Dee,

Congrats on your second grandchild!

Sending gentle prayers of love to your entire family!

At an education conference the speaker pointed to the large water feature in the nearby atrium and asked, “how many people do you see fishing in that pond”? Puzzled, someone finally responded “none”. “Exactly” replied the speaker, “pedophiles are like fishermen, they go where the fish are”. The job attracts predators based on the pool of young victims. I can also say that the majority of youth ministers I’ve interacted with operate on the level of a 15 year old and the position is filled with adult men that don’t want to grow up. I have met a couple youth ministers that are invested in growing the kids spiritually so it’s not all of them, but by and large it’s a joke of a church position. A few parents that have a vested interest in educating the next generation are my pick for the job.

Grandchildren are the best. I’d say this girl won the foster family lottery. Enjoy the newest member of your family.

My last role in ministry was that of a state denominational executive dealing with churches, pastoral personnel, and conflict management. “Youth Pastors” were at the top of the list in terms of problematic staff members. Dee, your assertion is correct that most churches do not take the hiring of youth pastors nearly as seriously as that of a senior pastor. In my former SBC life, there would be a search committee overseeing the candidates which was usually dominated by the senior pastor. The #1 issue for finding a youth pastor: someone who would draw youth and THEIR PARENTS to join the church. Youth pastor candidates who were young and attractive always won out over those who did not project a particular “vibe.”

In the case of a nearby church, it was only 6 months from the youth pastor’s hiring (and moving here from out of state) to his arrest. Thankfully, it should be at least 8 more years now before he can be paroled. He was 45 and his victim was 13. I only heard about this from the secular news— nothing from fellow Christians.
Were there victims at previous churches? I assume there were. They probably did a background check and got references, but nothing showed up due to previous victims shamed into silence, or else coverups.
So the best thing would have been NOT to hire a youth pastor at all. Probably not a biblically required church employee.

Max: does align

meant to say “does ‘not’ align”

Congratulations, Dee! Grandchildren are one of the joys of “gray hair”.

Luckyforward nailed it. And having been in pastoral ministry for 37 years now, I can say that the Youth Pastor position in many churches is seen as almost a glorified babysitter/party planner, rather than mentor, discipler, role model.

We require FBI background checks on anyone who has ANY part of Youth ministry. (I know that a lot of predators aren’t in that database, but it’s a start.)
Some other precautions we took were to have a window in the Youth Room (no curtain or blinds), and no lock on the door.

We are truly blessed with our Youth Pastor.
She is a female (not that females can’t be predators, but it seems that males tend to dominate the category) with incredible gifts and a amazing vision for what the Youth Group should be and do.
She and I are in agreement on that vision and collaborate closely to see it fulfilled.
That means our pedagogy may be significantly different than many places, because the FOCUS is on discipleship rather than entertainment (they have fun, too, believe me!). She plans and develops her own teachings which are rich, deep, and challenging. She isn’t afraid to call kids out (not in front of others, but in private, with compassion and love).
She also knows what it is to have been sexually abused; to have been a kid with lots of “issues” because of the abuse; but who has also overcome much through good trauma-informed counseling and her faith in a good, good Heavenly Father. (Also, her past has give her a GREAT “crap detector” – discernment is the church word.)

She is a young woman (older Gen Z) with passion for God, incredible wisdom, humility, genuine love for the kids, and maturity beyond her years.

So, how does a church find someone like that?
Cloning would be great, but until then, a philosophical/theological/pedagogical question needs to be answered.
First and foremost: WHAT is the purpose of the youth pastor and youth group?

If the answer is ANYTHING other than, “To BE a passionate life-students of Jesus, and to MAKE passionate life-students of Jesus (disciples)”, then you’re building on sand.

EW66: “pedophiles are like fishermen, they go where the fish are”.

Where the Prey congregates, the Predators will swarm.
And with churches, the swarm is a Feeding Frenzy.

EW66: I can also say that the majority of youth ministers I’ve interacted with operate on the level of a 15 year old and the position is filled with adult men that don’t want to grow up.

As in Arrested Development cases. I have heard that you are sexually attracted to those whose outside (physical) age is the same as your inside (emotional/personality) age. And these days there’s a pandemic of teens to toddlers walking around in sexually-active adult bodies.

According to a lot of these comments, Youth Pastor seems to select for an alleged adult who is “one of the kids”, with lots of Heartthrob Charisma (hopefully without EDWARD’s Sparkling in the Sunlight). All to “appeal to the kids” (and keep the girls from getting pregnant). This would also select for Arrested Development cases.

Thank you for this, Dee.

I’m part of a new, 3-member Safe Church Team at my church, and we have our work cut out for us. Our first task is reviewing our current abuse policies. My church just decided to use our denomination’s abuse policies, and adopted those as our own several years ago.

It’s a daunting task. I think our denom’s abuse policy is a sincere effort, but I also think it’s outdated (2010, before #ChurchToo), and I see some potential red flags. So I’m reading Boz Tchividjian and Shira M. Berkovits’s Child Safeguarding Policy Guide for Churches and Ministries for guidance:

https://www.amazon.com/Child-Safeguarding-Policy-Churches-Ministries/dp/1945270055

Chapter 5 has some excellent advice on screening employees.

Absolutely, any church that hires a youth pastor needs to undergo as extensive a screening process as a senior pastor would.

Dee, I have 4 cousins (two 1st cousins once-removed, and two 2nd cousins) who were adopted, two on each side of my family…. the oldest is 53, the youngest is 17. It makes no difference that they were adopted. We are family, and we love one another. It has been that way from day one with each of them, and it always will be. They know that…. everyone knows that. They are every bit as much family to me, to all of us, as my blood kin.

I know that your granddaughter will be part of a family who loves her and wants her, and I think she already knows that. Hey, happy tears are a really good sign!
I hope the adoption goes smoothly.
Are you going to throw a party when the adoption is finalized?

Observant Outsider: It’s a great job for a pedophile. Access to children, trusting parents, and a community who will continue to defend you after you’re caught.

The Houston Chronicle reported that hundreds of SBC bad-boy church leaders and volunteers found that safe haven, with more than 100 youth pastors convicted or charged in sex crimes. SBC hasn’t done a stellar job of dealing with this issue since HC published their series of articles.

Observant Outsider,

As far as I know, secular organizations VET and re-Vet any and all adults who work with kids.
I have yet to read of a case in which a predator had easy access to kids in secular venues.
They do a far better job it seems.
Sooner or later (and I’ve harped this before), the SBC or one of the other mainlines, megas, whatever, is gonna’ get hauled into court and they’ll go down with a HUGE payout.

Ariel:

“Inappropriate contact” with a minor is way beyond inappropriate; it’s criminal, and it’s sinful. It’s a gross violation of trust, and it’s abuse.

That and “misconduct”.

A long time ago, I worked as a church summer camp counselor during the summers after my junior and senior years of high school. For some reason, I remember one week of training and 11 weeks of campers (a new group every week), with the 4th of July week being a 3-day week for really young kids… all at $90 a week.

Each counselor had 8-12 kids in a cabin and a basic schedule from the lead counselor, a college student. The only adults were a full-time cook and a rotating volunteer nurse who lived in the nurse’s hut with her family for the week.

The camp directory was always gone during the week; She would be there on Friday afternoon for pickup. Stay through the weekend for Sunday for family service and drop-off. To be fair, a lot of our kids were underprivileged and paid zero or very little in fees, so she was constantly off fundraising.

As long as we kept the kids happy and on schedule for group events like evening campfires, meals, and arts and crafts, there was zero supervision.

I was a 17-year-old kid with a herd of little boys to keep busy. Our goal was to make church fun. If they learned a few catchy church songs, that was good, too.

Granted, this was the 80’s. But I am still scratching my head about how ‘free range parenting’ the whole thing was.

My guess is this is a key part of the career progression for many ‘youth pastors.’

I suspect this problem will only deepen with time. Many young men enter ministry with unchecked sexual appetites and unhealthy understandings of sexuality. A recent college grad can get a job in ministry and secretly struggle with a porn addiction. Sin begets sin and justifications happen and abuse can and does occur. It wasn’t a “slip up” it was a pattern of sin that the individual and the church leaders/system failed to address while they had a chance.

Max,

“Branson, Missouri. It’s what Las Vegas would be if it was nun by Ned Flanders.”
— The Simpsons

Muff Potter: As far as I know, secular organizations VET and re-Vet any and all adults who work with kids.
I have yet to read of a case in which a predator had easy access to kids in secular venues.

That’s because they’re SECULAR, Living in the Flesh instead of In The Spirit (snark).

Nancy2(aka Kevlar),

“two 1st cousins once-removed, and two 2nd cousins
++++++++++++++++++++++

i, too, have a cousin (1st cousin) who is adopted and we are as close as can be – it’s never entered my mind that we aren’t blood-related.

but i have to know: what is the difference between between a 1st cousin once-removed and a 2nd cousin?

Max,

In my young day there wasn’t “children’s church” (nor “women’s church” or functionally non-existent “men’s church”). Exceptionally restless littluns could be taken behind a window with a sound relay, to see and hear. Some denominations had Sunday School at a separate time and that was not a “yoof” thing (it was just a sort of RE for typically primary children, if they had this).

From about ages 6 – 10 I had a non-patronising bilingual book of the liturgy with stylish artwork and additional information, so it was second nature to interconnect what I heard and saw and my existing beliefs. I felt plenty grown up about coping with the same religion as everybody else (like in all denominations then).

At 10 I was given an even nicer and meatier book for it, plus I grew in direct alertness. When at 14 the parish started “youth work” I didn’t see any point. Up till then, everybody talked to everybody else.

In my 20s I noticed the tendency to combine “youth” with “singles” under inexperienced curates. Now there tend to be silos (under “animators”) for elderly grandparents, professionals with 2 children, or (rare) newlyweds, with almost no-one bothering to talk to singles from 18 to 80.

And ethnic silos (churches always were semi-ethnic but we didn’t “mind” so that my family didn’t seem the mindblowingly odd mixture we were).

Muff Potter: read of a case in which

We do, but I’ll grant you grave abuse has largely been considered extra daring in many walks.

It took a younger person at the receiving end 10, 30, 50 plus years, that I have read about, to bring it to a proper level of notice (till which you wouldn’t read about it) amidst jobsworth contractors / top superiors.

Most of the public (fortunately) don’t categorise religious and non religious contexts differently for predation. The only time it gets (unhelpfully) categorised separately is when one religion assumes imperial superiority, some members of some others copy that, and seculars throw up their hands in horrified incomprehension.

Dee, what a glorious thing to happen to your family! Congratulations on another grandchild and may you all be big blessings to each other! Love, love, love hearing stories of foster children being adopted.

I think you need to define what the youth ministry is for-is it to reach kids for Christ, disciple them, and encourage them to become full members of the church? Or, is the ministry a playground to babysit the kids so the adults can enjoy the services in peace? Do the youth pastors have full theological training, or are they volunteers from the college group? Are there safeguard in terms of relationships (no non-parent adult drives just one student home, for example.) (I think my church requires the kids’ families to provide transportation, and they will coordinate rides with other families per parent permission-and the participating parents have to be background checked, fingerprinted, and have their license/insurance information on file). The churches I have been in with a successful youth ministry have defined goals, “professional” (ordained) clergy, and some kind of operational manual. That doesn’t mean things can’t happen, but the more guardrails, the better the outcomes.

Congratulations on your new grandchild, Dee!

Michael in UK: and seculars throw up their hands in horrified incomprehension.

I don’t know of anyone throwing up their hand in ‘horrified incomprehension.’ I know of a lot of people throwing up their hands in frustration and disgust that people are so attached to a charismatic leader or dogma that they fail to protect their children from abuse, and when it does happen, they excuse and defend the abuser.

Max: They would occasionally dress as a clown or do something else stupid to dumb down the gospel to appeal to the kids.

Ah, yes… ICEBREAKERS(TM).
The whole idea sounded pretty dumb when I first heard it, and my experience in the Eighties confirmed it.

All you have to do is search Google for “Youth pastor” and click on the news tab. You can go back as far as you like and you’ll see an endless parade of horribles.