TWW And Church Abuse

 

 

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, ''Blessed are they that mourn.''            CS Lewis

 

 

When we first started this blog, our intent was to follow current trends in the faith, offering analysis and commentary from our unique vantage point within the evangelical ranks. What surprised us were the number of stories that revolved around what we call abusive responses of churches towards members of their congregations. As we investigated these claims, we became more convinced as to the validity of many of these claims. Our own personal experiences also confirmed the reality of such assertions.

 

Our thinking has evolved over time. We used to believe that there were theological disputes and abusive churches and there was no link between to the two. However, as we have discovered over the last year or so, we now believe that certain theological positions can lead to offensive behavior on the part of some involved in Christian leadership. For example, Paige Patterson, not known for his carefully nuanced opinions, believes that women must always submit to their husbands. On one occasion, he recommended that a physically abused woman return to her husband where she suffered further physical abuse. He rejoiced in this violence because her husband then showed up at church for a service and is now following God. You may read the actual transcript of Patterson bragging about this in a post at TWW at the following link.

 

The number of people who have been desperately hurt by the church, and then find their way to our blog, has surprised us. At times, some of their comments sound harsh, angry, and unforgiving. But, TWW is a safe place for people who have been rejected and hurt by churches and then thrown to the wolves by men who have no business calling themselves pastors. We believe that TWW exists for far more than commentary although we do quite a bit of that. We also are committed to providing a safe and accepting place for folks to express their feelings of being let down by the very entity in which they sought love and forgiveness.

 

Until the Internet and blogging, these people had nowhere to go with their pain. The church rejected them and they were left to deal with things on their own. Some left the faith; others have just walked away from the organized church.

 

This forum, and others, provides hurting people a place to share their stories. Here they find they are not alone. In fact they find fellowship with others who have had similar experiences. Here they can express their pain and anger, perhaps for the first time. But some visitors have commented that these expressions are not warranted. 

 

Here is the problem. God knows and acknowledges this pain deep within their souls. Many in the church do not. In fact, most in the church do not want to hear the raw expressions of hurting people. The reasons are many. “It’s not nice.” “They should just forgive and forget.” “God will take care of this someday, so just let it go.” And maybe, deep down inside, they don’t want to hear of the failings of their churches because their view of the faith is wrapped up in an almost perfect church and an almost perfect pastor.

 

Our God is big enough to handle their pain. If God is big enough, then those in the churches should be able to handle it. In fact, such awareness might lead to changes in how churches do business.

 

Having had a fair amount of training in dealing with sick and hurting people, I have found that simply allowing a person to express their pain, while providing an environment in which they are believed, can lead to significant healing. And so, TWW is dedicated to providing a place of acceptance for those who have not had a forum to “let it out.” In fact, we like to refer to ourselves as the Fellowship of the Wounded. Your humble and glamorous blog queens have been in that position ourselves and have formed said society.

 

Anonymity also provides freedom to those who need to fully express their pain. They don’t have to put on a mask or couch their concerns in order to protect themselves and their loved ones from further abuse. This blog is dedicated to the preservation of anonymity, at all costs, of those who come here. In other words, authorities would have to subpoena us to release any information that we might have on anyone who comments here. After the brouhaha at FBC Jacksonville, we doubt many district attorneys would be inclined to sign such subpoenas.

 

Consequently, we would ask that those, who have not been damaged by their churches or have never been in difficult church situations, show sensitivity to those who have gone through hell within the church. At times, the expressions of pain can be uncomfortable but it is the first step to healing. On this blog, there are no “narcissistic zeroes” just ‘friends.”

 

We want to alert the church to the vile nature of some who claim to be Christians. Therefore, we allow some comments that we find quite offensive. Sometimes, there are those who so insult others that they will not be allowed to comment. For example, a man, who goes by the name of Joe Blackmon, wrote to Debbie Kaufmann, who runs a blog called Ministry of Reconciliation, and called her “a pile of filth”. This was said when she was recuperating from major surgery. Here is that link. He will no longer be allowed to comment on this blog as well.

 

Finally, such a forum can bring understanding and reconciliation. Last week, we saw a powerful example of this during a series of exchanges between “Anonymous,” who told us he was a pastor, and “Michael” who had a terrible experience at the hands of a church two years ago. I am in awe and commend both of these men for providing the readers with such an example of honesty and faith.

 

2010/09/30 at 05:19 pm | In reply to Michael.

Michael, 
As I was getting ready for school tonight, the Lord began to reveal some things to me. While I did not appreciate some of your remarks, that was no reason to respond with disparaging remarks to you. I was wrong, I apologize and I ask you to please forgive me. Although I cannot extend my hand through the Internet to you I hope this post will serve as an encouragement and establishing fellowship with a brother. Naturally, I do not know where you live, but if you should live in the metro Atlanta area I would be delighted to meet you for lunch, buy your lunch and get to know you. I think we might find that we both have a lot in common through our Lord Jesus Christ.

 

2010/09/30 at 05:34 pm | In reply to Anonymous.

Anonymous:
I was thinking that I had been pretty harsh, myself. I accept your apology and forgive you. I would ask that you would forgive me, as well, for being a bit harsh. I think there’s a place where we can have strong disagreement, but I would like to debate in a way where we’re not beating each other up, personally. I probably started it, so I’m sorry.Thanks for your sensitivity to our Lord and for reaching out in reconciliation. Let’s consider our personal attacks of each other over.I’m confident that we would find much in common, indeed. We love the Atlanta area and I’ve been privileged to sing concerts in many of the churches around that area in the past. Bless you, and thank you, again, for the humility and character to reconcile with me.
 

Today, Wade Burleson, who writes the outstanding blog, Grace and Truth to You, provides an example of a horrible example of church abuse. Every Christian should read this event in which a church was holding a Russian intern under lock and key in the basement. Wade Burleson was involved in rescuing her.

 

Slowly, some Christians are waking up to the abuse that is present in some churches. Michael W. Smith has just recorded a song about church abuse that is receiving much attention. It is called “Leave.”

 

Here is what he had to say about it. "It was the hardest song to write," Smith says. And from what he's been told by many friends who say they were abused, he believes there is more abuse within churches than is ever reported. "You hear about stuff that goes on in the church, it just blows your mind," he says.

 

Don’t miss one key element to this song…that is that the church is sweeping this issue under the carpet with a “forgive and forget” attitude; leaving the abused hurt with scars, alone, and confused.

 

Here is the link to an interview on Fox News in which he says that 1 in 3 people in the world have been abused. He also said that the radical right wing Christians give Christianity a bad name.

 

Finally, here is link to the performance on TBN (I know, I know….) Grab some Kleenex. We, the Fellowship of the Wounded, thank Michael W. Smith for opening his heart to the pain of many.

 

 

Lydia's Corner: I made a mistake on Friday's post. So, continue with these verses. We will be slightly behind.  Genesis 11:1-13:4  Matthew 5:1-26  Psalm 5:1-12  Proverbs 1:24-28