"The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are."
C.S. Lewis
 

Yesterday, in the mail, we received the following hand written note from our previous church. Read the words carefully.

 

“Parsons Family

As a staff, we have the Great Joy of Praying for our church family. Today, your family was on the list so I wanted to write a quick note. We prayed that your family would be strengthened by the Spirit to love Christ even more! Thanks for attaching your family to xxx church. We look forward to serving with you!
In Christ,
XX
Psalm 118:68”
 

 

We were flabbergasted! You might wonder why, given that the note sounds really nice, doesn’t it? However, we formally resigned from this church about 2 years ago. I think I am safe in saying that our leave-taking was somewhat “memorable” to a few, especially the church leadership and staff. We have not been back since and we have been members of another church for about one year.
 

Yet two years after leaving, we are being thanked for “attaching” ourselves to this church. Attaching? This must be the newest lingo for being members. We actually went through a rather gut-wrenching process of “disattaching” ourselves from the church awhile back. This pain left some pretty significant blisters on our hearts that are once again rubbed raw upon receipt of this note.

 

Notice our name, Parsons family. There is no first name familiarity and no names of the kids. This is almost as bad as the letters in the mailbox addressed to "Resident".
 

The gentleman is supposedly looking forward to serving with us. Why? Just how forward can he look to serving with someone he doesn’t know? If the real truth were told,  he has no plans in serving with us whatsoever.  It just sounds very nice. In fact, that is what church is often like in America. It’s something nice and safe. None of this radical love and sacrifice stuff. That’s, well, just a bit much. Oh, and when someone ticks us off, we can still act like jerks and call them all sorts of names like sociopaths and narcissistic zeroes.

 

Here is what I think happened. This church has decided to show the members of the church that the staff actually “cares” about them. The sentiment is commendable. But, instead of developing authentic caring and intimacy by spending time with, and actually getting to know, the families, they have found an efficient, superficial way to demonstrate that they “care.” They divvy up the church membership, put them on a list, probably alphabetically, and tell the staff to “pray the list” and jot off a quick note about how much they “care” about the family whom they wouldn’t recognize if they bumped into them in the foyer.
 

It all seems so hollow; just another program with a nice check off list to pretend that we are a loving Christian community. I know a couple from this church who were involved members for 17 years. Their children grew up in the church, the parents were volunteers in the nurseries, in the teen programs, in Sunday school and in missions. Yet, after all of those years, they felt invisible and decided to leave to seek a more intimate fellowship. When they left, they told us that no one called them to ask where they were or if everything was all right. Sadly, they confirmed their unspoken fear. It was all too obvious that they didn’t matter. I wonder if they got a similar letter.
 

There is a song that was poignantly performed by Adam Lambert, a contestant on American Idol. This man grew up feeling very different than other kids, most likely teased and rejected. Unfortunately, he now lives a flamboyant gay lifestyle. However, he sang the following song, “Mad World”, with such feeling that one has to wonder if he was really singing about himself as a child. It almost breaks your heart to listen. The first is a video showing the lyrics of the song as he sings in the background. The second is of him actually singing an abbreviated version of the song, live on a morning show.
 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxGd0g-wpXA

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Er9V7FqL6U&feature=related
 

One part of the song talks about a child going to school, feeling very nervous, and having the teacher look right through him. How many of our Christian brothers and sisters feel the same way in their churches? They go, hoping to be a part of things, but feel like they are hardly seen, especially by their pastors who sometimes seem a bit more like a celebrity than their friend and teacher. I remember the hand shaking line that Ed Young Jr. used to form outside of the meeting hall. We were efficiently lined up and he grabbed our hands, never looking in our eyes, always looking beyond to find the Dallas Cowboy or the CEO. He perfected the “look right through me” gaze. Somehow, I always got the feeling that he was “slumming” when shaking our hands.
 

True community and fellowship does not occur by a simple rote prayer from a list, or a rote handshake no matter how well intended. It must come with love born of a wish to intimately know the brothers and sisters who have come into your sphere by the very design of the Almighty. Such intimacy takes time and effort. How many pastors and leaders are willing to do it? It’s far easier to preach a sermon and run off to the next conference.
 

I so admire the dedication of one of my current pastors. He goes out of his way to pick up some men from the local jail and brings them to church. He has them to dinner and visits them in jail. He has had a profound affect on their lives. One of them, Tommy, wrote a post for this blog. Here is the link
 

We wonder why so many people are walking away from churches. Could it be that they never once felt a part of this “body of Christ” that we speak of so flippantly? We sing that we are “one” with our Christian companions yet how many people, deep down in their souls actually feel like they even matter.
 

Finally, I am not even sure what Bible verse my well-intended letter writer quoted at the end of the note. It appears to be Psalm 118:68. There is no verse 68 so perhaps he meant 6-8. Although I am not sure if this is what he meant, it is rather amusing, in light of what I have discussed. Maybe I’ll end the post on this note.

 

6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?

7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. 
I will look in triumph on my enemies.

8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
 

 

Reminder: Starting Monday, we will begin listing verses for our one-year Bible reading plan. We will post them at the bottom of each post.