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“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
I had hoped that, by simply ignoring some things, peace would be achieved. Sadly, things have escalated and I find myself in a position of having to explain that which I had hoped would simply fade away. Abuse affects us all in differing ways. There is an old saying that hurting people can hurt people.
I have decided to explain things as simply as possible since this situation continues to escalate and I am being asked questions. Hopefully this explanation will suffice.
This is a response to some accusations made by a survivor who is currently in the public eye. I have elected not to name her although that may not matter. She has accused me of speaking about her even when I am not. Over the last couple of months, a few bloggers, victims, and advocates including me have been accused of one or more of the following actions.
- Deliberately ignoring this victim when she attempted to reach out to us.
- Forming a private conversation group involving me as well as two other friends (you would recognize their names) in order to harass this survivor online over the past year.
- Accusing one survivor of saying this person was acting like a rapist.
- Accusing me of criminal libel for this linked post which this survivor claims that I wrote about her. See if you can find a name. I didn’t. (Note-This person’s last name does not begin with C.)
- Claiming that this survivor has been routinely harassed by unsafe survivors and advocates who have since been blocked.
- Posting a Facebook message in which motives of another advocate were wrongly attributed. This prompted some of us to be contacted by those who read the message.
- I have never deliberately ignored a request for help by a survivor. However, the fact that I have thousands of emails that have gone unanswered because there is only one of me may have contributed to this. However, those who wish to reach me usually do. But, I am not the only one accused of deliberately ignoring her.
I have never deliberately ignored this woman until recently when these accusations began to be leveled at me as well as others. I decided on a course of action which would be to ignore this poor individual because I felt sorry for her. I didn’t want to contribute to any pain she has experienced
- I have NEVER formed a private group for the sole purpose of bringing pain to a survivor. The other two people involved have strongly denied doing so as well. As one of them said to me “Do you think I’ve got time for this?”
- If I had meant the discussed post to be directed towards this person, I would have said so. I do not pull punches when I write. At least give me that!
- I saw the supposed *rapist* comment made by another survivor. That was not said and her interpretation appears geared to continuing a narrative that this *poor survivor* continues to be harassed by unsafe advocates and survivors.
- Go through all of my tweets and see if you can find one that is harassing a survivor. They don’t exist.
- I did not pay any attention to this survivor and did not recognize her name until sometime this summer.
- This individual has spoken to a number of people about us.
- Last night was the last straw. I, along with two others, was contacted by a person on Twitter that I have known for a number of years. She read a Facebook message that is making the rounds.
- All of us have been blocked by this individual which is fine by me since I had only started to follow her once the accusations began. She claims that all those who were blocked are those people who are harassing her. Of course, I still read her blocked accounts in order to keep an eye on things. Blocking doesn’t work.
I have copies of all of these accusations and will post them if this continues. Given the upcoming conference, this would be undesirable.
I believe that this individual is troubled which is not uncommon for those who have been through serious abuse, I, along with another, have contacted two individuals involved with this person with the hope that some will help her.
I have tried to ignore these silly accusations for awhile now. However, since others are getting dragged into this, I felt I needed to speak.
If any of you have questions about this or have been contacted, please let me know. I am asking all commenters not to mentioner her name. It will only cause the situation to escalate.
It is also my hope that those who love this victim will surround her with supportive care. I bear no ill will towards her. I don’t even know her personally. That I why this situation is so disconcerting.
Finally, I stand by my designated survivor post and will soon feature an article which will demonstrate what I mean by this. Well known and skilled survivors who have been abused within the SBC have been ignored and I am not talking about me. Some might think that this has been a ham handed attempt by some leaders to control the narrative. I have wondered this myself.
Please join me in praying for peace.