An abuser isn’t abusive 24/7. They usually demonstrate positive character traits most of the time. That’s what makes the abuse so confusing when it happens, and what makes leaving so much more difficult. Miya Yamanouchi
Ashley and I were made aware of this situation in May. I wrote a post about the matter. Pastor Rashan Wilson Assaults the Mother of His Three Children While Claiming to Be Married to Another Women.
In that post I noted what appeared to be a relationship between the local SBC church which apparently shared their property with this pastor’s church. Since that time, it appears that the original SBC church is no longer functioning and we have heard that the congregation allegedly merged in with Impact Church. We have also heard that the pastor of Impact, the alleged father of these children, continues to preach even though he was reportedly asked not to do so.
Shortly thereafter, we made a request for financial help from the Charleston Baptist Association, the South Carolina Baptist Association and even approached some SBC leaders during convention in Birmingham. A Request to the South Carolina Baptist Convention and the Charleston Baptist Association to Help a Single Mother
In that post we outlined the concerning aspects of this situation as well as what seems to us to be a relationship of some sort with the local Charleston Baptist Association. We were then informed by the South Carolina Baptist Convention that some funds were donated and given to a local church to distribute to Ms Johnson. We later discovered that the donation was $2000.
We are grateful that Shanaqua made the decision to keep these children which was difficult, given the dynamics of tis situation. It is particularly disturbing that a pastor, who is in a position of being a church leader, would allegedly engage in such behavior.
I spoke with Wade Burleson about this situation and he is supportive of our efforts to help Shanaqua and has promised a contribution.
Although TWW has committed to focusing on human trafficking and raising funds to help in that endeavor, this situation deeply troubled me. In general, we do not raise funds from individuals.
Please pray for the safety and well being of Shanaqua as she struggles to be the sole provider for her family.
1 BAM
“A Pregnant Mother Who Was Allegedly Strangled by Her Pastor Who Is the Father of Her Children”
Well, if those words don’t paint the picture of how far the pulpit has fallen in some corners of Christendom, nothing will!
“Son of man, do you see what the elders of the house of Israel are doing in the darkness … they also fill the land with violence and repeatedly provoke Me to anger … Therefore I will respond with wrath. I will not show pity or spare them. Though they cry out in My ears with a loud voice, I will not listen to them.” (Ezekiel 8)
Kudos to the SCBC. 🙂
Side question for Jeannette Altes. I only ask the question to better understand and help someone else. My questions are:
-Were you able to tell your Mom what was happening to you?
-If yes, your Mom being narcissistic, did she take what you told her and use it to wound you?
You probably already know those, but please be careful giving a large sum of cash directly to this woman because her abuser (or greedy others in her life) could get wind of it and extort it from her. Best if someone on the ground works with her to help pay needed bills. That will help bless her AND keep her safe.
Fisher,
Either are there or were their members of her family that are parasites, retarding her progress?
Did she come out of a family paradigm that made her an easy mark for the predatory pastor?
Brian – hmm…that is a complicated question. I’ll do my best to answer…
The first instance of molestation happened when I was 2 1/2 and though I have a very good memory, this incident is only fragmentary in my mind because (I believe) of the way it was handled. This one my mother was aware of to a degree (I’m not certain how much she was aware of on specifics) and told me, in essence as interpreted by a 2 1/2 year old mind, to never tell anyone or I would hurt God. Now, that alone created a huge mental knot for a small child who already loved Jesus. I don’t think she ever used this specific incident against me, though.
However, in this same time frame, as recorded in my baby book, no less, she viewed me as, “spoiled rotten as baby cries when not held.” This was at 5 weeks of age. And at 2 years 10 months, as recorded in my baby book under potty training, “child can go all day without an accident, but most of the time is either stubborn or lazy and whippings with a belt don’t help.” This was a few weeks after first being molested.
As to the things that happened later (7 – 12 years of age) by a different perpatrator (an older cousin), she was not aware until I told her 12 years ago (at the age of 44). I had typed out a chronology of everything I could remember and had her read it. Her responses were along these lines: “poor little guy” (referring to him), “I don’t know why you’re telling me this when there’s nothing I can do about it”, “where were the adults when this was going on?”, “poor little guy” (yes, she said it twice). When I replied, “what about the poor little girl (me)?”, she just frowned at me like I was being selfish. After that, she re-established contact with this person (who thankfully lives @6000 miles away) and made a point, every time we talked, to talk about him and how well he was doing and how great he was. It wasn’t long after this that I cut off all contact with her. It took her several years to quit trying to contact me, including calling and harassing my friends.
I hope this is helpful.
Jeannette Altes,
Actually it is very helpful. Thank you. 🙂
You’re welcome. 🙂
I wanted to add something that slipped my mind in the previous post. The reason I did not tell my mom (or any adult) about what happened from 7 – 12 years of age is because of how the incident when I was 2 1/2 was handled. I knew that if I told, I would be in BIG trouble – and the perpatrator reinforced this belief, as did teaching I heard in church…
Fun times….
Jeannette Altes,
Oh my gosh. I have no words.
So sorry. Lord have mercy.
Jeannette Altes,
There were still repercussions when you told her at age 44. But this time you had control by ignoring her. She took that as defiance, trying to cripple your other relationships, hoping you you come back under her control.
If I may ask, when she called your friends, did she out herself for who she really was?
You gave me the exact insight to be helpful. My abuser/molester always said things to me and in front of others to demean and demoralize me. But, once I was out of the environment, he could care less.
Those that I’m trying to understand better had specific experiences similar to yours and still dealing with fending off a pathological person over time.
They knew what was going on and recognized what she was trying to do. She let her angry voice slip with one that refused to tell her what I was doing. So, yeah, she did.
On the other hand, her students (she taught private music lessons) thought she was the bee’s knees – she could be very charming and nice outside the inner circle. Her sister and brother had also cut off dealing with her and the parent of one of her students accused the family of cruelty and abandoning her. They (the narcissist) will make you out to be the villian…you have to develop a tough skin for that, or so distance yourself (if possible) to not even touch the same circles.
A target inside a narcissist’s circle sees straight through the fake appearance. It’s maddening and isolating that other people don’t see through it, or pretend not to. Brian, you are already helping by seeing through it.
My friend, who grew up in a narcissist’s family, sometimes mentions being undeserving of love or care: messages like I should have tried to love my parent more or I feel sick, but I shouldn’t bother the doctor. I ask permission to speak, and gently say something like this: I know this is painful. You did not get the love you deserved as a child. You deserve love. You deserve health.
Limiting contact with the narcissist can really help, but it can go against strong feelings of loyalty. One way to start is by taking a week (month) off from the expected call or visit home, and enjoying the peace and quiet. Just take the time, without saying why.
Sometimes the victim is the “good kid” in the family, trying to survive by obeying all the rules. The good kid often pays a higher emotional price than the rebellious kid. It can be very rewarding to turn that goodness toward people who appreciate it and benefit from it.
I certainly understand this. I still struggle with the concept of love. I am getting there, though, through the love of very patient and understanding friends and the patient persistent of God.
As to taking a month off…that didn’t work with my mom. We lived 60 miles apart and she came to see me and take me to dinner twice a week, religiously. When I began to try to pull back on the frequency, she doubled down on not listening, guilting, tantrums…and then she would show up anyway. It reached the point where when her name showed up on my caller id, panic would rise. I felt tremendous guilt for nor answering. I began leaving my house on the nights she would come and essentially hiding from her. I’d go park somewhere and just sit in my car, go to a friend’s house that she didn’t know the location…and finally got my own place and didn’t tell her where it was. She found out the building (probably from my dad) abd drove around it a couple of times. She essrntially stalked me for a while. A narcissistic parent that has had you in their clutches for over 40 years does not relenquish control easily.
Catholic Gate-Crasher,
Thank you. He has abd does. 🙂
You went to tremendous effort to free yourself, and paid a price. I am grateful that you are free.
My situation was less severe, but I did have a narcissist who loved calling to scream at me—no witnesses, eh? One day I said, “I am recording this call, starting now. We can talk politely or hang up. Your choice.” The narcissist got off the phone in seconds. Then I started getting calls from others: “How DARE you record phone calls” bla bla bla. The fact that I was pretending to record made it worse, because I was lying.
We do what we can. I wish you continued healing and strength.
Friend,
Yes, we each do what we can. Every situation is unique but the underlying pathology is the same.
I’m glad you are free, as well. My choice to walk away cost me some family relationships. It’s funny how sometimes people do not want to look at the truth and cling to an illusion. “She wasn’t all bad,” is something I’ve heard. And it’s true. She wasn’t all bad. That actually made it more difticult and confusing growing up. But a glass of water with a drop of strychnine in it isn’t “all bad,” either. But it’s still deadly.
Friend,
Thank you. 🙂
Dee:
Is there more to this story, maybe this isn’t the alleged pastor’s “first BBQ”?.
To Shanaqua: Please know that you have much support from TWW. The discussion on this thread might seem general… that’s how we are sometimes. I hope you will draw strength from our community.
There’s been an outbreak of that in the American church! Supposed “men of God” are taking the institutional church for a ride, using and abusing church members along the way.
Seems like a lot of us on this blog have personal experience with narcissists. I know how difficult it is and I wish each of us healing and wholeness.
Good for them! It’s good to hear of the church being the church.
That’s good to know. I could totally see how that could happen. I hope it does not.
Max,
I’m not referencing the churches. Ms. Johnson isn’t his first victim. These guys, when they are made to leave the family for whatever the reason, they find another single mom. In this case, the family is the victim pool, not the church congregation.
Why he’s hanging onto the church, narcissistic pride? Was he always a pastor?
Brian,
I don’t know th woman’s particular situation, but I have spent years doing Community Development among Some of the poorest groups of people in Southeast Asia. What I know is that when a lot of money shows up in a big chunk all of a sudden people in the extended family including neighbors and friends come out of the woodwork and begin demanding a piece of the pie. It is very important when we try to help somebody that we remember they’re part of a larger community And sometimes we need to be very careful so that we don’t put them at greater risk.
Shanaqua is a competent adult who understands her own needs for safety. Dee has spent a great deal of time learning about this difficult situation. GoFundMe is a mechanism we can all use, anonymously if we prefer.
The link to the GoFundMe is posted directly above the comments. I encourage people to click the other links as well and look at TWW coverage of the story.
Here is a link to a news story about the alleged assault: https://www.cbs17.com/news/south/pastor-arrested-for-strangling-assaulting-pregnant-woman-outside-sc-church/
Fisher,
I have been blogging for 10 years. I was also a public health nurse for years, working in indigent communities. I understand what you are saying but we are working with Shanaqua and have even notified her victim advocate of our intent.This is a unique situation, one that directly involved the church and the SBC.
It is our hope that she will be able to afford a small apartment, be able to recuperate from the delivery and return to her jobs. Her current situation is untenable.