On Monday, The Chapel re-opened their Slido app for members to ask questions they would like to have answered at their upcoming member’s meeting. The only problem is – if past performance is any predictor of future actions – most of the questions submitted will not be answered. In fact, in my opinion, the questions The Chapel leadership will answer were likely selected prior to any questions being submitted by members. If your question happens to be a question that The Chapel leadership had already planned on answering, it will be answered, otherwise, you are out of luck.

Not to worry though, The Wartburg Watch, in our effort to be inclusive, has decided to have our very own expert, Kip Weasel, answer many of the questions that have been submitted to The Chapel. We hope you enjoy our light-hearted effort at transparency!

So, without further delay, here are actual questions from The Chapel website that Kip has decided to answer.

 

I realize this is a questions that hundreds of members are interested in hearing an answer to, but the subjects of submission and authority are very complex and thus, not easily answered. Therefore, we have turned to our consulting firm, The Middle, and they have produced a short video that we believe will help answer this question.

 

For questions like this, I turn to the Bible which I have found has answers to all of life’s questions.

Turn with me to Revelations 7:9

“After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number.”  Next question, please.

---

Well, as I recall, around Christmas last year Pastor Tim said that while his children were all snug in their beds, visions of sugar-plums danced in his head. Pastor Mike had trouble immediately “catching” Pastor Tim’s vision as he had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

Next question, please.

Several of the Board members did urge Pastor Tim to do so, but Pastor Tim’s attorney didn’t seem real fond of the idea. He started talking about the weather and mentioned how it would be a cold day in Green Bay or some such thing.

Pastor Tim seemed receptive to the idea, he even gave a few “California howdies” to the Board! Nevertheless, no repentance has been forthcoming.

 

 

That’s a great question. Yes.

Next question, please.

I need to remind our members of the ground-rules for submitting questions:

“Tone matters. Any submission that is openly derogatory, harsh, or insulting will not be approved.”

I’m not sure how this slipped past our moderators, but I won’t be answering this question. Next question, please.

That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Judging by the popularity of this question I know there are hundreds of you that would like an answer.

The truth is we can’t locate Tim. Last I heard he was going on another big game hunting safari with his BFF, Thomas White, the President of Cedarville University. He did sell his home and auctioned off most of the contents, so wherever the Lord next takes him in his efforts to extend the Kingdom globally, Tim is now “light” enough to rapidly deploy. We are hopeful that Pastor Tim will make an appearance at our celebration party for Jim Mitchell at the end of this month, but no promises.

Next question, please.

There has always got to be one bitter individual in every church, doesn’t there?

Look, the vast majority of people in our group of churches are not concerned about this. It’s a non-factor.  I suggest this “anonymous” individual quit whining about this and instead concentrate on spreading the Gospel by donating to our Saturate program.

And moderators – you need to step up your game. This doesn’t pass the “tone” test. Any more of these types of questions slip by and you will find yourself looking for a new job. Capiche?

Next question, already.

As most of you are aware, the Board is very busy holding meetings on ways to improve our churches, rewrite our Constitution and implement a cultural change. Quite frankly, we don’t have a lot of time to deal with a few people who are hurting.  We have, however, decided to invite the celebrity faith healer Paula White to our church for a combined celebration for Jim Mitchell and “faith healing for the hurting” program at the end of the month.

For those of you unfamiliar with Paula White, here is a short video of her in action.  Please plan on attending, and of course, don’t forget to RSVP!

That’s a tough question. I recall that I was aware of Pastor Tim’s intentions in mid-April. I remember that because it was a beautiful Saturday morning and Pastor Tim and I were playing a round of golf at the Club. We were making small talk waiting for our tee time when Pastor Tim mentioned that our PPP loan had been forgiven. That was great news as it meant we had an extra $1.2 million in our budget.

Pastor Tim may have mentioned that he might be terminating Pastor Mike’s employment in the near future, but I paid it no attention, I mean, employees come and employees go. It was a fact of life in Pastor Tim’s reign.

About a week later Pastor Mike contacted me, quite distraught as he was having some issues with Pastor Tim concerning his future with The Chapel. I assured him all things work together for good, and didn’t think about it again until Pastor Tim told me in late May that he had to fire Pastor Mike. I told him that was well within his rights and I would write a letter announcing it to The Chapel. It seems I may have underestimated the reaction from the Green Campus members so at that point I talked with some other Board members. That would have been around May 21. I didn’t foresee such a huge mess and to be honest, I still don’t understand what the big deal is. The worst part is I have lost my favorite golfing buddy.

Next question, please.

I can’t speak for The Chapel, but I think the Scriptures are full of great ideas and suggestions on a vast array of subjects. Of course, not everything in the Scriptures are suggestions, like that verse about women being quiet in church and not teaching men. But anyway, yes there are some good ideas in those verses you mentioned.

As for the difference between a trustee and an elder, I would say that trustees are generally smarter, more savvy, and wealthier than elders. Trustees are guys you can “trust” to make large donations to fund the church. Elders are generally more familiar with the Scriptures than trustees, but they don’t know much about money. Elders aren’t critical to the growth of the church, know what I mean? I have yet to see a teaching on the Good Samaritan make a mortgage payment.

If you doubt what I say, just take a look at this statement in The Chapel’s 2019-2020 audit:

Next question, please.

This question obviously violates the ground-rules, specifically; “Statements that are not inquisitive, and simply offer a comment or critique, do not necessitate an answer.”

I see the critique, cleverly sandwiched between two questions.

I cry foul. Next QUESTION, please.

Clearly, nobody is interested in our Constitution. It’s a living document that has outlived its usefulness, therefore we are forced to make the rules up as we go.  Also, refer back a few questions to where I explained we Board members are more intelligent than most people.

You need to learn to trust your leaders, submit to our superior judgements and quit complaining. You remind me of the Israelites in the desert.

That is the end of the questions. I hope you see from my answers that the future of The Chapel is in great hands. You have nothing to worry about. Remember the Scripture verse that talks about what a great sin it is to forsake the assembling of yourselves together. You need to be in church every time the doors are open. If you can’t make it in person you can lessen your state of sinfulness by giving your money on-line.

God has great things in store for The Chapel.  Our best days are yet to come!