"Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her…"
If you happened to be reading over at The Gospel Coalition website recently, Mother's Day is a real downer! Here are two posts I happened to read last week: When Mother's Day Is Hard and 9 Things You Should Know About Mothers and Mother's Day. The comments on the latter post were so depressing! (see below)
Melody
May 10, 2013 at 12:17 PM"I think maybe I hate this holiday the most out of them all. And I have eight kids.
We are supposed to honor parents every day. All it does is expose those that have to make up being neglectful. Those that are competitive with their siblings. The women that really do think they are supposed to be the center of the universe. A self-centeredness that will not let an invitation to an outside event interfere with "their day".
Then we have to have all the reminders for those that it might not be a good day for which just leaves me confused. Can we just skip it?"
Lovey
May 11, 2013 at 1:28 AM"I loathe Mother's Day…..my Hubby and I struggle most days to honor our mom's let alone set aside a "special" day for them. They are selfish and at times very cruel to all their children. No matter what we do, at any time of the year, to honor them or make them feel special, it won't be good enough. And we don't dare do anything extra special for the dads on Father's Day because that inevitably leads to mom-meltdowns. I know my words don't sound godly or remotely christian but it's the truth. Add to that pain the heartache of hubby and I have suffered many miscarriages with no earthly children…..well, it only intensifies the pain.
I know we are not the only people who feel this way. Just about everyone we know does not look forward to Mother's (or Father's) Day for many, many different reasons.
In light of how our Moms are, we still believe in the biblical mandate to honor our parents. And we believe in doing this on a daily basis. It is irritating and frustrating for us that this man-made holiday causes so much heartache not just for us but for many people we know."
Then over on The Resurgence website (Mars Hill Church/Mark Driscoll), I came across a post by Elyse Fitzpatrick regarding Mother's Day. Her post was introduced as follows:
"From Justin Holcomb:
I am really thankful for Elyse Fitzpatrick’s ministry, writing, and friendship. She has released nearly a dozen grace-filled books and has been writing for Resurgence for years. I asked her to write a post for Mother’s Day because she was the best person I could imagine for the topic. Her words are important for women and for church leaders in how to best approach this holiday with care and grace."
Here are some highlights from Fitzpatrick's post entitled Happy Daughter's Day:
"Well . . . here it comes again: Mother’s Day—or, as I like to call it, the Great Day of Guilt and Discontent. Ugh…
Mother’s Day is the Law—it breeds discontent and guilt…
Here’s what’s wrong with Mother’s Day (and every other celebration of our own goodness): Any time you seek satisfaction, honor, and glory in yourself you’re going to be dissatisfied—that applies to both women and men. Any time you look for someone to give you something that will make you feel like you’ve done a good job, or are finally a person of worth, you’re going to be disappointed. Men will be disappointed because their wives or moms don’t appreciate how much they tried to appreciate them. Women will be disappointed because no matter how hard our husband and children seek to lavish us with praise, flowers, and gifts, there is always someone you know who was given much more than you."
Where are these negative attitudes towards Mother's Day originating? Suddenly, I remembered a post I read the day after Mother's Day 2009 called On Second Thought: Why Mother's Day is a Bad Idea. The author was none other than Al Mohler. Here is an excerpt from that post:
"Mother’s Day is a bad idea because it subverts the reality of faithful mothering and robs faithful mothers of their true glory. Mothers deserving of honor are handed cards and taken to lunch, when songs of praise should instead be offered to the glory of God. Undeserving mothers, who abdicate their true responsibility, are honored just because they are mothers. Children, young and old, who ignore and dishonor their mothers by word and by life throughout the year, assuage their guilt by making a big deal of Mother’s Day.
So, Mother’s Day is a bad idea."
Dee and I had only been blogging for seven weeks when Mohler's post was published, and as moms we had to chime in. Here is Dee's rebuttal, which we republished last May: Al Mohler: Mother's Day Is a Bad Idea.
This year Mohler was silent on his website regarding Mother's Day, but he did send out this Tweet on Sunday, May 12, at 5:05 a.m.:
"But brothers, as you preach keep it on the Gospel. Hell will be filled with people who loved their mothers. Preach Jesus, and him crucified."
Looks like the Calvinista commander sent out instructions to his followers rather early on Mother's Day, and they wouldn't dare disappoint him!
Sorry, I just don't get it! Why the Bah, Humbug attitude toward that one special day of the year when we honor mothers?
Last Saturday I was in a small town in the northeastern part of our state (North Carolina), and after having read those two posts over at The Gospel Coalition, I ran some errands. Mother's Day seemed to be the talk of the town, and I was overjoyed! One middle-aged man wished his matronly friend a happy mother's day while a dad and his small son were shopping for a card and gift for a special mom. I never heard one negative word about Mother's Day.
I was grateful to spend yesterday afternoon with my mom and daughters, who are establishing a legacy of honoring the nurturers in their lives. I pray they will turn a deaf ear toward the naysayers that, for some reason, seem to be confined to the Calvinista camp. Hmmm…
Why are they so negative?
It will be interesting to see if there is a repeat performance when Father's Day rolls around…
Please know that my heart goes out to those who desire to be mothers but for whatever reason are not. Does that mean we should not have one day on the calendar to honor moms? How unfortunate that some Christians are attempting to sway public opinion against Mother's Day.
For the moms (and grandmas) out there, here's a beautiful song which Dee and I dedicate to you. Thanks for all you do for future generations!
Lydia's Corner: 2 Samuel 4:1-6:23 John 13:31-14:14 Psalm 119:17-32 Proverbs 15:31-32
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My brother and I enjoy both Mother’s and Father’s Day, and our parents enjoy those days as well. This year in particular, my mom was overjoyed by the love we lavished on her — she was so, so happy; such was not only written on her face, but she also told us how she felt, several times, I might add.
I just don’t understand some Calvinists, if you will allow me to rant just a tad. Christ came and conquered our “total depravity,” and from reading most of them, one would never know it — just a lot of Debbie Downer pessimistic blogposts.
Our mom had no “Great Day of Guilt and Discontent” — just a day in which we celebrated her life and love to us: a Great Day of Virtue and Complete Content.
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I didn’t think I could possibly be MORE fed up with the attitude of “everything you think and feel means you are idolatrous about yourself and your own glory” until I read what Fitzpatrick said about Mother’s Day, and then I realized that there truly is no limit to how fed up with that attitude I can get. 🙂 Is nothing safe from the Idol Police?
I think Mother’s Day is good for moms who enjoy it, but I do admit to having mixed feelings about it now that I’m older. I know a lot of moms who are overworked and exhausted, not getting enough help from their husbands, or have been cut off from their passions and careers due to patriarchal teachings about a woman’s “place.” I’ve seen a lot of Mother’s Day sermons (and even a lot of stereotype in the secular world) which reinforce and almost idealize this picture of the mom as the all-sacrificing genie who makes life possible for the rest of the family. In reality, I think family responsibilities and sacrifice should be equally shared among both parents. Sadly, Mother’s Day cliches often reinforce those unhealthy dynamics as normal, or even admirable (look how much she’s sacrificing, boy is she Godly!) instead of actually calling husbands to honor their wives by shouldering 50 percent of the hard stuff. That’s just been my observation, since being married. A lot of the Mother’s Day sermons paint motherhood as a picture that I would NEVER want to participate in!
I hope that doesn’t offend anyone, because I know many people who truly enjoy Mother’s Day, and many pastors who preach awesome Mother’s Day sermons.
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Thanks for the song, Deb. I learn so much about myself and God from my daily interaction with my children.
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William Birch wrote:
How else can they make themselves More Biblical Than Thou? More Gospelly Than Thou? More Elect Than Thou? More Godly Than God?
And there’s also the undercurrent of “Whatever It Is, I’m Against It!” — again, to show God “How I Am Nothing Like That Heathen/Apostate/Heretic/Publican over there…”
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Whenever I think about Mother’s Day sermons, I am always reminded of a hilarious story I heard Tony Campolo tell years ago about a particularly disastrous Mother’s Day pulpit incident.
He was to preach on the customary text from 2 Timothy 1:5 about Lois and Eunice and turned to read the chapter, but accidentally opened to 1 Timothy instead, the first chapter of which contains this gem:
“…knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers…”
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I have read quite a few theology blogs that addressed Mother’s Day from the perspective of those struggling with infertility or painful relationships with mom or kids. I do think it would be helpful to be mindful of that and point out in prayers and sermons that all women can contribute to mentoring and building up children and younger people, and acknowledging that abuse happens and broken relationships cannot always be healed. That would be some basic pastoral sensitivity.
I do think it’s ironic and sad that some of the reformed blogs try to extend sympathy for a problem they help create. Elevating marriage and motherhood above anything else makes women feel useless when those things don’t come. So, it’s your highest calling but please don’t feel too crappy that you are living your life in God’s second highest calling. Second is nice too!
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Hmm…..I am not against Mother's Day and I have a dear friend who is a wonderful mother and I always get her a card. But the day is still a difficult one for me. I never had children. I sometimes regret that. But more than that, I have had to cut my mother out of my life for sanity's sake. I love her and miss her, but cannot heal and be around her. So the day is a little difficult. Father day is for similar reasons.
That said, I applaud those mothers who are true mothers and those who, though not giving birth, still help mother others. They should be recognized.
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This is actually quite interesting because this year at my church was the first year since I’ve been a member there (8 yrs) that we didn’t have a mother’s day breakfast or anything to celebrate moms. And then the service! Oh the service… what a disappointment. No celebration of mother’s. No message on motherhood. Instead we got a nod to mother’s day and a quick rebuke for moms from a sermon on Genesis 1 to work with our husbands as our heads.
Niceeeee.
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As to Mohler, et all., I think HUG has it right. But I also think there is an element of these leaders not wanting to share the spotlight with a woman….
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@ Jeannette Altes:
Well if that were the real problem, then they would be as depraved as they say they are 🙁
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What would Freud say?
http://www.tabletmag.com/scroll/132113/what-would-freud-say-about-mothers-day
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@ Anon:
Interesting. What would Calvinista’s say? How do we explain them having the same Blah! for Mother’s Day as their archenemy Freud?
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Well, I'm a mom, and a nurse, and it was mother's day right at the end of nurse's week and my son-in-law (who is a teacher) pointed out that it was also teacher's week AND corrections officer's week…
The Bible speaks of outdoing one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10). To me, honoring the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy (Phil 4:8) is much nicer than being a grinch and will bear much better fruit ("overcome evil with good" Rom 12:21)
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Are they equally zealous condemning Pastor Appreciation Day?
I could have some respect for consistency but inconsistency would strike me as rather hypocritical and self-interested.
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I must admit I have never heard a Mother’s day sermon in my life, but I think that speaks more to the cultural differences between Australia and America than anything else.
I admit I am always a little sensitised about Mother’s Day, both because I have friends who really struggle with infertility, and because the only gratitude I can feel for my own mother is the gratitude that I survived her! But it is NOT idolatrous to thank people who serve us — that is just ridiculous! I can’t help wondering if their real problem is that this is one day a year when the men aren’t the centre of attention — poor things! Patriarchy at its fullest development cannot bear anything that doesn’t keep women in their place!
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Jeannette Altes wrote:
Yep, similar situation with my mother. It is also her birthday next week and I feel guilty about not at least sending her a card. But if I do, she’ll use it as a wedge.
I’ve got a mother-shaped hole in my heart and it’s just plain sad. 🙁
I suspect Mohler et al have relational problems with their mothers, too. That they don’t face it but instead institutionalize it, making everyone else suffer for their own rage/grief, shows the poverty of their character and intellect.
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“It will be interesting to see if there is a repeat performance when Father’s Day rolls around.”
My thought exactly.
“All it does is expose those that have to make up being neglectful. Those that are competitive with their siblings. The women that really do think they are supposed to be the center of the universe. A self-centeredness that will not let an invitation to an outside event interfere with ‘their day.'”
A man could do the exact same things on Father’s Day…
“Here’s what’s wrong with Mother’s Day (and every other celebration of our own goodness)…”
This is soooooo depressing. I guess when Jesus said “Well done, good and faithful servant,” referring to somebody’s good works, he was off base? Just because you’re celebrating somebody’s goodness doesn’t mean you’re saying they’re perfect.
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So many great comments! I wonder whether Al Mohler was teased during his formative years since his last name could easily be mistaken for “Mother”.
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It’ll be no birthdays next – or mememememeday as they may think of them. Unless we call them ‘praise Jesus he saved me after letting me be born a sinner on this day’ or something equally convoluted & terribly terribly holy. No cake, cake is sin. Obvs.
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Diana Butler Bass wrote an interesting article on the origin of Mother’s Day in the US. Too bad we’ve strayed so far from the original intent.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mobileweb/diana-butler-bass/radical-history-of-mothers-day_b_3259326.html
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“Mothers deserving of honor are handed cards and taken to lunch, when songs of praise should instead be offered to the glory of God. Undeserving mothers, who abdicate their true responsibility, are honored just because they are mothers.”
So who determines which mothers are “deserving” and which are “undeserving”?
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emr wrote:
Exactly!
They are not just the idol police, but the honor police.
Never mind that the 5th Commandment explicitly states “Honor your father AND mother”.
Not honor only your father.
Not honor your pastor, elders, (and perhaps their wives).
Not honor your father more than your mother (because he’s the head, you know!)
But rather honor your father AND mother.
This commandment sort of strikes at the heart of their twisted doctrine that wants to honor men over women and male authority in the church over everyone else.
They can’t attack Commandment number 5 directly. So they will have to do it by stealth, by attacking the one day of the year people are asked to stop and at least think about their mothers.
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I’ve seen a general trend towards lots of holidays recently. Christmas was originally a pagan holiday, Easter was as well, Mother’s Day honors women instead of God, Halloween has been off limits for awhile, and the Fourth of July honors a country. I don’t know if this is just in calvinist circles or I still am just hearing from ultra patriarchals, but many holidays are now evil. Heaven forbid we enjoy a holiday or two.
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@ sad observer:
“. . . the Idol Police . . .”
If I use that, I’ll quote you, haha. Brilliant.
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@ Headless Unicorn Guy:
” . . . again, to show God ‘How I Am Nothing Like That Heathen/Apostate/Heretic/Publican over there . . .'”
Like that good ol’ Pharisee (Lk. 18:11). Given their views of “the [über] sovereignty of God,” I’m surprised how much they whine and complain about the negative state of affairs in the world. I mean, who foreordained such? Hmmm?
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I once pastored a small church where we would have approximately 12 women on Mother’s Day. One of those women had never been able to have children. It was a very, very painful day for her. She led the music in the church, and if she hadn’t I’m sure she would have figured out a way to avoid the day. If I remember correctly, it was also the only day when her husband would come to church with her. As I saw her struggle this did lead me to evaluate my emphasis on the celebration of Mother’s Day.
Since that time I have come to know several women who are unable to have children, several adults who were greatly mistreated by their mothers, and others for whom Mother’s Day is a difficult day. We still celebrate it in our church (actually over a 2 week period) but try to keep things on a normal key. I don’t downplay Mother’s Day in any way but I do try to remain sensitive to those who struggle on that day.
As to Dr. Mohler’s post on preaching, here is my thought. 1. I’m not a disciple of Dr. Mohler – too much baggage from his followers and zealots. 2. Mother’s Day is a day in our rural church that I will see some people that we will only see 2 or 3 times a year – I desire to tell them of God’s grace. 3. I find myself agreeing with him in a fashion in that we should tell of the love and mercy of Jesus instead of filling our sermons with anecdotal references to good mommies. 4. Can you do both at the same time? Most probably, although the services I’ve been in over the years certainly struggled with a balance.
Lastly, keep up the good work Dee and Deb. You have been a blessing and encouragement to me in so many ways – (don’t tell the comps). Your willingness to embrace and deal with subjects that so many professing believers have become belligerent and bellicose over is a great ministry. I look forward to my continued learning from your ministry and those who involve themselves in the discussions.
Daniel
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@ kindakrunchy:
I have been noticing the same thing. Are birthdays off limits as well?
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Charis wrote:
Some churches try to outdo one another on Pastor Appreciation Day-showering them with cars, trips abroad, etc. I noted this once and was told that pastors are worthy of double honor. It is amazing how well these guys know their Bible but do not understand the heart of the faith.
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Deb
Great post. So, when your birthday rolls around, I should be a good Christian and not take you to lunch? These folks can”t enjoy life. They are a bunch of joyless clods.
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@ Daniel: Thank you for your kind comment.
In the church I attend, a single woman got up and prayed for all the women on Mother’s Day. She remembered those who wished to have children but had been unable to conceive, she remembered those who have experienced miscarriages, those who had abusive mothers, etc. She then remembered those who found mothers in the church to make up for their biological mother’s failings. She then honored the mothers in the church who have been good mothers.
It was a lovely prayer and well done. I hope they do the same on Father’s Day.
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@ Daniel:
I enjoyed reading your comment, and you make some very good points.
I certainly don't expect pastors to preach a sermon glorifying mothers on the one day of the year set aside to honor them. Case in point – I listened live to Emmanuel Enid's message last Sunday, and Wade Burleson recognized that it was Mother's Day and had a few remarks, but he continued with his series on Hebrews.
I know Mother's Day can be difficult for some, and I am greatly saddened by that fact. However, for those of us who had fantastic moms (like me) it is a joy to express our love to the one who brought us into this world. 🙂
So glad you are part of the TWW community. Rest assured, we won't tell the comps and patriarchs you are reading here. 😉
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This is odd, because I get the opposite impression.
Year round, many churches and conservative Christian culture go on endlessly about how great marriage and parenthood are, they complain a lot about the “traditional family and marriage” being undermined by liberal culture, so if you are neither married nor a parent, you feel excluded.
Conservative Christian culture (in the U.S.A.) pretty much honors and celebrates motherhood, fatherhood, and parenting the entire year.
For couples who want to conceive but who cannot, for people who are estranged from their mothers, or for those whose mothers are dead, or for single Christian women, Mother’s Day and all its surrounding hoopla can be depressing or irritating.
I’m not sure why Mohler et al are down on Mother’s Day, but for other people, there are other reasons.
Mother’s Day didn’t bother me as much when my mother was alive, but with her being gone, it becomes another reminder she’s not in my life, so I dread that holiday. I also see too much emphasis in American Christian culture on the nuclear family to start with.
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@ dee:
I'm just wondering if birthdays are next on the chopping block. I still remember that wonderful watermelon salad I had at Heron's when you treated me on my birthday the first year we started blogging (2009).
Remember that we were celebrating 10,000 hits (or something like that) on our blog, and we were so excited? Great memories…
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emr wrote:
For what it’s worth…
Something I read about the Boston Marathon Bombers — at least the older, dominant one. His uncle (who described him as “a loser”) related that whenever they talked, no matter what the subject, Bomber Boy would reply with something about “the glory of God.” Always. Uncle asks whether he ever got a job, Bomber Boy replies with songs of praise to The Glory of Al’lah The Glory of Al’lah The Glory of Al’lah.
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Once again, these certain Christians sound a lot like Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s odd how similar these authoritarian groups are. High control, elitism, and spiritual pride.
Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate Mothers Day because “a day to honor anyone but Jehovah would be a form of creature worship.” They believe it is wrong to “exalt humans.” http://thejehovahswitnesses.org/why-jehovahs-witnesses-dont-celebrate-mothers-day.php
However later in this article, the author writes “the [JW] organization exalts the religion of the Jehovah’s Witnesses above all other faiths and belief systems.”
Sound familiar?
Finally, “To speak against it [the JW organization] is to rebel against God.”
Sound familiar?
Jehovah’s Witnesses isolate people, pulling them away from family, and keeping them so busy they cannot have outside friends. Eventually they lose ties to anything normal, the joys of everyday life and celebration, in fact anything that brings them joy outside the system.
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dee wrote:
As James Michener described New England Calvinist missionaries to Hawaii in his epic novel Hawaii:
“The one in a hundred Predestined to walk the dark, grim, grey, drab, joyless path of Salvation.”
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Mother wrote:
Exactly. 🙂
Sincerely,
a 40ish year old Christian woman who has never married or had children, and who the church never lets forget these things.
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@ Janey:
The similarity is frightening!
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Lynne T wrote:
Some Christians do the same thing with marriage.
They say an unmarried person wanting to get married is idolatry, but then they spend the rest of their sermons and editorializing on their sites shaming and blaming singles for not being married (even though we want to be, but just can’t find the right partner.)
They assume we are intentionally remaining single due to selfishness or something (we’re not), but if we say we want marriage, we are informed we’ve made marriage into an idol.
I don’t see how having a desire for something is necessarily idolatry.
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Beakerj wrote:
I think the Jehovah’s Witnesses already have a corner on that market. They don’t believe birthdays should be celebrated.
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Daisy wrote:
Daisy, exposing the church’s idolatry of marriage might be the next frontier for TWW (or maybe you’ve already done it, Deb and Dee?). What makes it so painful is that nearly all of society agrees on this point and the stereotypes run deep. (There are some very shrill voices on the pro-single end, and they aren’t very attractive to Christians.)
But I think one of the good places to start are with Eric Klinenberg’s fascinating study on living alone, and the millions of singles who like it that way. They have rich social lives, and very few are isolated or lonely. 32 million people live alone in the U.S. — 28% of U.S. households.
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/Eric-Klinenberg-on-Going-Solo.html
There are a lot of myths flooding our culture about singles. Here’s another author who is very sensible on the topic: 10 Myths about Single People.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/living-single/201102/10-myths-about-single-people-here-are-the-first-4
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dee wrote:
Except at T4G when hero worship takes center stage. Of course, they claim it’s for the glory of God, but who do they think they’re kidding?
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@ Beakerj:
🙂
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@ emr:
I’m pretty sure we’re all supposed to be self examining ourselves (especially on Mother’s Day-right?) and declaring “ourselves” unworthy of a thank you. Isn’t that the self-deprecating, holy stance of the day?. . . because, according to them, we all spend endless hours sitting around thinking about how great we are. Why do they paint everyone their own favorite color?
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@ Marge Sweigart:
I thought I read in more than one article that the lady who got Mother’s Day started later regretted it, she regretted that it was turned into a huge deal and was commercialized.
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Bridget wrote:
Enlightened Self-Criticism before Party Commissars.
“Encouraged” by the Chairman’s Red Guard.
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emr wrote:
To be fair to Mohler, there are some parents who are not responsible.
There are parents who stay passed out all day from drink and drugs, don’t look after their kids, or they pass their kids off on to their moms (the grandparents) to give live the night-clubbing, party lifestyle.
If you have ever been to forums for the child-free (which is tough because many are atheist and hostile to Christians) they do none the less post many stories of parental neglect from minor to extreme, from parents who let their kids run wild in restaurants disturbing other diners, to mothers who starve their kids or shack up with an abusive drug addict boyfriend (they pick a man over their kids, in other words).
There are women who do drop the ball in our culture, motherhood-wise (as do some men per fatherhood). Not all mothers are self-sacrificing paragons of virtue.
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@ Marge Sweigart:
After reading that article, I can see why some folks might want to play down Mother’s Day. The history lesson doesn’t quite line up with their agenda, nor fit in their box of depravity.
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give live = go live
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For what its worth, as a pastor, I do not like mother’s day emphasis in church. Everyone should honor faithful mom’s…no doubt. But in corporate worship, I don’t think there should be much more than an acknowledgment and prayer. Mother’s day is just too hard for a lot of people…
1. mom is no longer alive,
2. mom was abusive and neglectful,
3. married women who can’t have children.
4. single women who feel neglected by the church
5. and faithful mom’s who just feel discouraged
If anything, the best thing to do on mother’s day in church is just preach grace, and save the roses, cards, etc. for your private time with your mom. Anything more than prayer and acknowledgment I think hinders worship.
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Yes, it will. I predict that they won’t give up a chance to chastise men for not being manly enough and not being good enough fathers. Will they also berate single guys for depriving good Christian ladies of husbands and unconceived children of fathers? We’ll see…
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dee wrote:
When someone is so completely humorless, I suspect heresy. Lol
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If we are miserable enough maybe people will notice how spiritual we are and committed we are.
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@ Headless Unicorn Guy:
About the bomber guy. He and his wife were on welfare, and she worked as a nurse’s aid 60+ hours a week while he built bombs at home.
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PP
So is it a bad idea to have baby dedications during the church service on Mother’s Day?
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Mother’s Day is our 3rd largest attendance day following Christmas and Easter. So our services tend to cater a bit to the influx of visitors and people expecting some sort of acknowledgement. (Unfortunately there is some truth to people expecting and feeling entitled to all sorts of things on Mother’s Day.)
I think the best approach for a church is to avoid focusing on the moms themselves and simply encourage everyone to be honor their own mothers and/or women in their life who fulfilled that role for them. It’s become trendy to address infertility on Mother’s Day but I’m dealing with infertility and I’d rather not have that brought up. Don’t know why I don’t have children yet, but that has no bearing on my ability to honor my own mom and be grateful for the people who have influenced me.
As for this mothers day = idolatry thing, why don’t these guys use the time they spend pontificating about this and spend some time loving their own mothers, wives, etc.
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One of the best “Mother’s Day” posts I read :
http://mattbredmond.com/2013/05/06/no-condemnation-a-mothers-day-sermon/
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I think they put on the lenses of ‘radical feminism’ every time do they do something it seems. It clouds their judgement IMO.
Years prior they complained that Mother’s Day is being celebrated in a bigger fashion than Father’s Day – and it was all ‘their’ fault. It bought in the materialism of feminists. Then they started to speak down about it. Hinting at the evil of it.
Then you see their attitude about how they seem to feel every woman that doesn’t believe as they do thinks to much of themselves, and how everything is ME ME ME all the time.
Now they decide that contempt for the day is appropriate. I just don’t get it.
Now, if we made a Happy Headship Day no doubt their attitudes would change. I mean that is God given, and would be right. Sigh.
Mother’s Day can be celebrated the way each family sees fit. There is no one way, and yet they seem to forget about that. Not everyone is a robot to the culture – as they fear all the time. Seeing that love to sing the benefits of that role (female role and all its rules and exceptions) I just don’t understand how they can turn around, and speak ugly about it.
I guess as the saying goes – if all you want to do is see evil, you will find it everywhere you look!
They truly make no sense at times.
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@ Deb:
I haven’t been to T4G, I wonder if they do long standingo’s for each other. They did when they were at CLC.
Mother’s day is a good holiday, but can be hard. I have a few kids. And grandchildren. And parents. If it gets to hectic I take to my room with a glass of wine. As I do on any hectic holiday. It helps if I don’t have expections.
I wonder if Al Molher’s mother doesn’t approve of what he’s done to the SBC?
HUG, Hawaii is one of my favorite books!
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”’Here’s what’s wrong with Mother’s Day (and every other celebration of our own goodness): Any time you seek satisfaction, honor, and glory in yourself you’re going to be dissatisfied—that applies to both women and men. ”’
Mother’s day isn’t about seeking those things in yourself. It's a day of showing appreciation and honor for your mother, wife, etc. How did they ever get the place thinking it was self glorification? It's a day to say THANK YOU!
No doubt you have those that tend to take these days, and twist them into something they are not. To me those aren’t the norm.
When my children were little? I got a homemade gift, and a bowl of cereal in bed. lol the rest of the day was WORK for me! I normally went to my own mother’s home, and catered to her. She did the same for her mother. It was a day of service to mothers, and some lone selfish person shouldn’t be able to take that spirit of it away.
Its sad they totally miss the point, and then spread it around as fact. Not everyone takes the materialism aspect of it, and runs with it.
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Brian wrote:
Great post by a friend to TWW. I have always been impressed by Matt Redmond!
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Janey wrote:
Just what I was thinking! If Mohler and Fitzpatrick are representative of the Reformed community, then (judging by their words above) they might indeed be morphing into JWs. Celebration of birthdays might really be the next to go. I wonder if Mohler et al. might be more envious than anything else — “Well, I’m not allowed to enjoy life, what with all my ‘gospel-centered’ living. Why should anyone else?”
I’ve just moved to a new location (within Japan) for work, and started attending a church here last month. This past Sunday, the congregation did a neat thing for Mother’s Day. The men’s group, along with the kids, cooked a grand buffet-style luncheon for everyone! It was kind of neat seeing a bunch of Japanese men (including the pastor!) in aprons, cooking on hotplates for the women. 🙂
Why do I get the feeling we won’t see something like it at a Reformed church in the U.S. anytime soon?
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PP wrote:
Thank you, PP.
I fall under #1 and #4 on your list.
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@ Serving in Japan:
What a great testimony about the men at the Japanese church you attended. Love it!
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“Hell will be filled with people who loved their mothers”
Ugh. Seriously, this is why I avoid the denomination of my upbringing at all costs and transitioned to a different one in adulthood. Because the in-your-face HELL’S AWAITIN FER YA stuff like this is unnecessary and unhelpful.
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@ Serving in Japan:
The manly men might lead people astray by wearing aprons 🙂 I’d love to see Mohler and Mahaney in aprons!!
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Charis wrote:
I didn’t know there was such a thing! What a comedy opportunity…
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So now it’s a sin to take your mom out to lunch? Did Mohler really say “Hell will be full of people who love their mothers?”
That is the sort of thing that makes decent, loving, normal, non-religious people hate Christians. But denying and despising love and goodness isn’t the message of Christianity but rather the cultic and theocratic tendencies of this particular camp of authoritarians. You’ll notice that they are always admonishing their followers to be skeptical and dismissive of everything, absolutely everything, EXCEPT their own leadership. Question your natural loving feelings for anything good in your life but don’t question your pastor.
Sick and quite obviously self-serving.
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Bridget wrote:
If Mahaney ever donned an apron, here's what it would probably look like, and he would have the entire 'team' wearing one.
http://www.cafepress.com/+team_mahaney_apron_dark,752512208
Drats! I've just given him another idea of how to market himself – Cooking Together for the Glory of God. 😉
Now if Mohler ever stooped to wear an apron, this is the one for him:
http://www.cafepress.com/+mohler_rules_bbq_apron,76999556
They would make great Father's Day gifts for Mahaney and Mohler…
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I really do wonder if it’s the commercialization of Mother’s Day that creates more angst than a simple acknowledgement in a church service. For weeks we are bombarded with ads for flower delivery, jewelry, and other expensive items. Not that there’s anything wrong with someone giving expensive gifts to their mothers or wives. But what on Earth is wrong with showing a little appreciation for a job that goes unnoticed and unappreciated most of the time? I hope some of those Christian “leaders” remember that, at one time, some woman was changing their diapers and cleaning up after their potty-training accidents.
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Josh wrote:
That’s Debbie Maken’s speciality, which I think Mark Driscoll has picked up on, and I think Al Mohler also got into that a little.
The single males will be told to stop with the X-boxes and PS3s and start asking Christian ladies out, you slackers you.
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@ Deb:
Ha!! Maybe:
“Mohler & Mahaney — Together for the Louisville Gospel — We’re cook’n someth’n good (i.e., depraved) forrrr ya’ll !
The odd thing is . . . I don’t recall Mahany ever speaking of cooking in any way, not even a backyard BBQ story. Seems strange to never hear stories of a man/dad in the kitchen or at the grill.
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Daisy wrote:
I work in social services and understand this.
However…
What do you do when the 5th Commandment says to honor your father and mother.
It doesn’t mean to honor the irresponsible side of them. It doesn’t mean turn a blind eye to the fact that they are worthless human beings.
But whatever they did wrong, they did one thing that is worthy of honor, even if they did it the wrong way. Thay gave you life and you can honor them for that if nothing else.
We are told by heavy handed authoritarian churches that we are to honor and obey those in leadership, even when they are wrong.
I think this attitude does mess us up and that we get messed up on what words mean sometimes.
Honoring doesn’t mean submitting or obeying. It simply means to acknowledge them and what they have done.
Yes, I know. There are worthless parents. I work with them everyday. But of all the parents I’ve worked with, the most drug addicted or mentally unstable, there were precious few that truly didn’t love their children. Most of them did love their children. They just had too many demons of their own to care for their children. They were too messed up themselves to be worth anything. But they are still human beings that Jesus died on the cross for.
I’m not saying we have to celebrate Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. But I am saying that every person who has ever been born and wants to claim Christ… Every one has to look at “Honor your father and mother” and figure out what that means for them. And the ones with worthless parents… It is something that they will have to wrestle with sometime or another and find peace in this area.
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@ Deb:
I went to a church that did a baby dedication months after Mom's Day, and I cried on the way home. I didn't know why at first, then it hit me, it was a reminder I wasn't married. I already felt awkward going into that couples-filled church alone.
I don't mind the occasional mom shout out in a church service, but trust me, if you are not a wife n' mommy or husband n' daddy, you really notice the extreme focus most churches have on motherhood, fatherhood, marriage, and it goes on year round, not just on Mom's Day or Dad's day. It's also on Christian blogs, TV shows, and Christian magazines all year long.
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Josh wrote:
Josh, I’m putting my money on your idea. I think this is exactly how the Calvinistas will spin Father’s Day.
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Matthew 12:
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@ Mara:
🙂 We ALL wrestle with something, don’t we? No place in life is without it’s struggle on the floor.
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One thing I noticed this past Mother's Day is that people were writing to Dear Abby and similar with these etiquette problems and what all. I saw several letters, some from mothers, some from husbands or whomever.
Some women were complaining that they want their family to honor them on Mother's day, not their mom's mom or their mother in law. One lady wrote in to say she is pregnant the 1st time this year. She felt her family should dote on her for the holiday, but her MIL (mom in law) was insisting everyone go to MIL's home and honor MIL.
I saw a letter last year from a guy. He said his wife was angry he was taking his own mother out to dinner for Mom's Day but not her, and she had 2 or 3 kids with him.
So I do occasionally see some women who expect to be catered to on the holiday and get their noses bent out of shape if they don't get a holiday dinner in their honor or if they have to share the day with a mother in law.
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@ Desley:
That is so sad and infuriating.
I was very sad at a Mother’s Day sermon celebration shortly after a miscarriage. I never thought though that they shouldn’t have celebrated. But if that Pastor had used the day to talk about his idolatrous view of male superiority? I would have been a lot more than sad. It would have made me b… Um, that b word that isn’t allowed here.
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@ Mara:
Parenthood is a huge responsibility, and I think women who have chosen not to become mothers due to that realization, should be honored for that in churches, maybe get their own holiday, but that will never happen.
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If people want to celebrate or not who cares. I do agree it should be not the focus at services out of consideration for those reasons given in pp’s comment.
@Deb~
Mohler’s article you referenced is 3 years old. Do you or does anyone know if his views have changed in the last 3 years? As far as his May 12th tweet about keeping the sermon about the gospel, yeah whatever. lol. How about each pastor use his own God given brain and allow the Holy Spirit to lead?
Mohler did tweet some postive things about Mother’s Day-did you happen to see them, Deb? I wonder what he thinks about Mother’s Day. He tweeted:
“It is no wrong to honor a love that God gave his human creatures to show his own glory. Happy Mothers Day. This is the Lord’s Day.”
and
“This morning I am especially thankful for my mom, Janet Mohler, and for Mary Mohler, mother of our own children. We rise & call them blessed.”
https://twitter.com/albertmohler
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@ Daisy:
I think that it is important for husbands to help the young kids honor their mothers on Mother’s Day, but after they were older and my husband was feeling guilty for not doing something for me on Mother’s Day, I said…I’m not your Mother, why don’t you fly down to see her? He doesn’t expect anything from me on Father’s day either.
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Brian wrote:
Redmond’s article today is in response to an tweet (author unknown): “A cool thing to do for your mom would be to stop worshipping your own depression and make strides to improve yourself and your life.”
Strong tie-ins here to the recent nouthetic and depression discussions. “Make Mom Proud! Pull yerself up by da ol’ bootstraps!”
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@ Nick Bulbeck:
Charis: “Are they equally zealous condemning Pastor Appreciation Day?”
Nick: “I didn’t know there was such a thing! What a comedy opportunity…”
*******************************
i’m tellin’ ya — the christian church & christian culture are just waiting to be mockumentaried, parodied, and satirized by Christopher Guest (a la Spinal Tap, Best In Show, A Might Wind, For Your Consideration).
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I find i’m feeling just plain sad, after reading what Elyse Fitzpatrick, Al Mohler, Justin Holcomb, Melody, and Lovey had to say.
I feel such antagonism against women. Amazing to see it coming from an “Elyse” herself.
I feel very sad.
Why the antagonism? It’s as if they’re looking for opportunities to put women down. Are we that detestable?
(surely, unresolved issues with male ego lie beneath it all… has to be. there’s too much that’s unreasonable in what Al Mohler, John Piper, etc. have to say)
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Daisy wrote:
It’s called “Salvation by Marriage Alone”. Probably originated in the Reformation Wars some 400 years ago, when married or single clergy announced Whose Side You Were On.
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Bridget wrote:
Maybe to The Humble One, cooking is Wimmen’s Work?
(Fantasy Football leagues, on the other hand…)
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Daisy wrote:
Remember how his uncle in the States described him: “Loser.”
And whenever the uncle tried to talk with him, Loser would only talk about Islamic Theology and Songs of Praise to the Glory of God Glory of God Glory of God. Couldn’t change the volume or the subject. (Like a trailer-trash Ku Kluxer talking White Supremacy because his skin color was the ONLY thing he could brag about.)
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emr wrote:
God’s Predestined Elect Anointed Pastor, of course.
(Remember that new Porsche for next Pastor Appreciation Day…)
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I just have one thing to say re Fitzpatrick’s screed…what the *what* is she talking about???
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@ elastigirl:
I read some of that to my husband, and he had a similar reaction. He adored his mother (who is deceased).
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Patti wrote:
Agreed. My husband remembered me with a special card and dinner. My daughters gave me cards and flowers – nothing extravagant. I felt very loved by their gestures.
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dee wrote:
I also think they are very much out of touch with the world. This is what happens when some separate from people outside their denomination or society as a whole. They have great offices with people who respect their every word. They don’t know reality. They don’t think anyone else should know reality either. Then they talk of evangelism. Who in their right mind would want to listen to them and face a joyless life? Not me. And I’m a born again Christian. I celebrate fully all the holidays including Halloween.
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@ Patrice:
Yes to all you said. My birthday was a couple of weeks ago. My mother has not even tried to call me for three years. This year she called and left a message. Offered me 'one last chance.'
As much as it hurts, I did not take it. If I call her, it will signal her to try and push things back the way they were. I'm not strong enough yet to handle that…
I agree the Calvinista leaders don't want to give honor to women…..
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@ elastigirl:
Three out of the five are women speaking of other women. Nothing like coming alongside to lovingly help younger women mature in Christ – no? Elyse is a prolific writer and speaker in the Calvinista world. She speaks at most all of the big conferences. She is one of the female spokespersons for the agendas.
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elastigirl wrote:
Monty Python did it pretty well with The Life of Brian. Actually, imho, that’s not likely to be surpassed any time soon – comedy genius. Welease Woger!
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@ Bridget:
I believe Elyse is a parrot for the Calvinsta leaders. She simply repeats what she has been told.
Such a good girl…
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Daisy wrote:
I have so much compassion for you, but with the 'culture of death' as some of these Calvinista leaders call it (i.e. abortions), I bellieve it would be encouraging to moms to be patted on the back on a special day for making the right choice. Does that make sense?
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@ Debbie Kaufman:
Loved your comment! And I'd love to go back to that delicious Chinese restaurant with you and Dee sometime! 😉
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@ PP:
PP,
I agree with you and I like the way you handle it.
I am childless myself and the church I used to attend always had some kind of flower thing they would give to/impose on the women on Mother’s Day whether we wanted it or not. It was really annoying.
I don’t think there is any reason to ditch or diss Mother’s Day altogether like the cited NCs did. (And in agreement with Deb I now wait with baited breath to see what they do with Father’s Day.) But I do appreciate a sensitive approach like you, Daniel above, and Wade show.
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Jeannette Altes wrote:
Your comment breaks my heart Jeannette. I am SO SORRY. 🙁
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@ Brian:
I thought that was great too.
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Someone beat me to it, but I was going to say let’s just get it over with and all become Jehovah’s Witnesses. Boring though!
I actually attend church on Mother’s Day now, unlike CLC where all they did all day was talk about mothers. But it was an emphasis on how much they did for their whole family and gave of themselves. Anything less was not kosher.
As for Father’s Day, they would rebuke the men and/or give them a laundry list of things to do.
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@ Jeannette Altes:
I hear you, Jeannette. (Happy Belated Birthday, by the way.) My mother doesn’t call for my birthday. But, if I don’t send a Mother’s Day card, she will trash me to anyone who will listen. So, I dutifully stand in the card aisle trying to find a card that is pretty but says something very generic. The “you-are-the-guiding-light-of-my-life” cards just do not apply here. My sister had to cut her off completely just to move forward with her life. My sister’s therapist told her she was doing the right thing for her.
I’m sorry that you have to experience this. It’s no fun.
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I am so worn out with their ridiculous culture war. It was a wbile back but what freedom when I finally realized how silly they are. They can make so much ado about nothing and have their adoring followers scrambling to apply their words which only brings confusion.
The problem is they think they have to be the Holy Spirit for you because you are too ignorant to be convicted of anything on your own. The irony is, once you do follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, you are ditching them fast!
There are folks who would love to have 5 min with their mom, like me. And others, who should not go near their mom’s for their own well being.
On Sunday, one of our older women deacons said one of the most beautiful prayers from her heart that i have ever heard. One thing she thanked God for was the opportunity she has had to build relationships with so many children through the Body as she is childless. And yes, I can attest to her love and care for our children.
Jesus gave us the appropriate view when it comes to “families”:
48 He replied to him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 Pointing to his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.” Matt 12
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@ Nick Bulbeck:
Nick — never seen “Life Of Brian” — i’m surprised to say. i’m sure it’s great.
have you seen any Christopher Guest films (spinal tap/best in show/mighty wind/for your consideration)? so dang funny.
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@ Nick Bulbeck:
Actually Nick, not only do pastors get a day of their own, they get the entire month of October… plenty of time for comic relief…;-/
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Diane wrote:
Diane, this is the problem. What do they really think? Here is what I think cos I saw it so much and if you look at "patterns" you can get it.
He got a lot of pushback for that article in 2009. So, the honorable thing to do is admit he overdid it, right? Or explain himself further, right? But no, he simply sends out tweets, etc. that give a different impression than his mother as idol article.
i have been following these guys for a long time. They still have not gotten used to the fact that every word they speak or write for public consumption is going to be analyzed by some who are not adoring fans. So, if you bring up something they wrote in 2009 they can say, look at what he wrote in 2013. You just hate him and don't understand what he was saying. Sigh.
I wish you could know how many times I have seen that very thing take place over the last 15 years by many Christian celebs. Look if he changed his mind at all since 2009, he owes people an explanation as a public communicator who is paid quite well and many young men hang on every word.
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elastigirl wrote:
Don’t forget Waiting for Guffman —
Bridget wrote:
You know, one of the first things I noticed about the patriarchy movement (specifically, Vision Forum) was that mothers were invisible. I remember wondering, with all the glorification of stay-at-home-daughters, “Do they tell these girls that once they get married and have children, they will disappear?” There are no mother-daughter teas or retreats or trips — it’s *all* about fathers. So I guess we are supposed to blend into the woodwork and hide.
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Anon 1 wrote:
What comes up in my mental search engine is something from The Bridge at Andau, James Michener’s non-fiction book about the 1956 Hungarian Revolution (and its brutal crushing by the Russians). The specific example is where Michener interviews Hungarian refugees about life in the Warsaw Pact during the late Stalin Era.
They describe indoctrination in Marxist Orthodoxy, denunciation and punishment for Counter-Revolutionary-Reactionary-Trotskyite Heresy, Witch-hunts for Heretics and Capitalist Spies under every bed (like DEMONS to Spiritual Warfare types) and “What did we do? We marched. We marched for the Rosenbergs, we marched for the Revolution, we marched for the Workers and Proletariat of the World, we marched against American Capitalist Imperialism. March, March, March.”
March March March for The Cause.
24/7/365.
“Culture War Without End, Amen.”
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Speaking of whiny pastors…check out this thread about pay:
http://sbcvoices.com/how-much-money-should-an-sbc-entity-president-make/
There are pastors on there who actually think guys like Mohler should make half mill per year.
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emr wrote:
And breed, breed, breed.
Penetrate, Conquer, Plant, Colonize
Penetrate, Conquer, Plant, Colonize
Penetrate, Conquer, Plant, Colonize
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Anon 1 wrote:
While my writing partner (the burned-out rural pastor) tries to support a wife and three sons on what’s effectively minimum wage. (He’s paid “part time” — two small greying/dying churches and 60 hours/week, and gets “Why should we pay the pastor at all? It’s a MINISTRY…”)
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“Men don’t know what to do with it. It terrifies them.
They hope that the gifts they’ve chosen will please their wives and mothers. They don’t want to be known as an ungrateful person who failed to properly honor the woman who gave him life or birthed his children.”
This sounds like a problem other than simply celebrating Mother’s Day. Is this how normal families really relate to each other? Are men really so terrified that they haven’t properly pleased their wives or mothers? Are wives and mothers, in general, so scary and hard to please? If so, the holiday is definitely not the problem, but rather the relationship, and that will exist whether we celebrate the day or not.
Are we possibly turning minnows into whales to have a problem to pontificate on?
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Anon 1 wrote:
"O Come Let Us Adore Him, O Come Let Us Adore Him, O COME LET US ADOOOORE HIIIIIM…"
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Yes, it is part of the tired culture war. Anything that our society in general does, must therefore be bad and fought against. It would be nice if the church could redirect its resources to more profitable endeavors.
@ Anon 1:
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@ emr:
Wow! Just had a thought. “Vision Forum” IS the end all/be all with that group isn’t it? All of life ends up revolving around the man’s “vision.” They ended up with the glorification of “maleness” by default.
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“Why is Mother’s Day being marginalized by some Christians”?
There are people out there who just cannot be happy unless they have something to hate and cannot be Important unless they have something to crusade against.
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@ Leah: Excellent point!
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Mohler said: “Mothers deserving of honor are handed cards and taken to lunch, when songs of praise should instead be offered to the glory of God.”
Jesus got very angry when the Pharisees advocating taking what you owed to mom and calling it “dedicated to God.” And saying “we should honor mothers every day” is the same as saying, “mothers should get no special recognition at all.”
In a counter-culture that simultaneously glorifies motherhood so that women who aren’t mothers become marginalized and ignored, and denigrates actual women so that being a mother in reality means being expected to have no self and being blamed for wanting anything for yourself– Mohler’s attitude is sadly predictable. By all means, let’s honor mothers– as long as no actual women come to expect anything good for themselves at any time during the year.
This is very different from the kind of sensitivity to actual women that honors mothers quietly in order not to hurt women who are not mothers, or whose mothers have not been kind to them. Coming against Mothers Day because it actually might make real women feel good about themselves, is exactly the wrong reason to be against it.
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@ Anon 1: Some church leaders are really good at forcing three year-olds to forgive someone who molested them, or stating (and believing) that women should take abuse for a night, or they retract in a pastor's conference what they confessed to their church. Yet, church leaders can't admit when "they" are the ones who have erred. Truly mind blowing.
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elastigirl wrote:
Brilliant.
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Deb wrote:
Thank you Deb. Name the date and time. I will be there in a heartbeat. 🙂
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I’ve been through the infertility thing and know Mother’s Day was hard. But you know what? If I was having a bad day I absented myself from church and let them enjoy their day.
My mom did her best but we had our bad times. So what? I can still celebrate that some mom’s are wonderful.
My children (I did have and adopt) are now grown. Mother’s Day isn’t a huge deal for us, but I enjoy it, they enjoy, and the grandkids enjoy it.
I don’t make an idol out of my now gone mom, nor do they idolize me. It isn’t a day to celebrate all women or all who nurture–it is Mother’s Day.
I’d like to think we can get past this grade school idea that everyone gets an honor at the awards assembly or no one does, and that we cannot have any honoring events if it is painful for anyone else.
Good grief–mom’s, dads, or just adults in society, we need to model being actual grown ups and handle life in front of the young’uns or this society is surely going to tank!
I’ve never had tongues as of fire land on me yet, but I surely intend to celebrate Pentecost!
Peace!
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@ Anon 1
Thanks for your reply Anon 1. In the 2009 post Mohler writes:
“Christians must resist the reduction of motherhood to sentimentality, and particularly that sentimentalism that undermines what mothers are truly to represent — nurture, fortitude, courage, dedication, faithfulness, discipline, and trust in God.
Mother’s Day is a bad idea because it subverts the reality of faithful mothering and robs faithful mothers of their true glory. Mothers deserving of honor are handed cards and taken to lunch, when songs of praise should instead be offered to the glory of God. Undeserving mothers, who abdicate their true responsibility, are honored just because they are mothers. Children, young and old, who ignore and dishonor their mothers by word and by life throughout the year, assuage their guilt by making a big deal of Mother’s Day.
So, Mother’s Day is a bad idea.
Then again, Mother’s Day is impossible to ignore. What quality of ingratitude marks the son or daughter (or husband) who does not honor mothers on Mother’s Day? There was I yesterday, with son and daughter, honoring both their mother (my dear wife, Mary) and my mother-in-law. Yes, we had a celebratory meal out and we passed out greeting cards with our own personal inscriptions. Gifts were delivered, and all the right things were said. Calls were made to my mother, several states away.
In the end, we are all like little children who push crumpled hand-made greeting cards toward Mom, who then accepts our grubby offerings with love and gratitude.
So much for avoiding sentimentality. Let’s just make certain that there is more to Mother’s Day than sentiment. The mothers we should honor are those who raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, who honor their marriages and live faithfully, who teach and nurture and discipline by the Bible. These are mothers who defy the spirit of the age, protect their children from danger, maintain godly discipline and order in the home, and feed their children the pure milk of God’s Word.
These mothers deserve honor upon honor, and their reward will be great in heaven. Yet, in the meantime, a card and a kiss on Mother’s Day won’t hurt. It’s just not nearly enough.”
I sort of understand now that I have read the whole quote. Mothers Day is a bad idea, but he celebrates it anyway because what kind of ingrate would you be if you didn’t? Just make sure you celebrate this bad idea the right way. So he does celebrate it….it’s just that he somehow does it the “right” way. Somehow, I bet it involves the bad ideas of cards and gifts…
It is amazing to me that so many people are following what he says. He assumes Christians are simply being tritely sentimental with Mothers Day celebrations (he doesn’t know that) and that songs of praise to God should be sung instead of cards to mom. Because some mothers are not good mothers, and some kids treat their mothers poorly, we need to just do away with a day that celebrates mothers because, well, I don’t know why–we just should. Glory to God and all that.
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@ Headless Unicorn Guy:
“O Come Let Us Adore Him, O Come Let Us Adore Him, O COME LET US ADOOOORE HIIIIIM…”
Just for you, HUG.
http://www.albertmohler.com/2010/07/01/a-day-to-honor-dr-mohler/
A day to honor Al Mohler. !!!!! He gets his own day! Notice the title of the program was not…a day to sing praises to God for what He has accomplished by using a sinful worm like Al Mohler…no, it was a day to honor Al Mohler….oops, I, mean Dr. Mohler. Surely if he gets his own day, he can throw a bone to the moms and “let” them have their day without sin-sniffing it to death.
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@ Janey:
well, can’t you just see it??
Michael McKean as the Al Mohler character
Christopher Guest as the CJ Mahaney character
Jane Lynch as the Carolyn Mahaney character
Bob Balaban(!) as the Jon Piper character (has to be)
Catherine Ohara as the Mary Kassian character
Harry Shearer as ___________?
Eugene Levy as the Paige Patterson character?
Ed Begley Jr. as the Tim Challies
Fred Willard as the Mark Dever character
Deborah Theaker as _________________?
John Michael Higgins as ____________?
Parker Posey as _____________?
…but the real question is who to play Mark Driscoll??
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Interesting that so many are talking about recognizing Mother’s Day in church. I read the original Neo-Cal posts about being about Mother’s Day in general, not just in church.
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Jeannette Altes wrote:
Wow, that’s disgusting. Maybe she means it and will leave you alone now?! Gah.
When people refuse, simply refuse, chance after chance, decade after decade, to act other than cruelly or callously, they are best left to their own devices. Apparently, they are not yet in enough pain to be willing to face themselves. And it’s unwise to accompany those who stubbornly insist on taking such an excruciating path.
Yet refusing to walk that road with them is painful, too. The need to choose the lesser of two bad choices…well, I hate when that happens!
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@ KR Wordgazer:
“And saying “we should honor mothers every day” is the same as saying, “mothers should get no special recognition at all.”
***********
reminds me of something i heard once: “…and when everyone’s super….no one will be.”
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KR Wordgazer wrote:
KR Wordgazer, you wrote the comment I wanted to write. 🙂 Especially your last sentence:
Coming against Mothers Day because it actually might make real women feel good about themselves, is exactly the wrong reason to be against it.
Being one of the women who appreciate the more sensitive approach due to negative things surrounding the day for me, I feel kind of exploited by these who seem like they’re using the negative testimonies to make a point I don’t agree with, and possibly to further an agenda. I think real women should feel good about themselves and take great pleasure in celebrating and being celebrated but it looks like that is what these guys want to douse.
Really, one does wonder if it will be birthdays next.
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@ elastigirl:
Driscoll – Jim Carrey playing him as a 13 year-old boy who was transformed into a 40 year-old body (think a goofy, sexualized version of Tom Hanks in “Big”)
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Headless Unicorn Guy wrote:
Hug, I love the bivoc guys. I have a good friend who works about 50 hrs a week at a real job as a PT and pastors a country church for 300 mo and they complain about paying him, too! Talk about real. Talk about humble. They get it. They live in the real world. I think guys like MOhler/CJ ought to have to “job shadow” them for a week. :o)
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Diane wrote:
Diane, this is what I was referring to when I said they want to be our Holy Spirit for us. So how would you know you did it the right way? What does that look like?
This is the confusing “worm theology” that celebrating mom in such a shallow way is not giving Glory to God but he does it anyway not to look bad. I mean, can it get more confusing? Of course, Mohler has been given “special knowledge” so he knows what we need to be told on such matters.
Truth is after years and years of reading this guy and listening to him, I don’t think Mohler has a clue what praising God is about. I think he is looking to elevate himself.
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Diane wrote:
Yeah, see how that works? And anyone remember those vids from SGM honoring CJ? They even wrote songs for him. It was disgusting for a man who wrote the book on Humility. Listen to what they say and look at what they do or allow to be done…. Amazing.
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KR Wordgazer wrote:
Excellent point!
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TWW post tonight on horrific 2nd amended SGM lawsuit.
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Diane wrote:
I appreciate your providing more of the 2009 text, Diane. It’s nice that Mohler isn’t actually saying, “Don’t do anything for your mother today.” But he is saying that the only mothers worth honoring are the ones who meet his criteria– all the struggles and sacrifices and love of other mothers is not worth celebrating because they aren’t the right kind of mothers. And he does seem to wish that Mothers Day would be done away with entirely. Is he saying that somehow, if that happened, the mothers he considers worthy would indeed receive this “honor upon honor”?
It sure seems to me that what Mohler really wants to honor is not actual real mothers, but an idealized concept called “Motherhood.” With a capital “M.” And those mothers who can manage to look something like that ideal, should be honored constantly– but to encourage people to actually just say thanks to their own real moms, with their real lives and their real shortcomings and their real selves– that’s a “bad idea.”
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@ KR Wordgazer:
It sounds like it has to be “Biblical Motherhood” to qualify for commendation.
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@ elastigirl: Believe me, I wish they would do it – with something for Andrea Martin as well.
Parker Posey could play anybody and kill it. I love the recurring role she plays on “Parks and Recreation,” where she’s an ultra-censorious member of something that sounds like an amalgam of Focus on the Family and the Nat’l. Organization for marriage. (cf. the episode “Penguin Wedding,” which is one of my favorites.)
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@ Diane:
You know, what I want to say to this from Mohler is, “huh?”
Honestly, he sounds conflicted. He’s turned Mother’s Day into some sort of necessary evil because it’s a bad idea but what sort of ingrate would you be if you didn’t do it? Well, maybe an honest one? Or maybe no ingrate at all since clearly he is not ungrateful any other day of the year? I mean, if it’s a bad idea then why is he doing it at all? He wants to have it both ways.
He would have been better off just saying it’s a good idea that is sometimes misused.
Oh, I don’t know. I don’t get Mohler. 🙁
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@ Bridget: Yes. With Mohler himself defining what “Biblical Motherhood” looks like.
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@ Patrice:
Yes…the lesser of two bad choices. One choice leads to insanity for both, the other just for one. She can go there without me. I don’t want to anymore. I font even send her a mother’s day card. Whet would I say that was truthful and not painful? They don’t make cards for that…
But a new family…..
On the flip side, my friend’s son graduated from hs today and her parents (his gparents) came down. The have said they are adopting me, but you know how that is…good friends, but not really family. But today, her mom told me that I was a daughter to her. I am grateful and yet I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t understand why…..
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KR Wordgazer wrote:
But even there he is conflicted because he also says:
“Mothers deserving of honor are handed cards and taken to lunch, when songs of praise should instead be offered to the glory of God.”
That sounds real pious but unless one believes in the worm theology, praising a mom is not dissing God in any way. Praising/honoring your mom does not have to be exclusive of praising God. Sheesh! These guys can make just about anything a sin!
We could come up with a line of Calvinist Mother’s day cards:
Mom, while I appreciate you, you are not God so honoring you would not be honoring or praising God. I would be elevating you above God and that is a sin. On Mother’s Day, I will sending up songs of Praise to God instead of taking you to lunch with the family.
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Anon 1 wrote:
🙂 🙂 🙂
Mom, thank you for bringing me into the world and taking care of me all these years … but God is sovereign and controls every molecule so actually it was all Him and not you at all. Never mind.
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elastigirl wrote:
That right there is reason enough to make this movie! 🙂
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Hey, Here is a Bruce Ware Mother’s day card:
Mom,
You were created in the indirect image of God. You are a dervitive of man, formed to exclusively meet his needs. You are the Glory of man!
Have a great day!
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lilyrosemary wrote:
:o)
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I’m glad there’s a day for me and the kids to celebrate my wife/their mother. That doesn’t mean the day is all sweetness and light for me though. My mom died when I was 14.
Mixed emotions.
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My 80-year-old mom lit up like a Christmas tree this Mother’s Day weekend…..our families had trouble coordinating all of us siblings being together on Sunday, but this year it worked out beautifully….her “celebration” started Friday when my family took her to Ruth Chris for a lovely dinner…..Saturday, my sister and her husband took her for a movie and another dinner, Sunday my brother came in, took her to church, and then ANOTHER dinner at Red Lobster. She even won a gift at her church for being the oldest mother in the congregation. She was so happy and she deserved every minute of praise and honor!~ My mom was our Brownie leader, our Sunday School teacher, our room mother, and I could go on and on. She made sure we were clothed, while she herself wore rags, prayed continually for us and gave her all. There were times growing up that I hated her (she was a “mean” mother…she didn’t want to be our friend, she was our MOTHER!)…but from the vantage point of age, she was one of a kind, and I am blessed to call her my mom!
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oh, I just read some of the earlier posts….I hope I didn’t offend anyone…
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@ numo:
Andrea Martin for sure!
And who to play the 2 protagonists, Dee and Deb?! Dawn French, Holly Hunter, Sally Field, Lily Tomlin… maybe we should let them decide (although these are very good choices!)
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@ DebbyLynn:
Certainly not me. I was thinking that sounds like a wonderful weekend! 🙂
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DebbyLynn wrote:
DebbyLynn, I’m one of those daughters who is totally estranged from my mother, so Mother’s Day is difficult for me, but I was smiling for you when I read your post. That sounds like a wonderful weekend, and I am so glad that you have such a fantastic relationship with your mom. You are very blessed, and so is she 🙂 No offense here.
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DebbyLynn,
I loved your comment! Your mom sounds blessed.
My family enjoyed Red Lobster for Mother's Day, too. 🙂
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@ numo: Yikes! It’s Darlene Hunt who plays the woman who runs the Society for Family Stability Foundation; the episode is called “Pawnee Zoo.” (Season 2.)
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@ BeenThereDoneThat:
Thank you. You’re right. It is no fun.
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@ Deb:
Thank you.
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@ numo:
I’m not familiar with this show, but if you enjoy it I bet I will, too. Your endorsement carries weight!
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@ Elastigirl: The 1st season wasn’t very good, but from then on in – yes. It’s produced by the same group that’s responsible for the US version of The Office. (Which is a tacit endorsement, btw. 🙂 )
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@ elastigirl: Catherine Tate and Andrea Martin are two of my suggestions…
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@ elastigirl: I *love* your idea of Lily Tomlin.
Fantasy casting is the bomb!
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@ linda:
Christian culture pretty much celebrates the nuclear family and pushes motherhood and being a wife as the only suitable roles for women the other 364 days in the year.
People who have never married or had kids get no holidays in their honor, no “Singles Day” sermons, etc.
I might not find the yearly Mother’s Day holiday church service thingy so disturbing if churches weren’t heavily promoting motherhood the rest of the time, as they do; and/or ignoring the widows, the never married, the childless, divorced, etc. all year, every year, year after year.
I don’t usually hear preachers extolling the virtues of singlehood, of the divorced, or the childless, but all the time on blogs and Christian shows, and in sermons, one hears preachers honoring motherhood, fatherhood, parenting, marriage, and complaining how marriage rates and baby- making rates have fallen.
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@ Deb:
Well, again, I wouldn’t mind the one day holiday to recognize moms, but most churches do not even try to attempt being even handed.
I don’t hate Moms. I had one, and I loved her to pieces. I used to buy her nice gifts and cards for Mother’s Day.
The church will never start honoring a never-married virgin. There’s little to no acknowledgement in most churches that there are people who are not mothers, fathers, or spouses, and may never be any of those things.
If the non-nuclear family demographics were addressed every so often, the Mother’s Day celebrations would be more tolerable.
As it stands, if I do attend a church regularly (which I have not in a while), I make it a point to skip Mother’s Day, or any upcoming “marriage sermon series.” (A lot of singles do this.)
That one church I went to, the baby dedication thing the preacher did mid-service was totally unexpected. I either had not been to that church the previous Sunday, or they did not announce they would be doing a baby dedication.
Had they announced it in advance, I would have stayed away that day.
Some singles pay their own way through college, or buy a house alone, or earn a second college degree, or get promoted at their jobs or accomplish something else… but you never see churches hold a “honor the singles for life achievements” sort of dedications / holiday.
The amount of attention to certain groups or roles in churches is very lop-sided. If it was more even-handed, it wouldn’t be so hurtful. (My objections are coming more from hurt feelings, not so much anger.)
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Daisy wrote:
It’s called “Salvation by Marriage Alone.”
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Diane wrote:
“All Animals Are Equal
BUT SOME ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS!”
— G.Orwell, Animal Farm
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Anon 1 wrote:
Was that the Broadway musical number a lot of WBW’s commenters compared to an Official North Korean Production? Complete with portraits of Comrade Dear Leader being carried overhead? (Humbly, of course…)
When you have armorbearers preceding you blowing long trumpets to announce how Humble you are, you’re either named Cee Jay or you’re on South Park.
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Deb & Debbie Kaufman,
If y’all ever get the chance, try Vietnamese cuisine, in my opinion it’s got Chinese food beat by a mile.
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Did anybody see this yet?
(my apologies if this has already been posted here. haven’t been able to keep up with all the comments)
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/trending-now/two-men-experience-pain-childbirth-hourlong-simulation-181703323.html?vp=1
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@ Mara:
One of my husband’s friends posted that on FB. Sooooo funny! But, my first thought was, “Only an hour?”
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I sent Dr. Mohler this email on Mothers Day 2013:
I long ago heard a definition of Phariseeism which has served me well as I evaluate what others teach about God: It is going God one better.
God: Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Al Mohler: The mothers we should honor are those who raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, who honor their marriages and live faithfully, who teach and nurture and discipline by the Bible. These are mothers who defy the spirit of the age, protect their children from danger, maintain godly discipline and order in the home, and feed their children the pure milk of God’s Word.
By the way, I noticed that on your blog, July 1, 2010, is designated as a day to honor Al Mohler.
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BeenThereDoneThat wrote:
No kidding!
My second thought was, “Maybe that was part of the dare, as in, ‘You wouldn’t be able to do this for an hour’ or perhaps something along the lines of, ‘Okay, we’re going to do this. Only one rule. You have to give us at least an hour.'”
Whatever the case, it’s nice that modern technology has been able to prove to (the unbelieving) men that, yes, child birth is everything women claim that it is.
It used to kill women for pete’s sake!
But again, thanks to modern technology, mortality rate has gone way down.
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@ Janet Varin:
Good email, BTDT!
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Ooops!!! I mean good letter Janet Varin!
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@ Janet Varin:
Like +
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Daisy wrote:
Maybe your church, but mine (RCC) has taken flak in the past for putting too much emphasis on virginity. This might be more long-term fallout from the Reformation Wars, where if the Catholics did X the Protestants HAD to do the opposite.
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Muff Potter wrote:
I find most SE Asian foods too spicy. However, I’m a big fan of the simpler types of Pho.
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Deb, You asked:
Yep, you were right. Their new post on Father’s Day is a downer too:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2013/06/14/i-do-not-want-to-honor-my-father/
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@ Janey:
I was just thinking about how The Gospel Coalition would address Father's Day and you beat me to it. UGH!