Link to GoFundMe Removed at Christina’s Request

Due to a most untoward communication with Christina, I have decided to remove the link to her GoFundMe page. I had hoped that our willingness to help her would encourage her. Instead, she seems to be quite angry with me as well as most of our readers. Thank you, Velour, for your helpful comments to Christina.

Comments

Link to GoFundMe Removed at Christina’s Request — 69 Comments

  1. Hi Christina,

    I put some suggestions, about where you can get help, under the Open Discussion tab (right side of the page here on TWW) a few days ago. Perhaps you didn’t see it.

    Like Todd posted to you, many are helping others who are in need right now and may not have resources right now. (I am helping a family of 5, with three children, by buying them food and supplies due to job loss.)

    Some ideas where you could obtain help and services:
    *Catholic Charities in Colorado. Ask to meet with a social worker or someone who could help you. (Ditto The Salvation Army.)
    *Mental Health. Call your county public health and ask to speak to an advice nurse. Ask them to refer you to someone in the county for depression/anxiety treatment.
    *Food. Second Harvest Food Bank, a nation-wide program to assist people in their communities who need food.
    *Job Search. A woman by the name of Alison Green and her blog called Ask A Manager. You can read helpful information and post for help. Friday is open thread which means any topic related to work.
    http://www.askamanager.org/

    There is a free interview guide that Alison has on the right side of the page.
    (She has another job search book that you have to purchase.)

    A free group called Debtors Anonymous deals with debt, under-earning, and how to take care of oneself thru hard times. They usually have in-person meetings in major metro areas, as well as phone-in meetings and Skype meetings.

    http://debtorsanonymous.org/getting_started/index.php/find/?_ga=GA1.2.1568926437.1457644766

  2. Hi Christina,

    Have you signed up to do temp work? I would recommend that so that you can generate income.

  3. I’m sorry for her ordeal, as I just said on another thread.

    I don’t have any money to donate to anyone’s GoFundMe accounts.

    I do hope things work out for her.

  4. Hi Christina,

    Job search. Here are some helpful topics from Alison Green’s blog, Ask A Manger,
    regarding jobs. http://www.askamanager.org/topics

    I recommend that, if you’re up for it, that you schedule next Friday on your calendar and go to the Open Thread discussion and post any questions you might have about your job search and ask for ideas from other posters. I have gotten REALLY great ideas and so have other people. It’s a savvy crowd over there.

    Example of this past Friday’s Open Thread, which you can still ask a question on it for feedback.
    http://www.askamanager.org/2016/03/open-thread-march-11-12-2016.html

  5. Christina might be 1). legit, or 2). not. I’ve spent over three decades watching people who had legitimate needs seek out Christians with an honest attitude, I’ve also seen people who were a). grafters or b). emotionally disturbed seek out Christians. For her to so quickly burn up into anger when she’d given us very little time to respond causes me to presumptively put her into category 2(b). I do not know what she is, but under the circumstances, one has to wonder.

  6. Is this the same Christina who once was a part of TVC before moving to Colorado? If so, perhaps she developed a bit of an ownership mentality.

  7. Daisy your prayers and support is valued more than money. Believe me I appreciate those who have done so much but the friendships here and my newfound friendship with Dee , there’s no price for it. She loves my son and is so amazing because she is doing for us in spite of taking care of her own family. She has brought all of you amazing people here. Daisy wrote:

    I’m sorry for her ordeal, as I just said on another thread.

    I don’t have any money to donate to anyone’s GoFundMe accounts.

    I do hope things work out for her.

  8. Ok, I need some assistance with doing a resume. I have been trying to get one together but it could be better and there’s an opportunity for me to make a better Living applying for a job at a call center. A wonderful person who is a friend her husband is going to recommend me. There’s no guarantee but maybe God is opening an opportunity here for us. Anyone here who might want to help me with my resume would be amazing…. Velour wrote:

    Hi Christina,

    I put some suggestions, about where you can get help, under the Open Discussion tab (right side of the page here on TWW) a few days ago. Perhaps you didn’t see it.

    Like Todd posted to you, many are helping others who are in need right now and may not have resources right now. (I am helping a family of 5, with three children, by buying them food and supplies due to job loss.)

    Some ideas where you could obtain help and services:
    *Catholic Charities in Colorado. Ask to meet with a social worker or someone who could help you. (Ditto The Salvation Army.)
    *Mental Health. Call your county public health and ask to speak to an advice nurse. Ask them to refer you to someone in the county for depression/anxiety treatment.
    *Food. Second Harvest Food Bank, a nation-wide program to assist people in their communities who need food.
    *Job Search. A woman by the name of Alison Green and her blog called Ask A Manager. You can read helpful information and post for help. Friday is open thread which means any topic related to work.
    http://www.askamanager.org/

    There is a free interview guide that Alison has on the right side of the page.
    (She has another job search book that you have to purchase.)

    A free group called Debtors Anonymous deals with debt, under-earning, and how to take care of oneself thru hard times. They usually have in-person meetings in major metro areas, as well as phone-in meetings and Skype meetings.

    http://debtorsanonymous.org/getting_started/index.php/find/?_ga=GA1.2.1568926437.1457644766

  9. @marquis,

    Here are some tips for resume writing. Whatever language the job description has, use the language to describe your other jobs. Use it to a “t”.

    Here’s some info on resumes from the Ask A Manager/Alison Green webstie:
    http://www.askamanager.org/category/resumes

    I just saw one recently too, can’t remember which one, where someone combined childcare and horse care into some really solid skills for a resume that landed them in a completely different line of work.

    I am already booked with meetings for this week and I am short on time. I would love to help with your resume.

    TWWers: Do we have anyone who could help Marquis with her resume this week? Brad, LawProf, Mirele, others?

  10. marquis wrote:

    Daisy your prayers and support is valued more than money. Believe me I appreciate those who have done so much but the friendships here and my newfound friendship with Dee , there’s no price for it.

    Indeed, Marquis! This is how I feel too.

  11. Law Prof wrote:

    Christina might be 1). legit, or 2). not. I’ve spent over three decades watching people who had legitimate needs seek out Christians with an honest attitude, I’ve also seen people who were a). grafters or b). emotionally disturbed seek out Christians. For her to so quickly burn up into anger when she’d given us very little time to respond causes me to presumptively put her into category 2(b). I do not know what she is, but under the circumstances, one has to wonder.

    Agreed. I commend Dee and Deb for trying to help people. Unfortunately, situations like this will happen from time to time.

  12. If I recall the gofundme drives that I contributed to in the past were setup by a secondary party. I think Blue (good guy) setup the one for either Julie or Karen, Dee set up the one for Shauna and Billy.

    Setting up a gofundme for yourself and then leading off with an appeal for donations makes me uncomfortable. It then becomes hard to provide sympathy because I wasn’t asked for sympathy but donations. So I sat it out. Next time I’ll offer support even if it isn’t monetary, it shouldn’t be about my discomfort.

    Dee, your the best. Having recently been through the process of assisting my wife care for a family member, I’m amazed that you are able to care for multiple people and then maintain other responsibilities at the same time. I am very thankful for what you do here.

  13. If nothing else, Christina’s confusing behavior has caused her to become a prayer concern for me. Squeaky wheel and all that!! She seems like a walking bruise and hurting people can be, at times, difficult to comfort. If you are reading this, Christina, please know that I have been a walking bruise too and in spite of that or maybe even because of that, God has revealed new depths of His compassion for me. In the end people are never enough! But there is no end to God!! Hallelujah!!

  14. Like many of you said, my husband and I are also helping out another family. A friend of mine that I grew up with had a gofundme page started up for her by friends recently after being in the hospital for 2 months and losing part of her foot. That was different. I knew the circumstances personally. I think there is a time and a place to get help. When others see that you have reached your rock bottom and help you out, then God is working through them.

  15. @ Missy M:
    Have you read what she wrote to Dee? I haven’t, but I’ll read Dee’s character for you – that’s not what will be going on…& if it should one day turn out it was in some way, it will be made up for. Publically & bigtime.

    No-one who is a regular here wishes Christina anything but well, & for better days to come for her.

  16. bliMissy M wrote:

    Hmmm…she feels victimized but you’re blaming her. LOL Priceless.

    Hmmm…not everyone who feels victimized truly is, so your blaming us. LOL Priceless.

  17. Law Prof wrote:

    bliMissy M wrote:

    Hmmm…she feels victimized but you’re blaming her. LOL Priceless.

    Hmmm…not everyone who feels victimized truly is, so your blaming us. LOL Priceless.

    Haven’t we had a lot of recent experience with trolls using a [common first name] [last initial] handle?

  18. Headless Unicorn Guy wrote:

    Law Prof wrote:
    bliMissy M wrote:
    Hmmm…she feels victimized but you’re blaming her. LOL Priceless.
    Hmmm…not everyone who feels victimized truly is, so your blaming us. LOL Priceless.
    Haven’t we had a lot of recent experience with trolls using a [common first name] [last initial] handle?

    Hadn’t made that connection, but I’ll check, bet you’re right.

  19. I hope that Christina is just lashing out in her pain. I was disappointed with her comments on the other thread, but I’ve been known to hurt people when I’m hurting too. Although frankly, her comments went too far.

  20. Never forget, as it has already been stated, that hurting people hurt people. I will pray for Christiana. I helped with this GoFundMe like many others. We’re not promised perfect, gracious behavior in return. We just try to do our best as we walk our Christian paths on this earth. Remember all the people Jesus healed and brought Good News that didn’t appreciate it. Such is life. Thank you, Dee, for at least trying.

  21. Ah yes, Missy M seems to be a naive flake, while putting herself/himself forward as an above the fray authority on matters. The idea of discussing any conflict whatsoever with one who has NPD as something that can be discussed in terms of what the non-NPD did wrong to bring it all upon themselves is so profoundly ignorant, so downright stupid, as to be breathtaking.

  22. @LawProf,

    Thanks for helping @marquis with her resume.

    Marquis, read the interview guide on the right of the link I posted above for Alison Green’s blog/Ask A Manager.

    Marquis, do you have some interview clothes? At least 2 sets? Shoes? Makeup? Hose?
    Please advise us if you need anything to get ready for your job interview.

  23. I think Christian has been through a lot. She had a bad experience at The Village Church with a female leader and is mistrustful. I do believe she has needs. But, she seems to lash out at those who care for her. I am so sorry that things happened the way they did. You all are wonderful.

  24. @ Missy M:
    You can be sure that I have tried to be supportive because i really do care. Sometimes people are so hurt that they cannot see those around them who do care.

  25. It may help you all to know that this happened to Eagle this week. We talked about his offer to help and then it being perceived as not quite enough. Please pray for her.

  26. Janice McKenzie wrote:

    Never forget, as it has already been stated, that hurting people hurt people. I will pray for Christiana. I helped with this GoFundMe like many others.

    Well said and thank you.

  27. No, I do not have anything. I have been in shorts and t shirts for six years cleaning homes and shoveling manure along with feeding horses. That is on my list as I need good clothes but billy is growing and needs shoes, clothes, and bills have had to come first. No worries I’m trying to see if I can find a few cars to detail so I can buy something. After my utilities, some back rent, phone, tires, clothes/shoes for billy, food , gas the go fund dried me up. It was an incredible blessing I can’t believe what all of you did I’m completely grateful. I wish I can hug everyone here have have offered so much support me and billy love you. Whether you helped financially, supported with words of kindness and prayers it makes no difference it’s all the same to us and we are truly grateful. Please continue to pray I can meet more needs and that I get this job!!! I’m still trying to get to a computer to do the resume so it can be looked over before I submit it. @ Velour:
    Velour wrote:

    @LawProf,

    Thanks for helping @marquis with her resume.

    Marquis, read the interview guide on the right of the link I posted above for Alison Green’s blog/Ask A Manager.

    Marquis, do you have some interview clothes? At least 2 sets? Shoes? Makeup? Hose?
    Please advise us if you need anything to get ready for your job interview.

  28. Also go fund me and wepay charged quite a bit so that reduced what has been deposited. I share because my heart is to let you know that your help has,done so much and means so much. @ Velour:
    marquis wrote:

    No, I do not have anything. I have been in shorts and t shirts for six years cleaning homes and shoveling manure along with feeding horses. That is on my list as I need good clothes but billy is growing and needs shoes, clothes, and bills have had to come first. No worries I’m trying to see if I can find a few cars to detail so I can buy something. After my utilities, some back rent, phone, tires, clothes/shoes for billy, food , gas the go fund dried me up. It was an incredible blessing I can’t believe what all of you did I’m completely grateful. I wish I can hug everyone here have have offered so much support me and billy love you. Whether you helped financially, supported with words of kindness and prayers it makes no difference it’s all the same to us and we are truly grateful. Please continue to pray I can meet more needs and that I get this job!!! I’m still trying to get to a computer to do the resume so it can be looked over before I submit it. @ Velour:
    Velour wrote:

    @LawProf,

    Thanks for helping @marquis with her resume.

    Marquis, read the interview guide on the right of the link I posted above for Alison Green’s blog/Ask A Manager.

    Marquis, do you have some interview clothes? At least 2 sets? Shoes? Makeup? Hose?
    Please advise us if you need anything to get ready for your job interview.

  29. marquis wrote:

    No, I do not have anything. I have been in shorts and t shirts for six years cleaning homes and shoveling manure along with feeding horses.

    Hey Shauna. Check with the YWCA to see if they have a boutique for women in your situation. In my town, the YWCA has a boutique where women can buy interview clothes for very low prices. Some churches also have shops likes this. The YMCA might also have some ideas for you.

  30. patriciamc wrote:

    marquis wrote:
    No, I do not have anything. I have been in shorts and t shirts for six years cleaning homes and shoveling manure along with feeding horses.
    Hey Shauna. Check with the YWCA to see if they have a boutique for women in your situation. In my town, the YWCA has a boutique where women can buy interview clothes for very low prices. Some churches also have shops likes this. The YMCA might also have some ideas for you.

    For an office position, a safe bet is a skirt or pant suit, jacket and bottom in the same material and shade, in navy or black with a coordinating top and simple jewelry. Also, close-toes shoes and a black purse will go well. Also, you’ll need a simple portfolio to carry with you so that you’ll have a place to carry your resumes and list of references and a place for a letter-size notepad. This notepad will also have the questions that you’ll have for the prospective employer. Research the company and have a few questions for them to show that you’re on the ball, particularly questions that directly pertain to the position. You can get a portfolio at Office Max, Staples, places like that. Walmart probably has some too.

  31. Thank you, yes I will check today. I appreciate your advice thank you so much @ Velour:
    patriciamc wrote:

    marquis wrote:

    No, I do not have anything. I have been in shorts and t shirts for six years cleaning homes and shoveling manure along with feeding horses.

    Hey Shauna. Check with the YWCA to see if they have a boutique for women in your situation. In my town, the YWCA has a boutique where women can buy interview clothes for very low prices. Some churches also have shops likes this. The YMCA might also have some ideas for you.

  32. @marquis,

    I know human resources professionals who work for a very prestigious university here in CA and they get their blouses, pants, skirts, etc at Wal-Mart (and we have a lot of expensive dept stores in our area as well). That’s something to consider as well like @patriciamc was advising you.

    There are also career closets to help people with clothes for job interviews.
    http://www.fumcfortworth.org/serve/mission/clothing/

    That one I think is too far from you.

    @marquis, check out Dress For Success and see if there is one near you. They outfit women with some nice outfits to land jobs (clothes that have been donated).
    https://www.dressforsuccess.org/

  33. Hi, I just checked and the closest is Houston. I had to leave a message with rhonda so I will stand by and see if they can offer assistance with business attire and preparing for interviews. In the mean time I will try to get this,resume together. @ Velour:
    @ patriciamc:

  34. @marquis,

    If you feel like it at all, please post a spending plan of your and Billy’s needs.
    Shoes for you both. Clothes. Etc. Don’t want to pry. Only if you feel like it.
    Maybe folks could chip in some more, those who have means to do so.

    Please let me know what you need for the job. If you get the appointment at the place in Houston to give you an assist with clothes for a job interview, let me know if you have gas money to get to Houston. If not, I’ll put some money in your account for a tank of gas and for lunch too.

    Love and hugs from California.

  35. @TWW friends,

    Does anybody have a used laptop, in good working order, that they might be able to donate to Marquis and Billy? Just an extra if you upgraded, etc.

    I get the impression that Marquis does not have a computer. Sometimes people have an extra laying around. If yes, post here and maybe we could arrange to send it to TX and some flash drives to give Marquis an assist.

    Thanks, friends.

  36. TWW Friends,

    Do any of you computer geeks have any ideas of reliable groups, such as non-profits, that assist low-income people with obtaining a computer/laptop at little to no cost? Shauna and her son Billy are in Texas.

    If any of you would be kind enough to do some research and post it here, that would be great! Many thanks.

  37. Over the past five years, i’ve gone through financial hell with my family. We did not catch my father’s Alzheimer’s Disease until he had nearly ruined a lifetime’s worth of savings. You add that to the ongoing economic downturn in New Mexico and it is rough. Things just keep getting worse. I’ve been in the position where I’ve reached out for prayer. I will never do so, again.

    1. Everyone has an idea of what you are doing wrong.
    2. They all have advice.
    3. They think they know more than you do because you are dealing with financial disaster.
    4. If you don’t listen to them, they become angry.
    5. You are required, ceaselessly to tell your story.
    6. They make comments and criticize your choices.
    7. Prayer appears to be conditional.
    8. Quit humiliating with your so-called concern.
    9. Don’t tell me what to do with what little money I have.
    10. Situations make a person almost crazed. Picking them apart makes it worse.
    11. Give someone like this a basket with a gift card to Sonic, fast food, a manicure, pedicure, hair salon, and a local Sally’s. Do something nice for her. I’ve been there, and still am. Everyone is so sure they know what you should have, they forget that you are human and need to be treated decently and special.

    I quit asking. If a person can’t lovingly just pray for someone, and not give them the third degree about their life, then, to put it succinctly, butt out. No one knows what you are going through. Every situation is different. It is humiliating, degrading, and has nothing to do with Christian (charity) love. I don’t blame the poor woman.

    I’ve been so upset about finances I’ve been hysterical and almost suicidal. I’ve been hurt terribly by people I thought were my friends, who don’t give a rip. People think there is something flawed about a person when they end up in some financial situation which has no end.

    As for my life, I’ve not had a steak since Dec 27, 2014. I haven’t had a new pair of shoes in 4 years (and I am a shoe freak). My lingerie is falling apart. My hair looks like crap because I can’t afford a color. I’m living on about $900/month, and $600 of that goes to bills I cannot avoid.

    I don’t need help with my life. I don’t need a lecture. I don’t need therapy. I am a very accomplished person who was once a lobbyist working with the space program. I am a writer. My career is on hold because I can’t afford the repairs to may main computer.

    Oh – what did I do wrong? I gave up 5 years of my life to help my 80-year-old mother care for my father. I honored my father and my mother. I lost my career, life savings, credit rating, and my entire social life. I can understand the poor woman. Don’t assume she is not without skills and is incapable of doing normal things that normal people do. Just assume she is whipped to the point where she is physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. When you are that exhausted, you can’t think straight. I know, I’ve been there and doing that.

    Do I sound bitter? No, I’m not. I just know what it feels like.

  38. @marquis, so glad to hear you’ve been offered help with brushing up your cv. Law Prof, you rock. From my perspective, I found using the search terms “hybrid cv” or “combination cv” helpful if you are trying to change career, move sideways, etc. For example see http://susanireland.com/resume/how-to-write/format/combination-template/ I also found monster cv had useful tips on preparing for job interviews etc. It’s worthwhile doing a “dry run” practice session before hand with a friend or colleague where you anticipate the questions that will be asked and give the appropriate “hoop jumping” answers (sorry to say that, but sometimes I think it’s more an acting session than anything genuine).

    Somehow you will need to regular access to a computer and the internet – whether it be a smartphone or ipad etc. You need to be contactable by email and reply promptly, and search for and apply for jobs electronically. It’s so disadvantageous if you can’t get ‘linked in’ (pun). One time when I couldn’t afford a decent phone plan or an internet connection I spoke to my local librarian and was able to utilise the public library’s computers for free to job search and make my applications. As soon as I started working I informed the librarian and went back to normal user pays status. Anyhow, all that was to say that often there can be help available that we haven’t thought of. I wasn’t comfortable asking, but my need overcame that, and they dealt with it professionally. All the best to you marquis.

  39. Whoa, I’m sorry you are going through so much. I do hope things get better for you. You know buying shoes, dying your hair, these things are not necessities. I have to cut my own hair and buy a $3.00 hair dye to cover the gray every now and then . I don’t have much gray but certainly it does help and it’s cheap. I have been raising billy on my own since my ex husband left when billy was almost 3 years old. I have worked two to three jobs at a time shoveling horse manure, feeding animals, doing barn work, painting decks , houses, detailing cars, and anything to put food on the table. I had an amazing job with GM six years ago and due to the economic downfall with GM/GOV. my position was terminated. I have worked a in dog kennel going from $40,000 a year to $8.50 an hour. I did all this paying for endless unreliable babysitters because daycare didn’t go past the normal day hours. Not to mention not being able to work when your kid gets sick and your ex husband pays no child support which I gave up in the best intrest of billy. I clean houses and do whatever it takes to put shoes on billy and to be honest as difficult as it has been I have never experienced more joy in seeing God provide. There’s a peace in it and I can say we have yet to go without food, shelter, and any basic necessities to live. Anything beyond that is a gift but not my focus. As long as Billys needs are met or my needs that is all that matters. Shoes and hair pedicures lingerie those are not needs they are wants. I’m not being cruel here or judging your finances just your perspective. Be happy that you are single and struggling and not taking care of a child. It’s hard but God is good and He does provide all your needs. You are justifying your right to be angry with people who are trying to give you good advice even if some things they say don’t match what your doing. I think it comes from a good place because they could just say get out of here and ignore you. I myself would prefer the advice even if I didn’t agree. It opens dialog for you to share your burdens and maybe someone else may feel compelled to do something if you were not coming across as combative and attacking those who only mean to be helpful. No one ever said you had to take the advice but sometimes just smiling and nodding will get you further. I still struggle greatly financially but that’s ok when God wants us to have more He will provide, I have no doubt. All of my work has been taken and I won’t even go into this very last loss of a customer because of Ken Ramey. It was beyond abusive and not necessary but it’s over with and I’m going to rest in the support here, with dee, and trust that the Lord is doing something. I could have kept my mouth shut , accepted the crap this,church shovels, and been a good little sheep in the midst of the most horrific time in our lives and for what? To prosper financially? To turn a blind eye? To keep fake friendships? To do that would violate God’s word and my son. Sorry but this mother can not be bought and I struggle greatly with this still. I don’t have the answers, I’m certainly flawed and am not without making mistakes but I want to point you to the fact that these people here do care. Take the advice you can use and then shake the other stuff off. Be kind especially when you are asking strangers to help and understand you. Don’t place expectations on them because you are a stranger and they don’t have to care at all. Don’t shame someone for asking about you or your,situation more especially when they are looking to give up funds that they may need to feed their own families. There are some here I’m certain who gave to me and billy when they have nothing and it is beyond humbling. Even words of support mean just as much. I’m asking for help with my resume, calling the YWCA because someone suggested it. Thsee people here are giving great advice,take it use it! Whether it pans out or not it’s worth a shot! Today I will go to the library and use their computers. It’s ok if I don’t have one. When God wants to give me one He will but right now I will make due with what we have and I’m just grateful to have gas in my car and food in the fridge : ) please take their advice and know that the readers here care. @ Velour:
    SJ Reidhead wrote:

    Over the past five years, i’ve gone through financial hell with my family. We did not catch my father’s Alzheimer’s Disease until he had nearly ruined a lifetime’s worth of savings. You add that to the ongoing economic downturn in New Mexico and it is rough. Things just keep getting worse. I’ve been in the position where I’ve reached out for prayer. I will never do so, again.

    1. Everyone has an idea of what you are doing wrong.
    2. They all have advice.
    3. They think they know more than you do because you are dealing with financial disaster.
    4. If you don’t listen to them, they become angry.
    5. You are required, ceaselessly to tell your story.
    6. They make comments and criticize your choices.
    7. Prayer appears to be conditional.
    8. Quit humiliating with your so-called concern.
    9. Don’t tell me what to do with what little money I have.
    10. Situations make a person almost crazed. Picking them apart makes it worse.
    11. Give someone like this a basket with a gift card to Sonic, fast food, a manicure, pedicure, hair salon, and a local Sally’s. Do something nice for her. I’ve been there, and still am. Everyone is so sure they know what you should have, they forget that you are human and need to be treated decently and special.

    I quit asking. If a person can’t lovingly just pray for someone, and not give them the third degree about their life, then, to put it succinctly, butt out. No one knows what you are going through. Every situation is different. It is humiliating, degrading, and has nothing to do with Christian (charity) love. I don’t blame the poor woman.

    I’ve been so upset about finances I’ve been hysterical and almost suicidal. I’ve been hurt terribly by people I thought were my friends, who don’t give a rip. People think there is something flawed about a person when they end up in some financial situation which has no end.

    As for my life, I’ve not had a steak since Dec 27, 2014. I haven’t had a new pair of shoes in 4 years (and I am a shoe freak). My lingerie is falling apart. My hair looks like crap because I can’t afford a color. I’m living on about $900/month, and $600 of that goes to bills I cannot avoid.

    I don’t need help with my life. I don’t need a lecture. I don’t need therapy. I am a very accomplished person who was once a lobbyist working with the space program. I am a writer. My career is on hold because I can’t afford the repairs to may main computer.

    Oh – what did I do wrong? I gave up 5 years of my life to help my 80-year-old mother care for my father. I honored my father and my mother. I lost my career, life savings, credit rating, and my entire social life. I can understand the poor woman. Don’t assume she is not without skills and is incapable of doing normal things that normal people do. Just assume she is whipped to the point where she is physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. When you are that exhausted, you can’t think straight. I know, I’ve been there and doing that.

    Do I sound bitter? No, I’m not. I just know what it feels like.

  40. Thank you velour if we don’t have one that’s ok. When I get a chance I’m going to start saving for a simple desk top I have a TV I can use as a monitor. The tower at Walmart is straight 300 or a,little under that price. In the mean time I will get to the library. You guys,are amazing to think of us, thank you. Velour wrote:

    TWW Friends,

    Do any of you computer geeks have any ideas of reliable groups, such as non-profits, that assist low-income people with obtaining a computer/laptop at little to no cost? Shauna and her son Billy are in Texas.

    If any of you would be kind enough to do some research and post it here, that would be great! Many thanks.

  41. SJ Reidhead wrote:

    1. Everyone has an idea of what you are doing wrong.
    2. They all have advice.
    3. They think they know more than you do because you are dealing with financial disaster.
    4. If you don’t listen to them, they become angry.
    5. You are required, ceaselessly to tell your story.
    6. They make comments and criticize your choices.

    Anyone here remember the Book of Job and Job’s Counselors?

    It’s always those who’ve never been there who are full of all the glib advice, wagging scolding fingers and all.

  42. Law Prof wrote:

    Ah yes, Missy M seems to be a naive flake, while putting herself/himself forward as an above the fray authority on matters.

    She’s a LONGWINDED naïve flake who sees Great Authority/Wisdom/Gravitas whenever she looks in the mirror. I’ve encountered a couple fanboys like that. They’re just as insufferable in person as over the Net.

  43. Hey Shauna. Someone up-thread mentioned the website LinkedIn. For free, you can create a profile that lists your skills and your experience. You can list your jobs in chronological order. Through the website, you can reach out to others on there and send them a link request. This way, you can build up a contact list.

    Oh, when you create an e-mail address, you can use free services like Yahoo or Gmail (through Google). Create a simple professional address like “ShaunaLastName@yahoo.com.” You wouldn’t believe the crazy e-mail addresses HR departments get from job applicants. A crazy sounding e-mail address can actually keep applicants from getting jobs.

  44. SJ Reidhead wrote:

    Oh – what did I do wrong? I gave up 5 years of my life to help my 80-year-old mother care for my father. I honored my father and my mother. I lost my career, life savings, credit rating, and my entire social life. I can understand the poor woman. Don’t assume she is not without skills and is incapable of doing normal things that normal people do. Just assume she is whipped to the point where she is physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. When you are that exhausted, you can’t think straight. I know, I’ve been there and doing that.
    Do I sound bitter? No, I’m not. I just know what it feels like.

    Hi SJ,

    Thank you for sharing your story. I honor your sacrifice to take care of aging parents and I am sorry for your many losses. I have put you in my prayer journal.
    I will be praying for you.

    I am not certain if your post was directed to Christina’s situation/GoFundMe in CO. or to Marquis’/Billy’s situation in TX.

    If it was addressed to Christina, Christina made several other posts about her state of mind, finances, etc. I posted specific resources for her in her CO> community that I thought she might find helpful for each of the categories that she addressed in one of her prior posts (that wasn’t on the GoFundMe in its entirety).

    There are also elder care support groups, that I had to take advantage of, and that were recommended to me when I took care of a family friend who died at 102 years old and she had no family friends. I stayed with her for four years because she was *family* and it would have killed me to not have her protected. A hospital social worker suggested a care group for me. Best advice! I didn’t even know about it.

  45. Thanks patricia I will try that. I believeof I get my resume completed fast and done well I may already have this job that someone is,helping me with. It’s 40,000 a year. If that doesn’t work out then I will definitely go your route. @ Velour:
    Patriciamc wrote:

    Hey Shauna. Someone up-thread mentioned the website LinkedIn. For free, you can create a profile that lists your skills and your experience. You can list your jobs in chronological order. Through the website, you can reach out to others on there and send them a link request. This way, you can build up a contact list.

    Oh, when you create an e-mail address, you can use free services like Yahoo or Gmail (through Google). Create a simple professional address like “ShaunaLastName@yahoo.com.” You wouldn’t believe the crazy e-mail addresses HR departments get from job applicants. A crazy sounding e-mail address can actually keep applicants from getting jobs.

  46. marquis wrote:

    Thank you velour if we don’t have one that’s ok. When I get a chance I’m going to start saving for a simple desk top I have a TV I can use as a monitor. The tower at Walmart is straight 300 or a,little under that price. In the mean time I will get to the library.

    Hi Marquis,

    You’re welcome. I thought I’d put it out there because sometimes people have extra laptops around that are just going to go to the electronics recycle/land fill. I thought I would ask because I have been able to obtain extra computers that people had and give an assist to a family that couldn’t afford computers for their children’s schoolwork (and were on a waiting list for a borrowed one from the school).

  47. SJ Reidhead wrote:

    Give someone like this a basket with a gift card to Sonic, fast food, a manicure, pedicure, hair salon, and a local Sally’s. Do something nice for her. I’ve been there, and still am. Everyone is so sure they know what you should have, they forget that you are human and need to be treated decently and special.

    Hey SJ. Very good points. As someone who has two parents who both just entered a nursing home, I can relate somewhat. Now, I know this is a small thing, but a good color and cut can help with morale and a job search. This is what was suggested to me: try a beauty school or a salon that does after-hours classes for their employees. They frequently need volunteers to demonstrate cuts and color on.

  48. @Shauna,

    I put $75 in your GoFundMe account just now. I don’t know how much will be taken out in fees (perhaps not more than $5 – $10?,not certain how that part of it works). Hopefully this will be enough to fill your tank with gas, get to Houston for your appointment to be outfitted with interview clothes, and to have lunch there.

    Love and hugs from California.

  49. My dad burned through all the family assets before he died of cancer, mom sat by and watched it mutely, conditioned as she was to her generation’s belief that the woman should just be a meek sidekick for a man rather than one who steps up and has her say, like Zipporah did. So, my family is left with nothing. We have nine children, we have one income, we have a daughter getting married and have no way of paying for the wedding except going in major debt (and it isn’t a lavish wedding by any normal standards). We spend $1500 a month on food to feed the family, which works out to a buck fifty per meal per person–think we’re eating steak on that? We haven’t had a steak, except for a few that were given us as charity, since before 2008). I say this not to ask for sympathy or charity–we deserve neither–because we’re getting by, we’re keeping up with the mortgage, we’re feeding the children, we’re blessed. We’ve made choices that put us where we are, no one else forced them on us, e.g., my 99th percentile-educated wife quit a high-paying, computer programming job with a major corporation to stay at home and teach the kids, and we chose to have a huge family. I’m only saying this to say that with the choices we make come consequences. God can suspend the laws of gravity for you if He wants, but He’s under no obligation to do so. So, under the circumstances, as one who’s stayed up all night to clean up filth when the family has the stomach flu, then had to go to work the next morning, as one who’s had to give up on vacations, on steak dinners, on hobbies, on pretty much anything but caring for the family and living paycheck-to-paycheck, I tend to take umbrage at one who tells me about their needs and demands action NOW to address them, such as the person who’s the subject of this thread or anyone else who talks about how hard they have it. We cannot just throw out the decisions we made which put us in the places in which we find ourselves, nor can we throw out the normal consequences of life, such as losing a parent and losing an estate–I’m not doing it under my circumstances.

  50. Law Prof wrote:

    I tend to take umbrage at one who tells me about their needs and demands action NOW to address them, such as the person who’s the subject of this thread or anyone else who talks about how hard they have it.

    That’s also why I suggested Debtors Anonymous and their “pressure relief groups” to help come up with an action plan for someone seeking help here.

  51. marquis wrote:

    Thanks patricia I will try that. I believeof I get my resume completed fast and done well I may already have this job that someone is,helping me with.

    @marquis,

    Check out the Alison Green interview guide, FREE, on the right side of the
    her blog at Ask A Manager. http://www.askamanager.org/

    If you can, research salaries in your area for this type of job.
    You can also say when negotiating , “I’d be willing to entertain any reasonable offer.”

  52. @marquis,

    Let them bring up salary/hourly first. A range.
    Ask for some tips from others. When they want you, then negotiate a little higher. Ask your friends for advice too.

    Praying for you.

  53. Thank you I will……: )@ Velour:
    Velour wrote:

    @marquis,

    Let them bring up salary/hourly first. A range.
    Ask for some tips from others. When they want you, then negotiate a little higher. Ask your friends for advice too.

    Praying for you.

  54. marquis wrote:

    Thank you velour if we don’t have one that’s ok. When I get a chance I’m going to start saving for a simple desk top I have a TV I can use as a monitor. The tower at Walmart is straight 300 or a,little under that price. In the mean time I will get to the library. You guys,are amazing to think of us, thank you. Velour wrote:

    TWW Friends,

    Do any of you computer geeks have any ideas of reliable groups, such as non-profits, that assist low-income people with obtaining a computer/laptop at little to no cost? Shauna and her son Billy are in Texas.

    If any of you would be kind enough to do some research and post it here, that would be great! Many thanks.

    You might ask the librarian about used computers. I have bought all kinds of computer stuff from local libraires, who raise money by selling their things at rock bottom prices.