Chapel Hill Bible Church: NDAs Are Not Gospel Documents and It’s Time to Pray for Those Who Speak Gospel Truth

Jupiter’s Magnificent Swirling Clouds-NASA

(I can’t stop staring at these clouds.)

“Non-disclosure agreements continue the same power dynamic that permitted sexual abuse to occur in the first place. NDAs are meant to conceal abuse in the darkness, we the people of light, should have no part in them.”-Lori Anne Thompson


NDAs and the Church: Are we ignoring the gospel?

Let’s assume Paul was writing on how to care for the members or employees (they are often the same) when they are asked to leave their employed position. (All indented items from the CHBC NDA posted here.)

Employee agrees to completely and irrevocably waive, discharge and release the Church (along with any related parties, whether directly or indirectly, including, but not limited to, elders, officers, deacons, staff, employees, pastors, advisors, representatives, any related committees and members thereof, etc.) (the “Related Parties“) from any and all claims, charges, demands, suits, complaints, grievances, causes of action and/or liability whatsoever (the “Claims”), involving any matter arising out of or in any way related, directly or indirectly, to her employment with the Church,

Now let’s suppose the formerly employed individual has been subjected to difficult circumstances during the period she was employed at the church. Maybe she noticed some concerning behavior on the part of some pastors or elders. Maybe she found it difficult to express her concerns to her direct supervisors. Abuse is hard to speak about and takes time to process. For some, it takes 45 years.

The church, according to this document, claims it no longer wants to hear about any claim of intentional infliction of emotional distress. Would Paul write the following? Is it the gospel? Remember, this is what CHBC is handing out to its low-level employees.

not limited to, any claim of breach of contract, wrongful discharge, intentional infliction of emotional distress, retaliation and/or employment harassment or discrimination, whether in tort or in contract,

Imagine Paul continuing his “Letter to the Bible Church: On instructions for godly management.” Would he write something like “If you will agree to never, ever mention what happened when you worked at the CHBC, we will pay you some money? You get the money and payment to health insurance if you promise to never discuss some problematic areas of your employment.”

Provided Employee signs this Agreement and does not revoke it, the Church agrees to pay Employee severance benefits as follows: (i) Payment equivalent to Fifteen (15) weeksregular wages amounting to Eleven Thousand Eight Hundred Eighty and 0/100 Dollars ($11,880.00 USD) less any applicable federal, social security, state and local tax withholdings and other lawful deductions. In addition, the Church agrees to (ii) continue to pay $345.41 per month toward Employees health insurance premium costs up to and including November 17, 2021; and (iii) directly pay a qualified company of Employees choosing up to $1,500.00 for employment outplacement services

Besides my nursing degree, I hold an MBA. I suspect that the elders who hired some lawyer(s) to write this questionable document might claim “But we are allowed to do this according to US business law.” Here is where it gets sticky to use that excuse. Many things are legal but not useful according to Scripture. I will point out one but I know you can list hundreds more.

It is legal to watch adult porn in the creepy establishments you see dotted about the landscape.

Are those NDA’s reflective of Biblical practices? Do they resemble the gospel?

I have a hard time imagining Paul telling a church to prevent a former employee from bringing forth, in the aftermath of safety,

any claim of breach of contract, wrongful discharge, intentional infliction of emotional distress, retaliation and/or employment harassment or discrimination,

Of course, it doesn’t resemble the gospel in the least. But church leaders, especially the authoritarian type, are quick to adopt standard, secular, business practices to protect themselves from embarrassing disclosures by former employees.

This seems strange to me. We following the One who said he is “The Truth.”  Yet some would want to conceal “the truth” in church contracts.

The letter to the church leaders by CHBC members skillfully pointed this out.

Some of us have reached out to our connections at other

like-minded area churches and have been told unanimously and unequivocally by leaders at

those churches that NDAs have no place in the Church and should be considered a serious red

flag. All eight articles on the first page of a Google search for “Church NDA” yield the same

sentiment: Christianity Today, The Gospel Coalition, The Roys Report, Ministry Watch,

#NDAfree, Church Times, Geoff Robson, and Diane Langberg.

Let’s take a look at one, #NDAfree

This organization was started by a British sex abuse survivor who called me when he started this group, knowing that I would support his cause. He is becoming quite well known in the UK due to his abuse and abuser but that is a story for another day. I highly recommend going to the FAQ section which answers many questions.

Do NDAs have a legitimate purpose?

 Yes. Their original purpose was the protection of intellectual property and we believe this is the proper use for NDAs. Another legitimate purpose is the protection of personal data in scenarios not covered by data protection regulation. For example, a confidentiality agreement may be appropriate when hiring an external contractor such as an independent bookkeeper or IT support who might have access to confidential data.

Should an NDA be used to prevent an employee/ex-employee from disclosing confidential information obtained because of their job?

Certain professional staff are bound by principles of confidentiality (lawyers, doctors, ordained people, counsellors), for which they can be subject to formal complaints if they break confidentiality. NDAs should not be required in these cases. Whilst NDAs may offer a tempting solution to bind employees/ex-employees, the church/organization should ask themselves what is the role of values, trust and relationships and how are these impacted by relying on legal instruments (which in practice may not be enforceable).

What’s wrong with a non-disparagement clause – we shouldn’t speak negatively about each other anyway?

Whilst we shouldn’t ‘bad-mouth’ people, however truthful those comments may be, a non-disparagement clause goes far beyond a legal restriction on gossip. It prevents you saying anything negative at all. So if you talk about a harmful company product or an abusive Executive with the aim of protecting other people, you can still be accused of disparagement.

“NDAs discriminate against the powerless and in favor of the powerful. They block truth-telling, silence the wounded, require complicity from others in power, and, upon exposure, accuse churches and leaders of manipulation and deception. The gospel counters NDAs.” Laura Barringer and Scot McKnight

Here are two important points why NDAs should not be used by the church to coerce an employee to keep silent.

  1. Non-disparagement clauses go far beyond restricting gossip. It restricts truthful speech. Why in the world would CHBC want to restrict *truthful* speech.

2. It is not found in the gospel about which your current pastor is obsessed.

Why have a “Pray for Pastors* even when 78 people in your church have presented the church with a petition claiming abuse of power? Is this the gospel?

Frankly, I was startled that the church leaders would present such an event at this time. The church leaders have been informed that many in the church have a concern about the power differential being used against those who have little or no power. I still remember Eric holding up his hands, showing that the congregants are under the leaders while claiming they are the same. No. At CHBC, many in the congregation are concerned that they matter little to the local power brokers.

This was not the time to hold such an event. It sends a clear message. The pastors are far more important than those who have presented a petition otherwise.

For those who don’t know CHBC: I have been told that it has a voting membership of around 500-600. This is not a megachurch. There are local college students who are present during the school year which makes it look crowded.

Frankly, this is response says what it needs to say. The pastors are the ones who need corporate prayer. The pain of the congregants which have been presented to them in the petition takes a back seat. This is worrisome to me. I think a statement is being made.

I have heard that the church leaders do not believe that all 78 signatories care about the petition. That is a mistake that will come back to bite them in the nose. Those who signed are now invested in watching the process more closely. Each of the signatories needs to be heard. Oh, yeah! It sure would be nice to have an evening for prayer for those who are concerned about the church and cared enough to present a petition. (Remember when Martin Luther did that? He was only one person and look what happened.)

At this point, I would have to say what I said before. The old CHBC has morphed into the new CHBC which cares far more about the authority invested in the pastors and elders than in the congregants.

Why there is hope

I know a great deal about GRACE. The organization understands the power dynamics in churches. They truly treat church members as equals to the church leaders. They have intervened in many churches that did not understand how the gospel is applied in the day-to-day running of the church. For example, I believe that they would have pointed out the terrible optics of church leadership planning a * Night of Prayer for Pastors* on the heels of being presented a petition outlining the concerns of church members. Maybe the leaders could quickly add a Night of Prayer for Lowly Church Members” if they get a chance?…

When to leave a church.

The gospel may lead you to leave a beloved church. I discussed how I left CHBC in my first post. I saw what was coming when my church hired two men from the New Calvinist movement which is highly authoritarian in nature.

Let me tell you when I decided to leave the church which caused me to launch this blog. Many young teen boys were molested by a SEBTS student (Doug Goodrich) who volunteered at the church. However, we heard from one who had mentioned a problem with Doug the year previously. He and his family went to the church. Their concerns were overlooked which meant that more students would continue to be molested.

A group of us went to the church. They did an internal investigation which exonerated all of the pastors as most internal investigations do. The pastors began to discuss legal issues surrounding our quest for truth. I contacted a famous attorney (Jeff Anderson) who offered his help. This caused everyone to back off. However, a rumor was started that my marriage was in trouble. Thankfully, a couple of years later, the head elder who started that rumor came to my husband and apologized.

Where did this leave us?  No matter how hard we tried, nothing happened. Before the release of the exoneration report by the internal investigators, my husband and I could not tolerate it any longer. They would deny the truth, even when presented with a recording of one pastor admitting the truth.

There was no GRACE to help us at that time. if it were today, I would stay until GRACE finished their report.

Leaving the church was hard. We went on a long journey, stopping at and leaving churches, including CHBC. It was a frustrating number of years. However, God was faithful. After we saw what He wanted us to see, He pointed out a conservative Lutheran church near our home. This was quite a change from nondenominational and Baptist churches. But, it was just what we needed. My husband claims he wants to be buried there!

Leaving is hard but it is my opinion that you will know when you can’t do anything more. You will say “I have got to get out of here.” Your pastors and some elders are authoritarian so expect their current behavior. Your *senior* pastor needs 30 hours to prepare a sermon so it is clear he does not have much margin for your concerns. He will likely blow you off since dealing with you would mean he would have to spend time with you. He only has so many hours, after all, and he’s shy…

I think there is hope in having GRACE come. They get abuse and they understand the gospel better than some pastors I have known. May the truth be forthcoming. If I can ever be of help, my contact info is on my blog.


“Institutions are made in the image of God. As images, they are made to point to God and HIS redemptive work. When they point to themselves and engage in self-preservation, they become idols, not images. The NDA is the hammer the idol maker wields.” Curtis Chang

 

Comments

Chapel Hill Bible Church: NDAs Are Not Gospel Documents and It’s Time to Pray for Those Who Speak Gospel Truth — 65 Comments


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    I am a pastor and for the life of me I do not understand NDAs in churches. Yes I have been told information in private that I will not share (counseling situations). Other than that, what do we have to hide. We sing Amazing Grace, we hold VBS, we don’t do anything all other churches are doing. If our discipleship class is producing such growth I’m more than happy to share our secrets with the rest of the Church. Don’t we want people in the Kingdom or is it about our church?


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    Matt,

    Thank you for speaking the truth when it comes to NDAs. I am so garteful that I have the one from CHBC since I bet it’s boiler plate.

    I bet you are a pastor who is well loved.


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    The “tone deafness ” of churches that use NDA’s is just incredible to me….
    Do they really realize how bad they look???


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    Matt,

    Makes sense from this pew. Refreshing. Hope. Thank God and God bless you all.

    Would you be willing to share your church?


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    Matt: Don’t we want people in the Kingdom or is it about our church?

    Depending on how a pastor and his congregation answers that question determines whether or not they are engaged in the Great Commission, IMO.


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    Bottom-line for me as I think about church NDAs: they silence the abused, while protecting the abuser. This includes spiritual abuse. NDAs suppress truth in an institution which is supposed to be built on Truth. They fail to protect victims. They have no place in the Body of Christ, which is supposed to spread good news not conceal bad news.


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    After an employee moves on to another church, the NDA will prevent them from saying anything negative about job applicants from the previous place.

    This might be an obvious point, but it goes beyond warning a church not to hire someone who commits crimes. The new employee can’t even say someone from the previous church was perpetually tardy, or often forgot to lock the building at night.

    It’s an abandonment of common sense.


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    Jeffrey Chalmers: The “tone deafness ” of churches that use NDA’s is just incredible to me….
    Do they really realize how bad they look???

    For NDA churches, image is everything, so by any means necessary, they create & protect their image.

    Opposite of following Jesus: “By this all will know you are following me,” Jesus said, “that you love another.”

    An NDA with all its covered up dirt is not love.


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    “If you will agree to never, ever mention what happened when you worked at the CHBC, we will pay you some money?”
    +++++++++++++

    BOY, that sure sounds like Jesus!

    😐


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    “I suspect that the elders who hired some lawyer(s) to write this questionable document might claim “But we are allowed to do this according to US business law.””
    ++++++++++

    I’ve heard that one before from a pastor. spoken with head held high and a noble air. (he was clearly schooled previously on this)

    as if ‘legal’ is all that matters.

    as if God says, “well done, good and faithful servant” as long as whatever we do and say is allowed according to US business law.

    gimme a break


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    re: the concluding quote, I would suggest that institutions are founded and managed by image-bearers who are innately worshippers, whether of God or of other things. The character of the institution reveals something about what the founders and managers value.

    re: the tone-deafness of the “pray for pastors” night, I think one can welcome this as a glimpse into the structure of the motivations of the elders.


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    Friend: After an employee moves on to another church, the NDA will prevent them from saying anything negative about job applicants from the previous place.

    Perhaps they could say something like “Yes, I can confirm he was on staff at my previous church. I signed an NDA there preventing me from saying anything negative about him. You know what I mean …”


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    Friend: the NDA will prevent them from saying anything negative about job applicants

    While Paul warned the church “Beware of Alexander the coppersmith, he has done us much harm!”

    I suspect if Paul had to comment on NDAs in church, he would respond with “Whaaaaaaaaaat?!”


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    Jeffrey Chalmers,

    They truly don’t care. They are “gospel obssessed” (the name of Jay’s blog) and they know they are in the right.


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    Max: Bottom-line for me as I think about church NDAs: they silence the abused, while protecting the abuser.

    It appears your problem is you are not submissive enough. Today’s TGC post was obviously written for you:
    https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/men-are-you-submissive/
    What don’t you understand about “shut up and color!”? We are not supposed to question our all-wise leaders.

    On a completely unrelated topic, when will someone invent a sarcasm HTML tag?


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    Given my choices in some of the churches that I joined along the way in NC, my writing should be suspect!


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    elastigirl: “If you will agree to never, ever mention what happened when you worked at the CHBC, we will pay you some money?”

    Godly Hush Money.


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    dee:
    Jeffrey Chalmers,

    They truly don’t care. They are “gospel obssessed” (the name of Jay’s blog) and they know they are in the right.

    And in a generation or two, Gospel(TM) will acquire the same baggage as Mein Kampf.

    At the very least, will become just another meaningless propaganda buzzword.


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    elastigirl: “I suspect that the elders who hired some lawyer(s) to write this questionable document might claim “But we are allowed to do this according to US business law.””

    “BUT EVERYTHING WE DID WAS LEGAL!!!!!”
    — local law firm who got disbarred (all of them) for OSHA enforcement extortion some years ago

    I’m not even going to mention how the Holocaust was all done according to the Nuremberg Laws…


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    Jeffrey Chalmers:
    The “tone deafness ”of churches that use NDA’s is just incredible to me….
    Do they really realize how bad they look???

    No.
    God’s Speshul Pets always have long prayers and SCRIPTURE quotes for justification.
    They hold the whip by Divine Right.


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    Oh man, we need some serious clarity in the church. And some heads screwed on straight in the pews.

    I warn you: I am old. So yeah, I am about to spout some “we used to” at you. Please just consider that the newest in thing :).

    Definitions and functions: Christian means a person with a personal one on one relationship to Christ. Yep, yessirree bob, that means a lone ranger Christian who DOES discipline his or herself to have that quiet time of Bible reading and studying, and prayer.

    Church: a voluntary association for the propagation of the gospel. Not the trademarked gospel, but the “You have to repent, confess TO GOD, ask for forgiveness and salvation, and tarry until it is granted. This may take God some time, so do NOT profess what you do not possess. Be patient. He will get you there” gospel. Church is NOT where you receive Christ mediated to you through a person. It is NOT where you go to worship. It is NOT there to kiss all your boo boos or be your psychological counsellor. It is a place for the LOST, not the Christian. It is place where THEY can hear the gospel. It is NOT a business, should do no buying or selling on the property. It is not there to raise your kids in the faith–that is your job.

    Back then schools existed to AID parents in educating (not raising) their kids. And in the same way Sunday Schools existed to AID parents in teaching their kids the gospel.

    I know in today’s codependent world that will sound so sooo strange. And yes, there were bad families and bad preachers. But when each adult was expected to function as a free standing adult, and families they formed were expected to do the family’s job, and churches were expected to focus on seeing the lost saved rather than being an entertainment and ego stroking place that turns a dandy profit, things worked in a much healthier way.

    If you have covid, why put me on a ventilator? If I catch strep, why put you on an antibiotic? If Aunt Sue gets cancer, why put all of us on chemo? That all sounds so silly I know, but that is how we are trying to run the churches and expecting to turn a profit doing so. Have you ever heard someone make fun of lone ranger Christians? THAT IS BECAUSE THE LONE RANGERS ARE LESS GULLIBLE. Ever heard the old fashioned quiet time ridiculed? THAT IS BECAUSE IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE AND ARE CLOSE TO CHRIST THEY CANNOT PART A FOOL AND HIS OR HER MONEY AS EASILY. Ever heard evangelism presented as “Find a need meet a need?” That is because SATAN WILL HAVE YOU MEET NEEDS ENDLESSLY RATHER THAN SPEAK THE TRUTH OF SALVATION.

    The problem is not in the pulpit (bad as that is!) but IN THE PEW. The only cure for all this abuse, this shyster behavior, these NDA’s, etc, is for folks to know who they are IN CHRIST and refuse to attend, pay for, or in any way support any church that is not single minded in its focus on seeing the lost saved.

    And just a final tidbit: in the 1950’s there were many diseases circulating that we have vaccines for today. That includes polio. When one of those diseases hit a town schools and yes CHURCHES closed the doors until the epidemic TRULY passed. Not being a business there was no worry of lost revenue. If you were using supply preachers, no need to pay them when they did not supply. If you had a full time preacher, the church folks WOULD us the old snail mail and see to it the preacher did not go unpaid and that any bills on the little building and parsonage were paid.

    I would urge you to consider carefully: if you happen to live in an area the cdc says is still high transmission rate and yet your church is holding indoor services without masks or requiring at least proof of vaccination, you are not in a church but a business. You see, the gospel is not hindered if given outdoors, by zoom, online, on the radio or tv, or whatever. I cannot “love my neighbor as myself” and encourage or invite that neighbor to a setting where there is a strong chance my neighbor will likely be exposed to a very dangerous virus. If you live where transmission is low according to the cdc, not your pastor, that is a different story. But just remember: church is NOT where you go to access Jesus. Church exists to win the lost to Christ. Dead people cannot be evangelized.

    Peace!


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    I gotcher’ NDA right here…
    — Joe Pesci —


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    Headless Unicorn Guy: God’s Speshul Pets always have long prayers and SCRIPTURE quotes for justification.
    They hold the whip by Divine Right.

    And Man-O-Manischewitz them guys can pray.
    I once heard a Calvary Chapel big whig drone on for almost 5 minutes.

    “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter any thing before God: for God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few.”
    — Ecclesiastes 5:2 —


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    Ken F (aka Tweed): https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/men-are-you-submissive/
    What don’t you understand about “shut up and color!”? We are not supposed to question our all-wise leaders.

    “Men, do you submit to your church leaders? Or are you a member who regularly kicks against accountability and oversight?”

    Oh brother! Talking about a message to the church tailored by and for New Calvinists!

    Question church authority, Christian? Well, you better when it just doesn’t look and feel right. Just read about all those on TWW who didn’t and ended up in a spiritual mess.

    I just kick what needs to be kicked!


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    Max: Oh brother! Talking about a message to the church tailored by and for New Calvinists!

    Earlier this week they posted this:
    https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/trevin-wax/rise-fall-mars-hill/
    The basic message is don’t look into dirt like this. Perhaps Mars Hill had too many submissive men rather than too few.


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    Ken F (aka Tweed): On a completely unrelated topic, when will someone invent a sarcasm HTML tag?

    Eye roll works!


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    Bridget: Save this site.

    Nice.


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    dee: “gospel obssessed” (the name of Jay’s blog) and they know they are in the right.

    Power obsessed and might is right.


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    “Institutions are made in the image of God.” What comes to mind is the exact opposite of this. The Bible does not say this. It says people are made in God’s image, not the institutions they create. Those are made in the image of man, or 666. The scriptures have a whole lot negative to say about things made in Man’s image. To me to suggests that man’s institutions are made in the image of God is just something bordering on blasphemous. This stuck out to me like a sore thumb.


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    Ken F (aka Tweed): The basic message is don’t look into dirt like this.

    In “Cultish,” by Amanda Montell, which I’m pretty sure was discussed by a commenter on this site, there are quotes from psychologists discussion our interest in cults as a self-protective instinct. We want to understand how and why cults are successful because we hope to protect ourselves from being pulled in.

    The author, I think, would be entirely comfortable with applying the term “cultish” to Mars Hill and other congregations that made the news. Special use of language, inside/outside polarization, increasing coercive control, catastrophization … all of these are “cultish” features.

    It’s likely there are some people with gloating, prurient interest in programs like the Mars Hill podcasts. There are probably some people from outside the conservative Christian subculture who are simply curious. “Like, what WAS that?” However, the main target audience is mostly likely people who feel a need to protect themselves from a figure like Mark Driscoll or James MacDonald.


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    Cynthia W.: However, the main target audience is mostly likely people who feel a need to protect themselves from a figure like Mark Driscoll or James MacDonald.

    They always seem to be solving the wrong problem.


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    Ken F (aka Tweed),

    I liked this quote from the article: “…how encouraging it is for women to see that they are being asked to do something which their leaders willingly and cheerfully do first.”

    Where is his evidence for this? When I saw my husband submitting to church leadership that I thought were saying bonkers stuff from the pulpit, it drove me bonkers.

    When I saw him stand up to that leadership? THAT was encouraging.


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    Wild Honey,

    You know, after re-reading the quote, I realized I substituted “husband” in for “leaders” in my head. Maybe that’s my problem, I consider him a partner, not a leader!

    And, in fairness to my husband, the shoe was once on the other foot, where I wanted to submit to leadership and he saw the problems. He was pretty encouraged when I said “enough” there, too.


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    Ava Aaronson: obsessed

    “Possessed” is a better word when referring to some of these characters.


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    Ken F (aka Tweed),

    I couldn’t help but notice in all their scripture quotes on submission in the article they only mentioned submitting to authority, and totally bypassed Eph 5:21 which states “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” It seems like they usually miss that one.


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    Ken F (aka Tweed): The basic message is don’t look into dirt like this. Perhaps Mars Hill had too many submissive men rather than too few.

    Deep Throat Driscoll “made wimmen out of them”.
    There Can Only Be One Alpha Male.


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    linda: I would urge you to consider carefully: if you happen to live in an area the cdc says is still high transmission rate and yet your church is holding indoor services without masks or requiring at least proof of vaccination, you are not in a church but a business.

    And as the CHRISTIAN Governor of Texas put it last year abut the elderly and his CHRISTIAN Lt Gov put it this year about schoolchildren, “they must sacrifice themselves for The Economy”.


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    linda: Have you ever heard someone make fun of lone ranger Christians? THAT IS BECAUSE THE LONE RANGERS ARE LESS GULLIBLE.

    I have seen the fruits of The Gospel of Personal Salvation and ONLY Personal Salvation, and they are not good. When it becomes “Me & Jeeus” to where others effectively cease to exist, you get a Gospel of Selfishness worthy of Ayn Rand. All Personal Salvation (and Personal Relationship with a Personal LORD and Savior), NO community.


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    Headless Unicorn Guy: All Personal Salvation (and Personal Relationship with a Personal LORD and Savior), NO community.

    What a powerful observation… sobering, too. Church attendance is and should be voluntary. Many of us have opted out for very sound reasons, such as abuse. Still, those of us who have faith probably learned it at church and in community. If all Christians stay away from church, how will people in the future find Christianity?

    Beyond that, as you suggest, a completely solo faith might not have a good understanding, and it might lack the things a church community offers, such as service, support, and teaching.

    As always, the difficulty lies in finding a healthy church, if we feel inclined to go.


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    SarahM: It seems like they usually miss that one.

    They tend to dismiss inconvenient passages or they explain why such passages don’t say what they say.


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    Friend: those of us who have faith probably learned it at church and in community. If all Christians stay away from church, how will people in the future find Christianity? … the difficulty lies in finding a healthy church

    Indeed. While I am currently in the “Done” ranks, I long to be a part of a healthy church community again … a rare and endangered species, the needle in the haystack, a treasure buried in a field. I grew weary with the argument “There is no perfect church.”


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    Friend,

    Hello, Friend.

    i need advice. Is there a way we could discuss in a more private way?


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    elastigirl: more private

    Happy to help. I just set up a new email account, beeh94931@gmail.com for this purpose. Looking forward to hearing from you!


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    Headless Unicorn Guy–you CAN get the horror story you mention, but not necessarily.

    There is such a thing as being a lone ranger Christian for good reasons. If the only options available are unhealthy, better to worship at home or online (which can appear lone to others) until you have a healthy option. Not everyone lives in large metros with plenty to choose from. If you have 3 churches in town and all 3 happen to be full of abuse or dingbats, lone ranger can be very healthy.

    But if you have FIRST established a healthy “Jesus and me” relationship with the Almighty you are not so gullible when you walk through the door of the church. If something stinks you smell it and leave.

    I see it more like marriage: when two healthy people come together it can be wonderful. But if one comes to the marriage basically expecting the other person to meet all their needs and make up for all their lacks, you have a disaster in the making.

    A church full of healthy Christians coming together to serve and seek the salvation of the lost is wonderful. A group of unhealthy people expecting the group to make them happy or meet all their needs is a disaster in the making.

    I’ve been blessed more often than not to experience the first of those. A few times it was the second type, and not a place for me or for the children I took with me. And having no interest in the LDS sometimes that meant sidelining for a while. And ignoring the snarks of those in the sick churches.


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    Friend: Beyond that, as you suggest, a completely solo faith might not have a good understanding, and it might lack the things a church community offers, such as service, support, and teaching.

    With no outside Reality Checks, it’s way too easy to drift into a Cult of One.
    (AKA the Ultimate Theoretical End State of Protestantism, op cit AW.Pink.)
    That’s also why I’m skeptical of House Churches as a cure-all; in their case, drifting int a Cult of “Just Us Four, No More, Aaaaa-men”.

    Using Christianese imagery, “a completely solo faith” is All Vertical, No Horizontal.


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    Max,

    The NDA Chapel Hill Bible Church gave out prevented the former employee from even mentioning that an NDA exists. So, the ex-employee couldn’t even say they signed one.


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    So, when we lived where the choices were: a church with a verbally abusive to his family pastor and two known pedophiles active in the church, or a church with an openly verbally abusive to his wife pastor, with his kids making remarks suggesting behind closed doors it was not just verbal abuse, or the self described “prophet” pastor who wanted folks to sell their homes and give him the funds to buy himself a home, being a lone ranger Christian was bad?

    The reaction to my approval of lone ranger Christians is kind of proving my point. If you study the Bible for yourself, expose yourself to a wide variety of Christian material widely available such as catechisms, creeds, commentaries, study Bibles with differing points of view, online services or sermons, podcasts, etc and nail down your own beliefs BEFORE you begin to search for a church you are far less likely to wind up following one of these con men who belittles you if you ask questions, far less likely to wind up wringing your hands as you go through the emotional hell of a shunning, and far less likely to sign some sort of agreement limiting your rights when you join or are employed by a church.

    If you rely on someone else to be a third party go between instead of meeting with Jesus one on one, you open yourself up to whatever they bring you. Who says they will bring the truth? This idea one cannot be a sound Christian unless involved in a local church is the old sale of indulgences all over again. Of course you can be a long ranger Christian and be a healthy one. Once you are established in a healthy one on one relationship with Jesus you can then make a much wiser decision as to the health of a local church body when you consider partnering with them in the propagation of the gospel.


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    linda: If you have 3 churches in town and all 3 happen to be full of abuse or dingbats, lone ranger can be very healthy.

    But if you have FIRST established a healthy “Jesus and me” relationship with the Almighty you are not so gullible when you walk through the door of the church.

    Very insightful.

    I would add that the Lone Ranger does not have a duty to save the abusers and dingbats from themselves. Our college fellowship was full of that mentality: “I’m going to this terrible church and showing them the love of Jesus!” We meant well, but our immaturity was showing, along with some arrogance.

    Then one day somebody said, “Why do you all go to bad churches? Why don’t you go to a church that feeds you?” Ah yes, there it was. Somehow we had learned to ignore our own needs.

    Church should not hurt. Yes, it should challenge, and yes, it should show love. The church should reflect the Sermon on the Mount and 1 Corinthians 13.


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    CHBC Member for many years.: The NDA Chapel Hill Bible Church gave out prevented the former employee from even mentioning that an NDA exists. So, the ex-employee couldn’t even say they signed one.

    Oh, that sounds so much like church is supposed to be … NOT!


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    linda: If you rely on someone else to be a third party go between instead of meeting with Jesus one on one, you open yourself up to whatever they bring you.

    Anyone here for eating regurgitated food? No? Didn’t think so.

    Go direct with Jesus, the Bread of Life.

    Connect with others who do the same, all standing on level ground, elevating only Jesus Himself.

    Our neighbors did some car work for us; we trimmed their trees. No hierarchy, no servitude. Mutual respect. I served on the School Board but no one kowtows to me or any other school board members.

    Patriarchy with parents raising kids works. It’s done when they come of age.

    Civic leadership is never meant to be patriarchy in a democratic society, especially not in a church. There are protocols and social norms that we can all agree on for a healthy social org.

    Fascism in church negates the org as a NT church.

    https://www.dukeupress.edu/biblical-porn


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    Ava Aaronson: Anyone here for eating regurgitated food? No? Didn’t think so.

    Honey, the less famous of the two items in John the Baptist’s diet, comes out of a bee’s honey stomach.

    Rennet, used in cheese making, comes from the fourth stomach of unweaned calves.

    Other than that, no. 😉


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    Friend,

    Oh dear. Hold that thought, hang on to that info, until we finish sipping our lemon ginger turmeric honey tea.


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    Jeffrey Chalmers: Do they really realize how bad they look???

    So long as there are butts in the pews, and the cash flow is good, where’s the incentive to care about appearances?


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    If you go to their website and check out their leaders and elders, it’s not surprising they can be blind to their ways. Many ‘successful’ people and mostly white men. No women. University professors, doctors, business owners, lawyers, MBA administration, venture capitalist, etc.

    https://biblechurch.org/about/our-team/
    https://biblechurch.org/about/leadership/


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    Ava–EXACTLY! The church is a kingdom of priests, with Jesus the High Priest. No others need apply for the job! Different jobs in that kingdom, yes, but all equals.


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    linda: The church is a kingdom of priests, with Jesus the High Priest. No others need apply for the job! Different jobs in that kingdom, yes, but all equals.

    Amen! With no distinction in class, race or gender! Unfortunately, finding the Kingdom of God (on earth in the here and now) is becoming increasingly difficult amidst the vast array of the kingdoms of men.


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    Joyce: leaders and elders .. Many ‘successful’ people and mostly white men

    Unfortunately, many church elders in America are selected because they are popular in the church, wealthy, prominent in the community, have a history of family influence in the church, and/or loyal yes-men to the pastor. They are not there because they are spiritually qualified for sacred office.


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    Evidently, these churches don’t have Luke 12:2-3 in their Bibles! Let me quote Jesus’ words in the ‘Neo-Cal approved’ ESV, so that they can know for sure that it’s really in there!

    “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark shall be heard in the light, and what you have whispered in private rooms shall be proclaimed on the housetops.”

    It doesn’t appear that Jesus uses NDAs, since He has nothing to hide, and all will be known one day anyway. If your church uses them–LEAVE, because that proves to me that they’re up to no good!


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    Root 66: It doesn’t appear that Jesus uses NDAs

    Indeed! The Gospel is all about disclosure! The truth is revealed … deception is hidden. NDAs work contrary to the intent for the Church of the Living God.


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    NDAs, by and large, are designed to manipulate, intimidate, and dominate … none of which are fruit of the Holy Spirit.


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    Max: Friend: After an employee moves on to another church, the NDA will prevent them from saying anything negative about job applicants from the previous place.

    Perhaps they could say something like “Yes, I can confirm he was on staff at my previous church. I signed an NDA there preventing me from saying anything negative about him. You know what I mean …”

    Unless I misread the NDA, the employee is not even allowed to disclose they signed an NDA.

    From the NDA (under Additional Employee Terms):

    Employee agrees (i) to return all other Church property by August 6, 2021; (ii) that she will not disparage or defame the Church, or any of the Related Parties; and (iii) that she will not disclose any confidential information of any of the Related Parties to any third party; and (iv) that she shall not reveal the existence of this Agreement, nor any of its terms to any person, entity or organization except her tax advisor, attorney, immediate family members,


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    From the OP:

    “Non-disclosure agreements continue the same power dynamic that permitted sexual abuse to occur in the first place. NDAs are meant to conceal abuse in the darkness, we the people of light, should have no part in them.”-Lori Anne Thompson

    Max: church NDAs: they silence the abused, while protecting the abuser. This includes spiritual abuse. NDAs suppress truth in an institution which is supposed to be built on Truth. They fail to protect victims. They have no place in the Body of Christ, which is supposed to spread good news not conceal bad news.

    That.


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    I notice the language of the NDA directly silences women:

    “involving any matter arising out of or in any way related, directly or indirectly, to her employment with the Church,”

    This appears to be written to shut up women who may have been abused at work for the church. Also note that the word church is capitalized, while the person the document refers to is not.

    I would also call attention to Matthew Chapter 6, where Jesus tells us[King James Version] :

    6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. 7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

    Hard to misunderstand that plain old English. And it makes it hard for me to understand the giant Mega churches and TV shows… Jesus tells his flock not to go there!