The Jellyfish galaxy-NASA
“You can never be too rich or too thin.”- Wallis Simpson
Update on my mother: She is being cared for in a hospice-like setting. It has been difficult for me as I watch her slowly deteriorate. At this point, she doesn’t recognize me. I spend time with her every day. My children and their spouses have been incredibly helpful and kind to their “Grammy.” I will write more about this in the future.
Editor’s note: I will refer to the founder as Gwen Shamblin until she divorced and remarried Joe Lara. Then, I shall attempt to remember to call her Gwen Lara. Most people know her as Gwen Shamblin due to her early days with Weigh Down Workshops.
Stephen and Kristy Hord: former members of Weigh Down/The Remnant
The Hords reached out to me at the beginning of my mother’s illness. They were incredibly patient with me until I had the time to speak to them in depth. They were previously married to other spouses when they came to Nashville in 2004, explicitly intending to join The Remnant.
Kristy
Kristy joined a Weigh Down group in California and lost weight. She found a connection with the people who followed the program and enjoyed listening to Shamblin’s Bible studies, which were incorporated into the program. More on that in the next post. She was married to an abusive husband. She followed Shamblin’s advice to lose weight and be submissive to be a”good wife.” They moved to Nashville and joined The Remnant. Her former husband’s sister was involved in leadership. She has three daughters who were also involved in the church. Her husband made her move away from the church for a short time, but they eventually came back. She followed him because she wanted to move in obedience to what he wanted, following the teachings of the church. Kristy divorced her husband in 2019. Shortly after that, she married Stephen.
Shamblin/Lara
Shamblin was opposed to all divorce. However, her husband rarely attended church, and she often spoke to those in the church about her difficult marriage. When she met Joe Lara, she changed her heart, divorced her husband of 40 years, and married Lara in 2018. At that time, she changed her “understanding” of the subject and allowed other church members to get a divorce. Lara, her husband, and some other higher-up church leaders were killed in a plane crash in 2021. Lara’s daughter, Elizabeth, is now the de facto head of the church even though she reportedly hasn’t attended more than a few times since her mother’s death.
Stephen
Stephen became involved in Weigh Down in Michigan. He then moved to Nashville to join The Remnant with his wife. They had children, and Stephen relied on help from the church to care for them due to his wife’s frequent absences due to some personal issues. She had also distanced herself from the church. He received permission to divorce her in 2019 and married Kristy shortly after that. Stephen began to deal with some concerns that he had about the church, particularly since the death of Lara. He began to see he had some significant problems with the church, and soon Kristy shared his unease,
Stephen and Kristy made a brave decision to leave the church. They knew family and friends would shun them.
In 2022, they decided to leave the church. Their families who attended The Remnant were firmly opposed to their exit. They notified the church by text of their decision.
Quick digression alert: The Hords were smart to alert the leaders of their intent to leave the church in writing instead of in person. In my posts on hard-core church discipline churches, I routinely advise that a decision to leave should be made in writing instead of a meeting. Those meetings are often manipulative, and the leadership is angry since they lose control of their underlings. End digression
The Hords explained that they would be considered dangerous to be around at this point of leaving. This was manifested by the loss of their friends and family. This shunning indicates the weakness of both the leaders and the members. They are insecure in their faith despite professing the opposite. Jesus is a counter-example of this. He routinely met with the outcasts as well as the snobby Pharisees. He did not need to shun anyone.
On Friday, I will discuss many beliefs in this group, illustrating my contention that their faith beliefs don’t have a leg to stand on when challenged. They do the only thing they know how to do: hide. They remind me of the shy little girl who hides behind her mother’s skirt when strangers appear.
Stephen and Kristy started a website called The Way Out to Freedom to help others find their freedom.
Not only did they find freedom from oppressive beliefs and cultlike behavior, but they also hoped to help others. Here is how they describe this on their excellent website.
Abuse or toxic behavior can show up in many ways and many places; cult-like churches, communities, relationships and workplaces. This is a safe place to sort through your own thoughts and questions.
A safe space to find resources, help, and support to empower you to move forward in health, healing and freedom
The following is from their About Us page. Notice how they empathize with others who struggle.
The Way Out to Freedom was born out of personal experiences of abuse and various traumas – a journey of discovery, recovery and healing through a spiritual awakening of a deep relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
This awakening spurred a deep desire to help others who are questioning their own experiences. in marriage, faith communities, and workplaces.
~~~
For many of us in our journey to find healing from emotional and spiritual abuse, we have discovered that there are far more cult-like, controlling and toxic churches than we would like to believe. Too often church members are shamed, silenced or afraid to ask questions. Because we know in doing so, there will be consequences, as we have experienced personally. It may seem like there are few people or places to talk openly about what seems to be so obvious, but few acknowledge.This is that safe haven, an open forum. No shaming, no fear mongering, no hate or slander. Just the word of God, facts, resources and most of all the love of Christ.
They are creating a dynamic, safe space for all those who have experienced trauma and abuse in their faith communities.
We are not here to lead you to any particular decision, opinion or action. This is simply as safe space to ask questions, dialogue and contemplate without judgment. Be comforted, heard and maybe gently challenged to go higher and further in your faith.
Look at the truths of God and contemplate what may be an unsafe church environment, community or relationship. Let’s learn together what God’s word says, find out what trusted resources and support groups are out there to help us make the best decisions moving forward for ourselves and our families. You are not alone. You are our neighbor, our friend and our family in Christ.
~~~~~~
In the parable about the Good Samaritan,
Jesus said, “Go and do likewise”. We are called to help those who are hurting, helpless, attacked and in need of loving support, care and kindness. Luke 10:30-37
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. Ps 82:3-4
This is how they describe themselves. Steve’s background is perfect for their ministry.
Stephen and Kristy Hord live in the Austin, TX area. Steve is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Mental Health Life Coach. Kristy is in the process of training and certification to become a Life Coach.
They even have a phone number at the top of their pages!
Finally:
On Friday, I intend to cover a variety of topics:
- What’s the deal about the weight as a measure of one’s commitment to God?
- The focus on weight demonstrates how Shamblin/Lara cooked the books with her well-defined sin of choice.
- Why does Lara’s unorthodox view of the Trinity lead one along the trail to Lara’s authority over everything?
- The Remnant was to be the only pure church. All other “Christian” churches are not really “Christian.”
- The Remnant mimics the Mormons in their view that the Bible has been wrongly interpreted. The Mormons have Joseph Smith’s writings, and The Remnant has Lara’s writings and videos.
- Lara believes Christians can be perfectly obedient in this life, but it involves “cooking the books.”
- Shamblin/Lara died in a plane crash. Did they ever determine which member was too fat or not perfectly obedient?
- Why is grace a dirty word?
- When something terrible happens, it means someone didn’t perfectly obey. Family units are quizzed to find out whose actions caused a miscarriage to happen. Who caused the plane crash?
- Is drinking to excess ignored when it happens during church services and festivals? They have fully stocked bars in the back of the church after services. Is drunkenness a lesser sin than being obese?
- How does the church define “being overweight?”
- Did Shamblin/Lara’s evolving hair and dress demonstrate her inner issues?
“Did Shamblin/Lara’s evolving hair and dress demonstrate her inner issues?”
Jan Crouch and Tammy Faye Baker had similar increasingly grotesque looks. Super odd to an observer. But don’t want to judge.
Not a behavioral scientist here, but there must be some factor here that the three women share.
Even Hollywood seems more self aware, and that’s saying a lot.
“They are creating a dynamic, safe space for all those who have experienced trauma and abuse in their faith communities.”
Thank you, Stephen and Kristy. God bless.
I spoke with the Hords about this, and they responded very interestingly. See my post on Friday. I love talking with folks who have been in the trenches. They have fantastic observations! I make no money on this site, but I love listening to folks as they process their experiences. The Hords are incredible folks.
Shamblin received her hair from Jan Crouch’s will.
Oops. I see Ava beat me to the punch on that. Please delete my comment.
Yes, they were all fans of Dolly Parton.
The hairdo is a sign that we do no obey God’s word in the small things. Peter told us not to make braids etc. Luther, wrote about the making marks on our body: why? GOd says so, we shall obey.One of a former pastor in a church, would go hopping with his daughter because his wife was too classic? He then had some problems in the church and had to leave. Not being a member I learned that he had been cruel to his dog, which died. Proverbs told us that the “tender mercies of the wicked are cruel. Prov. 12.10. Eyes opening. We need to obey in small things to be given greater.
By the way Ravi did not fooled me, and I dare to search J.N. Darby occult after many research. And I got a big respons.
As previously mentioned – I co-hosted the course at our church and did lose some weight. Soon after Gwen decided to establish her own church. While I had never been a great fan of the lady during the course, the fact that this women felt led to establish her own unique church – red lights flashing everywhere. I knew at that point she was not doing the will of God; in fact had decided to be her own god.
“What’s the deal about the weight as a measure of one’s commitment to God?”
I don’t know about Shamblin/Lara specifically, but thinness can be a proxy for so many things people prize-beauty, desirability, confidence, etc-that it’s no wonder it can easily become a measure of personal worth. Probably especially for women, but for men also. From there it’s not a long stretch to a prosperity gospel of weight.
Since we also culturally equate thinness with health and self-discipline, the pursuit of thinness can mask itself in virtue even when it is destroying people physically and psychologically. This happens even in secular spaces (I’m thinking of “wellness” influencers, etc). I shudder to think what happens when spiritual abuse enters the mix.
Anticipation. Looking forward.
I commend Stephen and Kristy for their brave actions. For making a safe place for those who have come from an unsafe place. This website is a wealth of information for not only people coming out of a spiritually abusive church but also helpful for all abusive situations. Unfortunately, much abuse is covert and many are so used to it, that it becomes their normal.
“The Remnant was to be the only pure church.”
Loud siren! Flashing red lights! Danger ahead!
“Why is grace a dirty word?”
Some religious groups greatly overwork the word “grace.” When the message is reduced to grace-this and grace-that, real Grace gets lost in the noise. Grace is not a dirty word, but “grace” can be. Some cults (e.g., New Calvinists) are famous for tossing grace around, without Jesus being in the mix.
Frances,
Stay posted for to an explanation on Friday of how the hair figured into her control of the folks. Fascinating
CMT,
Being thin was a 20th century value. Prior to that being overweight was a sign that you were wealthy enough to eat well. Until this story, I had never realized that thinness was a religious requirement. Another reason to be a happy atheist.
You’re Over-Spiritualizing.
It hikes that thinness up to COSMIC-level Importance, with the threat of GOD’s “disapproval” (Wrath) waiting in the wings.
To the point it becomes like “People’s Democratic” in the official name of a Third World country. Not just meaningless buzzwords, but “The more adjectives about Democracy in the name, the nastier the Dictatorship.” Two Plus Two Equals Five, Comrade.
Search for Gwen Shamblin Lara on YouTube and you will find PLENTY of information about her.
What’s really sad to me, is that so many people both in and out of faith based circles cannot find self-validation.
They’re always looking to others to provide role models and reasons to shore-up their own images. That’s how cult leaders establish and maintain control over otherwise rational and sane folks.
There isn’t a gall-dang thing wrong with believing in yourself and responsibly acting on that belief.
nmgirl,
“Being thin was a 20th century value. Prior to that being overweight was a sign that you were wealthy enough to eat well”
Yeah exactly. Then calories got cheap. So the status symbol became having the money for the “right” food, the latest diet, and the gym membership so you can stay skinnier than most people’s physiology would naturally want to be.
As for that being a religious requirement, I think the pursuit of “wellness” can become quasi-religious even for secular people. I would also run from any group that was directly connecting thinness with spiritual worth. No thank you!
It’s not, of course. You’ll find no Scripture to support the Shamblin-Lara church model.
I’ve only read this far in your post, Dee, and other’s might’ve already commented….
From the OP:
I’m so sorry, Dee….I can empathize with how you feel….I’ve watched other people go through what you’re going through….and it’s something my siblings and extended family are currently having to deal with.
I could never do what you are doing, Dee….I knew this years ago when I first encountered it with a friend of mine — I stood in the room with him and watched his grandmother wonder where he was, saying he (my friend), never came to visit her.
I don’t know or understand why I can’t visit someone who doesn’t recognize me….I just know I can’t. Very big sigh.
“It has been difficult for me as I watch her slowly deteriorate. At this point, she doesn’t recognize me. I spend time with her every day.”
Dee, I am so sorry this is happening. I went through this with my father – the pain and sorrow was indeed difficult. I am praying for you and your family.
That’s actually got a name:
ORTHOREXIA.
The name means “Orthodox Eating” or “Correct Eating”, but a better sense of the idea would be “Ideologically Correct Eating”.
Any belief system or goal can become a Religion in all but name.
Even to the point of Fundamentalism.
Thank you for letting us know about your mom….prayers for all.
Headless Unicorn Guy,
Maybe,I am not very good with words, but there are many red flags we look over and at times it helps me. Gladwell has a chapter on the impact of the first impression of a teacher by pupils and what it was one year later by other people. First impression is acurate. It is also culturel. Long time ago my father would tell us, a Brethren leader from Belgium (Gaudibert I think, but it is so old) went to the USA. Asked about the church he said: oh it is so sad, women wear so much make up that I cried and my tears dropped on my cigar and the ashes in my glass of beer! We had a good laugh, no make up was allowed in our open Brethren church and much more, but drinking and making wine
OK. Cigar not so
Frances,
It’s lovely to get insights from Belgium because part of my ancestry was from there and we lost touch before I was born due to deaths and other factors.
I think H.U.G was being ironic about people who say what he was saying, because “you’re over-spiritualising” is an accusation that YRRs and their lookalikes like to hurl at us when they are but we’re not.
“Family units are quizzed to find out whose actions caused a miscarriage to happen.” I don’t even know how to express how awful that is. A person is deeply hurting and we need a meeting to uncover a supposed sin?! Not just hugging the person and giving them time to grieve the loss of a baby?! And as for the hair, I can’t wait to read what Dee found out. I know with Jan Crouch’s I used to call it cotton candy because of the pink tint to it. I wonder if friends tried to tell them it didn’t look good, especially since they were on t.v., and they just knew better. They didn’t need to listen to nobody about anything.
That sounds like Pro-Lifers taken to its most Abortion-sniffing Extreme.
Or sin-sniffing for the Secret Sin that led to God’s Punishment.
They were The Anointed, God’s Special Pets.
researcher,
We all process this pain differently. Yesterday, I sat with her for 1 1/2 hours. She didn’t seem to know me and she didn’t speak. Death and dying can be ugly.
Dee–prayers for you and your mom. Tough days indeed!
People can’t look away from weird hair. It’s a trick: “Pay attention to meeeeee!”
The attention leads to fame, and to power and fortune. There’s no such thing as bad publicity.
At least, that’s what I think after a few decades of observing the Strange Hair of the Rich and Famous.
dee,
Prayers for you Dee. I remember when I sat with my parents when they were dying.
Off Topic:
I can’t remember where I got the following post….from Dee’s Twitter (I know, it’s supposed to be X 🙂 )? from another TWW comment?….whatever the case, thank you to whoever for providing the link to this excellent Snarky Faith post by Stuart Delony titled The Second Coming of Abusive Pastors: The Unholy Cycle of Cardboard-Thin Contrition.
https://web.archive.org/web/20230923124145/https://www.patheos.com/blogs/snarkyfaith/2023/09/the-second-coming-of-abusive-pastors-the-unholy-cycle-of-cardboard-thin-contrition/
Rather than copy-and-paste the entire post, I’ll only copy-and-paste the headings….
yesterday, I sat with her for 1 1/2 hours. She didn’t seem to know me and she didn’t speak.
dee,
But, I think she’ll know someday, and it still matters…… a lot.
I am so sorry for what you and your family members are going through, but I am so glad that you are all so close and that you can count on one another…… that your mom can count on you and her grandkids, even when she may not be aware of your presence.
I hope you find peace and comfort in knowing that you are able to be with your mom, and that your kids are also there.
Off Topic:
I recently emailed this to a dear friend of mine….
I’ve almost finished reading a short book of — what I find to be excellent — poetry by Megan Fox. She’s an abuse survivor….
There are a few illustrations in the book (by a different person) — and I’ve nothing against the illustrator — I just think the book would’ve been better without the illustrations. To me, the poems are like artwork on the page, a picture hanging in an art gallery, and the illustrations are completely unnecessary. But then, I’m not the “curator” of the book. 🙂
I suspect that for some people, the poems might be triggering….I don’t know….and yet the people that might trigger are often the same people who write this way to express their pain. And there’s some less-than-polite language, although it doesn’t bother or trigger me, and it suits the poems in which it’s used.
I DO know I’m REALLY enjoying the book of poetry! 🙂
One of my D’uh moments….I forget to include the name of the book….the book’s title is Pretty Boys Are Poisonous
“Family units are quizzed to find out whose actions caused a miscarriage to happen.”
JJallday,
Since the church sports a fully stocked bar, I can’t help to wonder what they would do if a member gave birth to a child with fetal alcohol syndrome.
I sincerely doubt that such a thing would even occur to them.
If they’re alkies (speculation on my part), the only thing they care about is when their next drink rolls around.
I know this because I’m a drunk with 27 years of sobriety.
Mary Poppins: “Piecrust promises. Quickly baked, easily broken.”
Truly Gospel light.
Ava Aaronson,
Oops … should be “Truly Gospel lite.”
Light vs lite. Completely different meaning.
“To an alky, the Constitutional Right to My Next Drink cannot be infringed in any way.”
— Steven King, recovering alcoholic (from autobiography in first half of On Writing)
And Christians like to strain the gnat of YOUR cussing while swallowing camel after camel after camel of THEIR own behavior. Virtue Signalling.
Because its from someone who’s BEEN there.
No pukey-saccharin sweet Christianese Happy Clappy Joy Joy.
As an Old School pencil/paper/funny dice gamer, I had the same reaction to Jolly Blackburn’s comic strip Knights of the Dinner Table:
“He knows… He KNOWS…”
“For such is the lure of the limelight, how sweetly
it takes hold of the mind of its host;
And that foolish Pony did nothing to stop
The destruction of one who had needed her most…”
— Ponyphonic, “Lullaby for a Princess” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i7PQ9IO-7fU
Never mind the Strange Hair of the Rich and Godly(TM).
Dee,
Thank you for taking the time to reply….and suggesting that what I might be processing is pain….
maybe my staying away from people who can’t remember other people is a way of coping with the pain….
I feel so sad when people are isolated, not visited by anyone, and they don’t have any cognitive issues, and happy when I know they’re being visited by someone friendly, even if the friendly person isn’t a relative or a companion….their visitor might be a schoolchild, a neighbour from down the hallway, a volunteer, etc. And I know I can’t do the visiting myself, because a combination of my being a high-functioning Asperger person with Complex PTSD means I’m not reliable in the sense of being able to make some kinds of commitments….I never know when I’m going to have a bad day. Making a commitment to someone who’s isolated and then not being able to keep the commitment would hurt both of us.
I feel so sad when people are isolated, not visited by anyone, and they DO have cognitive issues, and happy when I know they’re being visited by someone friendly, even if the friendly person isn’t a relative or a companion….their visitor might be a schoolchild, a neighbour from down the hallway, a volunteer, etc. And I know I can’t do this myself….maybe some of the pain is similar — there’d likely be days I couldn’t keep a commitment to visit. And some of the pain is because there are times when I can’t cope with not being remembered….I’ve spent so much of my life feeling invisible. Maybe there are other reasons as well? I don’t know….
Congratulations, Muff Potter, on 27 years of sobriety. 🙂 And thank you for taking the time to comment — there are so many people who REALLY don’t understand alcoholism and alcoholics….perhaps they’ll read your comment and think….and maybe learn.
Thank you, Headless Unicorn Guy….I listened to the song you linked to….it’s beautiful….and it leaves me speechless.
🙂
Ava Aaronson,
Yes, as the beliefs became more extreme the hair and makeup followed suit. Very interesting and ogg
researcher,
Bingo.
Not directly, no, but you’d be surprised what you (generic you) can make the Bible say in a round about way.
They (devout fundagelicals) do it all the time.
Yep, that’s why there is a smorgasbord of religious flavors in America … separated by what a man and here and there said the Bible said … with none of them having a corner on the truth.
Tens of thousands of religious flavors, at least.
But all of them KNOWING they are the ONLY Ones with the corner on the REAL Truth.
And after watching this 10,000+ Battle Royale you start to wonder if it’s all just BS.
An article in Christianity Today years ago estimated there to be 30,000 different Christian denominations and organizations worldwide … separated by a theological twist in religious flavor.
“It just keeps getting Weirder and Weirder.”
— Johnny Bravo (Baby!), Cartoon Network
Then you’d fit right in with the types I hang out with, in the fandoms I frequent.
Lots of that combination in the backstory of first-generation Fen (fanspeak plural of “fan”).
My writing partner (the burned-out country preacher) does online counseling, and told me once that every Furry fan he online-counseled was either low on the spectrum, showed signs of PTSD from a “Hellish” upbringing or school career, or both. (And being a preacher-man, he does not use the term “Hellish” lightly.) As he put it “Obsessing over imaginary upright talking animals is preferable to sucking a load out of your dad’s shotgun.”
In about eight hours, I’m going to be fielding my weekly two-hour lifeline phone call from my other writing partner (the self-educated son of a steelworker) whose headspace has a similar combination.
Headless Unicorn Guy,
Thank you for your reply. 🙂 And including a bit more of your story. 🙂
I didn’t encounter any of the games like Dungeons and Dragons until my first year of university (very early 1980s….I was in computer science with a math minor), and all the people who played were nearer their university graduation.
And later, when computers first hit the desktop, the only people I knew outside of my family that played computer games were into games like Doom. I only kinda-sorta played one game of Doom — it was too violent for me.
I’m so sorry…I’d planned a longer reply, but I’m exhausted….mostly I just wanted to say thank you for your reply. 🙂