Photo by cottonbro studio

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” – Maya Angelou from AI Overview Google.

I apologize for the rough formatting. I committed the cardinal sin of being lax and copying things directly from a new source without putting the words into plain text first. I know some of you are laughing. I will work to clean it up, but it’s mostly readable.

I left messages requesting statements from Pastor Steve Riggle and Pastor Garrett Booth. I mentioned I was posting today. I received no responses, but I will post their statements if I receive them. Somehow, I doubt that will happen.

Tyler asked me to follow the format and chronology from Rita Springer’s excellent  Podcast: He was abused by a church leader and told to stay silent. I have embedded the entire 2-hour+ podcast at the end of this post. All quotes are from the podcast.

I genuinely believe Tyler and Connie’s story, so much so that I couldn’t fall asleep the first time I heard it. I can still be startled by ignorance.

If you were asleep when molested, does it count?

Here is a hypothetical situation that has been in the media occasionally. Stacie has just completed surgery for the removal of her appendix, which had ruptured. It was successful, and she is still asleep from the anesthesia. It is late at night, and a janitor molests her. He is caught by the nurse, who immediately documents and reports what happened. Stacie slept through it all. What is the appropriate response once the patient awakens and her family is present?

1. She slept through it all. It did not affect her. Don’t report it.
2. Let’s wait until the janitor is ready to tell her the story. After all, he is a nice guy.
3. Call the police to investigate. Alert the family and patient. Provide counseling and wait for the inevitable lawsuit.

Of course, the answer is clear. Molestation is a crime while asleep or awake. Any sexual act or touching must involve consent. Someone asleep or otherwise incapacitated cannot give consent. Period.

Teen boys and young men (and women) can sleep so soundly that it is difficult for them to wake up.

My son loved to play sports and video games. When he became a teen, he ran around all day and slept the sleep of the dead at night. We used to laugh about how hard it was to wake him up. I know that many of his friends had the same response to sleep. By the way, they didn’t use drugs. Many moms are nodding along. This is normal.

So what’s this all about? A young man was molested in his sleep; the pastors knew and didn’t tell him. They let the abuser continue to be a youth pastor, and he, Joel, molested Tyler while he was asleep again! The pastors said that he was sleeping, so he was not affected. They didn’t even bother to report it to the police. When I first heard about this, I couldn’t believe a church would be this ignorant. After 16 years, I should know better. I had a hard time sleeping after this one.

Tyler Bates

Tyler grew up in Houston. He was homeschooled, and his family were long-time members of Grace Church Houston. Both Garrett Booth and Steve Riggle would play prominent roles in downplaying Tyler’s molestation.

in 2014, After serving Grace for 20 years in various roles, Garrett and Andrea Booth became the lead pastors of Grace Church Houston. Steve and Becky Riggle transitioned to the role of founding pastors along with becoming the lead pastors at Grace Woodlands and leading Grace International, a worldwide fellowship of churches and ministries.

As a teen, Tyler realized he wouldn’t be a baseball star, so from 12 to 18, he began interning at the church in the kids and worship departments. He was excited to help with a Camp for the Performing Arts for the church in the summer. They brought in a new youth leader, Joel, from Dallas, who was 8 years older, and took him under his wing. He loved this. When he turned 18, he moved to Nashville, where he played Larry the Cucumber Live. (I love Larry.)

He learns he was molested and, consequently, that he is no longer appropriate dating material for the daughter of the Executive Pastor.

He then attended Christ for the Nations and began dating a girl from Grace. Her father was an executive pastor. One day, he went to pick her up, and she was crying. He said her father told her she needed to break up with him. She didn’t want to say to him why. “It is really bad.” He got his friend Joel to help him find out and said he would call him back later that night.

He told him the previous summer that while they were on that trip to San Diego for the Performing Arts Camp, he came into Tyler’s room and touched him sexually.

I touched you and so then I told Steve and Garrett who were the senior pastors of Grace Church afterwards and we all decided that we weren’t going to tell you or
your family because they idn’t want y’all’s faith in the church to be like shaken. with like you know we we’veseen some other church leaders fall
He was crying and said he didn’t know if he would be forgiven and I said he forgave him. He said the church was sending him for cunseling on a weekly basis.

The next day, Pastor Garret Booth called him.

I heard you had a conversation with Joel last night. What did he tell you?

I was so angry when he told us I oh I wanted to hurt him but what we decided was we didn’t want it to ruin his life he’s a young guy so we’re sending him to counseling and Tyler like I just want
you to know like this doesn’t affect you it’s not your storyWe think that he should be the one that tells your parents like we want him to go through a couple more like Steps in his  counseling and when he’s ready he can he can tell your parents

When Joel’s ready and when you tell your parents , we’ll walk you guys through that

Pastors allegedly said that Tyler was homosexual.

Connie knew about Tyler’s abuse before she became his girlfriend. She asked him why he hadn’t said anything to his parents and felt he had been a victim of spiritual manipulation by his pastors.

Connie was close to Tyler’s ex-girlfriend’s brother. He took her to coffee to tell her that she shouldn’t date Tyler because his dad (the executive pastor) said that he was pretty sure that Tyler was a homosexual and that he had some relationship with Joel. Connie knew he wasn’t homosexual because he had been in a loving and committed relationship with his former girlfriend for many years. This is something her brother did not seem to understand fully. She continued to date Tyler, and in 2013, they got engaged.

At this time, he was involved in Gateway’s kid’s ministry. He was asked to meet with one of the pastors. The pastor said:

     I just need you to be honest with me but what was the nature of your relationship with this guy down in Houston at Grace Church?

Gateway gave a tour of their facility to some pastors from an affiliated church with Grace. They saw Tyler Bates on stage, conducting a worship, and said

      I heard some rumors that he was in a relationship with a man in Houston.

• It was not his story to tell.
• He was not affected by it,
• He’s moved on with his life.

Connie discovered masses in her breasts and decided to plan a double mastectomy.

In February 2014, a month before they were to be married, Connie discovered lumps in her breasts. She has a serious family history of breast cancer with a grandmother and aunt who died in their 40s. Her blood work indicated that she had the BRCA gene and was at risk for cancer. She discovered the masses were benign but was told they were precursors to breast cancer. They decided a prophylactic double mastectomy was called for and decided to wait until a few months after the wedding.

At the same time, Tyler decided to tell his parents about the molestation.

Tyler’s parents still attended Grace Church, which was difficult for Tyler and Connie. Two weeks before the wedding, Tyler’s parents told them that Pastor Steve had given a great sermon about being a light in the darkness,  living in righteousness, standing up for what’s right even when it’s unpopular, and doing the right thing.

Tyler had yet to tell his parents about the molestation, and Connie strongly insisted that he do so immediately since his younger siblings still go to the church. Joel was still on staff, allegedly dressed up as Santa, and allowed kids to sit on his lap. Although Tyler and Connie were busy doing a video event for kids at church and they were facing Connie’s surgery, he decided to tell his parents about it at his grandfather’s birthday celebration, which they were attending.

His parents called Pastor Steve, and Joel revealed that he molested Tyler a second time!

His parents were incensed, and his father immediately called Pastor Steve. Steve immediately said

      We’ve done nothing wrong legally.

His dad asked why Tyler was told not to tell his parents  and to wait until the abuser “got it all right.” Steve suggested a meeting. The parents wanted to meet with Joel before they met with the pastors. Joel came to the parent’s house with some friends. He said that on another trip, he repeated the same action, explicitly saying he touched Tyler’s private parts while he was sleeping. He claimed he felt guilty about it… So Tyler was molested in 2009 and 2010. Allegedly, the pastors knew of the first molestation and still allowed Joel to go on a trip with Tyler where they would share a hotel room. It is important to note that Tyler was a minor the first time this happened, and no criminal report was made even though the pastors knew what had happened.

Tyler, Connie, and his parents returned to meet with the pastors.

They defended their actions. The Executive Pastor said he didn’t feel he was on Tyler’s side of the story. Was he implying that Tyler consented?”  Tyler insisted they stop talking about this because it could affect his job as a youth leader and maker of kids’ videos. Pastor Steve showed them a letter purported to be Joel’s resignation.

He’s a young guy who made some mistakes I’d hate to see it ruin his life. What do you want me to do with it? I don’t want to ruin his life.

Tyler noted that the pastor was putting the burden on Tyler to make this decision. Tyler replies that they were the ones who decided to keep Joel on staff, so the decision is on them. His parents insisted they have policies to protect kids and ensure this doesn’t happen again. They brought up the group MinistrySafe. Eventually, nothing was accomplished, and they all walked out of the meeting.

Tyler and Connie returned home, where they prepared for Connie’s double mastectomy the next day.

Later, his mom told Tyler’s siblings what had happened. His twin brother took it hard since they had been so close. The family would stay in the church for one more year, trying to make a difference, but they eventually left the church. As many readers know, it is often impossible to change a church once the pastors have dug in. This move was difficult since the children had grown up in this church, and the parents had many family friends. As TWW has seen in situation after situation, they lost their lifelong friends.

Connie had her double mastectomy and was due for reconstructive surgery several months later. The surgeon discovered she was pregnant, and he had to postpone the surgery. They named her Bravery.

Tyler and Connie are processing what has happened to his point.

• He was told he was molested once but that it didn’t affect him because he was asleep.
• He was told to stay quiet about this because it wasn’t his story to tell, and he was told not to tell his parents, who attended the church.
• Joel, the abuser, stayed on staff and molested him twice.
• Tyler was a minor in the first molestation.
• Rumors are started that he is a homosexual, implying he wanted what happened to him.
• The church did not report this crime to the police.
• Joel continued on staff and was involved in the youth ministry.
• Tyler married Connie, who convinced him to tell his parents.
• His parents contacted Pastor Steve and met with him and Joel. They were the ones who found out about the second molestation.
• The parents, Tyler and Connie, met with Pastor Steve, who told them to decide if they wanted to ruin a young man’s life because of “mistakes.” (ed.note: Why don’t they say sins and crimes?)
• Tyler begins to understand that he has been manipulated, victimized, and revictimized by the pastors.
• They realized the church sent the wolf, Joel, to counseling, not the victim.
• Tyler, Connie, and his parents understand this is a crime, not a mistake.
• Tyler believes the church has a hard time separating sin from crime. It is both, and repentance doesn’t cover it. The law needs to be involved.
• Connie had a double mastectomy at the age of 22, shortly after their marriage and amid these revelations.
• Their first child, Bravery, was born.

The rest of the story:

The church decided to restore Joel.

Yes, you read this right. They called a church in Austin, which took him in and put him in student ministry!

Tyler considered and began legal action.

Tyler began to have night terrors and confided in Tom Lane and his friends at Gateway. Gateway leaders were most supportive of Tyler from the very beginning. Gateway supported his decision to obtain a lawyer and offered to pay for counseling. Remember, Grace paid for counseling of the abuser and did not pay for counseling of Tyler.

His counselor, Debbie, was excellent, and he stayed with her for two years. Through her, he found the name of a good lawyer. The legal process took 8 years. It is an understatement to say Grace Church fought them at every turn. Connie said they even implied that the stress in their marriage was due to the double mastectomy, not the pain Tyler went through.

Tyler said Willow Creek Church is an example of how a church should respond to a lawsuit.

Tyler was visiting Willow Creek to see their children’s program. That same weekend, it was revealed that two children had been molested in the program. They have a counselor who got involved. But here is an unusual shout-out to Bill Hybels. He got up in front of the church and told them that the parents of the children had decided to pursue legal action against the church. Hybels said:

(it)is completely within their right to do so so would you join us in just praying for these families as we try to surround them as they pick up the broken pieces and ask that the spirit of God would be with them and around them as they do that and how we as their church family can be supportive.

Amazing Kids is born.

What happened with the lawsuit?

He talked about how he handled forgiveness. He says it has nothing to do with forgetting, which means one can forgive while holding another accountable for their actions. He says it is a continual process. He likened it to taking a shower every day. Their faith is strong.

Where is Joel, the abuser?

He finally turned up at Milestone Church with his wife. They both held positions within the church. Joel was in the youth program. Gateway leaders, Tyler and Connie called the church to warn them. The church kept saying he had repented. Eventually, they removed him from the youth program but allowed him to do audio that could involve youth. It is worrisome that church leaders do not understand the long-term problems that affect those with paraphilias. They were finally let go from their positions. I don’t know where he is now, but I bet he is “working” with kids.

What was a surprise to me?

We have focused on Robert Morris and the leaders who knew or should have known. After that, some good people were left to care for the church. Tom Lane and a couple of other folks, who shall be anonymous, greatly supported Tyler and Connie (as well as me in writing this.) Thank you for being present in this awful story of some other pastors who, in my opinion, got it wrong and were abusive to Tyler, Connie, and their families. No wonder they didn’t return my call for a statement.

Final thoughts

• I am heartened by Tyler and Connie’s deep and abiding love for God’s church after Grace Church treated them so shamefully. I am in awe of their confidence in the church in the future.
• People in Grace Church and Milestone Church should watch out for the welfare of their children while in church or on church trips.
• I am deeply disturbed and shocked by Grace Church’s alleged response. The same goes for Milestone Church. If they ever get back to me, I will post their statements. “Shame on all of you” keeps running through my head. I wonder why. Maybe one of these days, they will learn why they messed up. Caveat Emptor to all who attend those churches.
• Tyler wanted his “whole story” response to Grace Church’s nasty insinuations. His whole story was posted on Rita Springer’s podcast. He assured me that the narrative was correct in that two-hour broadcast.
• There was much that I left unsaid. Here is the podcast to hear this incredible and disturbing story.