelity to those of you who need to hear these things, I am writing to you and to those of you who don’t; let this serve as a fair warning… It’s a lot! But for those of you who need this, please hang on. Your struggle is a gift given to you for something so much bigger and more important than your comfort. You weren’t the recipient of a bad hand like you have come to believe. You were gifted with something that most people can’t handle. Yes, struggle is a gift. You aren’t being tortured, you’ve actually been carefully chosen. Your pain, as much as you believe will be the end of your life, will actually become the source of strength that others could only wish for. Your battle scars can become armor that equips you for a battle only you are prepared to fight. And one day, your struggle can become the strength that propels you forward and not the excuse that holds you back. I hope that my story can help some of you turn your struggle into strength.
I am writing this now not because I am particularly comfortable with the idea of telling my story. But today we are seeing a lot of changes in our country and how our legal system understands and treats victims of sexual abuse. In many states, legislation is being introduced and passed that addresses some of the changes in our knowledge of sexual abuse and how it’s reported. Many of these things happen to us, not because of us. And what I mean by that is that we hear about changes that are made to our legal system about important things that control our lives, but we rarely know what to do in order to help create law that reflects our values. I am choosing to tell my story, hoping it will spur you to take action and work toward creating a law that helps victims and appropriately punishes those who abuse children. We have seen many abusers, along with the organizations that help abusers, completely get away with their actions. You can do something about that today. And I am hoping you will take the time to do so.
HOW I MET MY ABUSER
I met the man who abused me, David Wood, the summer before my eighth-grade year. I attended Charlotte Christian School and Christ Covenant Church in Charlotte and Matthews, NC respectively. David was brought in to work with the senior high youth by the Pastor of Youth Ministries, Rod Huckaby. I’m not sure how Rod “discovered” David, but the story goes that Rod was ministering to David through his sex and pornography addiction, among other things, and thought his testimony would impact the senior high youth in a positive way. I have to question Rod’s judgment—in hindsight, David’s “testimony” feels like a massive RED FLAG. David had no previous youth ministry experience nor did he have any previous experience working in ministry at all.
David made quick work of building relationships with the senior high youth. His testimony included a lot of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll, so the students gravitated toward him, especially the male students, who thought he was cool.. My sister was part of the senior high youth group, so through proximity, I heard rumblings of this outsider who was making a big impression on the senior high students.
I began attending Charlotte Christian School in the fifth grade. My parents moved to Charlotte after my father received a big promotion in his career. At this point, my father placed his full attention on work. His absence and general lack of enthusiasm for my life were hard for me to understand. And over the years, my father’s absence, physically and emotionally, took a large toll on me, and I wonder how his void created space for what happened to me at the hands of David Wood. We moved to a new, big city where I knew no one, and my father, the one person I needed the most, was absent.
Like most, if not all boys at that age, I was trying to figure things out with very little guidance, if any at all. I tended to be more sensitive emotionally than other boys, so the natural ribbing from other boys at school and the tension at home cut deeper than it probably should have. Puberty was starting, so my mind and body were being invaded by alien forces and by the time I hit seventh grade, I was subconsciously looking for anyone to help me make sense of it all. And the only person who stepped up was David Wood, who was a pedophile hiding in plain sight.
Charlotte Christian had a tight relationship with most evangelical churches in the area. From what I have come to understand, this is fairly common in the Christian school scene. Most of the students attended one of the three to four popular evangelical churches on that side of Charlotte and Christ Covenant was one of these. If I’m not mistaken, I believe the church had a hand in starting the school or vice versa. But I could be wrong on this point, but only emphasizing the close relationship my small Christian school had with my church. This relationship allowed for some pretty liberal rules as it pertained to youth leaders and their ability to access kids at school.
Daily, youth leaders would come on campus and eat lunch with the kids from their respective youth groups and the youth leaders would attend sporting events. In the eighth grade, my parents would take me early once a week to Chick-fil-A along with other boys to attend a small-group Bible study and the youth leader would pile us in his car and get us to school before the bell rang. Once I was in high school, it became very common for me and others to get checked out of school by a youth leader and taken out to lunch. And just to call out the obvious, this type of institutional relationship was a pedophile’s dream and allowed a man like David Wood to move through these relationship dynamics with zero friction and prey on young boys.
Looking back, it was like shooting fish in a barrel for David. I recently watched the Netflix documentary on the Boy Scouts sexual abuse scandal named “Scouts Honor”. A serial abuser highlighted in the film was a convicted abuser and was responsible for hundreds of instances of abuse as a Scout leader in the 1970s. He was asked by an investigator why he kept coming back to the Boy Scouts after being caught and he said, “Because they made it so easy.” When I heard that, all I could think about was the relationship my school had with our church.
“If it takes a community to raise a child, it takes a community to abuse one.”
– Attorney Mitchell Garabedian
The first time I met David Wood was at a group youth event at Christ Covenant before the school year started. Although I wasn’t in senior high yet, I was hanging out with some of my sister’s friends. David came up to me and introduced himself and I remember what he said, “I know your sister and I know you’re not in the senior high youth group yet, but you will be soon. We should get to know each other.” It’s so incredible how our memories work. I can still remember how this made me feel. I felt accepted. Like I was seen.
Then I started talking to David at Christ Covenant youth events and I would see him at the varsity football games on Friday nights. Then, one day, he showed up at my soccer game. This was a leader who the senior high guys and varsity athletes looked up to and he was there to see me. If you can go back and put yourself in the eighth grade and the feeling you had when someone made you feel validated, there really wasn’t anything else that mattered. As a teenager, that is literally all that we cared about. It’s why we put effort into anything at that age – to feel accepted and validated. And that’s how David made me feel.
We lived in a neighborhood called Brightmoor in Matthews, NC. Our neighborhood was roughly an eight-minute drive from Christ Covenant. If I wasn’t at school, I was either playing outside in the neighborhood with friends, at a school sporting event or at church. That was my existence. And up until the eighth grade, it’s where I felt safe.
I can’t tell you exactly how David inserted himself in my life, but it seems like one day David wasn’t in my life and the next day we were hanging out a lot. David lived in an apartment on the other side of Matthews, so the church was conveniently located between my house and David’s apartment. At some point David built a strong enough relationship with my parents to where David would pick me up and take me to church on Wednesday nights, take me back to his apartment after school and drive me to my soccer games, etc. My parents wouldn’t have ever let a random man enter into this relationship with their son. They did this because of David Wood’s relationship with the church and the youth group. (I stress this because the church has continued to deny David’s role at the church and has downplayed his affiliation and involvement. But when they do this, they make it seem as if my parents were in the habit of letting me hang out with random, older men, which was not the case!)
I remember how cool I felt when I would pull up with David at the church. I wasn’t in senior high yet, but I was hanging out with this guy who all the other guys looked up to. I heard that a lot of the more popular senior high youth would go to David’s apartment with other youth leaders and hang out. Now I was going there too. David drove a green Honda Del Sol with a t-top roof. And he would turn up the music – Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, Smashing Pumpkins, Live – all my favorites. I knew every word to every song and I knew when the cuss words were coming up and since I was with my youth leader, I would cringe. Until I realized that David would just sing right along never missing a beat. One song in particular that he played more than the others was “Jeremy” by Pearl Jam. The lyrics weren’t something I would expect to come out of a youth leader’s mouth, but he knew every word. I still can’t hear Jeremy today without feeling transported to a time in my life when I can’t help but ask the question, “What if.”
“What if” David had chosen someone else, “What if” David had gone to a different church, or “What if” the leaders at the church had more rigor around hiring youth leaders or more oversight? How might my life have changed if I could have lived without the shame, guilt, anxiety, depression, and self-hatred? Ironically, there’s a part in Jeremy that sings,
“Try to forget this
Try to erase this
From the blackboard”
I didn’t know I would spend the rest of my life trying to do exactly that.
THE DAY THE LIGHTS WENT OUT
For the first time in my life, I felt cool. Riding in a cool car, with the top down and music up with someone who everyone I looked up to thought was cool. Every teenager’s dream. While the music was playing, David would drum to the beat with his left hand on the dashboard and his right hand on the stick shift. Then, one day, the stick shift turned into my knee. When David touched me, my body froze, my stomach was in my throat and I just stared through the window at the passing trees. As David moved his hand from my knee to my upper thigh, a minute felt like an hour.
Over the next two years my body went through puberty. I was physically turning into a man while my youth leader taught me about sex through pornography and how “Christian men help each other” to avoid sexual temptation.
One day David picked me up from school so we could hang out and then the plan was for me to change into my soccer uniform and he would take me to my soccer game. We went to his apartment. Today, thirty years later, I can still draw a perfect diagram of his apartment down to the color of the carpet. I went into the bathroom to change. When I came out, David was naked on the couch, masturbating to pornography.
What do I tell you now?
These are things I have only told a therapist and some of which I put in my official police report over twenty years ago. What he had me do in that apartment that day and the many months that followed. Well, I don’t know how to describe it. I mean, I can tell you the physical acts. I can, unfortunately, describe every single one in detail. The things he said to me, the reasons he told me this was a good, healthy thing for Christian men to do to one another.
I remember it all.
Although every touch from him was abusive, there was a day I remember more than most. It was the day I remembered something was physically stolen from me. It was the minute I felt light turn into darkness. I remember the boy I was when I walked into that apartment that day and who I was when I walked out.
On that horrible day, like the others, I had changed into my soccer uniform. David told me that it would be helpful if he gave me a massage before the game. The color of the carpet and how it felt against my face is burned into my memory.
He straddled my small one-hundred-pound body with his hulking two-hundred-pound body. He told me to take my shirt off and he started rubbing my back. Then he started to forcefully pull down my soccer shorts. I remember my fingers pulling the carpet as I clenched my eyes closed. In my mind, I threw him off, ran out of the apartment door that was only a few feet away and didn’t stop running until I got all the way home, where I ran to my dad and told him everything David had done to me.
But that’s not what happened.
Instead, David was able to get his clothes off. I managed to keep him from doing what he really wanted to do, but as he pressed my face into the rough, dirty carpet, he masturbated on my back.
And that was the day everything turned black. That was the day that stole my fate and the day from which I haven’t returned. I am not sure if there would have been much difference if, at this point, my life had physically ended. Either way, the boy I was, the potential that existed, was no more.
The lights went out.
David would ask me to do things with my girlfriend and then tell him about it in detail. At that point in time I had barely kissed a girl, so much of what I reported to him was made up. He told me this “reporting” to him was holding me accountable and he had this type of relationship with a number of other boys in the youth group. Looking back, the worst part of this was that my first experiences with girls, the loss of my virginity, and the first time I told a girl I “loved” her was all through the guided, voyeuristic relationship with David. There were many other similarly abusive acts at other times. And at random times, while I was playing outside in my neighborhood with my friends, David would show up and ask me to get in the car with him. There were also spiritually manipulative conversations.
I am still embarrassed and still ashamed. I could go on. But this isn’t the primary focus of my story. David Wood exposed me to things that changed my life forever. He took from me what can never be replaced. At forty-four I still haven’t found man-hood. I still haven’t washed myself clean. I still haven’t been able to unsee the images burned into my young mind. And anger seems to be the dominant force in my life. But, again, that isn’t the abuse I am here to tell you about. What happened to me after, what I consider the worst of it, was the real abuse.
IN-ACTION OF THE CHURCH AND THE SCHOOL
I was barely making it through high school. Every day felt like survival. At one point, a teacher told my mother that I would never graduate. I just remember trying so hard to reach for the side of the boat, but my head wouldn’t come up to the surface. It was dark. I was drowning and the result was an incredible judgment from others – coaches, teachers, friends, and family. I wanted to disappear. But I hadn’t told anyone, of course. So they all thought I was just a bad kid. During this period I had my first bouts of extreme anxiety and depression and thoughts of suicide. But I never attributed it to the abuse. I actually never called what I experienced “abuse,” nor did I believe it had turned me into what I had become. I just thought I was a mal-developed youth who wasn’t good at school and couldn’t be a good friend, brother, or son.
During this time my mother, who was an elementary school teacher at Charlotte Christian and a faithful member at Christ Covenant Church, sought out the pastor, Harry Reeder, at Christ Covenant for counsel. She went to him looking for help and intervention for her son. Harry Reeder told my mother that Stuart’s father needed to be at home more. And that was the advice and counsel my mom received. In her words, she walked out of the pastor’s office feeling judged, not supported. My mother didn’t know where to go or what to do to help me. A kid who was once bright and happy had turned into something that didn’t seem to make sense considering the support, friendship, education, and opportunities that surrounded him. My mom needed help too.
During my Sophomore year in high school, my father was promoted, and we found out that meant a move to Little Rock, AR. I remember feeling excited. Maybe this is where I could start over?
By the end of my Junior year in high school, my dad was transferred again – to Georgia. But my parents gave me the option to stay and graduate in Little Rock, move to Georgia and finish there, or go back to Charlotte. It was tough making friends at a new school in eleventh grade. And I missed my best friends in Charlotte, so I made the decision to go back and graduate from Charlotte Christian School. There was a part of me that thought I could make things better by going back.
When I returned, it wasn’t long before I saw David at a Charlotte Christian varsity football game on a Friday night. I kept my distance, but inevitably we saw one another. He didn’t say a word to me. I remember he passed by me without even acknowledging me. How could this guy still be walking around this campus? Was he still at Christ Covenant? I later found out he was actually helping with the youth group at another local, popular church, Central Church of God. I immediately knew I had to do something, tell somebody, let someone know why this guy shouldn’t be working at a church or attending a youth football game. I made a decision that I was going to tell someone. But I didn’t.
My dad wasn’t living with us, so I was a bit embarrassed that it was just me and my mom living in an apartment. I mean, it was a really nice place in one of the nicest areas of Charlotte. I had everything I needed and wanted. But it wasn’t exactly the typical family dynamic the other kids who attended Charlotte Christian were all going home to. I was finding it harder and harder to wake up in the morning. I found it hard to attend soccer practice, even though I loved soccer more than anything. I wouldn’t attend football games anymore because David was there and I quit attending youth group. I started skipping school, failing my classes, and getting into trouble. And while everyone was talking about which college they were going to attend next year, I could barely think about the next hour. I felt frozen, numb, and dark. This was definitely not what I had in mind when returning to Charlotte.
That Spring I got lucky. I found a college that wanted me to come and play soccer for them. I was able to get my grades up to an acceptable level and I remember thinking that college is where I will make things better. This is when things will change. And I was truly excited that I could take part in the “next year” conversations going on at school. But near the end of my senior year, in April, skipping class and a few other things caught up with me and my parents found out. I felt that if I was going to say something about David, it was now or never.
So I blurted it out. I told my mom what David had done and that he was still hanging around the school and I also let her know he was volunteering at other local churches working with the youth groups. After consoling me, my mother, like any good mother, immediately took action.
My mother called Harry Reeder, the Sr. Pastor at Christ Covenant Church. Harry pushed my mom off on the Executive Pastor, Tom Henry. After my mother told Tom what happened, Tom suggested that I write a letter to David expressing to him how much he hurt me and that he should get counseling. Then Tom directed my mother to their attorney, Tom Bush. The church never spoke with me nor did they contact law enforcement. And since David spent so much time on the campus at Charlotte Christian, my mother also went to the school’s headmaster, Gary Coker. Dr. Coker met with my mother for a very short time and then asked her to leave his office. Dr. Coker nor anyone else from CCS met with me or called law enforcement. So I wrote a letter to David and that was the last time I spoke about what happened.
COLLEGE
I went off to college that Fall. This was when my social anxiety took control of my ability to navigate social settings. I tried to play soccer. I tried to do well in school. I was even elected class president. But that was all very short-lived. I didn’t know how to function. I stopped attending class. My GPA plummeted to 0.70 and I was voted out of the student council because I didn’t show up for meetings. Staying in bed. Staying in the dark. That was my safe place. As you can imagine, I wasn’t asked back for a second year.
My parents helped me get into a college closer to home, so I went. I remember being so confident that this is where things would start getting better. A new slate. I was going to start engaging with life and doing well in school. That first semester, though, is when I found alcohol for the first time. And for the first time in a very long time, I could get to sleep, I could hang out in crowds, and I could stop, for once, the obsessive need to protect myself.
Alcohol was magic for me. It gave me all of the things I lost. So my life became obsessed with drinking. And when I wasn’t drinking, I was thinking about when I could start. And the life I was able to invent for myself when I was drunk was so much better than my real life. At least I thought it was. Even though no one else did. Sleeping on couches, in my car, and outside on occasion. This was fine as long as I had a handle on when I could drink. Regardless of how out of control my life really was, alcohol gave me everything life couldn’t. But before I knew it, alcohol had taken a lot more than it was providing in return. The next time my parents really saw me was when they picked me up from jail in a small town in North Georgia. At that point, though, I was just getting started. Again, like the abuse I faced, I could go on. I could tell you detail after detail about drunken nights, mornings, and near-death experiences. Opportunity after opportunity that I would throw away. But that’s not what this story is about.
I’ve been sober now for a while. As I write this, I just came back from receiving an anniversary chip from my AA group where I first got sober. I remember many times when my life was uncontrollable due to alcohol, I would try to put it down. If I could get through a night without drinking, it was a huge accomplishment for me. Now I am sitting here with years of sobriety behind me and hopefully many years of sobriety ahead of me. Any alcoholic who has found sobriety comes to understand that every sober hour is grace. And grace becomes the predominant storyline in any real sobriety story. And my sobriety is no different. I could tell you story upon story about my sobriety and the grace that has been provided to me by a loving God. And I would need much more of your time to tell you about the grace God brought into my life the day I met my wife. And the grace that has been poured into my life ever since. Grace upon grace upon grace. But that’s not what this story is about.
FILING CRIMINAL CHARGES
When I first met Lindsay, I was a drunk. I smoked. A lot. I was overweight. By a lot. And I could barely be in a social setting unless I had been drinking or there was alcohol available where we were going. I was barely holding onto my job and I had no college degree. Lindsay was none of those things, but she still wanted to be with me. She would tell me that she could see something in me that I couldn’t see and she was patient enough to hang around until I could.
I ended up in jail again. Alcohol. Lindsay didn’t leave me. It’s not very romantic, but that is when I decided I was going to do everything I could to marry her. Anyone who wouldn’t leave me after they’ve seen so much darkness. So I promised myself I was going to go back to school, get as many degrees as I could, lose weight, stop smoking, get sober, buy a ring, and marry her. If she would say yes. Over the next few years, I did all of those things. I graduated cum laude with multiple degrees, lost fifty pounds, quit smoking, quit drinking. I even became a pretty good marathon runner. And I had a job. So I bought a ring. And she said yes.
During that journey was the first time I committed myself to therapy. It took a while, but I found someone I felt like I could trust with my deepest secrets. Roughly six months into that relationship, I called my mom on the way home, and I told her, “I need to press charges against David Wood.” In these therapy sessions, I was able to finally realize that what David did to me was wrong and that it was a crime. I wasn’t able to admit that I was a victim of sexual abuse, but I was able to admit that a crime had been committed and David needed to be held accountable. I remember that I felt somewhat relieved. I don’t know why, but I felt lighter. I felt that I had found what was holding me back. And I genuinely believed that if I could lose weight, stop drinking, stop smoking, do well in school, and press charges against the man who abused me, then I could really start living the life I was intended to live.
My mother immediately said that she would do anything I needed to help press charges against David and that she had been waiting for me to realize this was the right thing to do. Within the week I was in touch with the Matthews Police and planning to drive to North Carolina to fill out a police report. My mom asked me if it was okay with me, that she thought it was a good idea to hire an attorney to help me understand the process – more in line with an advocate than an attorney. So my mom did the research and we found a wonderful attorney who would help me understand what I was about to go through. I would encourage anyone going through this type of process to do the same. Regardless of who you are, you’re not ready for what is about to happen when you embark on this type of journey. Having someone who has your back and understands the process is incredibly valuable to your emotional health and to your practical understanding of the justice system.
When I filed a police report, the detectives at the Matthews Police Department were really wonderful. For the next few hours, I sat down and wrote everything David did to me. I remember the embarrassment I felt that someone was going to eventually read what I had written. I still remember trying to skip over certain things because of the shame I felt. I even asked one of the detectives to read it and see if it was “enough”. I didn’t want to write this stuff. I felt so ashamed that I let someone do this to me.
The police went to David’s residence to speak with him. David actually admitted to an inappropriate relationship and David was arrested. But then, shortly after, he hired a lawyer, retracted his statements, and I spent the next year and a half driving between Atlanta and North Carolina to attend every hearing scheduled. I sat there in the audience while David’s attorney argued that what happened was only “mutual masturbation”. I couldn’t believe that an attorney could say that with a straight face. I was thirteen years old. A man who was more than twice my age would admit to something called “mutual masturbation,” but everyone is supposed to believe that’s all he did. But that was good enough for the court system and David Wood pleaded guilty to Indecent Liberties with a Minor and received 36 months of probation. He is still on North Carolina’s sexual offenders registry today.
For the past eighteen years, I have believed I am going to turn around and David will be there to enact his revenge. My wife still can’t walk up behind me and give me a hug or put her hands on my shoulders without me flinching. I am forty-four years old and when someone touches me from behind, I feel dirty and uncomfortable. When you’re forced to do things like I was or have them done to you, and someone holds you down against your will, you’re never the same. Thirty-six months of probation didn’t seem like it was a sentence that fit the crime. I suppose that is what the going rate is for someone’s youth – thirty-six months of probation.
When I started this process, the attorney asked me if I had any desire to file a civil suit against the church. I immediately said that I hadn’t even thought about it. I couldn’t imagine suing my church. The place I loved to spend my time. Where I grew up. The home I pursued. That was the furthest thing from my mind. But apparently, it was the first thing on the mind of Christ Covenant. My attorney reached out to Christ Covenant to let them know I was pressing charges against David. They were asked to give me support through the process. Christ Covenant never contacted me, nor did they offer any sort of emotional help throughout the process. The church I loved and grew up in wouldn’t pursue me during the most critical time in my life. (How does this feel? Like a betrayal?)
After David pleaded guilty, I thought everything was going to change. I thought his confession would be a catharsis. one that would spark healing and pave a new path forward. But I learned the hard way that’s not how trauma works.
I have learned in my life that all of us “could” have been someone else if certain things had ended up differently or if different choices had been made. A lot of people spend their time thinking about who they “could” have been. But what I have learned is there’s a big difference between someone you “could” have been versus the person you should have been. Who you “could” have been is an exercise in fantasy about choices you could have made instead of the choices you did make. Anyone can do this – propose an alternate self. But others aren’t given a choice of who they can become. You don’t have a choice when you’re abused and when trauma makes the choices in your life for you.
When you experience this type of trauma, the person you should have been becomes a ghost that haunts you. That ghost comes to you in your sleep. It haunts you when you try to do positive things for yourself. It haunts you when you try to have a relationship with someone or when you try to forgive yourself for your past. It haunts you when you try to get sober, be happy, say you’re sorry or forgive yourself. I sometimes relate to people who lose a child. I can only imagine that for the rest of their lives, they see that child growing up and wondering who they should have been, who they should have married, where that person should have gone to college, or how many children they should have. I view that ghost with sympathy. I view that ghost as a child whom I lost. Even though that child is me. And I’ve tried to resurrect that child, but I can’t. The chains of trauma are one from which this is no escape. Regardless of where I go or who I try to become, the ghost of who I should have been is there to remind me of what I lost.
After David pleaded guilty and after he received his sentence and after no one made a big deal over what happened to me – I pushed the hurt down deeper.
FINDING OTHER VICTIMS
As I write this, there has been another victim, not of David Wood, but of Christ Covenant, who has come forward. This individual, a woman, has come forward and disclosed that she was pursued as a teenager by a much older youth pastor at Christ Covenant. Eventually, it turned into a sexual relationship that has been defined by this victim as nothing short of abuse and rape especially considering the position of spiritual authority this leader had over this woman. The culture Harry Reeder propagated at Christ Covenant made the environment ripe for abusive behavior from authoritarian, patriarchal spiritual leaders. Any organization that allows men to exercise spiritual authority over vulnerable youth, especially when it’s encouraged to be done one-on-one, will eventually attract abusive leaders. And when a leader is abusive, it takes years for victims to build the courage to disclose their abuse. So my surprise that other victims hadn’t come forward until now was naive.
Lindsay and I got married on May 27, 2006. I was a year away from accepting a wonderful new job that would allow us to begin having children, buy a house, and really start a new life. I was certain that this was when everything would change for me. This is when life would begin to open up. Now that I have a future, I would achieve self-worth and I would begin to leave depression, anxiety, and addiction behind me for good. But the addictions and the ghosts and the pain wouldn’t go away just because a few of my external conditions changed. Lindsay would consistently beg me to find help from what she could see was killing me. But all I could see was the world, for the first time, telling me I was valued. But I had a lot of secrets the world couldn’t see. And my secrets were killing me.
A few years into marriage, Lindsay and I had two children, with a third on the way, and my career continued to somehow move forward. I spent the majority of my time in different cities and in hotel rooms. I was isolated and alone, so Lindsay or my friends couldn’t see just how deep I had fallen. I got a call from my older sister one day and she told me that the city I had to visit often for work was also where one of her high school friends (also the brother of one of my high school friends) was living. This individual was a few years older than I was, but our families had known one another and we went to Christ Covenant Church together along with attending Charlotte Christian. So I looked him up and we started getting together on occasion while I was in the area for dinner, which would turn into drinks, and more drinks.
One evening this individual, after a few drinks, became vulnerable, and he started sharing some of the problems he was having in life. It was obvious that things had turned for the worse. He wasn’t speaking with his parents, sister, etc. He had lost his marriage and he wasn’t living at his home anymore with his wife and son. He was unemployed and his career options were limited. Basically, all the things that were going well for me, were not going well for him. But there was a pain there I recognized. And it seemed like a pain that we both used alcohol to mask.
That night, he looked at me and asked – I will never forget the words – “Do you remember that man, David Wood?” I hadn’t heard his name since David was sentenced. “He really fucked my life up.” And for the next hour, I listened to him tell me about what David did to him and how it all started. Even down to the song David played that this man couldn’t get out of his head – Jeremy.
“Try to forget this
Try to erase this
From the blackboard”
For the first time, I heard my story coming from someone else. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget what had happened to him either.
I am ashamed of myself, but part of me was relieved. Part of me felt validated that I wasn’t alone. Even though this man was sharing a pain with me that could only be understood by someone who had the same experiences, I was finding validation through his trauma. I felt like absolute shit that the familiarity of his story validated mine. It didn’t mean I wasn’t devastated hearing what he went through, but I had been alone for so long. So, after listening to his story, I let him know that David did the same things to me, too. And then he told me that he knew, for a fact, that there were others.
ASKING THE CHURCH FOR HELP
A few weeks later, I called this individual, and in my naivety, I explained to him that times had changed. Our knowledge of abuse and abuse in the church has progressed. I told him that I was sure that if we reached out to the church, they would provide aid and help us heal. He agreed and I drafted a letter to the then pastor of Christ Covenant Church, Dr. Mike Ross. Here is the exact letter I sent to Dr. Ross in January of 2017:
Dear Dr. Ross:
On December 05, 2005, David Lee Wood, Youth Pastor at Christ Covenant Church, pleaded guilty to Indecent Liberties with a Minor in a North Carolina Court of Law. I filed the police report as the victim in this case. My parents were members at Christ Covenant Church and I was a student at Charlotte Christian School between the years of 1990 – 1997 during which time I was repeatedly sexually abused by David Wood.
I currently live in Atlanta, GA with my wife and three children. I have managed to scrape together a semi-successful personal and professional life despite suffering from extreme anxiety and depression from the trauma I sustained as a young boy. I spent the last part of my teenage years and well into my twenties fighting alcohol and self-abuse. Now I am 37 years old and I can’t see a future without anxiety and depression and I am deeply concerned regarding the negative effects to the lives of my wife and children if I do not seek restitution and healing.
I believe Christ Covenant Church, along with Charlotte Christian School, are both responsible for the abuse of not only myself but other boys who also experienced the same abuse. As you can see, this letter is coming from me, not my attorney. Unfortunately, like the world, you will be tempted to shun your responsibilities and hide behind your attorneys, the statute of limitations, etc. But, I hope you won’t. I hope you will take the necessary actions to set right what your institution made wrong. I encourage you to speak with me in person along with the others who were harmed by your institution’s practices. I encourage you to do everything in your power to help us heal.
Sincerely,
Stuart Griffin
I also sent this letter to the Headmaster of Charlotte Christian School, Barry Giller. They, of course, handed it off to their attorney, who contacted me. And they did an “investigation” which concluded that the abuse never took place on campus, so they aren’t responsible. And that was the end of the communication with them.
After receiving this letter, Dr. Ross turned this over to the church’s attorney, John Snyder. John Snyder also graduated from Charlotte Christian School and he graduated around the time most of the senior high youth group members who were present during David Wood’s time at Christ Covenant. The next thing I heard about this situation was through my sister who told me that John Snyder was calling alumni of Charlotte Christian School along with members of the Christ Covenant youth group from that time telling them about the letter I wrote. He was also telling them that I was out for money. Dr. Ross and John Snyder told people they were doing this to investigate the issue and potentially find other victims. But John Snyder didn’t speak with me or ever contact me except for a few emails to tell me and the other individual not to step foot on Christ Covenant property. John Snyder didn’t contact most of the individuals who had intimate knowledge of the situation including former Christ Covenant youth leaders. But they will claim they performed an “investigation”.
Also, during this time, Harry Reeder’s assistant somehow got my email address and mobile number. She emailed me and called me, telling me I needed to drop this and that all I was going to do was tarnish Harry Reeder’s good name. She said some other things that were threatening and hurtful. This individual also worked at Charlotte Christian (see, it’s a really incestuous pool). She worked in the high school’s office. She told me that she would check kids out of school with youth pastors all the time. “That was just the culture”, she said.
A few months into this “investigation”, I received a text message from Tom Henry. Tom Henry was the Executive Pastor of Christ Covenant Church and the individual my mother reported the abuse to in 1997. And after Harry Reeder left Christ Covenant Church, Tom became Senior Pastor for a decade or more. But at the time, Tom was running a non-profit in Charlotte, NC. Tom told me that he travels through Atlanta a good bit and wanted to know if I would have coffee with him next time he was passing through. I agreed to meet him, and a few weeks later, we met at a coffee shop on the east side of Atlanta.
After we sat down outside at that coffee shop, Tom spent the next hour tearfully apologizing for his inaction and he promised to do everything in his power to help move Christ Covenant toward reconciliation. This was the first time anyone from the church had ever spoken to me about the abuse and it was certainly the first time anyone from the church took responsibility for what happened to me. Tom also told me that he had spoken to John Snyder and John had told him that we were trying to exploit the church in order to receive a settlement.
Over the next few years, Tom became a pariah to the leadership of the Presbyterian Church in Charlotte, NC, as he fought for us. It was really shameful to watch how the church treated Tom when he began to speak out about this issue. The church continued to shun any sort of responsibility and they wouldn’t communicate with us at all. Tom even spoke to Harry Reeder about the situation. Harry later wrote a letter to Tom and told him that although he would like to reach out to Stuart (me), he first needs to defend himself against these accusations. That seems very consistent with the church’s methods. Protect yourself first before protecting the victims. And Harry Reeder wasn’t accused of anything except being apathetic toward my mother in 1995 when she went to him for advice and in 1997 when he pushed her off to speak instead with Tom Henry. But defending himself against those accusations was far more important than speaking with me.
During this time the members of the church leadership, including Rod Huckaby, the Senior Youth Leader who brought David Wood in to work with the youth, were questioned about David Wood. Rod Huckaby denied responsibility and even went as far as saying that I must have met David Wood somewhere other than Christ Covenant because David Wood had only been there a couple of months. But Tom Henry called a number of the other youth pastors and youth members from that time and they said that David Wood was there for much longer than a couple of months. Actually, here is an interesting picture of Rod Huckaby and David Wood and Harry Reeder’s son (Ike), along with a number of Christ Covenant youth at a sleepaway camp in North Carolina. This doesn’t look like a guy who had only been there a couple of months. But I’ll let you be the judge…
(One of the black circles is another known victim of David Wood.)
This became the rule over the next few years. Deny, deny, deny. And honestly, I received so many messages from people during this time telling me what John Snyder said and what other members of the church had said that I can’t even remember all of what happened. All I remember is Christ Covenant never spoke with me and there was a man, John Snyder, who I had never met, going around telling everyone my story and mocking me.
FILING A CIVIL LAWSUIT
Months later I received word that Christ Covenant wanted to meet with me. I agreed and drove all the way to Charlotte from my home in Birmingham, AL. When I got to the church where they asked to meet me, I realized immediately that I was outnumbered. Along with the Senior Pastor Kevin DeYoung, they brought several members of their leadership team, their General Counsel, two members of their outside counsel and a number of their elders. And after the meeting, I later found out, they actually brought security with them that waited outside the door.
During this meeting, they did express how “sorry “ they were. But I noticed they wouldn’t say they were sorry. But they would say, “We’re sorry this happened to you”. And then they would proceed to defend every action they had taken over the years and they justified every action regardless of the pain it caused me. Basically, they were there to tell me they were right and what I thought, felt, and experienced was wrong. One of the elders, Jim Sutton, sat in the corner and leered through squinted eyes at me though he was skeptical of everything I had to say and I needed to earn his approval. The meeting accomplished nothing and I drove back home to Birmingham, AL.
Soon after, I received a message from a pastor in Charlotte named David Yoran. David told me that he was chosen, along with another Presbyterian pastor, Matt Guzi, to reach out to me and offer financial support for counseling. Apparently, a few churches had heard what happened and that Christ Covenant wasn’t doing anything to help, so they put together a fund for the victims. But there was a catch! Every few weeks, while I was in counseling, I had to report to them and let them know if “it was working.” I wish I hadn’t, but I said yes.
Honestly, at the time, I was desperate for any help I could get. I started going to counseling and Matt Guzi became the person in charge of the payment. But every few weeks or so, I would get stopped by the counseling center’s administration and they would let me know the bill hadn’t been paid. So I would reach out to Matt and David, rarely getting a callback, and they would ask me about the counseling sessions. I felt like such a child. I actually felt like an experiment. I guess they thought a few counseling sessions would “fix” me and they could brag about what they did to help abuse victims. I felt violated and exploited. After trying to make this work for a few months, I chose not to go back, and I chose not to take any more of their support.
In December of 2018, I received a telephone call from Matt Guzi. He told me that Christ Covenant and their new pastor, Kevin DeYoung, had decided to speak to the Christ Covenant congregation and tell them what happened with David Wood and the abuse victims. Matt asked me if I was ok with the church doing this. I told Matt that my story and the church’s story weren’t consistent and, so I didn’t feel Kevin DeYoung needed my permission to tell his version of what happened. Then Matt told me that the church wanted to do it quickly, in the next two weeks. And he also asked me if I would speak with Kevin DeYoung so he could make sure I agreed with what was being said.
Wow.
This seemed like a really big change in a very short time. Why the change of heart? Why did they want to do it quickly? A week later I spoke with Kevin DeYoung. He shared with me a few bullet points of what he was going to say. And he also told me that he wasn’t going to spend more than ten minutes on the subject. It felt very inadequate, but it felt very suspicious more than anything. Almost like they were checking a box for some unknown reason. When I hung up with Kevin, I decided I was going to drive to Charlotte and sit in the crowd so I could hear this for myself.
The next week I drove to Charlotte to sit and listen to Kevin DeYoung use his platform as a pastor of a megachurch to tell his version of my story. The following is a transcript of Kevin DeYoung’s statement to the church:
Please find your seats and if you’re part of Christ Covenant’s family, we’re glad that you could stay for what will be a brief family meeting. And I should have mentioned that you do not need to go and get your kids as we do have folks who are able to watch them for the next few minutes.
Dear brothers and sisters, I trust that you received the letter this past week informing you as to the nature of this meeting and I promise to you that every time you hear “family meeting” it won’t always involve hard things, but this one does.
The events that we learned about were horribly painful, terribly sinful and they grieve us deeply. Just saying this at the outset that, because this is a family meeting, Christ Covenant Church members, those who belong to this congregation, that we respectfully ask that you not record this meeting with your phone or another device. And after the meeting we would ask that you direct your questions or those you know who may have questions or perhaps members of the church who weren’t here direct them to talk to Pastor Bernie or to me.
On behalf of the Session, I want to make you aware of sexual abuse we believe took place in the 1990s at the hands of a man who was, at the time, a volunteer with Christ Covenant’s youth ministry. Given the nature of these painful and delicate situations, especially involving incidents that happened decades ago, I won’t be able to provide detailed information regarding everything you might want to know. But I want to accomplish three things: 1. Tell you what we know about what happened in the 1990s, 2. Explain when we learned about these abuse allegations, and 3. Make clear what we are doing now to resolve.
First, let me give a quick, but broad outline of what we know. Three men have alleged they were sexually abused as teenagers in the early 1990s by David Wood. We believe these men who have come forward. We do not doubt the abuse they have alleged. David Wood was never a member of Christ Covenant and the abuse did not take place at any Christ Covenant events. Yet nevertheless, we believe David Wood took advantage of these young men through connections he made while volunteering at Christ Covenant. There are things we can try to say to mitigate our responsibility. The fact remains this happened on our watch and for that we are horrified. David Wood was brought in to work with the youth at the church, violated our misplaced trust, and much worse, abused those he was given the opportunity to lead. Words cannot make up for the suffering these men have endured and we want them to know and for you to know that what happened to them was not their fault, it was a crime and a wrong perpetrated upon them and we are profoundly sorry. In the ensuing years, David Wood plead no contest to the charge of taking indecent liberties with a minor and has been listed on the state registry of sexual offenders. In fact he faces arraignment in Mecklenburg County next month. Second, let me explain when we learned about these abuse allegations. In 1997, a few years after the abuse took place, the mother of one of the victims, told a Christ Covenant staff member what had happened and this staff member, who has not been with the church for many years, took the situation seriously and intervened in meaningful ways. He did not, however, report the allegations to the criminal authorities. That was a serious mistake, we do not excuse it. The Session did not become aware of the abuse until 2005 when we received a letter from one of the victim’s lawyers. At that time, steps were taken to involve the criminal authorities, our attorneys, and our insurance carrier investigating the situation. Although we took the right steps legally in 2005 and 2006, we regret that we did not reach out personally to the victim. Over a decade later in 2017, the church received letters from the victim, now from a second victim, seeking to meet with our leadership. We learned of a third victim in the months to follow. I was told of this situation for the first time when I was about to be called as your Senior Pastor in the Spring of 2017. Unfortunately, through much of 2017 we treated the situation, primarily, as a legal matter. That was wrong and uncaring. I believe as a church we have had good intentions in trying to do the right things, but at times, let’s be honest, we have let fear and defensiveness get in the way of doing what is best. This statement tonight is a part of doing what we have come to see as our best foot forward. Although we have also prayed for the victims and we are genuinely interested in their welfare, we see now we were too slow to set up a face-to-face meeting with them. We have asked forgiveness of the victims for this failure. The Presbytery’s shepherding committee got involved over a year ago and we have been very thankful for their help. They have been very helpful in helping us sort through this and leading us in the right direction. Bernie and I, along with a few of our ruling elders have been able to communicate directly with the victims and meet with two of them in person. We were moved by what we heard and impressed by their courage. We expressed the following in a letter a few months ago: You have helped us become more aware of the deep struggles and dark reality many abuse victims face. We hope that because of your courage and talking to us that we will be better equipped to listen to others and offer genuine, pastoral care.
I was able to speak with each of the victims this past week to once again say we are sorry and to let them know about tonight’s meeting. Third, let me say a little bit about what we are doing as a result of all of this and what procedures we have in place to prevent this from happening in the future. Several months ago we worked with the Presbytery to set up a special assistance fund to help pay for further counseling if the victims should desire it. Two of the victims have already made use of this provision. Last Fall, you may remember, we brought in Ministry Safe, national leaders in sexual abuse prevention and detection in order to strengthen our church and provide service for other churches in the area. As far as our church’s ministry, we have robust security procedures in place and zero tolerance for abuse in ministry programs and activities. All the volunteers and staff working with children and students and vulnerable adults are required to undergo a rigorous screening and training process that includes sexual abuse awareness and reporting training, interviews, reference checks, criminal background checks, including sex offender check. All Christ Covenant students and child protection policies are regularly reviewed for up-to-date industry standards and to reconcile recommendations made by recognized experts such as Ministry Safe, sexual abuse legal professionals, Brotherhood Mutual, our insurance, and other insurance professionals. Other policies and procedures include, but are not limited to the two adult rule, mandated child-student adult representation ratios, random roving observers, all of that is just to let you know we take this very seriously.
It’s hard to know how to conclude an announcement like this. Speaking for the pastors and elders, here is what I want you to know as a church. We love you. We love your children. There is almost nothing worse that can happen in a church than for someone, however loosely or closely connected to the church, to violate your trust and to violate the ones we love. Sexual abuse, child sexual abuse, is a heinous sin, is a crime. We have all learned a lot in the past twenty-five years how often it happens, how to respond when it does happen, and how to prevent it from happening. We are committed, through and through, to having the best people, the best policies in place to do all that is humanly possible to make Christ Covenant a safe place for our children and for our youth. We’re also committed to walking with those who are hurt inside or outside the church. We know that many of you may be interested in more information. We trust that you will understand that given the complexities of this situation and the need for privacy, there are things we won’t be able to share with you. And there are some things we just don’t know. We ask that you refrain from gossip and speculation. If, however, you know of people who have been affected by David Wood, from the 1990s, we want to know about it. As I said in the beginning, if you have specific questions or concerns, you can contact me or Pastor Bernie. I should also add that if someone from the media approaches you about these events or about tonight’s meeting, please direct them to the Sr. Pastor, my email is on the church’s website and they should speak to me directly.
Lastly, not to be overlooked. Our hearts go out to the victims we have met. As painful as it may be, we want to know if there are more victims out there. This is one of the reasons we are making this statement. We have chosen to share this information with you now because we want you to know, our church family, what has happened, in the past, and be as transparent as we can about what has happened, failures, sins, missteps. We want you to know what we’re doing in the present and we want you to know how we can move forward together in hope for the future. We want to be a place where we learn together to learn mercy, do justice, and to walk humbly with our God. May the Lord help us to that end. Let me close us in prayer. – End of Statement –
Two minutes into Kevin’s statement, I started sweating profusely. I could hear his words, but they sounded like an echo. My peripheral vision started to blur and my breathing began to feel labored. I couldn’t even pinpoint why I was feeling this way; all I knew was that my body was having a reaction to what was happening.
And then it was over. And that’s all I remember. I don’t use this word lightly and I say that only because I know how misused it is today, but the only word I can use to explain how I felt was traumatized. I hadn’t felt that way since David Wood held me down in his apartment.
I know how this may sound. Maybe a bit extreme? Embellished? I understand. I would probably think the same if I were you. But it’s true.
This man, Kevin DeYoung, who wasn’t even present at the church when the abuse took place, nor had he treated me with respect up to this point nor had he or any other person in the leadership at the church, shown me and care or concern for what happened, was now standing up telling my story. Or at least his version of my story. He was glossing over incredibly important details and, in a very manipulative way, minimizing the institution’s role in what happened to me. Kevin also minimized the inaction of the church when my mother originally reported what happened. It was clear from the beginning that Kevin had no desire to be completely honest with his church, but he was using his position and his pulpit to manipulate. And my story was used to make them all look like they were really good Christians. The sole reason they wanted to do this was to check a box. Well, I didn’t know the full reason yet, but I would later find out.
That night, when I got back to my hotel, I listened to the recording of Kevin’s statement. And yes, I recorded the statement. Would you have not? When I finished listening to the recording, I came to a realization that what happened to me and the truth of my story was radically different from the story Christ Covenant was proclaiming. Challenges expose who we really are and this situation has exposed Christ Covenant and Charlotte Christian. And Christ Covenant has used their platform and the altar of the church to tell their story. I didn’t know how to get to the truth. But I felt the only way to get to the truth was to finally file a civil suit against the church. I thought the only way to get to the truth was through deposition. If they were going to use their platform to tell their version of my story, then I was going to do everything I could to force them to hear my version from the people who were there and from the people who didn’t have an interest in the outcome. And the only way to do that was through a civil suit. And so, for the first time, I gave myself permission to sue the church and the school.
The drive back to Birmingham the next day was oddly peaceful, which contributed to the fact that I was finally ok with the next step. When I returned to Birmingham, I received an email from Kevin. He wanted to make sure that what he said was ok. He even cracked a joke in the email as if we were old friends. I didn’t respond. Instead, I began my search for an attorney.
I knew my options were limited considering the statute of limitations in North Carolina had long passed. At the time, the statute of limitations for a civil suit was three years from the time I turned eighteen. But I felt it was necessary for me to at least seek out an attorney and do everything I could to hold the church responsible for what I believed was clearly their negligence. I also believe Charlotte Christian School played a big role in allowing David Wood to have carte blanche access to children by allowing him to walk onto campus anytime during the school day and also check children out of school without the permission of their parents. And it was very clear that neither institution was taking this issue seriously.
It wasn’t long before I found an attorney in Birmingham who would speak with me. I sat down with Barry Ragsdale from Sirote & Permutt in Birmingham. Over the next few weeks, I told Barry everything. And Barry couldn’t have been a better counselor. He was genuinely angry and bothered by the church’s response. He did explain to me that the church was protected by the statute of limitations and this limited me in what I could do with filing a civil suit. But he was willing to search for a resolution and exhaust the legal channels. I really felt that I was lucky to have found Barry.
A few weeks later, on a Sunday, I received an email from Barry asking me to meet him at his office first thing Monday morning. So I did. When I walked in, Barry handed me my file and told me he could no longer represent me. You see, when Harry Reeder left Christ Covenant, he became the Senior Pastor for Briarwood Presbyterian in none other than Birmingham, AL. Briarwood was one of the largest and wealthiest Presbyterian churches in the US. Barry was contacted by one of the executive leaders at his law firm. This particular leader happened to be a deacon at Briarwood Presbyterian. And it just so happened that Harry Reeder had a conversation with this attorney about this case. So Barry let me know that his representation of me qualified as a conflict of interest and he could no longer represent me. Weeks of discussions about the most traumatic experience of my life and weeks of finally feeling empowered to hold the responsible parties accountable were all flushed down the toilet because of the long arms of the good ole’ boys club. I took my four-inch-thick file from Barry and walked out of his office with my tail between my legs.
But while I was there with Barry that morning, he gave me some interesting information. He told me that North Carolina had introduced a piece of legislation called the SAFE Child Act that would extend the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse and also open a two-year lookback window for victims regardless of their age to file a civil lawsuit against the organizations that were responsible. A number of states in the US had introduced, passed, and enacted this legislation. When I learned this information, it all started to make sense. I remembered Matt Guzi’s words,
“and the church wants to do this quickly.”
When Matt told me this, I thought,
“the church has ignored this for years, why does a matter of days or weeks matter at this point?”
Why now? I guess their timing and desire weren’t all altruistic, nor was it the sudden onset of self-awareness and remorse. It was all a very calculated response to what they believed was a potential threat. In all fairness, I have no proof of this. But I can’t imagine it was a coincidence. Would you?
When I got home after being told that I couldn’t be represented by Sirote, I told my wife that I was just too tired to continue. I was too frustrated that it seemed like everything I did was thwarted by the church. I also explained to her what Barry had told me about the new legislation that was introduced in North Carolina. My wife encouraged me not to give up. That she would find an attorney and one that didn’t live in Alabama.
A few weeks later Lindsay came to me and told me that she had a conversation with an attorney in Florida who specialized in child sex abuse. His name was Boz Tchividjian. Boz had spent years fighting for child sex abuse victims and their right to file civil suits against the organizations that hired, supported, promoted, and oftentimes hid abusers within their ranks. Boz came with a bit of clout in his ability to speak about these things. He is the grandson of Billy Graham. Someone who had grown up in the presence of a man who was the centerpiece of the evangelical movement was now boldly proclaiming that the evangelical church was wrong in how they handled situations having to do with child sex abuse. And Boz was not shy in his efforts to hold these churches accountable. And I was grateful that my wife found Boz and I am thankful to this day that Boz has been called to fight this fight.
Boz is an attorney in Florida, so he couldn’t represent me in a case in North Carolina. So Boz took the time to find an attorney who had experience in this area and who could represent me well. He discovered Lanier Law Group, P.A. They have been leading this fight in North Carolina to pass legislation to extend the statute of limitations and also extend a lookback window for victims who have been time-barred due to the current statute of limitations. As I wrote about at the beginning, the SAFE Child Act allowed many victims to file civil lawsuits.
Under this new law, my attorneys filed a civil suit against Charlotte Christian School and Christ Covenant Church. The civil suit against the church also included two other victims. Once we filed the lawsuit, here is the letter Kevin DeYoung sent to his congregation…
Dear Christ Covenant Family,
In January 2019 we gathered as a church family and I shared that three men had alleged that they were sexually abused as teenagers in the early 1990s by a man, whom they claim was a youth volunteer at our church. I also shared the steps our church had taken and was taking to reach out to these men and extend pastoral care and tangible support. I need to let you know, on behalf of the Session, that these three men recently filed a civil lawsuit against our church. The matter has been turned over to our legal counsel and insurance company. Please know that leadership at the church is informed on all the necessary details and is committed to shepherding this matter as wisely and redemptively as possible. Please continue to pray for these three men, that they would know the Lord’s power and grace. We covet your prayers as well.
In Christ,
Kevin DeYoung, Senior Pastor
WHY I AM CHOOSING TO TELL MY STORY
Throughout the United States legislation is being introduced and passed in many states that helps break down barriers for victims of child sexual abuse so they can pursue justice. The reason this type of legislation is needed is because current laws treat child sex abuse the same as any other crime. But we now know that child sex abuse is one of the most devastating crimes a person can experience and should be treated as such.
Most states have statutes of limitations for child sexual abuse. This means that once someone reaches a certain age or once a certain amount of time has passed, a victim can no longer hold an entity or individual responsible for damages. Most crimes, except for the most violent crimes, have a statute of limitations.
Most of you are aware that, for years, the Catholic Church protected sexual predators from prosecution and obfuscated due process for victims so the Catholic Church wouldn’t be held responsible for providing safe haven for known sexual predators. Under the statute of limitations, many children who were knowingly abused by priests were not able to file civil lawsuits because too much time had passed between the time the abuse occurred and the time the victims came forward. This is happening everywhere. Organizations that are responsible for negligence and covering up sexual abuse use the statute of limitations to their advantage. Opposed to bringing to light the sexual abuse that happens in their organizations, the leadership of major institutions use their trusted roles and knowingly lead victims away from the court systems until the statute of limitations has lapsed. And although we should be surprised this is happening, we have all seen the worst of crimes and cover-ups committed by every type of major institution and it is just impossible for us to pretend these types of things aren’t happening. Fortunately, experts are being heard regarding the science of trauma and sexual abuse.
Most victims, for many reasons, don’t admit they were sexually abused until much later in life. And even if they are able to admit a crime has been committed, it is difficult for them to understand the extent of the damage the abuse has done in their lives. This allows predators and the organizations that protect them to never face accountability. Therefore victims are left to live with the full consequences of the abuse. This is not why the statute of limitations exists. The statute of limitations exists to help ensure that claims are brought forward in a timely manner so the evidence isn’t lost or destroyed and witnesses are still close in time and proximity to the event(s) in question.
The statute of limitations was not created as a safe haven for pedophiles and the institutions that protect them. But judges are treating the subject of child sex abuse and the protection of pedophiles just the same as contracts and other business transactions. However due to the growing research and knowledge of the effects of sexual abuse, laws are changing in many states. Most states that are passing these laws are extending the statute of limitations and some states have completely done away with the statute of limitations for child sexual abuse altogether.
The state of Florida, because of how horrific child sex abuse is, has recently passed legislation that allows for the death penalty in certain instances of child sex abuse. Along with extending or doing away with the statute of limitations, most of these states have also opened a temporary “lookback” or “revival” window for victims who haven’t been able to seek justice because time has already passed and exceeded the current statute of limitations. This is happening in North Carolina today.
The NC state legislature passed the SAFE Child Act in 2019 which lengthened the statute of limitations for sexual abuse victims from the age of 21 to 28. This legislation also provided victims with a two-year “lookback” or “revival” period that lets victims, regardless of their age, file a lawsuit against their abusers without being time-barred by the statute of limitations. This window opened after Governor Roy Cooper signed the legislation into law and closed on December 31, 2021. Under this law, victims will still be required, like with any other civil trial, to prove their case. This legislation does not guarantee victory for the victims, it only provides them with their day in court to face those responsible for the abuse. And it is also not an unlimited amount of time. Victims only have two years to file these claims. Most states that have passed similar legislation have extended the statute of limitations to well beyond the age of 28; some states have done away with a statute of limitations for child sexual abuse completely and also passed a law opening a revival window. We know that most victims don’t disclose their abuse until they are in their 50s or later, if ever.
While it is a start for North Carolina to extend the age from 21 to 28, it doesn’t come close to providing victims with room to process the abuse that occurred and then also to understand the abuse caused irreparable harm. The lawyers and insurance companies, along with the sexual predators and the organizations responsible, have been fighting the passage and implementation of this legislation. Their objection is that the revival/lookback window is unconstitutional and any civil suits filed by victims using the lookback/revival window should be dismissed. As a result, the state of North Carolina passed a very neutered piece of legislation that doesn’t follow sound medical research by only extending the statute of limitations to 28, but now the legal challenges in court may take away the only part of the legislation that provides any potential for justice. The North Carolina legislators are taking credit for helping victims when the legislation they passed, especially if the lookback window is defeated in court, helps absolutely no one. In a twisted irony, the churches, schools, and other entities that “serve” children are now fighting directly alongside sexual predators to defeat the only part of this legislation that helps victims.
I can argue that the North Carolina legislature actually did more harm than good when they passed this law. If they really thought they wanted to do something that radically changed the circumstances for victims, they would completely do away with the statute of limitations and fight like hell along with the victims to ensure the lookback window is codified into law.
It’s important that I point out I have no political party affiliation, nor is this story about politics. Quite the opposite. But I point out the party affiliations of certain elected officials only to show how politicized this issue has become. The SAFE Child Act was passed unanimously without a single “no” vote through the North Carolina state legislature, where Republicans and Democrats are well represented, and it was signed into law by a Democratic Governor. Once this law was passed, victims of sexual abuse began to file civil lawsuits against sexual predators and organizations, including the Catholic Church, that were responsible for their abuse.
As these lawsuits were filed, the attorneys and insurance companies that represented the predators and the organizations that employed them, hid them and avoided accountability, began to file for these lawsuits to be dismissed. The attorneys for these organizations are fighting for dismissal, saying that these laws are unconstitutional because the statute of limitations has already passed and cannot be revived, and they shouldn’t be held accountable for the crimes they committed and allowed to happen under their watch years ago. They are claiming that the North Carolina Constitution protects them from being sued.
To clarify, they are saying that the North Carolina Constitution protects pedophiles and the organizations that protect pedophiles and the Constitution doesn’t protect a victim’s right to face their abusers in court. As of today, the attorneys for the victims have been able to fight for the victim’s rights to file a civil lawsuit in North Carolina and they have been successful so far, but it hasn’t been easy.
This legislation has had quite a journey since it was passed in 2020. The initial motion to dismiss that was filed by the attorneys and insurance companies that represented the sexual predators was sent to a three-judge panel that would be responsible for hearing both sides and making a decision as to whether the legislation was constitutional or not. This three-judge panel ruled in favor of the motion to dismiss (meaning they sided with the abusers) by a vote of 2-1, stating the lookback window is unconstitutional. The judges were split in this decision 2-1. The two were Republicans and the one who voted against the dismissal is a Democrat. The judge who voted against the dismissal and who sided with the victims wrote a beautiful dissent that explained his reasoning for believing that this legislation is constitutional. At this point the decision was appealed and sent to the NC Court of Appeals. In early 2022 the NC Supreme Court voted 4-3 to bypass the Court of Appeals and hear the arguments because they believed this issue was of the utmost importance for victims and for North Carolina. The Democrats represented the four members of the Supreme Court who voted to expedite this process so victims could hopefully be given an opportunity to seek justice. The three who voted against expediting the process were Republicans. After this vote occurred, during the 2022 election, the Supreme Court shifted from a 4-3 Democrat majority to a 5-2 Republican majority. The Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, Paul Newby (Republican), in early 2023, took it upon himself to move this issue back to the Court of Appeals further delaying the victim’s ability to seek justice. In June of 2023, the Court of Appeals heard the arguments from both sides. (During the oral arguments, the attorney for the defense actually said that these institutions depend on the statute of limitations.) The three members of the Court of Appeals split, 2-1, in favor of the victims stating the lookback window is constitutional.
Judge Allison Riggs wrote a beautiful prevailing opinion, which Judge Fred Gore agreed to in a result, that explained her position and why this legislation is constitutional. Judge Jeff Carpenter voted against the victims, stating the court’s hands were tied by a 1930s Supreme Court ruling. Jeff Carpenter also voted against multiple other arguments providing victims with the ability to seek out legal remedies for their abuse citing the same 1930s Supreme Court ruling. The attorneys for the sexual predators and the organizations that provided cover for them have all filed for an appeal to the North Carolina Supreme Court which is where the lookback window of the SAFE Child Act finds itself today.
As of today, every Democrat judge has voted for the victims and every Republican judge has voted against the victim’s rights to file a lawsuit in a North Carolina court of law against their abusers and those who helped them abuse. Do we think it’s because Republican judges care more about the Constitution than Democrat judges? Do we think that Republican judges are far superior at understanding the law? I don’t believe either one of these is true. Even though this legislation was passed unanimously through a Republican-controlled legislature that worked with other parties to pass this legislation, Republican judges have politicized this issue and they feel they must interpret the law to disallow victims to seek justice. Republicans hold the majority on the Supreme Court, so I am doubtful the Supreme Court will ultimately side with the victims. The Democrat judges who voted to defend the lookback window and the victim’s rights to take their abusers to court wrote beautiful opinions and these judges are successful attorneys. It seems that this issue, like so many others, can be interpreted differently.
So why are the Republican judges so determined to create a culture in the state of North Carolina where pedophiles and those who help them feel enabled? It’s obvious that in today’s society, we need heroes. Heroes make hard decisions. I appreciate the hard decisions Judge Allison Riggs, Fred Gore, and the Judge from the earlier three-judge panel made to create a culture in NC that draws a line in the sand and holds pedophiles and those who hide them responsible for their crimes. But Judge Carpenter and the other Republican judges feel that it’s best to continue allowing pedophiles and their enablers a get-out-of-jail-free card. These judges make easy decisions that protect the powerful and continue to propagate a culture of abuse and secrecy. For every argument that positions this piece of legislation as unconstitutional, there are many arguments just as sound that say this legislation is constitutional. I find it very disturbing that Republican judges are so adamant about fighting against what is best for the justice of victims and fighting to continue covering for sexual predators even though there are legally sound arguments to do otherwise. And I use the word “fighting” purposefully. Because in order to justify their ruling in favor of these pedophiles and institutions, they really have to work hard. This is evidence of why organizations that protect and hide predators don’t feel it’s necessary to take the legal ramifications of their actions seriously.
There always seem to be plenty of powerful men in powerful positions who will stick up for pedophiles and the organizations that hide them. Why is it that so many men in leadership positions are obsessed with doing the bare minimum for the most vulnerable but will stick up for pedophiles? Why is it that our institutions continue to fail the people they should be sticking up for? Over and over again they dismiss and minimize the need for accountability of the powerful organizations that continually fail our communities with their irresponsible actions. There is a reason why societal trust in our churches, our government, and our leaders is at an all-time low. And we, the people, who vote for these leaders and we, the people, who fill the seats of these churches keep letting them get away with it. I’m not sure who’s abusing who, anymore. We know too much to just sit back and let the status quo be good enough. We can do better. We must do better.
I am writing this in hopes that my story will help you see what victims go through when they seek justice. I am writing this to hopefully inspire you toward action. I am hoping you will not only take time to read this, but take time to follow through until the end. Follow through until the goal is reached and pedophiles and the organizations that hide them, protect them, and fight their battles for them hear loud and clear they can no longer get away with it. Without justice, there is no true healing. Your actions can help victims heal.
And why is “God’s” church not supporting a piece of legislation like this? Why would justice for all victims not be a top priority for the church? The church will cry out for justice until they are on the side that is being held accountable, then they will do everything in their power to suppress justice. The justice that will make victims whole is not the type of justice they think is best for the church, so they obfuscate justice, hang out around the periphery of justice, and make excuses for their late arrival to the table. And now they stand with the abusers and the attorneys who represent them.
This process, this purgatorial process, has taken years. Years on top of years when you look at when the victims were actually abused until now. Years and years and years. When the legislation was originally passed it gave a lot of victims hope. And when you suffer from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts, hope comes in very limited quantities.
Now we are waiting on the Supreme Court in North Carolina to call this issue. But if the past is an indicator of the future, it’s not looking like we will win this fight after all. An issue so compelling for the good of the people, for the good of justice, is falling, once again, along party lines. A judge can choose to look at the law and use it to create a better community, or, at best, use it to prop up the status quo, or at worst, propagate evil. I doubt the judges who voted to provide victims with their day in court have any less respect for the Constitution than the judges who voted against the victims. But it will always confuse me how an individual can use their power to destroy when they could use their power to restore justice where it has fallen short.
My concern is that throughout this process we will lose victims. Victims who have held onto hope for healing from a trauma they weren’t responsible for but are now being told because of an arbitrary date that was set based on arbitrary assumptions, they are unable to seek justice. When you live with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and suicidal thoughts, a day can seem like a year, and a year can seem like an eternity. So waiting on the wheels of justice is a life sentence. And when the little bit of hope you have begins to run dry, the worst choices begin to look like the only choices. I fear we will lose those who are barely hanging on. And it’s all because a few judges want to protect insurance companies and pedophiles, not the Constitution.
The reality in our country is that our leaders are weak. They stand up for things that provide them with temporary power and forgo the difficult challenge of making hard decisions that ultimately build strength in our communities and trust in our government. Institutions that preach about the sanctity of life will abandon these foundations the second their backs are against the wall. I bet the same judges would vote against anything that made abortion easier and would allude to their actions as heroic and selfless and I bet they would go through the hard legal gymnastics to ensure no law would tread on their “values” as it pertains to the go-to party platitudes. But put them in a place where the only reward is to build a future for vulnerable children who have no ability to vote or write checks for a campaign, then you will see the breakdown in what they really believe.
In April of 2020, the church’s attorney and our attorney met with me to talk about a settlement. The church offered me $25,000. The attorney for the insurance company told me that she didn’t believe the Supreme Court in North Carolina would allow the lookback window in the SAFE Child Act to stay in the bill, so she didn’t think I would have the ability to take Christ Covenant to court. She, along with most of her colleagues, believed that this portion of the legislation was unconstitutional. So she thought their offer of $25,000 ($15,000 after attorney’s fees) was sufficient. These attorneys know how weak our leaders really are and they exploit the system because they know the people in power will side with powerful institutions over protecting the vulnerable.
PLEASE TAKE ACTION
The reason I took time to write this is that I am hoping you will help. As noted before, in North Carolina, judges are elected just like any other elected official and there are pros and there are cons to this structure. But one of the pros is that they are accountable to their constituents just like any other elected official. And that’s what your job is if you’re willing to do something about it. Your job, your duty, and your privilege, is to make your desire for your community known. Ask why your state’s values don’t reflect your own. You see, the judges who sided with us, didn’t break a law. They didn’t have to martyr themselves for their opinion. They simply used the law to help them create a better world where justice prevails and children are a top priority. And this is your law, not theirs. This is the law you have to live under and the law your children and grandchildren will live under. The court’s interpretation of the law shouldn’t dictate our values, but our values should dictate the law. It’s your turn to begin making your voices heard so one day, when you are in need of justice, you won’t be denied.
If you do nothing, then most likely, the Supreme Court will vote against this issue and leave victims without justice. I am asking you to make your voices loud. What law do you want to define your community? What law do you want to protect your children? Which judges can you trust to make the hard decisions? Let your voices be heard. Call each and every member of the Supreme Court in North Carolina, tell your friends to call, use your influence. And don’t stop until the court’s definition of justice is what you want it to be. Tell them you want the SAFE Child Act to stay as it was passed by the North Carolina General Assembly with the two year lookback window for victims of all ages. And if it’s not, then you will need to elect new judges in their place.
North Carolina Supreme Court Justices
Chief Justice, Paul Newby – (919) 831-5715
Associate Justice, Anita Earls – (919) 831-5700
Associate Justice, Philip Berger, Jr – (919) 831-5700
Associate Justice, Tamara Barringer – (919) 831-5700
Associate Justice, Richard Dietz – (919) 831-5700
Associate Justice, Trey Allen – (919) 831-5700
Associate Justice, Allison Riggs – (919) 831-5700
WHO I AM TODAY
I have tried my best not to fall into the narrative fallacy or hindsight bias trap. For so much of my life, I was barely making it day-to-day. So to look back and act as if there were a plan or I was able to “pull myself up by my bootstraps” would be disingenuous at best and an outright lie at worst. What I have learned, without exception, is that everything bad that has ever happened to me has been a result of my own doing and everything good that has happened to me has been by the immense and unceasing grace of God. I am fully aware that although I am here today, I could be gone tomorrow, and there is no doubt I should have been gone yesterday. More than anything, what I have learned in life is that it is a mystery and can be a wonderful adventure, albeit a painful one. But in order for the mystery to be an adventure, we have to let go and learn to enjoy the uncertainty. Without mystery, there is no adventure and without pain, there is no growth.
I still struggle every single day. Some days are harder than others. In 2017 I was diagnosed with PTSD. The temptation to end my life is a reality I live with every day. We had a gun in the house, but my wife removed it. I have a wife and three children I love more than anything, but I can’t stop thinking that they would be better off if I were dead. I have tried everything within my own capacity to heal. I eat healthy. I am committed to my sobriety. I exercise, meditate, study and apply the newest research and practices dealing with anxiety and depression. But I still fail. Daily. This is my story over 30 years after the abuse occurred. And it seems this will be a battle I will fight for the rest of my life. Hopefully the rest of my long life. It’s not enjoyable to know that who I should have been is covered up by the pain, anger, and torment that I didn’t choose. But I can still feel that person deep inside of me and sometimes he gets through. And it’s wonderful. So I have hope that the lost little boy will be resurrected into the man he was meant to be.
But I am thankful that battle is not who I am. I believe that life is a mysterious, deeply meaningful privilege that God has meticulously designed so he will ultimately prevail against the evil in the world – the evil we are witnessing today. And I believe it’s my job to follow his lead regardless of where it takes me, who I offend or what I may lose in the process. As I was starting out in my career, I became successful fairly quickly. And opportunities and money continued to increase. But I dropped it all. I left my career to help children find a home who were rescued from sex trafficking by the FBI. I did that for four years. It was brutal. I saw horrible things and heard even more brutal stories of the children we were able to help. Most of the time I didn’t know if or when I would get paid, nor did I know whether what we were doing was ultimately going to help. Three years ago I started my own business out of a vision I had over fifteen years ago. I still don’t know if I will get paid three months from now or if my business will still be alive this time next year. But I am certain that God has called me exactly where I am today. And he has a plan for me tomorrow. The God of heaven sees me and he loves me despite the dirt and the stains. So I will follow.
In my twenties, I became a triathlete and a decent marathon runner. It was a way I dealt with my anxiety and it worked really well. It became an obsession. It was one thing in my life I could control. My love for running continued to grow and I started running in ultra marathons. It started out as simple 50K races then into fifty miles, then one hundred. I have won some and lost many. My training consisted of logging mile after mile when I ran shorter distances. But as I started running hundred mile races, I now spend more time training my mental state. Running on a trail miles and miles away from anything or anyone I am sometimes running alone for hours. Running through the night, sometimes in the cold rain, with only a small headlamp to guide me over the roots and rocks. And it’s not about if, but when and how hard I will fall. I bleed and I lose toenails. Muscles decide to stop working. I hear voices that tell me to give up. I cramp and I swell. I’m alone. But I never quit. As I write this, I am two weeks away from competing in one of the more brutal one-hundred milers, and I know it’s going to be a long, painful experience. But I am confident that the trial, nor my prefrontal cortex, will defeat me. I am excited about the pain and challenge and overcoming all that is stacked against me.
It’s important for me to constantly remind myself that God has conditioned me to run a race. A brutal race. He has prepared me to navigate uncertainty. He has tried me and broken me and built me back in the way that he intended so I will lack nothing. And he has used difficulties and trials to build my perseverance. I say all of this because I want to encourage you. He is working through you to do the same.
These are some of the things I do, but I am certain these things are not who I am. I am still on the journey to discover this and I hope it will be a lifelong journey. But what I am sure of is that my life, along with yours, is sacred. My life, along with yours, along with the self-obsessed, narcissistic leaders we have in office, will all be covered by the sands of time.
As I sit here, and as I am sure it is the same with you, I don’t remember the full names of my great-grandparents. Especially not the full names of my great-great-grandparents. Which means I will be obsolete within two generations at the most. Even the people who are supposed to love me the most, my family, will forget my name. But I sometimes fall into the trap of “legacy-building” and waking up to spend my time building a name for myself. This effort and achievements, all of which will be forgotten. And quicker than I like to believe. So I am convinced that the point of my time here is to build what can’t be torn down. To help build a powerful line between justice and injustice and to build an ethos that fights for the vulnerable regardless of what it may do to my short life. Every inch I gain matters. And I am beginning to believe this is who I am. Like you, sacred. And I want to live every day of my life believing that my life and yours and everyone’s is sacred and worth fighting for. From the person in the highest position to the homeless man yelling obscenities on the corner. We are all sacred. And in some future life, there will be no dividing lines. And anything we need to do in order to create communities that protect the sacred nature of our lives is worth the cost. I believe this is who I am. And I believe there are a lot of people like me out there.
If you are a victim of sexual abuse, violence, or any other act that stole from you, you weren’t given a choice. Someone made a decision for you and changed your life forever. Now you live, every day, accepting less from life. And if you’re anything like me, you let others feed off of you. And if you’re anything like me, you give yourself over to others – again and again – because you believe taking something for yourself makes you a bad person. Because someone took something from you, you believe that taking equals bad and giving equals good. And this isn’t a bad thing to believe. Until there is no more of you to give. Or until you swallow everything down over and over again until their narrative of your life becomes the one you believe.
It’s ok to begin aggressively taking back what is yours. It is ok to aggressively advocate for yourself. Because every time you stand up for yourself, you stand up for other victims. When you stand up, you create an energy that leads to an ethos that emanates throughout our culture. If that means you have to speak up against a powerful person using your word versus theirs, do it anyway. If that means you have to send shockwaves through your family because it was your father, uncle, or grandfather who molested you, do it anyway. You will be called a liar, do it anyway. Some members of your family, your friends, your community, will mock you, do it anyway. You will have to go through hell, do it anyway. You’re strong enough, and you’re worth the hell you’ll need to raise to take back your life. Take back what was stolen from you and don’t ever fucking apologize.
You’re worth it, you’re worth it, you’re worth it. Make that phone call. Go to the police station. Take the first step. I will warn you that for a long time, you will regret your decision and you will wish you just stayed quiet. These are lies. I will also warn you that you are not guaranteed victory. But if you stay quiet, they have already won. Please remember, you’re not alone. I stand with you. And if it’s too much for you to handle, which it has been for me many times, please speak to someone. You can call me anytime, day or night (704)251-9341. I love you.
Your story is tragic and brave and instructive and compelling. Thank you.
I have preached at Christ Covenant Church in the past and would like to propose one simple solution that despite having less than a zero % chance of being agreed to by the principalities and powers at Christ Covenant would nevertheless have a 99.9% chance of working: Instead of them trying to maintain their roles as “pastors” and “shepherds” over sheep like you, they ought to all resign and ask *you* to pastor and shepherd *them* as sheep in need of the hard won wisdom and grace and courage you have to offer.
Lord, have mercy.
Good job Stuart on laying it out, not really a “stream of consciousness” at all. Very sorry for what happened to you but as you said, it is helping others.
I do think we are all more cautious now about who we let get involved with kids, mostly thanks to people like you and Dee. No thanks to many of our churches.
I can identify with so much that you have written and am a fellow survivor.
Just when I needed it most, I got a “Jesus Hug” and share it with you.
May God bless you. Thank you for writing this. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable. I salute you.
Paul
https://youtu.be/Vfl43srA3wM
Stuart, you are so brave. Thank you for sharing your story so vulnerably and articulately. What the leaders did to you and the other victims was evil. What David did to you was evil. My heart breaks with the depth of the wounds that you have experienced and still carry. I pray for continued healing that would bring light to all those heavy places, and a community around you who truly loves you and shows you that you are wonderful and lovable. You are worth it. O Lord, bring justice upon the shepherds who devour the sheep.
Stuart’s story is horrific. He was a sweet friend of our daughter’s at CCS. I am so sad we were unaware of this hideous situation. We know well most of the people mentioned and are sadly not surprised by how they treated this and Stuart. The part about the deceased former pastor at Briarwood getting involved in the law firm dropping Stuart’s case is beyond belief. Probably one of the reasons his family is now trying to make this pastor some sort of legend in the PCA. Just pathetic on so many levels.
“There always seem to be plenty of powerful men in powerful positions who will stick up for pedophiles and the organizations that hide them. Why is it that so many men in leadership positions are obsessed with doing the bare minimum for the most vulnerable but will stick up for pedophiles? Why is it that our institutions continue to fail the people they should be sticking up for? Over and over again they dismiss and minimize the need for accountability of the powerful organizations that continually fail our communities with their irresponsible actions.”
Cries that are often heard on TWW. Describes too many ministers and ministries in America. When God when?
Sorry for the second comment, but Stuart and Dee, this may be the most eye-opening, touching account I have read on TWW. I feel blessed to have a better understanding of the manipulation and trauma you went through Stuart. Blessed because I can apply some of what I read here to a situation I am aware of. Even though it does not make up for your abuse totally, I think you will have an impact. Blessings to you and your family. I hope we hear more from you.
It might be good to clarify that this is not the same David Wood of the Apologetics Roadshow and formerly Acts 17 Apologetics. At least I don’t think it is because the timeline seems to indicate that it’s a different David Wood.
I agree. I cried when I was doing my second thorough read-through. I am so grateful for Stuart.
Jay Medenwaldt,
I think the story speaks to that fact.
Imagine what would have happened if Christ Covenant would have practiced due diligence and not allowed a NON Member access to the children of CC?!!! Sometimes the PCA is so gung-ho to be soooo accepting of everyone, and they will allow anyone to “volunteer” regardless of their membership status. It’s frightening. Thank you for telling your story.
Stuart, thank you for your courage in telling your story and your continued advocacy.
“The church will cry out for justice until they are on the side that is being held accountable, then they will do everything in their power to suppress justice. The justice that will make victims whole is not the type of justice they think is best for the church, so they obfuscate justice, hang out around the periphery of justice, and make excuses for their late arrival to the table. And now they stand with the abusers and the attorneys who represent them.”
This is a powerful narrative. Thank you for having the courage to speak out, Stuart. I feel so bad for what you have had to endure in this life. It sounds like your wife is a very special individual. God bless the two of you and your 3 children.
This sad story once again points to the need for the American church to seriously reevaluate its youth ministry model. Putting young pastors and volunteers in charge of youth is just not a good idea. There are no “Youth Pastors” in the New Testament model for doing church. Senior saints, mature in the faith and proven to be trustworthy, mentored young believers in the early church. It should be that way again. Our children are too precious to entrust them to the young and inexperienced … there are too many stories like this in the American church.
This is gut-wrenching. And powerful. Thank you for sharing.
I’m repeating Todd’s comment because this is exactly how I feel. Well-stated, Todd, and God bless you, Stuart.
Dee, it’s good that this is a Friday post, so we have the weekend to do our homework. It’s a lot to read, and worth it.
Thanks, Stuart, for sharing.
Yes, and very informative. We need to hear this. Knowledge is power.
Stewart.
As I told you tonight. Your courage, honesty and grace shine as a light in the darkness. Thank you for forgiving me and so many others. We! Including me. Did not put the safeguards in place to present such horror. That fact that you and others would have to go to secular court for reparations. Is beyond belief.
As you know there were more than three victims at the hands of David Wood. It took so much courage to bring the pain, shame and fear into the light. It takes more now. Unfortunately Christ Covenant failed you every step of the way. And in many ways the abuse rather than met with love and grace was met with institutional coldness. I love the people at Christ Covenant. I was there 20 years. I pray that the leaders respond to this letter with repentance and grace. I pray that they provide resources for you and the other known victims to help them deal with the day to day shame.
I love you my brother. Thank you for your forgiveness, grace and friendship. May the Spirit of Christ convict those involved of “sin, righteousness, and judgement.
Jesus is serious about the church causing little ones to study. To all the people involved it’s not to late to right the wrongs and love Stewart and the other victims in tangible ways.
I had to stop reading in the middle of your story, and only managed to continue 10 minutes later. This is a devastating story, but one that needs to be heard and read in all churches. Not that I believe it will be heard in all that many. Churches and their members are very good at putting their hands over their ears, going “I can’t hear you!”
Thank you, Stuart, for sharing your story, however painful this may still be.
What is equally devastating is to hear about the duplicity of the church leaders. They do know who is the father of lies, don’t they?
First, I love Christ Covenant. It was my first church home after receiving Christ in 1990. I loved attending services, Sunday School, Bible studies and covenant groups. I became involved in a ministry to visitors — every Tuesday night we would visit the homes of those who visited the church and share the love and Word of Jesus. I loved and respected the leaders of the church and considered myself fortunate to belong to such a dynamic church.
I grieve over the leadership’s response and failure to address Stuart’s abuse. Truth: the lure of ruling over people’s spiritual lives attracts pastor-teachers who lack empathy. Over the last thirty years I have shared ministry concerns with Harry Reeder, Tom Henry, Mike Ross and Kevin DeYoung. I shared with Harry my concern about political stances he espoused that I thought hurt the testimony of the church. I shared with Tom my concern over inviting an apostate to lead our Missions Conference. I shared with Mike my story of spiritual abuse I experienced at another church. I shared with Kevin my concern that the church was abusing visitors by “fencing” the Lord’s Supper from non-members. None responded with empathy because they couldn’t. It is not in their DNA.
I have come to the realization that the paradigm for church leadership is broken. Seminaries are failing to weed out sociopathic pastors; the people in the pews are attracted to gifted speakers who lack the character traits of qualified leaders; and the theology of the church is opposite of what Jesus taught.
Stuart, what you have endured is so grievous. There really aren’t deep enough words. I am so sorry for what you went through alone as a child.
And so angry at not only your abuser, David Wood, but also at the men who gave you no comfort but also protected him over you. It’s the epitome of evil.
And then those currently in power prioritize money over care for a wounded sheep. Ironically, their wrong priorities make them not only evil but stupid. Most victims want the church to actually care. They want truth and justice, validation that they have indeed suffered. And they want change so no one else has to suffer. What if church leaders listened to victims, wept with them, asked what they needed to make them whole?
Instead they listen to attorneys who focus on money. Money can pay for therapy and you would think that a church would be eager to do what they could to help a victim heal. Not offering $25,000 and saying, “Hey, this is a good deal.” Instead, DeYoung prioritized burnishing his image. He fits right into the condemnations and woes Jesus pronounced on the Pharisees in Matthew 23.
Thank you for your courage and your dedication to helping other victims obtain justice. Thank you for the practical step of providing a concrete action step complete with phone numbers to call. There can always be a referendum for an amendment to the state constitution if these judges rule for the insurance companies.
Whew! Enter CCC at your own risk! You would have to be out of your spiritual mind to attend such places. Wolves in shepherds’s clothing have taken over many corners of the American church … with a touch of charisma, a gift of gab, and a bag of bad theology.
As a young pastor, DeYoung was lured into the inner ring of New Calvinism … he does what he needs to do to remain a darling of the NeoCal movement.
Here he is interviewing NeoCal giants Al Mohler and Ligon Duncan. During the dialogue, Mohler made his infamous comment heard round the world: “Where else are they going to go?” re: reformed theology. Many young people were drawn into the movement with stuff like this to sit under ‘heroes’ of the faith (many of which have fallen: Driscoll, MacDonald, Mahaney, etc.). DeYoung was used.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6lRMMvNCn8&t=37s
Max, I don’t find this helpful. Many fine, Godly sober-minded Christians have attended and are attending CCC. Love demands that we think the best of others and ourselves show empathy. I was encouraged by Tom Henry meeting with Stuart. I am encouraged by RTS seminary President Mike Kruger’s book “Bully Pulpit” that sheds light on the problem of spiritual abuse. I imagine Stuart is telling his story to promote awareness and change.
Dale Rudiger,
Well, Dale, you didn’t paint a helpful picture of CCC during your tenure there. We all pray that things are better there now … God’s children deserve much better. I’m sure many wish that CCC leadership had heeded the concerns you expressed to them over the last 30 years … you were right to speak correction to them.
I had difficulty reading your comment. Thee may be many “fine” people attending CCC but how many of these fine and “sober minded” Christians are drinking the Koolaid, secure they are among the elect and don’t really care about the abuse that Stuart endured. After all, they are the elect, aren’t they and God elected Stuart to endure the abuse again, and again.
Until we all take responsibility for the abuse that is happening in our churches, this story will happen again and again. Perhaps it already had at CCC but the fine leadership is keeping it under wraps.
Love demands that some radical repentance begin at CCC. How likely is that?
Jaw-dropping.
Thank you, Stuart. I know enough to know I don’t know it all.
You wrote: “David would ask me to do things with my girlfriend and then tell him about it in detail. At that point in time I had barely kissed a girl, so much of what I reported to him was made up. He told me this “reporting” to him was holding me accountable and he had this type of relationship with a number of other boys in the youth group.”
Your honest portrayal of the events have helped me with two other victims of sexual abuse that have not yet reached the place of courage and self-confidence to articulate the abuse in such detail.
But you have helped me (and them).
Thank you, and my prayers are with you.
And the Defenders of the Faith (and Pastor Pred) ring in with “SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!”
Happens every time this blog utters Blasphemy against a Church or its Personalities.
Surprised it took this long; usually the Godly Sock Puppets ring in somewhere in the first ten, like they’re camping out on the site.
And out of your not-so-Spiritual mind as well.
This is absolutely searing. No words, except Lord have mercy.
Dale Rudiger,
“Max, I don’t find this helpful. Many fine, Godly sober-minded Christians have attended and are attending CCC. Love demands that we think the best of others and ourselves show empathy.”
++++++++++++++
if a church is occupied by ‘Godly sober-minded Christians’ and still manages to destroy lives, all the more reason to be wary with frank assessment such as Max’s.
I am sorry, but the more I have pondered this comment, the more it troubles me. To say that someone is “out of their mind” is a shame-inducing comment that does not seek to understand and address the problem of abuse. What if I said that those who attend a conservative Lutheran Church are “out of their mind?” Or those who pray to and have a devotion to Mary and attend a Catholic Church are “out of their mind” because of the child sex abuse scandal? Minds are not changed by demonizing others. As a former Catholic, I learned this lesson when I jokingly made fun of a Catholic practice to a friend within earshot of his Catholic wife who was visiting the church with him.
Dale Rudiger,
Dale, the pew needs to get a clue about church leadership in many places if things are ever going to change. May God stir their minds to see and hear as they ought … to test and try the spirits … to stand against and speak into the error of pious pulpits of power and popularity. God’s people deserve better than this.
Driscoll’s flock apparently didn’t care about his potty-mouth … Mahaney’s flock kept him on the throne despite growing concerns of abuse at SGM … MacDonald’s flock put up with him running roughshod over pastoral staff and elder board … etc. etc. Is there a predestined mindset in reformed circles that allows whatever happens in leadership ranks as meant to be?
Dale, I speak here because I think better for others in the Body of Christ … better pulpits, safer places. With empathy, I put myself in the CCC pew and feel what some of the members must be feeling now after reading Stuart’s story. Sometimes, love demands that we think the best ‘for’ others.
1. A principle in the posted Story shows up in the Comments section to comment. How often does that happen here at TWW? Seems rare.
2. Is the name of our main character telling his Story misspelled in the Post, or in this Comment by this principle from the Main Story? Telling.
Jesus had a few things to say about the religious:
“For they preach, but do not practice. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger. They do all their deeds to be seen by others.” Etc., Matt.23.
Does Jesus not give religious people the benefit of the doubt?
How is it a loving God says this, and more, about clearly religious people?
It’s interesting that religious people executed the Son of God. This includes one of Jesus own disciples, the voting mob, and the religious leaders top to bottom.
I don’t think Max meant to cast personal aspersions. As someone who has read Max’s comments for years, it sounded to me more like an expression of exasperation as to how frequently these things go on.
Bully Pulpit is an excellent book but Kruger has said it was written from a church leader to church leaders, which is of course fine, but there are people other than church leaders who need guidance.
Some suggested resources for broadening understanding that the you and others might want to explore:
1. The Pyramid of Abuse is quite helpful in seeing the roles that everyone plays, wittingly or not, in perpetuating the culture of abuse. It’s online:
https://futuristguysfieldguides.wordpress.com/1-1-field-guide-1/section-03/chapter-08/
You can read more at https://futuristguysfieldguides.wordpress.com/1-1-field-guide-1/section-03/chapter-06/
2. The book “Something’s Not Right” by Wade Mullen. He did his doctoral thesis on data from over 1000 churches analyzing how they responded to scandal that might have threatened their image. The book is very helpful for the people in the pews, for victims, and for their allies.
3. The books “Tov” and “Pivot” by Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer. “Tov” was first written in the wake of the scandal at Willow Creek Church where they attended. So both books are written from the point of view, and to, people in the pews. The point is to form a culture that would be resistant to abuse occurring, but also there is a lot of wisdom for people attending a church where there have been allegations of abuse. Pivot contains very thought-provoking questions for a small group of people to evaluate themselves, their church, and what actions they might take.
4. Anything by Diane Langberg. She’s written several books and is a guest speaker at many conferences and podcasts, so easy to find on You-Tube. One is an interview with Glen Scrivener: Church Abuse: protecting ministries, destroying souls, recorded in the aftermath of the Ravi scandal. about 36 min. they discuss the role of bystanders.
I hope you and others find these resources helpful.
Wade Burleson,
Hi, Wade.
That is the problem, isn’t it?
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself.” – Jesus
Where in the Bible do the righteous ever, in the name of God, love an institution or org?
The religious do, but not the righteous.
The religious, both as a group and as individuals, executed Jesus, the Son of God. Among other evils they also did.
The righteous’ love for God surpasses all human orgs, activities, networks, etc.
Love for God is the home of the righteous.
Stuart,
you have done a great service by sharing your story. Please, please remember what you wrote at the end, and tell it to yourself: you’re worth it, you’re worth it, you’re worth it.
D.
Dale Rudiger,
“To say that someone is “out of their mind” is a shame-inducing comment that does not seek to understand and address the problem of abuse.”
+++++++++++++++++++
I’d say Max is addressing the problem of followers whose form of Godly sober-mindedness nevertheless passively tolerates immoral and inhumane treatment for others (& themselves).
A certain amount of brainwashing is what gets a person to that point.
They either don’t care about or don’t even recognize what is immoral and inhumane in the first place — deeper brainwashing. or programming.
seems to me it’s high time to strip off the varnish in our observations.
Dee,
Thank you for the work you do to keep up this blog as a platform so that stories like Stuart’s can be told.
When we make a church our home, instead of the presence of God our home, all kinds of bad things happen, including the execution of the Son of God.
Religious leader Caiaphas, said it is better that one man die than the whole org suffer. – John 11.50 Etc. So they executed Jesus.
God is our dwelling place, underneath his everlasting arms, we are secure. – Deut. 33.27, and so on.
Transcending point into so many abuses…
Helpful.
Dale. I don’t disagree. However, would you share your thoughts on how Christians might wrap our heads around joining or remaining in a church where such faulted leaders remain in charge, ready for the next leadership abuse?
Amen and thank you, Dee.
“Jaw-dropping” is exactly right.
I am the daughter of an abuse victim (not church-related), and this nakedly honest story really helped me to understand so much about my mom. Things clicked and came together.
I didn’t find out about my mom’s CSA experience until my sister told me about it, soon after my mom’s death. It explained so much. My mom never had therapy or any closure or resolution. It’s amazing that she could function, but she did. She was a good mom.
But all of this convinces me that statutes of limitation for CSA have got to come toppling down everywhere, including here in NC.
I said “spiritual mind.” There are lots of sane people going to churches across America who do not have the mind of Christ. They may be mentally sound, but not spiritually sound. To have the mind of Christ is to have a spiritual mind which recognizes, does not tolerate, and calls for accountability of abuse of any kind in the Body of Christ … regardless of how popular and powerful church leaders are that may stand in the way of doing the right thing.
While thinking through the concerns of passing laws to protect children, I’m tempted to understand why political party lines may clearly come into play, or why they do not. I don’t think the answer is simple, nor tangible. There are generations of deeply rooted practices and abuses at stake, and bigger, in any country down to municipality, making the fight for justice so much harder. So I also considered:
It seems unsurprising that so much pushback against sexual predatory laws come from lawmakers themselves and politicians whose primary constituents are the wealthy and powerful, most blinded by the god of this world, allegedly protecting those in their own personal and business circles from being at risk of conviction by those very laws. This isn’t just a church problem, but a much larger global institutional problem which also encroaches into the church institution.
Lord have mercy.
Mark 9:42 (CSB): 42 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to fall away—it would be better for him if a heavy millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea.
Andy Gathers, another survivor of David Wood, speaks out here:
https://www.wbtv.com/2019/03/02/church-sex-abuse-survivor-speaks-out-pastor-acknowledges-churchs-past-mistakes/
My apologies if this has already been shared in the comments thread.
Barbara Roberts,
From that broadcast report: “It appears that Mr. Woods has also been involved in other youth groups in churches in the area.”
There’s more to this story. The predator used the area churches as his hunting grounds. How many victims?
Stuart,
Thank you for sharing these traumatic events in your life. I pray you recover completely from the abuse. I hope this sharing helps others, who have experienced similar abuse, to be able to confront the abusers and find justice in the process.
… which is an algorithm for being a part of the Body of Christ vs membership in a church.
People want to belong. Sometimes, it seems, being actively a part of a church is all it takes. It’s enough. Nothing more. And above all else, they love their church and follow their beloved leaders.
In John 6.66, Jesus had a falling out with many or most of his followers, and they no longer were his disciples. In the end, still religious but not following Jesus, they voted for Jesus’ execution, in agreement with their beloved religious leaders.
Regarding empathy: I’ve always thought that DeYoung’s counsel to ““weep with those who have good, biblical reason to be weeping” a bit odd for a pastor.
“Surely, the second half of Romans 12:15 does not mean that the only response to grieving people is to grieve with them … the verse must mean something like “weep with those who have good, biblical reason to be weeping.’”
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevin-deyoung/what-does-it-mean-to-weep-with-those-who-weep/
Stuart, thank you for telling your story. I read half of it, and was so moved I had to take a break of several hours before reading the rest.
As a fellow survivor of CSA (and intimate partner abuse, and spiritual abuse), I relate to a lot of your story. I feel afraid when people approach me from behind. I now wear noise cancelling headphones when I’m out and about. That helps a fair bit. (Apple Promax headphones are expensive, but well worth it! )
I hope that by giving out your phone number you are not targeted by evildoers.
Kevin de Young gives me the chills. That meeting he arranged where you were massively outnumbered gave me tremors just thinking about it!
Thanks for reminding me that Kevin expressed that opinion.
Kevin left open the question of how to discern those who have good reason to weep, from those who are weeping crocodile tears in order to manipulate others.
Going by Kevin’s track record — how he dealt with Mahaney, how he’s so cosy with the Biblical Counseling crowd, and how he has dealt with the David Wood saga — I am confident that Kevin would wrongly decide whose tears were deserving of empathy and whose tears were not.
And Kevin’s obviously ignoring 1 Cor 5:11, so he’s likely got lots of crocodile tearers in his church and his wider networks.
A bit odd?
How about just callous and exclusive.
Human tears are human tears, they all hurt the same.
‘Biblical’ my a$$.
I guess if a New Calvinist (one of DeYoung’s line of thinking) determines that your suffering is not ‘Biblical’ enough, they ain’t going to waste any tears over you. After all, they are the one and only true church which can properly interpret Biblical-anything. As Dr. Al says “There are no options out there!” Good Lord! … you would think by now that the American church would be over its fascination with the new reformation.
There is a post about Pastor Mike Ross at my blog.
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2016/03/28/ps-mike-ross-christ-covenant-church-nc-why-hasnt-he-answered-jeff-crippen/
The post gives evidence of Mike Ross being haughty to those who have called upon him to deal properly with abusers.
Pastor Gabe Silvia made a comment at that post. At that time he was a pastor at Christ Covenant Church. He also came across as haughty.
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2016/03/28/ps-mike-ross-christ-covenant-church-nc-why-hasnt-he-answered-jeff-crippen/#comment-79363
I emailed Gabe Silvia to let him know that the the post had been published. His email reply to me was simply this: “Thank you for the notice. Heaven soon.” His reply came across to me as a dismissive a platitude.
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2016/03/28/ps-mike-ross-christ-covenant-church-nc-why-hasnt-he-answered-jeff-crippen/#comment-79650
The post was written by Ps Jeff Crippen in 2016; I helped Jeff draft the post. For six years I co-lead the blog with Ps Jeff Crippen, but Jeff resigned from the blog in 2017 and in 2018 he betrayed and abused me. No advocates really stood with me when Jeff betrayed me.
I eventually came to believe that Jeff Crippen does not practise what he preaches. He vilely persecuted an abuse victim and spiritually abused many other people in the Tillamook congregation. Jeff has not gone to the people that he spiritually and emotionally abused. He has not apologised to them, let alone asked for their forgiveness. Go here to read the evidence:
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2021/09/08/tillamook-testimony-concerning-jeff-crippen/
I’m not wanting to take the spotlight off Stuart’s testimony. In making this comment at TWW, my intentions are:
1. To give more information about Pastor Mike Ross, for anyone who is interested.
2. To mention Pastor Gabe Silvia, in case anyone is interested.
Because I’ve shared here the post about Mike Ross, and the post was written by Jeff Crippen, it is necessary for me to inform TWW readers that Ps Jeff Crippen is hypocrite who presents himself as an advocate for victims, but is not trustworthy because his actions are in direct opposition to his words. (In informing TWW readers of this, I am taking a risk that I will be subjected to further public stoning by Jeff Crippen and / or his followers.)
“But as it is, I wrote to you not to associate with anyone who is called a brother who is:
1. a sexual sinner, or
2. covetous, or
3. an idolater, or
4. a slanderer, or
5. a drunkard, or
6. an extortionist.
… Don’t even eat with such a person.” World English Bible, Public Domain.
These are 6 behaviors wherein we are advised to disfellowship, not even share a meal with people of these behaviors.
Why these? What’s the common thread? A behavioral scientist would know why these 6 are dangerous in a church community, and require decisive action on the part of each member of the church community.
Love demands that we think the best of others and ourselves show empathy.
Dale Rudiger,
Could you provide a little more detail, please?
Does love demand that we think the best of abusers as well as those who protect them and hide the truth?
Does love demand that we show empathy for criminals when they get caught, and for their protectors when they are exposed? ( Is this what Jesus would do? Is it what He taught his apostles and disciples to do?)
My feelings of love and empathy are for the victims and their families, and definitely not for those who commit evil acts or protect those who do evil….. all behind some sort of godly facade.
Most deadly, dangerous.
Wade Burleson,
Thank you Wade. It’s nice hearing from you.
Reminds me of Paige Patterson’s “Break her down” technique.
With respect, and agreeing that we should show empathy, love demands that we think the best of others *unless it becomes destructive* (to borrow a phrase from Richard Foster).
An alcoholic needs the words “you need to turn your life around,” not the words “you’re doing the best you can.” An abusive spouse needs the words “you need to change your behavior ASAP,” not “you’re doing the best you can.” We can say these words in love because their behavior is harming THEMSELVES as well as others.
And so we can also say to enabling church members (of which, for the record, I have been one), “you need to either start making waves and push for healthy change, or get outta there and stop propping up abusive leadership with your presence, service, and tithes.”
Grace,
So members of a church would not be pedophiles? This story is about a church member in a church we attended. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a23401877/justin-schneider-alaska-assault/.
And everybody shouted AMEN!! (or should have)
Sometimes you just have to touch the ‘anointed’ if things are going to get any better.
Sarah (aka Wild Honey),
I forgot to add, enabling church members also need to hear that *they are not immune* from the negative effects of spirituality abusive leadership. Where there’s one published story on the record, there are inevitably others that have gone unreported. Paige Patterson. Mark Driscoll. Bill Hybels. Every single church my own family left because of heavy-handed and abusive leadership.
This would be the sin of Cain. Deadly.
Yes it does. But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will help coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good.
Hard sayings that require faith in a just and loving God and an eternal perspective.
I agree. But “both, and.” Leave an abusive church; or stay and work for reform; or confront and spotlight; or some combination of the above. But how we do these things, our attitudes, methods, how we speak the truth — all these things matter. I have suffered deep wounds at the hands of abusive leadership. I am thankful for the experiences, knowing that God has used them for my good and the good of others. There is no reason why one cannot work for justice and show empathy at the same time. In fact, that is what God requires of us. And yet, we all fall short and have a Savior who is reconciling the world to Himself.
I can only speak to my situation. I was “evicted” from a church for defending a friend who was spiritually abused. I was then re-victimized at Christ Covenant by Mike Ross, who excluded me from returning to Christ Covenant. I have decided that I cannot agree to become a member of a church that demands unconditional submission to church officers, or that requires a church covenant oath. I am 67 years old, and am done with trying to find a church where I can “member up.” I attend services, Bible studies, and prayer meetings at churches where I am not a member. I am working to spotlight the errant ecclesiology that results in abusive practices and attracts narcissists to the ministry. I am a student at RTS and took a course from Kevin DeYoung on Ecclesiology and the Sacraments. Needless to say, we have polar opposites beliefs. He “fences the table” (a requirement in the PCA, OPC, and maybe the ARP), excluding those who are not “members in good standing in an evangelical church” from the Supper. I think this is a grave error and a misreading of 1 Cor 11. It is gaslighting visitors – assuming that they do not love Christ since they do not belong to a local church, when it is they who are being unloving, failing to “discern the body” by excluding visitors from Communion. So, I am working for change where I am. But it has been 18 years since my eviction and much healing has taken place. For those still in the process of healing, leaving an abusive situation is a first step that probably needs to happen. In my opinion, pastors who come from a “puritanical mindset” (who claim to stand in the place of God when they preach, who see it as their job to “purify the church,” and who demand submission) are to be pitied as there is One who judges them. It is my goal to speak out against the false teaching and the false shepherds, but in a loving manner.
Dale Rudiger,
Thank you for your excellent comment.
Spend some time reading this blog. It is often members who are the abusers. Even worse, there are pastors who are the abusers!
Excellent.
An honorable goal shared by many who interact on The Wartburg Watch. Love and truth are at the foundation for the work of Dee and others in the watchblog community.
I wish you the best, Dale, as you confront wayward ministers and ministries within your sphere of influence. Lord knows that the American church has plenty of opportunities for believers who are led to do the same.
Or (from the secular business world…)
Everyone bail out all at once and leave The Anointed Jerk Boss high and dry.
I participated in such a mass-exodus back in 1982, and 8-10 years later advised someone in a similar predicament to do the same. His result was much more spectacular, resulting in Jerk Boss’s firing to hold of bankruptcy as everything snowballed.
The False Prophet tells the King what the King WANTS to hear.
The True Prophet tells the King what the King NEEDS to hear.
This often results in the False Prophet exalted to the King’s left and right hand while the True Prophet gets snuffed.
I hope everyone saw TOM HENRY’s beautiful comment. It was honest, heartfelt, deeply sincere and without a hint of self justification. Thank you TOM for being REAL. I hope others mentioned in Stuart’s story will have the cojones to follow this godly example.
PS. It is good to see that the disagreement about the parsing of words has come to a pleasant conclusion because it was detracting from the original post which is what really MATTERS.
Dale Rudiger,
Dale, what you’ve quoted is correct. But, people like the man who abused Stuart are criminals. That man committed the same destructive crimes over and over. It is also a crime to protect people like him.
And, you know that the church leaders were focused on protecting their own “ministries”, and not the children of God.
The criminals and the people who have protected and covered for them (and their income, vanity, etc.) should be held accountable.
If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty,
Convicted criminals get 3 squares meals every day on the taxpayers dimes ……. they can even have Bible study classes and prayer meetings…. they can even play basketball and have counseling sessions with professionals. (I have a now retired family member who was a prison counselor.)
“ Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God. “
What’s the usual ratio of identified victims to actual victims?
Somewhere around one in ten?
Thus, failing the sacred office of pastor/shepherd. God is more concerned about individuals than institutions. The children of God = the Body of Christ, which takes precedence over any man-made ministry on earth.
Welcome to the “Dones” … perhaps the largest growing Christian population in America … done with ‘church’, but not done with Jesus! Dones become done when religious noise drowns out the voice of Christ … when jots and tittles of pet theologies supercede the precious Gospel message for ALL people … when abusers are protected over the cries of the abused … when religious theo-icons are worshiped more than Jesus … when membership contracts are required for believers who have already entered into an eternal covenant written in red … when “Pastor” is an overlord, not a servant. The Dones will remain done until if/when the institutional church becomes ‘the’ Church again.
Mama Bear,
“It is good to see that the disagreement about the parsing of words has come to a pleasant conclusion because it was detracting from the original post which is what really MATTERS.”
+++++++++++++++++++++++
it was indeed beautiful.
I ache for Stuart and all that has happened. it makes me sick. Both David Wood and the litany of self-centered, corrupt, hypocrisy-prize-winning church leaders.
I am full of admiration for Stuart’s courage and humility and perseverance. I’m cheering you on, Stewart.
.
.
It seems to me that the greater point of the post is to wake people up out of a stupor of blind allegiance at the cost of human lives.
(blind allegiance to leaders, to institutions, to ideologies, to faith in faith itself)
we all very much need to allow & encourage people to confront the realities of what happened to Stuart,
(instead of retreating into conditioned passivity)
and what it means when the beliefs, institutions, and personnel we hold dear and incontrovertible destroy human lives.
honest and open thought processes and dialogue.
Which sometimes requires a Nathan to point a finger in David’s face and shout “You’re the man!” Did Nathan love David? Did he tell him the truth in love? I believe so.
Dale Rudiger,
“It is my goal to speak out against the false teaching and the false shepherds, but in a loving manner.”
+++++++++
i truly appreciated the transparency of your comment as a whole.
scathingly direct (& succinct) is not incompatible with love.
Stuart,
I must admit that it it difficult for me to fathom what you have been through and what you have to deal with every day. But I know that it took a tremendous amount of courage for you to come forward and tell your story. I do hope and pray that exposing the truth about what was done to you and how church leaders mishandled it helps you in some way, and I hope it helps others.
Just guessing from what you wrote, I’d say that you are strong, courageous, and wise (I suspect that Lindsay is, too!) I wish the best for you, your wife, and your family.
Stuart,
I know that Nancy2’s comment above expresses the sentiment of all who regularly comment on this blog. I wish you and yours the best in the days ahead.
Dale Rudiger,
Hi Dale, I really appreciate hearing your personal experience.
I’m sure you’ve studied the issue a lot, but I wanted to refresh myself so I found a good article at GotQuestions.org about whether the communion table should be open or closed. https://www.gotquestions.org/communion-open-closed.html
An excerpt from the article:
“Biblically, communion should be open to all believers, not closed to a particular church or denomination. What’s important is that the participants are born-again believers walking in fellowship with their Lord and with each other. Before partaking of communion, each believer should personally examine his or her motives (1 Corinthians 11:28). No matter what church one belongs to, irreverence, prejudice, selfishness, and lust have no place at the Lord’s Table.“
The article’s worth reading in full.
The American PCA’s stance on hedging the table has baked-in pride for church leaders. They pridefully assume that church leaders have rightly discerned who is (and who is not) a genuine believer who is walking with Christ.
Dale, could you tell me more about ‘the healing that has taken place’?
I’m asking because I struggle daily due to the fact that I have so much still unhealed.
Also, I’m curious to hear more about how you are ‘speaking out against the false teaching and false shepherds in a loving manner’. Could you give me an example of when you’ve managed to do that successfully? I’m asking because I have the same goal, but I feel I’m having very little success in achieving it.
I hope my questions are not too impertinent.
For those who have undeservedly suffered much in your lifetime – the problem ultimately is God. While God himself does not abuse His creation, if He is sovereign He has the ability to intervene does he not? As with Job, He always had the ability to bring an end to the suffering but in his righteous holiness chose not to. And that is the dilemma for all his children. God! What will you do about Him? It’s not easy. You can sue Harry Reeder [ actually not anymore ] but you can’t sue God.
____________
As for Job, he died never knowing how the suffering he endured would be of benefit to hundreds of millions of people. Ultimately he simply repented that he had ever questioned what God was doing.
___________
There’s a vast chasm between us and our Creator. I think we’re all tempted to “fight against the pricks.” But ultimately it is fooishness.
Read this on Twitter today
Sometimes I think about my maternal great grandmother, my Nanny, who was born out of wedlock in 1922 and sent on a covered wagon from North Carolina to Georgia with two bootleggers, when she was 8 years old, to live with her aunt.
She was treated like a servant and tasked, at her young age, to be the sole caretaker of her younger cousin who was totally bedridden. When she was 12, she was locked in a bedroom and told she wouldn’t eat until she learned to sew a dress out of an old bedspread.
God had given my Nanny a natural gift for sewing and making clothes, so she didn’t go without food too long.
In her late teens, a relative got mad at her and took an ax and chopped off her index finger at the joint. All my life I watched her sew and garden and farm chickens, and I watched that finger and imagined what kind of woman she must be to have endured all that suffering and to have retained so much love and humanity and generosity.
I dare say they don’t make ‘em like that anymore.
My Nanny was reserved, pensive, introverted. She was an observer. She was simple and so tenderhearted. I’ve watched tears well in her eyes when she’d read something touching, or when she was overcome with the joy of having babies and children fill her home—beauty from ashes.
She felt a lot of shame about where she came from—she knew she had parents who did not want her. She knew she had been a burden to all those who had agreed to care for her. But she had worked to make herself worthy—worthy of their respect, at least.
I think what sustained my Nanny, even as a child, was a deep abiding knowledge that God *did* love her and that he *knew* her. She never felt abandoned by God. She never hated her suffering. Never felt embittered. She forgave those who hurt her, but maintained shrewdness in her interactions with those who’d proven themselves dangerous and untrustworthy. None of us were allowed to be around them.
I wish you all could have known her.
Her life is unknown to almost everyone except for her family.
But she is famous with God, and that is all that matters.
What would God ever do on J-Day without them to tell Him just who is Saved and who’s NOT?
“ME SHEEP! HIM GOAT! HIM GOAT! HIM GOAT! HIM GOAT! HIM GOAT!”
(Whispering in God’s ear like Grima Wormtongue to Theoden King…)
Haha!
I’ve actually known some New Calvinists who are just that arrogant! They put God in a box and then sit on it.
If posting my story were the first, commenting on the blog post would probably be the second most uncomfortable thing I’ve done. I am incredibly thankful for those of you who made the commitment to read the long post. I figured that the alternative would be for me not to write/post it or to do it halfway in order to make it shorter. Neither of those options appealed to me. So I am thankful for your reaction and support. I assume there will be some sort of negative wave to come considering I used names and the story is obviously not very flattering to some. But my intention wasn’t to use a public forum to hurt people, but to create a compelling reason why it’s worth your time to contact the NC Supreme Court Justices. I am sorry for being redundant, but until institutions are held accountable for their negligence, they will assume the status quo is good enough. Law is good, but law without teeth is ineffective. And if the NC Supreme Court waters down the SAFE Child Act, this is exactly the message it will send. Half measures, when it comes to protecting children, will never be good enough. Please don’t let this opportunity pass by. Use your influence to shape the way your laws reflect your values.
I know that God has a plan and I trust it. And I know that plan is for us to ultimately defeat darkness. But I also believe there is victory to be had here and now. I pray you will be loud and I pray you won’t stop until you’re heard.
I am truly thankful for all of you. I hope there is a lot more to come!
P.S. – Mama Bear, I am assuming I know who you are ;)… your daughter was always a wonderful person and friend. I also hear through the grapevine that she’s doing great!
‘When I Rise Up’
When I rise up above the Earth
and look down upon the things that fetter me
I beat my wings upon the air
Or tranquil lie
Surge after surge of potent strength
Like incense comes to me
When I rise up above the Earth
and look down upon the things that fetter me.
– Georgia Douglas Johnson
Barbara Roberts,
One of my goals in attending seminary is to finish a book on the Lord’s Supper. My experience with church abuse led me to recognize the plethora of reasons that one may not be a “member in good standing.” In my research, I noticed that in 1993 there was a PCA church in Philadelphia that made an overture to the General Assembly to leave the decision to participate in the Supper up to the conscience of the individual. The PCA formed a study group and the overture was rejected. Basically for two reasons: 1) You don’t love Jesus if you don’t love his church, 2) It is leadership’s responsibility to protect the sanctity of the Holy meal and protect the ungodly.
I now have a much different understanding of Communion. I think it should be open to all attending without distinction, including children. It should also be a meal. Leadership usurps the role of the Holy Spirit when they restrict access. To “proclaim the Lord’s death” is to preach the gospel – and thus I see the meal as also being an opportunity for an unbeliever to experience the love of Christ and his followers. We had the Supper this morning and I sat next to a young girl and her grandmother. The look on her face when the bread passed her by was precious.
Barbara Roberts,
Be happy to share. Contact me at Gmail.
If there is such a backlash, they will have to deal with the responding backlash from the TWW community. Thank you for telling your story.
As true as the commutative property of multiplication.
1 Cor. 5.11
Believers excommunicated for notorious sin.
Dale Rudiger,
The letter seems to be written to John & Jane Doe Christian, regarding with whom they fellowship.
Typically in churches, the leaders decide who is in and who is out. Gatekeepers.
It’s a little tricky when it’s the leaders themselves indulging in 1 Cor. 5 notorious sin.
Guessing that 1 Cor. 5 is an appeal to John and Jane, to vote with their feet. And pocketbook.
Stuart Griffin,
“it’s worth your time to contact the NC Supreme Court Justices.”
++++++++++++
Will the NC Supreme Court welcome my input, living in a different state?
I am very ready, willing, and able to lend my voice.
elastigirl,
To be frank, no, they won’t, nor should they be swayed by contact from NC residents either. It is the job of the judge to interpret and apply the law fairly and impartially. Here is an excerpt from the NC Code of Judicial Conduct:
“A. Adjudicative responsibilities. (1) A judge should be faithful to the law and maintain professional competence in it. A judge should be unswayed by partisan interests, public clamor, or fear of criticism.”
Judges are not partisan legislators, who can and should be lobbied to vote a certain way. Judges should remain independent and impartial.
What happened to Stuart was awful. He has been victimized repeatedly, both by the original abuser and then by those who refused to believe him and take his story seriously. It is entirely appropriate to encourage everyone to their legislators to seek appropriate changes to the law. But contacting and seeking to influence judges is another matter entirely.
“I would argue that suffering has no purpose, no redeeming qualities, and any attempts to infuse it with rich significance are deeply misguided.”
— Shmuley Boteach —
IMO, the New Calvinists make way too big a deal out of suffering … to the point that they go looking for it. It’s as if suffering puts you up a notch over others in the Kingdom of God. Piper once said “You will waste your cancer if you do not believe God designed it for you.” God is in the cancer-designing business?!
Hi Elastigirl. Unfortunately, a non-constituent wouldn’t have much of an impact. Although I do believe any voice taking time to contact them is important. We all exist in this world together, so I don’t believe your time would be wasted, but it may not be valuable to the NCSC Justices. But that doesn’t mean it’s not valuable. Regardless of where you live or how immediate your impact, speaking up is greater than silence.
According to them yes.
God is the great autocratic bogey-man in the sky.
A cruel and petulant tyrant who cares for nothing except his own ego and aggrandizement.
Muff Potter,
I cannot for the life of me understand why otherwise intelligent and rational adults buy into this horse poo-poo.
Muff, if I may seriously ask -what has happened in your life that you chose “Muff Potter” as your name. Surely you have an interesting story behind that choice. sen
Isn’t that called Masochism?
One of the more destructive forms of One-Upmanship.
“BEAT ME! WHIP ME! MAKE ME WRITE BAD CHECKS! TO SHOW HOW GODLY I AM! MORE THAN THOU!”
Right up there with the other Calvinist shtick: More Utterly Depraved Than Thou.
This also explains all the “Persecution P*rn” you find in-country.
And if nobody’s Persecuting them, they’ll MAKE someone Persecute them to show how Godly they are. Like those Survivalist baddies in that Eighties Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles B&W comic who were going to trigger a nuclear war to show everybody how hotshot Survivalists they were.
Intelligence has nothing to do with common sense. Being intellectual does not equal wisdom. Smart folks don’t necessarily have discernment.
Dale Rudiger,
Hello Dale. I hope you get the opportunity to complete your book. I’ve attached a link to the Presbyterian understanding of “Fencing the Table” (from the Free Church of Scotland’s website). It’s a good summary of Presbyterian thinking.you’ll see that having given dire warnings against various malefactors approaching the Table, the ministers conclude by inviting all to come to find comfort according to their conscience. All based on I Cor 11.
https://www.fpchurch.org.uk/about-us/what-we-contend-for/the-lords-supper/fencing-the-table/the-origins-of-fencing-the-table/
Best wishes
Correction “from the Free Presbyterian Church of Scotland website”. The Free Church of Scotland is different.
OT
https://www.vice.com/en/article/qjk9wm/the-southern-baptist-church-ignored-its-abuse-crisis-she-exposed-it
Just reread Sarah Stankorb’s Vice article about Christa Brown’s (and more) history with the SBC. What a disgusting org.
Sarah Stankorb’s writing and research are excellent. Thank you, Sarah, Christa, Jules, Rachael Denhollander and all the brave souls who fight the evil masked as church, with the truth about what’s been going on and covered up for a long, long time. In the name of God, no less. Violation of children, minors, youth, and women. That’s probably why they want men only running things. They hope the men will look away, stay in their lane, and let criminality in churches flourish.
One monster destroys multitudes of lives. But it takes everyone else turning a blind eye to allow this happening. Over decades. To many victims.
Thank you for sharing. Your story is helpful, along with your testimony. I found your quote to be a good way to describe the means churches use of getting folks involved, and the pressures experienced by church members or attendees to feel a part.
And if there’s more victims, how come the dude ain’t in jail?
Ah, details, such as:
Statute of limitations.
Reluctance of victims to come forward via the DOJ.
Representation needed for victims.
Church leaders in cahoots with LE and the DOJ.
Churches advocating for predator church leaders instead of victims.
Which makes Satan the greatest hero of all time.
Because he stood up to this Cosmic Monster.
Eyewitness,
Thank you for pointing me to these resources. I am sitting in the RTS library reading Langberg’s “Redeeming Power”
There should be no Statute of Limitations in any State when it comes to child abuse.
When they do that, they cease being associated with the Kingdom of God.
Privilege of Pastoral Rank.
TOUCH NOT MINE ANOINTED!!!!!!!
Max,
Yes!
Thank you for sharing your story. You are making a difference. May you continue to thrive and persevere in all things. As a side note, I sometimes think we were given the hard “tasks” to protect our own children from suffering the things that we endured. I’m guessing no one would come close to your children without being fully vetted so your kids can live their lives without fear and as fully intended.
‘When I Rise Up’
When I rise up above the Earth
and look down upon the things that fetter me
I beat my wings upon the air
Or tranquil lie
Surge after surge of potent strength
Like incense comes to me
When I rise up above the Earth
and look down upon the things that fetter me.
– Georgia Douglas Johnson
senecagriggs,
❤ Beautiful. I look forward to meeting your Nanny in eternity.
Stuart Griffin,
Thank you for sharing your story. You are making a difference. May you continue to thrive and persevere in all things. As a side note, I sometimes think we were given the hard “tasks” to protect our own children from suffering the things that we endured. I’m guessing no one would come close to your children without being fully vetted so your kids can live their lives without fear and as fully intended.
Piper fails to distinguish between God’s Causative Will and His Permissive Will. Cancer is evil. God does not *cause* evil. He may permit it, but He doesn’t cause it.
What a beautiful story. Thank you.
May every parent heed this warning. You simply cannot let your guard down in ‘any’ church these days … don’t trust church leaders until YOU have found them to be trustworthy … the enemy of the Cross has been discovered in both pulpit and pew in churches throughout America.
I don’t know about Jeff Crippen’s followers (nor am I one of them!) 🙂 ….you certainly won’t receive any criticism from me. 🙂 I think all the information you provided — including all the links and caveats is important information.
Senecagriggs,
Just for clarification — and no insult or offence to you intended 🙂 ….
Is the story you read on Twitter — and posted here — yours or someone else’s? Whatever the case, thank you for sharing the story — it’s beautiful. 🙂
This is heartbreaking! To think that the “church” could so miserably fail those who are suffering at their hands is incredible. I was a member of Christ Covenant during the time this all happened to Stuart and others. I could say, “I knew nothing of this”, but that would be an excuse. Should I have I known? Was I a part of this culture? These are questions with which I will struggle. I am not surprised that there have been and are attempts to cover up this abuse. The culture of Christ Covenant, now and past, has been one of preserving the “legacy” of Harry Reeder. He has been, and continues to be deified or beatified. Saint Harry did not, could not, do any wrong. But wrong was done. To Stuart and others. To You: please forgive us.
Hi Stuart, being an Aussie, I doubt very much that anyone on the NC Supreme Court would heed my appeal. But I endorse you asking USA citizens, especially those in NC, to contact the NC Supreme Court judges.
What a wonderful comment Richard Osman.
Thank you Researcher!
Thank you Lowlandseer! I have studied the link you gave. It’s very worth reading.
I was intrigued by this part of the article “The Origins of Fencing the Table”. I’m quoting from the article:
“Earlier still, however, the Book of Common Order of 1564, which was the precursor of the Directory of Public Worship, contained an exhortation which amounted to a fencing of the table. John Knox had a large hand in the compilation of the Book of Common Order, but the following exhortation was not, in the main, his work. The first paragraph was taken from Thomas Cranmer’s English Book of Common Prayer of 1549, as modified in 1552, while the third and fourth paragraphs were from Calvin’s Service Book of 1542, following the English translation of 1550. The second paragraph was a mixture of Cranmer and Calvin’s work (W D Maxwell, The Liturgical Portions of the Genevan Service Book, London, 1965, pp 129-131).”
Maxwell stated that the second paragraph of the Presbyterian Book of Common Order (BCO, 1564) was a mixture of Cranmer and Calvin’s work. That really intrigued me. I wanted to know which parts of that second paragraph of the BCO were Cranmer’s words, and which were Calvin’s words.
Here is the second paragraph in the BCO:
“And therefore in the name and authority of the Eternal God and of His Son Jesus Christ I excommunicate from this table all blasphemers of God; all adulterers; all that be in malice or envy; all disobedient persons to father and mother, princes or magistrates, pastors or preachers; all thieves and deceivers of their neighbours; and finally all such as live a life directly fighting against the will of God: charging them, as they will answer in the presence of Him who is the righteous Judge, that they presume not to profane this most holy table.”
I looked at my old copy of the 1549 Book of Common Prayer (BCP). Here is what Cranmer wrote in the Communion Service in the BCP:
“When the minister giveth warning for the celebration of holy Communion which he shall always do upon the Sunday, or some Holy-Day, immediately preceding,) after the sermon or homily ended, he shall read this Exhortation following.
“Dearly beloved, on the ____ day next, I purpose, through God’s assistance, to administer to all such as shall be religiously and devoutly disposed to administer the most comfortable Sacrament of the Body and Blood of Christ, … [Long section here which I will not re-type for reasons of space; I will just show you the section which was used in composing the second paragraph of the Presbyterian BCO.]
“Therefore if any of you be a blasphemer of God, an hinderer or slanderer of his Word, an adulterer, or be in malice, or envy, or any other grievous crime, repent you of your sins, or else come not to that holy Table; lest, after the taking of that holy Sacrament, the devil enter into you, as he entered into Judas, and fill you full of all iniquities, and bring you to destruction of both body and soul.”
I was not surprised to learn that the Presbyterian BCO used Calvin’s words which arrogated to pastors and preachers the right to insist that pew-sitters obey them. If any lay-persons did not obey the pastor or preacher, Calvin would not let such persons take communion. Calvin demand absolute obedience from the laity.
Cranmer was neither so harsh, nor so arrogant, as Calvin.
The rot goes back a long way. The leaven has been puffing up the loaf of Protestantism for a long, long time.
I recommend reading “The Story of the Matthew Bible, Part 2” by Ruth Magnusson Davis. In it she documents how the Geneva Bible and the Geneva men brought in a lot of harsh false teaching which was not present in early reformers such as William Tyndale.
More info about Ruth Magnusson Davis’s work here:
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2018/05/28/the-matthew-bible-is-the-first-complete-english-bible-and-ruth-m-davis-is-gently-updating-for-modern-readers/
In Australia there is no Statute of Limitations for ANY sexual abuse crimes, whether they be sexual crimes against children or sexual crimes against adults.
Hi Dale, you may be interested to know that I have mixed feelings about Diane Langberg. I know that she has helped many victim-survivors. I know that many in the survivor-advocacy community admire her, because of her advocacy work and her teaching.
If you want to learn more about why I have mixed feelings about Diane Langberg, read these two blog posts of mine:
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2019/03/06/diane-langberg-is-advocating-for-abuse-victims-but-pt-3-of-series-on-sbcs-churchcares-program/
https://cryingoutforjustice.blog/2021/09/05/suffering-and-the-heart-of-god-by-diane-langberg-review-by-barbara-roberts/
Stuart, I’m sorry I didn’t comment earlier. It’s taken me days to try to process your story and come up with any coherent words with which to respond.
I’m at a loss.
I am proud to know you. I’m proud that you were my friend then, and though we haven’t seen one another in many years, I still consider you to be a friend.
Evil was done to you. And yet you continue to fight. You amaze me. And I will stand beside you and share your story. I’ll start today by reaching out to the judges you listed above.
Thank you for sharing your pain so that others might be protected.
As it should be in every country!
As the New Calvinists do today. My way or the highway, after we discipline the spiritual daylights out of you, then shun you in the community, followed by excommunication from the Kingdom of God for all eternity.
Authoritarian church leaders control the pew by manipulation, intimidation, and domination … none of which are fruit of the Holy Spirit. They can arrogate all they want, but the fact of the matter is that no pulpit can assert the right to take power over the people of God … they are to be servants, not overlords. The greatest is not love in their lives.
Lacey Trumbo,
Hey Lacey. It’s great to hear from you. No need to apologize. Thank you for being such a big advocate for this issue. I hope we’ll see victory. The rigor around staffing youth leadership may have increased over the years, but organizations that didn’t make it a priority in the past shouldn’t be able to move on without reconciling the damages. I appreciate you and your family for getting in the dirty parts of this. I hope Christ Covenant and the other organizations in NC affected by this will advocate for the victims and stop siding with the pedophiles. What a weird world? Thank you, again, and I am really happy to see you are doing well.
Barbara Roberts,
Thanks for the link to your helpful book review. Based only on the quotes selected from her book, I think the author’s views are off and could do more harm than good.
Can we please move off the long and sometimes repetitive posts about “fencing the table”!!! All good stuff BUT you are detracting from the much more important issue here regarding sexual abuse in the church and how it is/was being handled. I respect your opinions about communion but please this is not the blog to be discussing it.
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Because this can easily lead to a “thread hijacking” where we all go off on a longwinded theological tangent.
I saw similar “panel hijackings” during my many years in SF litfandom where a panel would veer off-topic and stay there. Author David Brin used to be famous for walking into a panel-in-progress and hijacking it.
Why is that a punishment? I’d have thought christians would want to sit out anyway (reducing sentimentality makes faith far simpler).
I am now in email discussion with Dale Rutiger about “fencing the table”.
It was not my intention to hijack the thread.
Stuart… thank you for telling your story… it’s horrific and an eye opener. The church is culpable. Please don’t stop working for the abused, and please don’t give up on yourself…God bless you
Catholic Gate-Crasher,
Beautiful…. I loved reading this so much
Dee. Thank you so much for posting this. I agree with others that this is one of the most important posts ever on Wartburg. Thank you Stuart for being willing to share your experience to help others. This story is pivotal to understand the issues that enable abuse in the church and community.
Because at the time Communion = Salvation.
Cutting them off from Communion meant taking away their Salvation.
Not killing their body with stake and faggots, but killing their soul in Eternal Hell by decree.