Here is the link for Keith Larson (Charlotte radio station WBT morning talk show host) interviewing the reporter, Stuart Watson, yesterday. It’s on in Hour 2. http://feeds.feedburner.com/KeithLarsonPodcast Larson will be following up today. Yesterday he tweeted: “interesting email from seemingly credible former #ElevationChurch member, about finances, & attitudes toward members’ questions. 2mrrw.” Should be interesting.
Furtick looks like a teenager. Also, “Chunks” sounds like either 1) a reference to spewing chunks which is NOT a pleasant mental image, or 2) someone who would be in on where Jimmy Hoffa is buried and maybe have a massive 6’10” bodyguard named Tiny. Either way, I’m still scratching my head over that one.
Just another way the church is of the world, not just in it. This is the same way CEOs’ pay gets set, through “peer benchmarking.” Forget about the people under you, forget about the actual value you are bringing to the organization. And then use the organization to enrich yourself.
The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them but whoever wants to be great in the kingdom of heaven must become the servant of all.
They won’t even release their by-laws???? What on earth? So do people join this church without knowing the church’s by-laws????
I am embarrassed that Elevation Church is located in my native state. It is becoming patently clear that it's NOT Jesus Christ who is being elevated…
@ Marge Sweigart:
If you listen to the podcast, be sure to listen to the whole thing, including the people calling in. Keith Larson does a great job of cutting through the bulls**t and keeping the discussion on track. One guy who had gone to Elevation for 2 years and was a “volunteer” told about how volunteers cleaned the Furticks’ house, did their grocery shopping, etc. He also said that when he wanted to talk with Furtick about concerns he had about a guest preacher, he was told that he could not talk to Furtick and that if he wasn’t happy at Elevation, they could find him a new church that he could be happy at. LOL.
Interesting Tweet two months ago by Steven Furtick:
I need to share something special with you. Over the last 2 weekends @ElevationChurch – over 3,300 people have been baptized. I realize too much emphasis on numbers can be counterproductive – but I felt compelled to publicly celebrate this moment with our church – & you. #RaisedToLife – In Jesus' name! Glory to God!
Does Elevation Church conduct spontaneous baptisms?
@ Deb:
From what I am hearing, the naswer may be yes.
It is becoming patently clear that it’s NOT Jesus Christ who is being elevated…
What is with these altitude names anyhow? Elevation. Summit. Be interesting to watch how high the names can go. Sun and moon sound too oriental. and they have already used satellite for a lesser quantity. Maybe Asteroid? Something beyond the pull of gravity certainly.
2 weekends over 3000 baptisms? With 7 campuses (Does each one have a baptismal) just the logistics alone would be a nightmare and probably would have made the news. I don’t believe it. I mean after about 100, wouldn’t you at least want to change the water if done in a baptismal? Can anyone with a brain see the impossible logistics on this one? They would have to be baptizing around the clock at several locations.
And guess what? Since they do not have formal membership, how are people at the different campi to know what is true or isn’t? I am not a fan of formal membership but at the very least it helps one track such things as this.
Maybe, maybe not, but I’d urge us collectively not to focus on that. I myself look stupid; I have receding hair, freckles and sticking-out ears that evidently make my look at lot younger than my 45 years because I attract patronising people like a jam-jar attracts wasps. People in their 30’s address me as “son” and total strangers walk up to me and tell me I shouldn’t be walking in the (empty) road or explain the dangers of standing near the water’s edge.
If Mr Furtick dresses up as a chicken or a banana, then by all means comment on his appearance. But – if I may respectfully state – I can’t hold his face against him.
@ Anon 1:
I’ve seen pictures and videos of the baptisms. They set up tanks out in the parking lot. There’s no way it could be “spontaneous”. It might just be that people spontaneously decide to get baptized that day. Just google “elevation church baptism” if you want to see how it’s done.
. But – if I may respectfully state – I can’t hold his face against him.
🙂
@ Anon 1: I still remember coming forward at Ed Young Jrs church to become a “member” of the church for which I shall repent the rest of my life. I heard one lady tell the interviewer that she knew she was going to heaven. She got “baptized.” Of course, the lady believed that everyone goes to heaven if you are good. She soon left and joined the Unity Church which she said was just like Ed’s church. But, she was baptized and her number was added to the congregation that very day!!! Numbers are stupid.
If you guys get bored with Furtick, Kevin Swanson is at it again.
I hope you are enjoying this crucifixion. So sad to see you salivating over a hatchet job…last time I saw something this bad was in “Passion of the Christ”. But here is the good news…WE WILL RISE! As my Pastor Steven always says, “Favor ain’t Fair”! “So when people see you driving that nice car and owning your own home and wearing some new clothes and they start hatin…just tell em’…My Daddy got me this and he ain’t finished yet! I didn’t earn it, I didn’t deserve it, there is more where this came from and if you got right with God, you may get some Favor too!”
That is a direct quote from Pastor Steven and today I hopped in my brand new Lexus and drove to my new job making $75,000 and I will at PF Changs tonite!
Sorry that you are jealous….but….Favor ain’t Fair!
Oh my word. Parking lot baptismal tanks? Those do not typically appear spontaneously for Baptism.
And I agree with Dee. Numbers are stupid. I lived in that world with the church growth movement and it is all about numbers. It is the foundational basis for their existence, salary and their future. You are a giving unit, a baptism statistic, nickels and noses and I have heard much worse. The term “pew sitter” that I use often came from the inside of that movement because that is how they view folks.
Is it just this computer or is the print so small now us visuaally impaired people have drag out the magnifying glass?
Sharon, to compare the sacrifice of our Lord to Steven Furticks lifestyle being outed tells me all I need to know about what passes for spiritual truth at Elevation.
I am starting to think you are doing a parody on Furtick.
Is it just this computer or is the print so small now us visuaally impaired people have drag out the magnifying glass?
It looks really tiny from here in the great beyond, as well. Just like Pastor Steven’s mansion looks compared to some of the digs up here!
We know the print is small. We are investigating.
@ Anon 1:
Parody. Yes. My great-niece-in-law Sharon is no more an Elevation member than I am. Gotta go! Gonna explore z8_GND_5296! It’s right in my neighborhood!
Don’t mean to pester, but I think the case behind my suggestion of “parody corner” – for posts that it’s hard to take seriously – is building. Those who really were parodying would presumably take this as a compliment (and it probably would be), and those who weren’t would just have to lump it.
z8_GND_5296? They certainly have a way with words. Contrast this with a short conversation I had with my daughter a year ago or so:
B: Daddy, which hill are we doing tomorrow?
Me: The one above Braemar that you and I did last year.
B: THAT’S MY FAVOURITE HILL!!!! What’s it called?
Me: Creag Choinnich.
B: [pause]… I can’t pronounce that. I’m going to call it Kevin.
Nick, I really should read ALL the comments on all threads. I am a bit slow on the uptake. My thanks for Fred Rogers of the Neighborhood.
(By the way, Mr Rogers, you had defintely had the “cult of personality” thing going with my young daughter for a few years— in rerun! And since you started out as a pastor I have to wonder…….)
:o)
P.S.
Creag Choinnich is pronounced “craig kon-yich”. Sausages, here I come.
Technical difficulties (small comments) due to embed code from WCNC. Trying to figure out which squiggly figure is causing it. Sorry.
Dee Fixed it!!!!!! I got rid of the bad squiggly thing!!!! Yay me!!!!!!
@ Anon 1: He is in heaven. I wonder what the Calvinistas would have to say about that. Heaven is like Mr. Rogers neighborhood.
I am embarrassed that Elevation Church is located in my native state.
I’m embarrassed that Elevation is in my CITY. I have to stress to some of my friends and family that not every Christian in Charlotte is drinking Elevation’s Kool-Aid.
I really miss you! I watched you on TV, as did my daughters.I enjoyed reading the 15 reasons why you were the best neighbor ever! My favorite one is #15 indicating that your mom hand-knit every one of your cardigans.
Thanks for visiting our TWW neighborhood!
I linked to Tamara Rice’s great piece in my new blog post:
So I will not be silenced. I will not be belittled as bitter or marginalized as divisive. I will not be quiet so that you don’t have to feel uncomfortable when you scroll through your Twitter feed. I will not be told to watch my tone with you, the patriarchy of fundamentalist evangelical Christendom, because too many of you are failing miserably at your self-proclaimed calling and it is time you listened to people who are not on your payroll. I will not stop talking, even though so few—so few—in the church will take the time to listen.
Swanson seems as obsessed with Lesbians as any My Little Pony slashfic/shipping writer. (Poor Rainbow Dash….) Which links to a YouTube mashup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8YdedK8J4M
Assuming the guy on the video’s rest screen is Furtick, he actually looks like Central Casting’s version of a Fifties teenage heartthrob (before teenage heartthrobs started to *sparkle* in the sunlight). The clean-cut Boy Next Door heartthrob, not the Fonzie.
And Kevin Swanson also looks like he came from Central Casting for a Fifties High School movie. Where Furtick is the clean-cut heartthrob, Swanson is the dorky nerd kid.
Also, “Chunks” sounds like either 1) a reference to spewing chunks which is NOT a pleasant mental image, or 2) someone who would be in on where Jimmy Hoffa is buried and maybe have a massive 6’10″ bodyguard named Tiny.
I think somebody (or several somebodies) is stuck at the same arrested development stage as Mark Driscoll. Or carried Bart Simpson Syndrome into adulthood. When you’re ten years old and male, anything gross and disgusting (like blowing chunks) is hilarious. (Like “Barf-o-Bits” at my grade school, king of the vomit joke.) When you’re adult, not so much.
I really miss you! I watched you on TV, as did my daughters. I enjoyed reading the 15 reasons why you were the best neighbor ever! My favorite one is #15 indicating that your mom hand-knit every one of your cardigans.
If you’ve ever flown United into Pittsburgh, there’s a Misterrogers exhibit in that wing of the main airport terminal. Local boy who got famous.
And I agree with Dee. Numbers are stupid. I lived in that world with the church growth movement and it is all about numbers. It is the foundational basis for their existence, salary and their future. You are a giving unit, a baptism statistic, nickels and noses and I have heard much worse. The term “pew sitter” that I use often came from the inside of that movement because that is how they view folks.
Marge, years and years ago, i was visiting a southern baptist church. the youth minister was bragging about how many people had been ‘saved’ at a revival he had attended. I asked him: ‘wouldn’t god have been happy with just one person?”
@ Deb:
You’re welcome! Sadly, some of my fans “grew up” and decided that my outlook was just “Pie in the Sky”. Well, I’m going out now to pick some strawberries and rhubarb. Having neighbors by later for tea.
@ Fred Rogers: “Strawberries in heaven?” Sounds like a song from the 60s.
@ Nick Bulbeck:
Nick, your daughter made me laugh. 😀 Thank you.
z8_GND_5296? … … I can’t pronounce that. I’m going to call it Kevin.
That galaxy was fantastic! I say was, because it blew up, or collapsed,or blinked out, or something around 12 billion years ago. God replaced it with the new, improved z9_GNE_5297, which I will call “Kevin”, in honor of your daughter. Some YEC’s up here are trying to figure this all out…. Did z8_GND_5296 really exist, or did God just create light to look like it had?
They set up swimming pools in their parking lots, it’s like an assembly line.
A great honour. (My daughter’s own name isn’t Kevin, you understand.)
@ Anon 1:
Can anyone with a brain see the impossible logistics on this one? They would have to be baptizing around the clock at several locations.
Maybe they got an Olympic-size swimming pool and had everyone jump in at once while Furtick yelled “I BAPTIZE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND OF THE SON AND OF THE HOLY GHOST” over a loudspeaker?
But of course the above scenario is patently ridiculous on its face. No megachurch pastor would ever be caught dead saying the words “Holy Ghost.” Someone might mistake him for a Catholic. 😉
@ HUG:
Swanson is the dorky nerd kid.
…which is why this is my all-time favorite picture of Kevin. 😉
What Swanson’s screed really teaches us is that trefoils are the darkest, most powerful, most Satanic cookie of them all, as the Girl Scouts logo is baked right into them. Not even the renowned Sharpie countercurse can defeat trefoils. In fact we may have to resort to true love’s kiss (between a man and a woman, of course). There is a simpler answer, which is that Keebler makes off-brand Samoas which are actually pretty good. But that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
And a quote describing the 2011 “baptismfest” (I don’t even know what else to call it):
“We baptized 2,158 people over 2 weekends. It was unbelievable. It required audacious faith in a God who provides.”
This page also has a document which gives logistics on conducting such a shindig.
It’s not the attendees at church who asked for baptism, it was Elevation presenting baptism to them as yet another event. Indeed, a cursory review of the “Spontaneous Baptism How-To Guide” indicates this call to baptism was presented by Furtick “approximately 60 minutes into the worship experience”, i.e., they were already there for church and invited to get baptized.
There’s something weird about this setup and it’s very far from the story of Philip and the Ethiopian in Acts 8, where Philip expounded the scriptures to the Ethiopian, who then said, “here’s water, what’s to stop me from being baptized?” and he was.
What is with these altitude names anyhow? Elevation. Summit. Be interesting to watch how high the names can go.
They sound like football stadium names to me.
I’ve lived all over the nation, and one city I lived in (can’t remember which one, maybe Houston?) had a big sports arena or conference hall thingy or whatever it was (some huge place where there were concerts/ ballets/ hosted speakers) called “The Summit.”
I’m tired of churches being so gimmicky, and the hipster names are a part of that.
JeffT
Actually, the event you described took place at the behest of a sexual predator at a former church. He was over a group of teen boys and this was one of the activities that he convinced them to do, which contributed to a 13 year jail term for the predator and my disillusionment with a former church which overlooked and explained away some pretty significant signals. No harm, no foul, just really bad memories.
I was listening to a Furtick sermon on “Fighting for the Faith,” and in that sermon (probably 2 or 3 years old), Furtick, who was guest speaking at another church, paused to say that the previous weekend, his church (he claimed) baptized 1,000 people.
David Barton tells an Alabama Baptist congregation there is no way to drink Starbucks coffee and be “biblically correct.”
I’ve had IFBs in the past tell me that me buying CDs of certain secular pop singers meant I was promoting homosexuals / homosexuality.
So, what are Christians supposed to do, never, ever buy any products ever?
The only 100% sinless person ever was Jesus, so only Jesus could technically be considered pure enough to sell cookies, coffee, and pop songs.
The only exception is Chick Fil A, I guess, but even the owner of Chick Fil A is a sinner, but maybe his types of sins are considered okay or tolerable by Christians who would snub Girl Scout cookies or Starbucks?
Spaceballs is an excellent Sci Fi parody movie. It covers Star Wars, Star Trek, and Aliens.
@ Anon
I am starting to think you are doing a parody on Furtick.
I think Dee confirmed on a thread yesterday that the Sharon Long persona is a bonified parody account, I think she knows the person behind the screen name.
If only the Mahaney parody lady would show up to dispense with make-up tips for the ladies and tell us we shouldn’t be bothering our pretty little heads over church scandals.
I’ve lived all over the nation, and one city I lived in (can’t remember which one, maybe Houston?) had a big sports arena or conference hall thingy or whatever it was (some huge place where there were concerts/ ballets/ hosted speakers) called “The Summit.”
It was Houston. And ironically, the Summit (former NBA arena) was leased out to Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church when the Rockets built a new arena.
Furtick maybe ran past them, as they were lined up, with a Super Soaker toy gun, spritzed some water on them yelling, “Be Baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit!”
Unless the Super Soaker gun toys are made by homosexuals, in which case David Barton and Kevin Swanson would tell you to stay away.
Does a Christian approved company make and sell Slip and Slide? Furtick could have thousands slide down a slippy slide on the front lawn of his church for baptisms.
I tweeted the Girl Scout cookie comment by the ever beloved, bon vivant of the womb tomb, Kevin Swanson. I hope to figure out a way to slip this into a post.
I was just looking at a post about a mega church called “Celebration.”
Church names these days either sound like sports stadium names, or the ones like “Celebration” remind me of large chain pizza places with animatronic animals, like “Chuck E Cheese’s.”
I hope a church with a name such as “Celebration” really does have a large mechanical mouse that greets people at the front door.
Thanks! Had I been able to edit the post I would have do so myself – it was a bit too crude and is something I shouldn’t have said in the first place. So to the church of TWW I say mea culpa
Around the 9:55 mark he reads an email he received from an “Ian.” Listen for great lines such as “Elevation Jihad” and the ever-so-Christ-like, “Find Jesus, you chump, you make me want to sock you!” Keith uses it as a great segue into the “Hey Haters” clip.
I honestly didn’t know the right way to react to that.
Listen to Hour 3 of Keith Larson’s 10/24 podcast: http://feeds.feedburner.com/KeithLarsonPodcast
Around the 9:55 mark he reads an email he received from an “Ian.” Listen for great lines such as “Elevation Jihad” and the ever-so-Christ-like, “Find Jesus, you chump, you make me want to sock you!” Keith uses it as a great segue into the “Hey Haters” clip.
@ Nick Bulbeck:
Oh the joys of living in Britain (Isles).
That is one thing I don’t miss about my year in England (and I was only four and five the year and a half we lived there), even I found the adults overly “comment-y”. I remember all the “you shouldn’ts” and can’t count how many times an adult would rush off to tell my mom something I said to them. My mother patently ignored them. I can only imagine what that would be like as an adult. I would be tempted to say something worse back. I mean, really? you shouldn’t walk down an empty street? I’d likely ask: “why not?” but then they would just yatter on and on about rules, danger, etc.
You must have had to bite your tongue a few times when it came to other random adults with your own children. Some of the adults seemed to thrive on bossing random stranger’s kids around. I don’t remember it as much when we moved back to Canada, at least not to that extent.
Oddly enough, I didn’t get that as much in my younger days; probably because something in my bearing betrayed the fact that (whilst I would never have been physically aggressive) I’d have found it more than funny to respond with, Aww, eff off and die, *****.
[[MOD: Edit Way too crude of a remark.]]
“They hire compensation consultants to look at other megachurches”
Wonder what his salary would be if they looked at his value to the Lord?
http://fbcjaxwatchdog.blogspot.com/2013/10/watch-this-video-humorously-makes-point.html
Awesome.
Here is the link for Keith Larson (Charlotte radio station WBT morning talk show host) interviewing the reporter, Stuart Watson, yesterday. It’s on in Hour 2. http://feeds.feedburner.com/KeithLarsonPodcast Larson will be following up today. Yesterday he tweeted: “interesting email from seemingly credible former #ElevationChurch member, about finances, & attitudes toward members’ questions. 2mrrw.” Should be interesting.
Furtick looks like a teenager. Also, “Chunks” sounds like either 1) a reference to spewing chunks which is NOT a pleasant mental image, or 2) someone who would be in on where Jimmy Hoffa is buried and maybe have a massive 6’10” bodyguard named Tiny. Either way, I’m still scratching my head over that one.
Just another way the church is of the world, not just in it. This is the same way CEOs’ pay gets set, through “peer benchmarking.” Forget about the people under you, forget about the actual value you are bringing to the organization. And then use the organization to enrich yourself.
The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them but whoever wants to be great in the kingdom of heaven must become the servant of all.
They won’t even release their by-laws???? What on earth? So do people join this church without knowing the church’s by-laws????
I am embarrassed that Elevation Church is located in my native state. It is becoming patently clear that it's NOT Jesus Christ who is being elevated…
@ Marge Sweigart:
If you listen to the podcast, be sure to listen to the whole thing, including the people calling in. Keith Larson does a great job of cutting through the bulls**t and keeping the discussion on track. One guy who had gone to Elevation for 2 years and was a “volunteer” told about how volunteers cleaned the Furticks’ house, did their grocery shopping, etc. He also said that when he wanted to talk with Furtick about concerns he had about a guest preacher, he was told that he could not talk to Furtick and that if he wasn’t happy at Elevation, they could find him a new church that he could be happy at. LOL.
Interesting Tweet two months ago by Steven Furtick:
Does Elevation Church conduct spontaneous baptisms?
@ Deb:
From what I am hearing, the naswer may be yes.
Deb wrote:
What is with these altitude names anyhow? Elevation. Summit. Be interesting to watch how high the names can go. Sun and moon sound too oriental. and they have already used satellite for a lesser quantity. Maybe Asteroid? Something beyond the pull of gravity certainly.
Nancy
Asteroid? How about Rings of Satrun? 🙂
@ Deb:
2 weekends over 3000 baptisms? With 7 campuses (Does each one have a baptismal) just the logistics alone would be a nightmare and probably would have made the news. I don’t believe it. I mean after about 100, wouldn’t you at least want to change the water if done in a baptismal? Can anyone with a brain see the impossible logistics on this one? They would have to be baptizing around the clock at several locations.
And guess what? Since they do not have formal membership, how are people at the different campi to know what is true or isn’t? I am not a fan of formal membership but at the very least it helps one track such things as this.
Why am I thinking of George Orwell right now?
@ Nancy:
Nancy, this past summer I was driving through an area of Fla and saw a little house with a sign in front announcing, “Happy People” Church. :o)
Hester wrote:
Maybe, maybe not, but I’d urge us collectively not to focus on that. I myself look stupid; I have receding hair, freckles and sticking-out ears that evidently make my look at lot younger than my 45 years because I attract patronising people like a jam-jar attracts wasps. People in their 30’s address me as “son” and total strangers walk up to me and tell me I shouldn’t be walking in the (empty) road or explain the dangers of standing near the water’s edge.
If Mr Furtick dresses up as a chicken or a banana, then by all means comment on his appearance. But – if I may respectfully state – I can’t hold his face against him.
@ Anon 1:
I’ve seen pictures and videos of the baptisms. They set up tanks out in the parking lot. There’s no way it could be “spontaneous”. It might just be that people spontaneously decide to get baptized that day. Just google “elevation church baptism” if you want to see how it’s done.
Marge Sweigart wrote:
We have received some interesting information to that effect that we are checking out. It has to do with children.
Nick Bulbeck wrote:
🙂
@ Anon 1: I still remember coming forward at Ed Young Jrs church to become a “member” of the church for which I shall repent the rest of my life. I heard one lady tell the interviewer that she knew she was going to heaven. She got “baptized.” Of course, the lady believed that everyone goes to heaven if you are good. She soon left and joined the Unity Church which she said was just like Ed’s church. But, she was baptized and her number was added to the congregation that very day!!! Numbers are stupid.
If you guys get bored with Furtick, Kevin Swanson is at it again.
http://www.salon.com/2013/10/21/ring_wing_pastor_girl_scouts_are_wicked_and_their_cookies_promote_lesbianism/
dee wrote:
Uranus?
I hope you are enjoying this crucifixion. So sad to see you salivating over a hatchet job…last time I saw something this bad was in “Passion of the Christ”. But here is the good news…WE WILL RISE! As my Pastor Steven always says, “Favor ain’t Fair”! “So when people see you driving that nice car and owning your own home and wearing some new clothes and they start hatin…just tell em’…My Daddy got me this and he ain’t finished yet! I didn’t earn it, I didn’t deserve it, there is more where this came from and if you got right with God, you may get some Favor too!”
That is a direct quote from Pastor Steven and today I hopped in my brand new Lexus and drove to my new job making $75,000 and I will at PF Changs tonite!
Sorry that you are jealous….but….Favor ain’t Fair!
@ Marge Sweigart:
Oh my word. Parking lot baptismal tanks? Those do not typically appear spontaneously for Baptism.
And I agree with Dee. Numbers are stupid. I lived in that world with the church growth movement and it is all about numbers. It is the foundational basis for their existence, salary and their future. You are a giving unit, a baptism statistic, nickels and noses and I have heard much worse. The term “pew sitter” that I use often came from the inside of that movement because that is how they view folks.
Is it just this computer or is the print so small now us visuaally impaired people have drag out the magnifying glass?
TW wrote:
How about z8_GND_5296? http://www.space.com/23306-ancient-galaxy-farthest-ever-seen.html
Can’t get much more “elevated” than that. Except here in the hereafter!
Sharon Long wrote:
Sharon, to compare the sacrifice of our Lord to Steven Furticks lifestyle being outed tells me all I need to know about what passes for spiritual truth at Elevation.
I am starting to think you are doing a parody on Furtick.
wisdomchaser wrote:
It looks really tiny from here in the great beyond, as well. Just like Pastor Steven’s mansion looks compared to some of the digs up here!
We know the print is small. We are investigating.
@ Anon 1:
Parody. Yes. My great-niece-in-law Sharon is no more an Elevation member than I am. Gotta go! Gonna explore z8_GND_5296! It’s right in my neighborhood!
@ Anon 1:
Don’t mean to pester, but I think the case behind my suggestion of “parody corner” – for posts that it’s hard to take seriously – is building. Those who really were parodying would presumably take this as a compliment (and it probably would be), and those who weren’t would just have to lump it.
I’m off to make tonight’s sausage casserole.
@ Fred Rogers:
z8_GND_5296? They certainly have a way with words. Contrast this with a short conversation I had with my daughter a year ago or so:
B: Daddy, which hill are we doing tomorrow?
Me: The one above Braemar that you and I did last year.
B: THAT’S MY FAVOURITE HILL!!!! What’s it called?
Me: Creag Choinnich.
B: [pause]… I can’t pronounce that. I’m going to call it Kevin.
NOW I’m off to make the sausage casserole.
@ Nick Bulbeck:
Nick, I really should read ALL the comments on all threads. I am a bit slow on the uptake. My thanks for Fred Rogers of the Neighborhood.
(By the way, Mr Rogers, you had defintely had the “cult of personality” thing going with my young daughter for a few years— in rerun! And since you started out as a pastor I have to wonder…….)
:o)
P.S.
Creag Choinnich is pronounced “craig kon-yich”. Sausages, here I come.
Technical difficulties (small comments) due to embed code from WCNC. Trying to figure out which squiggly figure is causing it. Sorry.
Dee Fixed it!!!!!! I got rid of the bad squiggly thing!!!! Yay me!!!!!!
@ Anon 1: He is in heaven. I wonder what the Calvinistas would have to say about that. Heaven is like Mr. Rogers neighborhood.
Deb wrote:
I’m embarrassed that Elevation is in my CITY. I have to stress to some of my friends and family that not every Christian in Charlotte is drinking Elevation’s Kool-Aid.
@ dee:
Yay!!! You Go Girl!
@ Fred Rogers:
I really miss you! I watched you on TV, as did my daughters. I enjoyed reading the 15 reasons why you were the best neighbor ever! My favorite one is #15 indicating that your mom hand-knit every one of your cardigans.
Thanks for visiting our TWW neighborhood!
I linked to Tamara Rice’s great piece in my new blog post:
So I will not be silenced. I will not be belittled as bitter or marginalized as divisive. I will not be quiet so that you don’t have to feel uncomfortable when you scroll through your Twitter feed. I will not be told to watch my tone with you, the patriarchy of fundamentalist evangelical Christendom, because too many of you are failing miserably at your self-proclaimed calling and it is time you listened to people who are not on your payroll. I will not stop talking, even though so few—so few—in the church will take the time to listen.
http://watchkeep.blogspot.com/2013/10/sacrificing-of-souls-for-sake-of.html#sthash.u57X15ow.dpuf
wisdomchaser wrote:
Swanson seems as obsessed with Lesbians as any My Little Pony slashfic/shipping writer. (Poor Rainbow Dash….) Which links to a YouTube mashup:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J8YdedK8J4M
Hester wrote:
Assuming the guy on the video’s rest screen is Furtick, he actually looks like Central Casting’s version of a Fifties teenage heartthrob (before teenage heartthrobs started to *sparkle* in the sunlight). The clean-cut Boy Next Door heartthrob, not the Fonzie.
And Kevin Swanson also looks like he came from Central Casting for a Fifties High School movie. Where Furtick is the clean-cut heartthrob, Swanson is the dorky nerd kid.
I think somebody (or several somebodies) is stuck at the same arrested development stage as Mark Driscoll. Or carried Bart Simpson Syndrome into adulthood. When you’re ten years old and male, anything gross and disgusting (like blowing chunks) is hilarious. (Like “Barf-o-Bits” at my grade school, king of the vomit joke.) When you’re adult, not so much.
Deb wrote:
If you’ve ever flown United into Pittsburgh, there’s a Misterrogers exhibit in that wing of the main airport terminal. Local boy who got famous.
Anon 1 wrote:
Marge, years and years ago, i was visiting a southern baptist church. the youth minister was bragging about how many people had been ‘saved’ at a revival he had attended. I asked him: ‘wouldn’t god have been happy with just one person?”
@ Deb:
You’re welcome! Sadly, some of my fans “grew up” and decided that my outlook was just “Pie in the Sky”. Well, I’m going out now to pick some strawberries and rhubarb. Having neighbors by later for tea.
@ Fred Rogers: “Strawberries in heaven?” Sounds like a song from the 60s.
@ Nick Bulbeck:
Nick, your daughter made me laugh. 😀 Thank you.
Nick Bulbeck wrote:
That galaxy was fantastic! I say was, because it blew up, or collapsed,or blinked out, or something around 12 billion years ago. God replaced it with the new, improved z9_GNE_5297, which I will call “Kevin”, in honor of your daughter. Some YEC’s up here are trying to figure this all out…. Did z8_GND_5296 really exist, or did God just create light to look like it had?
They set up swimming pools in their parking lots, it’s like an assembly line.
@ Fred Rogers:
A great honour. (My daughter’s own name isn’t Kevin, you understand.)
@ Anon 1:
Maybe they got an Olympic-size swimming pool and had everyone jump in at once while Furtick yelled “I BAPTIZE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER AND OF THE SON AND OF THE HOLY GHOST” over a loudspeaker?
But of course the above scenario is patently ridiculous on its face. No megachurch pastor would ever be caught dead saying the words “Holy Ghost.” Someone might mistake him for a Catholic. 😉
@ HUG:
…which is why this is my all-time favorite picture of Kevin. 😉
http://www.thatmom.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/kevin-swanson.jpg
@ wisdomchaser:
What Swanson’s screed really teaches us is that trefoils are the darkest, most powerful, most Satanic cookie of them all, as the Girl Scouts logo is baked right into them. Not even the renowned Sharpie countercurse can defeat trefoils. In fact we may have to resort to true love’s kiss (between a man and a woman, of course). There is a simpler answer, which is that Keebler makes off-brand Samoas which are actually pretty good. But that wouldn’t be nearly as much fun.
Kevin wins at failing yet again.
Fred Rogers wrote:
As Christian Monist put it once, “Where did God set up the projector behind the 6018-light-year distant back-projection screen?”
JeffT wrote:
My apologies. Let my umbrage get the best of me. Knew it as soon as I hit the Post button.
Here’s a description, from a (c) Steven Furtick 2013 website, of the “spontaneous baptisms”:
http://www.sunstandstill.org/baptismkit
And a quote describing the 2011 “baptismfest” (I don’t even know what else to call it):
“We baptized 2,158 people over 2 weekends. It was unbelievable. It required audacious faith in a God who provides.”
This page also has a document which gives logistics on conducting such a shindig.
It’s not the attendees at church who asked for baptism, it was Elevation presenting baptism to them as yet another event. Indeed, a cursory review of the “Spontaneous Baptism How-To Guide” indicates this call to baptism was presented by Furtick “approximately 60 minutes into the worship experience”, i.e., they were already there for church and invited to get baptized.
There’s something weird about this setup and it’s very far from the story of Philip and the Ethiopian in Acts 8, where Philip expounded the scriptures to the Ethiopian, who then said, “here’s water, what’s to stop me from being baptized?” and he was.
Nancy wrote:
They sound like football stadium names to me.
I’ve lived all over the nation, and one city I lived in (can’t remember which one, maybe Houston?) had a big sports arena or conference hall thingy or whatever it was (some huge place where there were concerts/ ballets/ hosted speakers) called “The Summit.”
I’m tired of churches being so gimmicky, and the hipster names are a part of that.
JeffT
Actually, the event you described took place at the behest of a sexual predator at a former church. He was over a group of teen boys and this was one of the activities that he convinced them to do, which contributed to a 13 year jail term for the predator and my disillusionment with a former church which overlooked and explained away some pretty significant signals. No harm, no foul, just really bad memories.
@ Anon 1:
I was listening to a Furtick sermon on “Fighting for the Faith,” and in that sermon (probably 2 or 3 years old), Furtick, who was guest speaking at another church, paused to say that the previous weekend, his church (he claimed) baptized 1,000 people.
@ wisdomchaser:
Girl Scout cookies promote lesbianism?
(Headline on Salon: “Right-wing pastor: Girl Scouts are wicked and their cookies promote lesbianism”)
Just a few months ago, that Barton historian guy said Christians buying coffee at Starbucks promotes or supports homosexuality.
Christians can’t buy Starbucks: speaker (David Barton)
I’ve had IFBs in the past tell me that me buying CDs of certain secular pop singers meant I was promoting homosexuals / homosexuality.
So, what are Christians supposed to do, never, ever buy any products ever?
The only 100% sinless person ever was Jesus, so only Jesus could technically be considered pure enough to sell cookies, coffee, and pop songs.
The only exception is Chick Fil A, I guess, but even the owner of Chick Fil A is a sinner, but maybe his types of sins are considered okay or tolerable by Christians who would snub Girl Scout cookies or Starbucks?
TW wrote:
I (heart) Uranus was on the bumper sticker of Lone Star’s Winnebago in Spaceballs.
Lone Star’s bumper sticker
Spaceballs is an excellent Sci Fi parody movie. It covers Star Wars, Star Trek, and Aliens.
@ Anon
I think Dee confirmed on a thread yesterday that the Sharon Long persona is a bonified parody account, I think she knows the person behind the screen name.
If only the Mahaney parody lady would show up to dispense with make-up tips for the ladies and tell us we shouldn’t be bothering our pretty little heads over church scandals.
Daisy wrote:
It was Houston. And ironically, the Summit (former NBA arena) was leased out to Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church when the Rockets built a new arena.
@ Hester:
Furtick maybe ran past them, as they were lined up, with a Super Soaker toy gun, spritzed some water on them yelling, “Be Baptized in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit!”
Unless the Super Soaker gun toys are made by homosexuals, in which case David Barton and Kevin Swanson would tell you to stay away.
Does a Christian approved company make and sell Slip and Slide? Furtick could have thousands slide down a slippy slide on the front lawn of his church for baptisms.
I tweeted the Girl Scout cookie comment by the ever beloved, bon vivant of the womb tomb, Kevin Swanson. I hope to figure out a way to slip this into a post.
@ Southwestern Discomfort:
Okay, thank you, so it was Houston. I lived there for a long time, but I only barely pay attention to sports related news.
Houston has the Astrodome and one or two other huge sports arenas / conference halls, and they changed the name on some of them.
@ Daisy:
I was just looking at a post about a mega church called “Celebration.”
Church names these days either sound like sports stadium names, or the ones like “Celebration” remind me of large chain pizza places with animatronic animals, like “Chuck E Cheese’s.”
I hope a church with a name such as “Celebration” really does have a large mechanical mouse that greets people at the front door.
@ dee:
Thanks! Had I been able to edit the post I would have do so myself – it was a bit too crude and is something I shouldn’t have said in the first place. So to the church of TWW I say mea culpa
Listen to Hour 3 of Keith Larson’s 10/24 podcast:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/KeithLarsonPodcast
Around the 9:55 mark he reads an email he received from an “Ian.” Listen for great lines such as “Elevation Jihad” and the ever-so-Christ-like, “Find Jesus, you chump, you make me want to sock you!” Keith uses it as a great segue into the “Hey Haters” clip.
I honestly didn’t know the right way to react to that.
AnonInNC wrote:
Hence the phrase “thick as thieves”
TW wrote:
You said da sekrit woid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dr1Ay0jo7FM
Nancy wrote:
High as Tokin’ the Ghost with God’s Jehovah-juana (Yoing Yoing Yoing…)?
Daisy wrote:
Infractions of a sekshul nature are always THEE most egregious in fundagelical-land.
There was yet another story on WCNC Charlotte last night, this time showing how Furtick has modeled Elevation Church after Ed Young’s church.
http://www.wcnc.com/video/featured-videos/I-Team-The-blueprint-of-a-megachurch-229201061.html
@ Marge Sweigart:
Thanks for sharing that link. Yep, looks like Furtick is a clone of Ed Young Jr.
Marge Sweigart wrote:
Does that include Seven-Day Sex Challenges and Live Televised Bed-Ins on the megachurch roof?
wisdomchaser wrote:
In honor of Gawd’s Anointed Dorky Guy, here’s a little momento from classic Dr Demento:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9Itz80d7ec
(Audio’s pretty bad; couldn’t find a single online with good audio. Here’s the lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9Itz80d7ec )
Headless Unicorn Guy wrote:
Not so far, that I’ve heard of. I’ll keep you posted. 🙂
Oops. Here’s the lyrics to the above:
http://lyrics.wikia.com/Sue_Fink:Leaping_Lesbians
@ Nick Bulbeck:
Oh the joys of living in Britain (Isles).
That is one thing I don’t miss about my year in England (and I was only four and five the year and a half we lived there), even I found the adults overly “comment-y”. I remember all the “you shouldn’ts” and can’t count how many times an adult would rush off to tell my mom something I said to them. My mother patently ignored them. I can only imagine what that would be like as an adult. I would be tempted to say something worse back. I mean, really? you shouldn’t walk down an empty street? I’d likely ask: “why not?” but then they would just yatter on and on about rules, danger, etc.
You must have had to bite your tongue a few times when it came to other random adults with your own children. Some of the adults seemed to thrive on bossing random stranger’s kids around. I don’t remember it as much when we moved back to Canada, at least not to that extent.
@ Val:
Oddly enough, I didn’t get that as much in my younger days; probably because something in my bearing betrayed the fact that (whilst I would never have been physically aggressive) I’d have found it more than funny to respond with, Aww, eff off and die, *****.
@ wisdomchaser:
Just read the Salon article. Swanson is as pathetic as ever, but the comments on that article are HI-larious!