Where in the World is Dee?

Comet Hale Bopp – Johannes-Kepler-Observatory, Linz, Austria.

“When granted many years of life, growing old in age is natural, but growing old with grace is a choice. Growing older with grace is possible for all who will set their hearts and minds on the Giver of grace, the Lord Jesus Christ.” – Billy Graham

Hi Folks,

My mother’s condition has deteriorated and she can no longer stay in independent housing for seniors. I am trying to decide which assisted living facility would be best for her. It is going to be a huge change for her and the transition will be rough given all the things she has collected over the years. I hope to make a decision by this weekend.

I offered to have her move in with us but she thought that our house wasn’t set up well for the type of care she needed. The one bright light in all of this is that everything will be done for her, including medications. This will be a relief to me. I am going to take her to see the palliative care doctors at Duke to see if they can help me make some decisions regarding pain medication and quality of life issues.

I am so sorry that I have been distracted. Please pray for me. My mom is the 4th family member that I have cared for at the end of life and each time I have been glad that I did.

I feel like the comet above as I run through all of the places for Mom. Please take a moment and pray for her and for me.

With love,



Where in the World is Dee? — 48 Comments

  1. hard things…. it’s an honor to do these things, but tough. You’re a great daughter.

    you’re in my thoughts, Dee.

  2. Praying for you both, Dee.

    “Give grace and mercy, O God,
    to Dee as she grieves her mother’s decline,
    and to others who love her,
    who must suffer the heartache of such slow loss.
    Bless Dee’s patient sacrifice on her mother’s behalf.
    May their hope and humor hold
    and their hearts be strengthened beyond
    Thank you for the years of health and love
    they were given to share.
    May those memories and your grace
    sustain them in sorrow.
    Be near them now.”

    adapted from “Every Moment Holy” by Douglas McKelvey

  3. The memory of kindnesses shown will be a great comfort in the midst future loss.

    You are in our prayers.

    May the Sustainer of the world sustain you and your Mom.

  4. No offense, Dee, but we’ll be fine without an update on the Calvinista Bros and their church covenant shenanigans. Take care of your mom, let Todd handle the fort. You are in our prayers.

  5. The prayerful words posted by Wild Honey are so beautiful.
    A beautiful expression of faith, and perfectly state our hopes and prayers for you, Dee.

  6. DEE,
    take some time off to take care of your Mom AND yourself;
    then get some rest

    The blog will survive. People understand. You are being blessed with many prayers from people who ‘know’ from the real world. God Bless!

  7. We will be here…you take care of your mom, your family, yourself. We aren’t going anywhere.

    Gentle prayers being lifted up for you and your mom

  8. Thinking of you, Dee. Hang in there. Everything else will still be there when you’ve done your real-life things, not matter how long it takes.

  9. My prayers are with you, Dee. May God keep you, and grant you the “peace that passeth understanding.” And you’re right, as challenging as this is, being able to take care of someone and be with them at the end of their life is an incredible blessing. I always felt at the end with those I cared for that I was in the Presence of something or Someone far greater than myself.

  10. Dee,

    Praying for you and the family. I hope you find a nice place that makes everyone happy. Blessings and peace throughout your days.

  11. Praying for peace and wisdom for you Dee! Hope this time is a special blessing with your Mom, and that you will find the best place for her.

  12. Thank you all for your kind thoughts and prayers. It looks like I might be able to find a good place for her. However, she will be moving from a large two-bedroom apartment to about 300 square feet. This is hard for her as she will have to give up many of the mementos of her life. She understand the need for this but it gives me a pit in my stomach. Thankfully my father planned well for their lives and we can find a decent place for her. I am grateful because i know that is a blessing that many don’t have. She is pretty much bound to bed, chair and limited walking.

    On the broght side, Holly, our new rescue is a sweetie and is adjusting well to our house. My husband calls her “Slant” due to her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth.

    Once I get past this decision, the move might be hard but I’m going to hire a group called Transitions which helps folks downsize. A bunch of stress will be lifted off my shoulders if this all works out so I can concentrate on TWW. We have some interesting stories coming up and I want to do justice to them. One of them shows the incredible impact that TWW has had on an disturbing situation and helped a wonderful woman finally get justice.

  13. I just prayed for you and your mother, Dee. May the Holy Spirit grant you wisdom and your mother peace. Have you thought about maybe taking pictures of her favorite possessions that she has to give up? Having friends or close family members take some things might make it easier for her.

  14. Dee, I don’t believe that you are distracted.
    You are doing a doggone good job of prioritizing and focusing on what and who needs and deserves your time and attention the most. I think most, if not all, commenters on here know that. So, stop apologizing. And maybe take a few days to recuperate after you get everything settled!

    I hope that I can be the kind of daughter that you are being right now, when the time comes. …….. and (a little selfishness here, but…..) I hope my daughter can, too!

  15. You get prayed for every day Dee, & I will add this extra bit in for your Mum.

    Make sure you take pictures of all the mementos that she can’t take, so she can still look at them in her new place.

  16. I think Dee is “doing the work of TWW” by caring for her mother, and telling us about it..
    It is my understanding, the core mission of TWW is exposing church abuse (especially sex abuse) AND supporting the abused/weak/hurting from such abuse…. Something much of the church is miserably failing at..
    So, Dee is “practicing what she preaches” in her own family with respect to supporting the weak/needy and is an encouragement to the rest of us to do the same!

    PS.. While such “work” is stressful, time consuming, etc,etc, there is very few things in life, and one could argue that the ONLY really GOOD things in life take lots of work…

  17. dee,

    A further thought…. ( note, I am saying something positive about Young Earth Creationist). One of the key arguments of YEC is that if you do not have a young earth, literal Adam and Eve, and literal “FALL”, then you would not have physical death and suffering due to sin; thus no need for “work of Christ”.
    While I “get this point”, and mankind’s personnel and corporate “sin” is responsible more much/most suffering in the world, I do not need think the Universe, life and death, and “sin” is this “simple”.
    Never-the-less, the “work of Christ” calls us to care for those treated “unjustly”, those that are poor and oppressed/abused, and those suffering…. Just as Christ did..

  18. Jeffrey Chalmers: One of the key arguments of YEC is that if you do not have a young earth, literal Adam and Eve, and literal “FALL”, then you would not have physical death and suffering due to sin; thus no need for “work of Christ”.

    They tend to read more into the Bible than what the Bible actually says. For example, the Bible does not say when animals started dying. They assume there was no animal death before the fall even though the Bible clearly says sin from death applied to humans with no mention of whether or not it applied to animals. Likewise, they claim the first animal death was God killing an animal as a sacrifice for Adam and Eve even though the text does not say the animal was sacrificed nor does it say God killed the animal (it could have been road kill). And they make it sound like all of planet Earth was like the Garden of Eden even though the Bible makes it clear that things outside Eden were very different. Also, if there were animal death before the fall the threat of death would have been meaningless. And this just scratches the surface.

  19. Isaiah 46:3-4 “Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all the remnant of the house of Israel, who have been borne by me from before your birth, carried from the womb; even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.”

  20. Ken F (aka Tweed),

    And, I have NOT “thrown it all out”, just because I acknowledge modern science… In fact, the longer I live, and now “fellowshipping” with posters on TWW, the more I am convinced that there really “something to” orthodox Christianity, when you work at removing all “man created” “stuff”..

  21. Jeffrey Chalmers: I am convinced that there really “something to” orthodox Christianity, when you work at removing all “man created” “stuff”..

    Me too. The challenge is peeling away all the superfluous stuff that is now considered primary/essential. The 5th cantury monk St Vincents of Lerins had an interesting standard: “Moreover, in the Catholic Church itself, all possible care must be taken, that we hold that faith which has been believed everywhere, always, by all.” That narrows it down quite bit.

  22. Still praying, Dee.

    And your actions preach louder than most sermons given these days! Take care of your mama and by doing that you feed the rest of us more than you can know.

  23. Jeffrey Chalmers,

    The simplest summary and what I hold to are the tenets of the Apostles’ Creed.
    It affords me a large latitude of thought freedom.
    The rest of the stuff?
    I pick and choose as I see fit.
    For example, I have been declared (in some circles) heretic and apostate for not signing onto the doctrine of PSA (penal substitutionary atonement).

  24. I’m praying for you and your mom, Dee. You’re doing a great thing, wherever she gets placed. My sister and I went through this in recent years.

  25. Jeffrey Chalmers,

    I believe it is possible to have a literal Adam and still believe in evolution. Adam was picked to represent all of humanity and when he fell, so did the rest of mankind. God picked up Adam and breathed life into him. This is life that is different than the animals. Note: God did not breathe life into the animals as he did Adam. Death to mankind is different than death to animals. Mankind has a soul.

    Also, think about it. How did Adam and Eve understand the concept of death when God told them they would die if they ate from the tree. I believe they had already seen the death of animals.

  26. Dee–would love to chat about Ouray. Durango is where we honeymooned, and Silverton is “home of my heart.” Well, actually more like Animas Forks or California gulch, but that area is what heaven will look like, with a touch of the Ozarks of course:)

    Still praying and you do what you need to do. We will survive, lol.

  27. dee: Also, think about it. How did Adam and Eve understand the concept of death when God told them they would die if they ate from the tree. I believe they had already seen the death of animals.

    Makes sense to me cuz’ without the death of animal life, the logistical problems would be even harder to explain.
    Even with just the unrestrained reproduction of humans, the space and resource problems get dicey.

  28. dee,

    There is something profoundly “different “ between animals and humans. Like you Dee, family has rescue dogs. One of our three “rescues” died about five months ago, from a tumor. Unlike other dog deaths, he died at home, with a rapid decline the last few days. The other dogs seemed to act alittle different as he was dying, but not easy to characterize… I love my dogs, have a great time with them, some can very smart… but, for better, and worse, they are NOT human…

  29. I had my Mom move in with me her last three years. I agree with calling in hospice right away for comfort; however, be advised that you have to come off of hospice to get emergency medical care. This happened to us; Mom was on hospice for dementia and suddenly needed ER treatment for an infection. It only took a phone call to hospice and we went right back on hospice as soon as we were able.

  30. linda: Dee–would love to chat about Ouray. Durango is where we honeymooned, and Silverton is “home of my heart.”

    And any railfan or model rail who’s into Colorado Narrow Gaugs will recognize those names. The stomping ground of the Rio Grande Southern 172 miles of three-foot gauge and not a foot of it on level ground. All to get around 12 miles of impassible ridges between the standard-gauge railhead and all those silver-mine boomtowns. Only a couple years after completion, the bottom dropped out of the silver market, the mines (the RGS’s revernue source) shut down, and the legend began.