Photo by Polina Sirotina
“I think to be in exile is a curse, and you need to turn it into a blessing. You’ve been thrown into exile to die, really, to silence you so that your voice cannot come home. And so my whole life has been dedicated to saying, ‘I will not be silenced.’ “ Ariel Dorfman
I was asked to post this letter to elders who have left Chapel Hill Bible Church. They resigned and said nothing to the church. It is alleged that there was an effort to ask the lead pastor, Jay Thomas, to leave. Sadly, there continues to be conflict and unresolved matters affecting the church membership. I was told that the vote to oust the lead pastor must consist of the agreement of 80% of the elders. The vote failed, but not by much, according to sources. Was the 80% rule initiated after Jay Thomas took over?
Although there has been a stated effort to reduce the size of the elder board due to the suggestion of Leighton Ford Ministries, it is thought by some that some elders left due to continued difficulties in running a once lovely, spiritually vibrant, and intellectually stimulating nondenominational church. It makes me sad to see that conflicts have not been resolved, and there appears to be an undercurrent of pain and sorrow.
These letter writers hope that the elders who left and stayed silent might reach out to others whom the church’s leadership has hurt and forgotten. If any former elder wishes to contact those who wrote this letter, please get in touch with me, Dee, at dee@thewartburgwatch.com. All such contact will be handled confidentially.
I did not write the following letter or change the wording except for some minor editing details. I left the church shortly after the current pastor’s arrival and his BFF’s arrival. I have since watched the predictable and hurtful changes in a church when a hardcore Calvinist takes over….. so much pain and hurt…for what?! (Dee is a bit out of sorts.) It was a great church that no longer exists except in the name and location. I pray this letter will be accepted in the spirit with which it was presented to me. I am grateful to have this blog to help people given the left boot of fellowship by their church.
To the silent former elders of the Chapel Hill Bible Church,
Some of you tried to protect the church. Thank you.
However, the congregation does not know why you are no longer listed as elders. Perhaps you were guided by the norms of “being a team player” in business, so you accepted defeat and moved on. Maybe you are tired and feel like you don’t have the bandwidth to deal with anything further. Or you think of your silence as being discrete. You may believe silence will “preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Some questions remain:
Has true unity of the Spirit and peace been preserved? Or only the appearance of unity and peace? (Jer. 6:1).
What about the account you must render as an elder before God? (Heb. 13:7)
Do you not still have a duty to those in the congregation who affirmed your calling as elder by their vote, who trust you, and who now draw misleading conclusions from your silence? They assume the reduction in elders is solely a result of the recommendations of Leighton Ford Ministries. Will they feel betrayed when they are impacted in the future and find out you didn’t warn them? (As you know, and they don’t, the problem remains.) (Acts 20: 28-30, Eph. 5:11, Prov. 24:11-1, 2 Tim. 4:14, etc.)
Have you considered the impact of your silent departure from the perspective of those who have sustained significant harm under CHBC leadership on your watch?
You’ve read the GRACE Executive Summary, and nearly all of you voted against releasing it. But even your own “summary of their summary” acknowledges that people experienced anxiety, depression, and PTSD as a consequence of actions by CHBC leadership. These are serious, life-altering harms, not merely people “who feel hurt,” as you’ve sometimes labeled them. Your summary said, “witnesses spoke of spiritual, mental, and physical impacts” and noted the consequences of the harm can last a long time and may even have “eternal consequences.” Children whose parents were harmed have been impacted. (Matt. 18:6). For many, the ability to engage fully in a local church body has been weakened because trust was so badly broken at CHBC. For some, their very faith has been shaken. For all these, the unity of the Spirit they once had with the community of believers at CHBC remains broken. Peace was shattered.
And still, “you have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost .” ( Ez. 34: 4) Why not dedicate the next season of your life to following that part of the calling you accepted as a shepherd and elder?
Jesus said that hired hands flee in the presence of a wolf because they don’t really care about the sheep, but the Good Shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. (John 10) Can you say that you have followed him in your role of caring for the sheep as a shepherd ?
Assuming that you are already praying persistently for the healing of those injured, here are some additional practical steps you might consider:
Self-reflection: “A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough.” (1 Cor 5:6). How were you affected by the leaven? How might you have deceived yourselves? (Jer 17:9, Is. 44:20, 1 Cor 3:18). You’ve been in a bubble for a long time, which makes it especially hard to sift how you contributed individually or corporately to the harm done. Why not reach out to those outside your bubble who saw some truths before you did and even told you and who are now gone? Are you willing to hear their perspective about your blind spots? If you would be open to this, you can email Dee, and she can give you the contact information for someone willing to be an intermediary.
GRACE recommended a service of lament. Other local churches would be willing to host such a service. Think of the freedom and healing that could come, both for you and those harmed, by your demonstration of the power of the Gospel through confession, repentance, and reconciliation!
You may hesitate, knowing that those who have spoken the truth in the past were slandered and cast out or wished away (and in response to the article in the Daily Tar Heel, you corporately recommended self-exile from CHBC.) If you now speak the truth, it’s bound to happen to you and your family — and you will suffer. No one wants to suffer, but some choose it. (1 Peter 3:14)
Yet “Jesus also suffered outside the gate in order to sanctify the people through his own blood. Therefore let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured.” (Heb. 13:12-13 )
To risk being outside the camp is to go where Jesus is and to participate in his work of healing.
As He said, “The truth will set you free. The word “you” is plural in Greek. “The truth will set all y’all free.”
Sincerely,
CHBC Exiles
Hahaha, first. Ever.
Dee, that opening quote was powerful.
“I think to be in exile is a curse, and you need to turn it into a blessing. You’ve been thrown into exile to die, really, to silence you so that your voice cannot come home. And so my whole life has been dedicated to saying, ‘I will not be silenced.’ “ Ariel Dorfman
I liked it so much that I purchased a Kindle version of his book, “Voices from the Other Side of Death.”
As for the Elders that silently left, I hope some have had enough time to ponder their decision and will get in touch with hurting people.
You may recall that Sovereign Grace Churches have had a lot of churches leave the “family of churches” and, afraid of what those pastors that left may say, have urged pastors to “leave well.” Translated to the vernacular, that means leave silently.
Church ruination doesn’t bring the sufferers together.
When one of my rows was at its height (in the secular press) there were 7 (seven) factions in my parish and several more beyond, none of which represented me.
One lunchtime I apparently got back to work pale looking from popping to the corner shop because my boss said next day that when she got home she saw what was in the [ title of local rag ] and knew why.
A good regional pastor had substandard jobsworths foisted on him to conduct an “enquiry” but he took the best decisions he could.
Later after a pretend partial reconciliation deliberately bodged by a mysterious faction I was spiritually detached (the only honest logical thing) but wasn’t acknowledged for it. After I cut group members off because they were badgering me about my reducing my attendance, I discovered very grave things remaining oustanding.
In three of my other parishes (of two denominations) I noticed wrongs and commented on them tactfully and helpfully, and was rejected or ignored.
i – I walked out 10 years before the vicar was suspended
ii – I walked out 6 months before the vicar was suspended (and a number of others were just as badly to blame as him but weren’t suspended)
In cases i and ii there were myriad shallow, excitable and hysterical affiliations and people that do things to you at the door. There was a regional pastor whom acted well (within the crazy constraints) there as well.
iii – I wasn’t told what the row was about because I wasn’t the type they wanted input from (there was a mysterious faction around here too). Six months later I was told (by their best lady preacher) “the nasty people have left” – that was when I left.
I write about these things sometimes, because that proves to me I’m objective and this was objective. In one case (ii) there may be channels to some of those involved (one of their officers has my flat keys but hasn’t asked me whether I still want him to have them).
Hadn’t heard of this writer, but looking at his book now, too.
I live in Chapel Hill. I started attending my first week of grad school 39 years ago. I met my soulmate there a few years later. CHBC was our church home for years.
We left about the time the church got too big and activities became far too demographically segmented.That was about the time CHBC moved to its current location. We visited CHBC a few times between 2014 and 2018, after the arrival of Jay Thomas. It felt very different, and frankly the pastor and the sermons gave us the creep. A far cry from Jim Abrahamson. Then last year the Daily Tar Heel article and later the Washington Post article were published.
Since then, I’ve followed CHBC Confidential on Twitter and Dee’s mentions of CHBC here, trying to make sense of what happened. I knew exactly who that elder was who so cluelessly told Dee to be less negative. I read the “summary” of the GRACE report and the letter from the 4 elders who left over a year ago. I was dumbfounded by the shenanigans over bylaws, standing and standby elders, abusive behavior, NDAs, and the response to the GRACE investigation. The breadth and depth of the abuse and the hurt emanating from CHBC is staggering.
Last week Dee noted in another post that driving out leaders and members is an MO to acquire nice church facilities. I immediately thought of CHBC. I drive by that huge facility with its huge parking lot several times a week. Regardless of the day or time, it’s empty. The ministries and programs have been replaced by the emphasis on the pastor and Sunday attendance. Hundreds of people/families have left. The Calvinistas will eventually have a nice, hardly-used building for themselves and their adherents, at no cost to them, but at great cost and pain to those who once called CHBC home.
The elders who have ghosted the congregation have much to answer for. Unlike the four elders who made their concerns public last year, those who have left recently read the entire GRACE report and did nothing. Maybe a few will read the letter Dee posted and reach out. We’ll see.
I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the elders who have left are dealing with their own trauma from CHBC.
However, I would hope that reaching out to other former members of the church would help provide healing to all parties involved. Sutton Turner, formerly of Mars Hill Church, could provide an example: https://suttonturner.com/f/rise-fall-of-mars-hill-podcast—my-participation
In business, it’s called a “hostile takeover”. Everyone understands the kind of person who does it.
Is it a stretch to see the influence of 9Marx and the other CHBC on these silent ex elders? This CHBC is listed on the 9Marx map, though I see no covenant or 9Marx resources in a quick scan of their website. But consider this article it took me just a second to find. (I’m sure there are many more in a similar vein) https://www.9marks.org/answer/what-should-i-do-if-i-disagree-something-my-pastor-said/
1 You’re probably prideful or don’t understand
2 Adjust your thinking
3 Talk to a friend of the pastor, not to someone who delights in disunity
4 If you absolutely must, gently humbly ask Pastor to explain
5 Keep your disagreement to yourself and submit, already
6 In rare cases, just go away real quiet-like
Oops almost forgot – get Pastor’s permission before going away real quiet-like. Otherwise he’ll have to excommunicate you so he doesn’t have to give account.
Written by Jay Thomas for TGC in 2011, just after he moved to Chapel Hill – “Transitions are gospel opportunities. They are opportunities for a preacher of the Word who treasures the gospel, who wants to make Jesus’ name great, to either lead a church away from drift, sometimes replant a church who has almost closed, lead a church toward continued gospel strength, and to generally stake a stronger flag in the ground for God’s glory. Satan does not like this. His dominion is threatened. He will attack. I have had some interesting moments, some of which defy reasonable explanation. Expect greater inward temptation: sexual sin, pride, despair, self-identity issues, how you use your new authority, and other places of temptation.”
Is this an admission of weakness or something to hide?
(His M Div took all of 90hrs to complete)
Lowlandseer,
And he is clearly a man who thinks himself special
-“ The Bride of Christ: Part 2
Here are some oft used questions or objections to a local church centric Christian life:
1) I’m part of the church, the invisible universal church. Why is it so important to be a part of the visible, local church?
A: Definition: the invisible church is the eternal church from God’s perspective, the elect. The visible church is the present day church from our perspective, those professing faith in covenant community. The invisible, universal church is important to think about, but is a totally abstract concept without any relevance apart from where it is made concrete, manifested, expressed; namely, the local church. In fact,the Bible almost always speaks of specific, organized groups of Christians gathered together as the church in the NT.
2) Why do I need to commit to one church in particular? As long as a church is within certain parameters, why can’t I go to several to get fresh experiences, to take advantage of differing strengths and opportunities, or to be a part of friendships I have that are at different churches?
A: The church is the New Covenant fulfillment of Israel, and thus works on the principle of the covenant: which is a love based and promise based relationship between man and God that is spiritually, physically, socially, and legally exclusive. This logic also defines our human relationships: marriage and church (both of which are illustrations of each other in the Bible). To church hop is analogous to polygamy or even infidelity or non-committal recreational dating.
3) So, what makes a genuine local church?
A: Calvin and the 6 Johns (Knox, Willock, Winram, Spottiswoods, Douglas, Row) 1560: where there is the preaching of the word, the administration of the sacraments, and church discipline that is actually, rightly, and consistently administered. These three things will protect, affirm, and proclaim the true gospel in a voluntary community of professing Christians who meet together regularly.
4) What is not the church?
A: A building, a systematic confession only, schools, missions agencies, denominations, para-church agencies, etc.
5) So, what are the above?
A: The kingdom — a more broad term that represents the places God’s rule comes to bear upon the world in concrete expression. The church is a subset of the kingdom and the pivot point of the kingdom, but not to be interchangeable with the kingdom (Contra Scot McKnight, thank you very little).
6) But, I thought it’s about a personal relationship with Jesus that’s most important?
A: Personal but not private; individual but also corporate; unmediated but also shared; your confession amidst the univocal chorus of those around you and those throughout history; the priesthood of every believer under the authority of shepherds uniquely chosen to guide you.”
(From his blog: 26th February 2009, where you will also find his views on Baptists, TGC and women)
Good catch. “Uniquely chosen.”
In case there was any doubt, Jay Thomas is a 9Marxer!
So You Want to Be a Senior Pastor
AUGUST 25, 2011 | JAY THOMAS
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/so-you-want-to-be-a-senior-pastor/
“Looking back on seminary I often wonder why I was not better prepared for certain experiences that have been pivotal in pastoral ministry. There was never a class on how to deal with ministry jealousy. No one ever warned me that it would be tempting to wish I had another man’s gifts, ministry opportunities, and recognition. Furthermore, there were no classes on spiritual warfare. In fact, I don’t remember anyone telling me to expect spiritual warfare. There were no lectures that addressed the fact that as I grew clearer about the gospel, I would become a bigger target for the evil one. And there were no syllabi regarding what it would mean for an associate pastor to transition into ministry as a senior pastor.
A recent edition of the 9Marks e-journal focused on the life and perspectives of a senior pastor versus an associate pastor. The articles were very helpful, but one set of questions were not addressed: What should you expect of the transition from associate pastor to senior or lead pastor? How are the roles different? How can associate pastors prepare as they think and pray about being a senior pastor one day?”
9Marks Church Search:
1 churches
found
Chapel Hill Bible Church
260 Erwin Road, Chapel Hill North Carolina, United States 27514,
919.408.0310 • Email • Website • Directions • Edit
“…the Silent Former Elders…”
+++++++++++++++++++++
I marvel at so many things about my religion.
Well, first is how unethical it is. The irony is staggering.
Another thing is how much self-interest comes into play in the practice of it.
This penchant for silence and not rocking the boat is in some measure about earning Godpoints. Or losing as few God points as possible.
It’s much more important to follow Rule 329 b Subpoint ii and not be divisive,
and to check Box 14 from Section D, List 1 agreeing that you’ll do nothing that could possibly be construed as engaging in gossip.
That people are harmed by one’s silence? ‘Not my never mind.’
That wrongdoing and what has destructive consequences is allowed to proliferate? ‘Not my never mind.’
This call for the silent to speak is remarkably gracious. If ears are open, it should be compelling. I hope it succeeds. I know firsthand that wolf bites heal faster when a shepherd who failed to stop the wolf confesses and repents of that failure, and then seeks forgiveness from and reconciliation with the bitten. May it be so.
Hard-core neo-Calvinism seems so devoted to a ‘god of wrath’ that it cannot possibly believe in Jesus Christ Son Savior, the Giver of Life, the Kyrios
HOW is it that a group of hard-core worshippers of a ‘god of wrath’ can ‘takeover’ a Church that was Christo-centric?????
I know it happens. I know there is a ‘process’ and it is under-handed and mean-spirited and is all about ‘power and control’;
but STILL . . .
and the people who were faithful, and their children, and the old people ?????
I can’t imagine the pain and the harm done to them.
There will come an accounting. There will be a day to come when the Light returns, even if it takes a millenium . . . or two . . .
‘. . . for Thou art the God of my fathers,
on Thee do I wait on the Day.’
To be fair, 90 hours is about the average for an MDiv. That’s more hours than a MA/Ph.D. combination.
Cassie in Chapel Hill,
” I read the “summary” of the GRACE report and the letter from the 4 elders who left over a year ago. I was dumbfounded by the shenanigans over bylaws, standing and standby elders, abusive behavior, NDAs, and the response to the GRACE investigation. The breadth and depth of the abuse and the hurt emanating from CHBC is staggering.
I drive by that huge facility with its huge parking lot several times a week. Regardless of the day or time, it’s empty. The ministries and programs have been replaced by the emphasis on the pastor and Sunday attendance. Hundreds of people/families have left.”
Former member here who observed all this from within as it was happening. I am still profoundly saddened. CHBC was our spiritual home where we grew in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior and where we learned to love others including our community. We observed the church becoming more ethnically more homogenous as non-white members were leaving in droves and was told this was the COST of the gospel centric direction the church was taking. REALLY??? Sadly, this is Jay Thomas’ legacy as the first biracial pastor of CHBC. Another really sad part that has not been addressed. All the non-white young adults/teens who no longer attend church after seeing racism/ sexism play out in the church they grew up in. What a legacy for Thomas. We had so much hope when he came to Chapel Hill. Praying for redemption and renewal.
And put out a contract on you with every Pastor of every Affiliated church in their not-a-denomination of independent fellowships.
Just like a Scinetology SP Decree LRH.
From before the foundation of the world.
TOUCH NOT MINE ANOINTED!
(40 years scarfing Satanic Death Cookies in Romish Popery, and I have NEVER run across a priest with that kind of attitude.)
Dee–if you can add this to my comment to Cassie’s post–
I may not have a theology degree but Jesus that I read about in the Bible sought out the marginalized, the poor, the widow, the stranger, the prisoner, orphans, etc. The elitism and the country club mentality is what Jesus came to condemn.
Wow. That’s saying something. I wonder if part of it is because a Catholic service is centered on the Eucharist and Neo=Calvinist services on the sermon, and therefore on the sermon-giver.
By the way, many years ago you really helped me what was going on with a narcissist in my life when you shared your experience of a family member who would always give himself “plausible deniability.” That phrase was so helpful to me in cutting through the fog and realizing what was happening and contributed to healing. I appreciate your insights.
Yes it is Elastigirl.
It’s bad enough for any organization to operate without ethics.
Why try and give it a coat of god-paint too?
I have more respect for the dancers in a strip-club.
Muff Potter,
really, the practical theology of christianity / christian culture (are they not one in the same?) is thou shalt be a gospel-accessory to crimes.
[for example, apparently in California you can be considered an accessory if you simply knew about the crime but did not alert authorities.]
why pat yourself on the back for keeping silent when you are privy to crimes against what is moral, ethical, fair, honest (if not the laws of the land)?
why feel good & upright about being faithful to an interpretation of ‘biblical’ that requires you to be silent when you know the who and what is inflicting cruelty & destruction of lives by degrees?
Maybe they’re not talking because they signed NDAs…?
concerned congregant,
Quite possibly. Good comment.
concerned congregant,
What compelled them to sign any NDA? Was there money attached?