“It’s not enough for women to speak out on the issue ‑- for the message to be strong and consistent, women’s voices must be backed up by men’s.”
–Rep. John Conyers, Jr.,
Did you know …
Studies have estimated 3 to 4 million American women are battered each year by their husbands or partners. Nearly 6 million U.S. wives are physically abused by their husbands or boy friends during their marriage. Nationally, a woman is beaten every 15 seconds.
More than one million abused women seek medical help for injuries caused by battering each year.
Sixty-six percent of American women will be beaten at least once during their marriage. 25% of U.S. wives are severely beaten during the course of their marriage.
In one state study (Minnesota), 63,000 women are abused each year. In Minnesota, there were 18 women killed in 1989; 25 women were killed in 1990.
95% of batterers are men. In heterosexual partner abuse, 95% of the time it is the woman who gets hurt.
The F.B.I. estimates that only 10% of domestic assaults are reported.
Battery is the single major cause of injury to women, exceeding street rape, muggings, or auto accident. Some 2,000 to 4,000 women are beaten to death annually.
Half of all battered women will be beaten in their stomachs when they are pregnant.
Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. Of the children who witness domestic abuse, 60% of the boys eventually become batterers.
Sixty-three percent of boys age 11-20 who commit homicide, murder the man who was abusing their mother. In 50% of the time, if the wife (mother) is being physically abused, so are the children.
The above statistics on domestic violence, compiled for the year 1993, were obtained from a website called strengthenoursisters.org
Given the escalation of violence in our society over the last two decades, it is highly probable that these statistics have increased.
Can there be any doubt that domestic violence is a serious problem? That’s why the video clip of John Piper featured in our previous post was so offensive, not just to women but also to men. Let’s take one last look at Piper’s response to the question: What should a wife’s submission to her husband look like if he’s an abuser?
This video was originally featured on the Desiring God website in the “Ask Pastor John” section of the Resource Library; however, it has mysteriously disappeared… We have Hannah Thomas to thank for preserving it on YouTube. Hannah, a fellow blogger, expressed her outrage in a 2009 post which you can read here.
Hannah commented on yesterday’s TWW post and said that only recently did she realize that the video had been removed from the Desiring God website. Why are videos and sermons suddenly being removed by the Calvinista crowd with no explanation? Hmmmm….
I just finished watching CSI-SVU with my husband, and the show’s focus was a case of domestic violence. A wife and her son were being physically assaulted by the husband. As I write this post, I am sick to my stomach that so many victims are suffering in silence. Please go back and read the statistics on domestic violence at the top of the post.
How dare John Piper respond so callously to that question on domestic abuse! “Hee Hee, oh my”! …”group sex” … “verbal unkindness” … “the way she submits is to say ‘Honey, I want so much to follow you as my leader…and I would love to do that, it would be sweet if I could enjoy your leadership’ “ … if it’s simply hurting her, then she endures verbal abuse for a season and she endures being SMACKED for one night and then turns to the church …”
What if she doesn’t survive being smacked for one night? Will John Piper be judged as “complicit” in the event of a congregant’s murder at the hands of her husband? After all, she was following her pastor’s advice…
I have been extremely grateful for the MANLY MEN who responded to yesterday’s post. They have spoken out loud and clear against John Piper and his ilk who babble about submission when wives are being abused by their husbands. I would like to honor them by sharing their comments. GUYS, YOU ARE OUR HEROES!!! Ladies, please, please listen to these godly men… They are the ones who have your best interest at heart.
Tom R says:
“Troubling, very troubling. The laugh. Then he quotes how a woman should react when he asks for something bizarre like “group sex”, saying “Honey, I want so much to follow you, but….” GET REAL!!! If a husband asks a wife to do something sinful or stupid, why must she speak to her husband like he’s a god? Group sex?
Then he says she should “endure being smacked once”, and THEN go to the church??? UGH!!!! No, she should not endure being smacked once. Don’t wait for a second time.
Don’t go to the church, ladies. The church leaders are all men, and possibly buddies with the offender. No way, Jose. Do NOT go to the church leaders if you’re being smacked, ladies. Go to the cops first, then go to your family members that will protect you, but whatever you do, do NOT go to the church leaders.”
jack allen says:
“How can a man who supposedly is so dedicated to God’s glory, and esteemed as intellectually superior behave and speak in this bizarre manner? How shameful!”
JACK THERRELL says:
“It is hard for me to be really subjective here. Mainly because my biological father physically abused my mother. I lost respect for him. I, like most pastors, have been involved in distasteful activities where it is difficult to intervene. Irregardless of that, I am always on the side of the women. I’ve been married over 30 yrs. I of course as all men must avow, we are sometimes at a loss for what our mate is thinking or doing. I admit I have done some Baptist “cussing” which is when through frustration U just get up and leave the room slamming the door behind U. Now to my opinion of those with the attitude of John Piper. I think they are in error to think a wife has to obey her husband unless he is asking her to do some abhorrent thing. I am also a little surprised at some of his verbage. If I had consulted my wife about group sex I don’t think she would have tried to reason with me about it not being a good idea. It does make U wonder about all kinds of abuse be it church or domestic life. I remember a few years ago when Southwestern Seminary dismissed an excellent professor. They were bold enough to say they won’t allow a woman to teach a man. I have never pastored a church that didn’t have more faithful women in it than men. And I might add in many instances the women were better educated.”
Don J says:
“It is clear to me that Piper holds his man-made doctrine of gender hierarchy with a HIGHER priority than pastoral care for an abused wife. Let such teachings be banished among believers. Piper needs to repent.”
Muff Potter says:
“you wrote: “…How inclined will a young married woman be to join Bethlehem Baptist Church, knowing that if her husband ever becomes an abuser she will have to endure verbal abuse for a season?…”
If I were a young woman who just watched this guy regurgitate all those mouth fulls of (insert what you feel appropriate here) and then see at the end it’s from a site called desiring god? I wouldn’t want anything to do with his god or his religion.”
“Physical abuse of a spouse is a crime, and Piper’s suggestion is to allow the church to cover up a crime, thereby aiding and abetting the crime after the fact and further, aiding and abetting the crime should the abuse be repeated. I would suggest that the church leadership should be prosecuted if the abuse is repeated.
The biblical standard is mutual submission, with the husband giving up his right to life to his wife (the most extreme form of submission for her welfare). A single act of abuse destroys his submission and therefore renders any obligation of submission on her part null and void.
And the church needs to PREACH it from the pulpit and TEACH it in the classroom and small group meetings. And then LIVE it by helping the woman and her children to get out of the clutches of a violent man, who is by definition dangerous to them. They should help her find and pay for an attorney to get a protective order and a divorce in law from him, since he has already divorced her in fact by destroying the marriage through violence.”
Lydia’s Corner: Deuteronomy 11:1-12:32 Luke 8:22-39 Psalm 70:1-5 Proverbs 12:4