"We are much more concerned about someone abusing his freedom then we are about his guarding it. We are more afraid of indulging the sinful nature then we are of falling into legalism. Yet legalism does indulge the sinful nature because it fosters self-righteousness and religious pride. It also diverts us from the real issues of the Christian life by focusing on externals and sometimes trivial rules"…Jerry Bridges
 

 

Favorite Wife: Escape From Polygamy by Susan Ray Schmidt

 

amazon.com

 

 

 

This is story about a coming of age, abuse, pain and, in the end, redemption. But first, it is important to look at some basic points about the history of Mormonism and polygamy. This is an awkward subject for many Mormons. In my discussions with my Mormon friend, Vinnie, over the course of  1 1/2 years, I found my questions about this original practice were received with some discomfort. As he and his friends would say, "Joseph Smith said this was his hardest teaching." They claimed that he didn't want to do this but felt compelled by the revelation. However, Smith did apply  this in his own life, with wild abandon, in my never to be humble opinion.

 

I found an excellent site that answers many questions about polygamy entitled Mormon Polygamy Overview. 
 

Sometime around 1831, Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, received a visit from an angel that told him to institute polygamous marriages; in particular one husband with many wives. It is interesting to note that Brigham Young, his successor, believed that a man should not have more than 999 wives since Solomon was chastised for having 1000 wives! Can you imagine?? Joseph Smith had approximately 33 wives,while Brigham Young had 55.

 

The United States passed laws in the 1800s against the practice of polygamy. Utah, wishing to achieve the benefits of statehood, found that it's acceptance of polygamy was a deterrant to statehood. So, Wilford Woodruff, the Prophet in 1890, received a vision and issued "The Manifesto" which outlawed polygamy for Mormons. It is convenient that this revelation came at the perfect moment for them to achieve statehood. There were a fair number of Mormons who believed that the LDS leadership sold out to Uncle Sam and quietly continued their polygamous practices. 

 

It is a little known fact that Mormons believe that Jesus was married to Mary and Martha at the wedding at Cana.  Brigham Young also stated "The Scripture says that He, the Lord, came walking in the Temple, with His train; I do not know who they were, unless His wives and children."
  Also, it is an LDS teaching  that polygamy will continue in heaven after the Second Coming .

 

My first experience with polygamy came when I worked as a nurse on the Navajo Reservation, My Navajo interpreter showed me a compound near the border of Utah that was the home of polygamous Mormons. It was a dusty compound surrounded with cattle fencing. I saw little girls in long dresses playing in the distance.He said, in Navajo deadpan fashion, “I can’t manage one wife, how do they survive 10?” We both laughed.

 

Recently, I read this book written by a woman who, for a short time, was the favorite wife in a polygamous family. Susan was raised in the 1950s and 60s in a loving Mormon family who lived in a polygamous compound in rural Mexico. Many polygamists moved to Mexico which tolerated their practices, especially underage marriages.  She was raised to believe that she would not get into the highest level of heaven if she was not part of a polygamous marriage. She was taught to believe that she would go to "hell" if she rejected these teachings, Although a girl could choose to reject a marriage proposal, she was expected to marry at an early age. Girls as young as 14 were considered marriageable.
 

There was a firm belief that the husbands were the authority figure in the marriage and that the girls needed to be married in order to be under their husband’s covering. There seemed to be a belief that a woman was also saved by bearing lots of children which showed God’s pleasure with her obedience.
 

Susan was a typical teenage girl, with dreams about marrying a goodlooking man and having lots of children. She recounts her early teen years with great poignancy.She claimed she had a dream at the age of 15 to marry Verlan LeBaron,  who was one of the "good-looking" leaders of this cult which had a several compunds scattered throughout Mexico and Central America. She would be his fifth wife.

 

Unbeknownst to Susan, Verlan was involved in a violent feud with his brother , Ervil, for control of this group of people. Interestingly, Ervil tried to convince Susan to marry him. Thankfully, she did not. One of his wives went missing and was never found. It is estimated that over two dozen people may have been murdered from 1972 to 1988, mainly by Ervil.  This was written about in the book 4 O' CLOCK MURDERS by Scott Anderson.
 

Susan quickly learned how difficult life could be for the family of a polygamist. She had five children by her mid 20s. Verlan would go onto have 10 wives and 58 children.

• The wives did not like each other and all of them were vying for the attention of Verlan.
• Verlan showed little attention to the children, sending them outside whenever he was at one of his homes.
• Verlan had very little money and the families had a subsistence level of life. 
• They were often hungry and mostly lived in beaten down trailers, often with no heat or electricity. They wore clothes that were rejected by charities. The children were educated in makeshift schools with the wives doing most of the teaching.

 

As time went on, Susan became disillusioned by her faith and the sacrifices it demanded of both her and her children.. The final straw occurred when Verlan moved her to a jungle in Nicaragua with some of the other wives to start a new polygamous compound. They lived in abject poverty, fighting hunger and disease. Susan decided to leave Verlan and escaped with her children. Eventually she became a Christian and married a wonderful man.
 

This book taught me a number of lessons. I was astonished by the similarities of the teaching of this polygamous group and certain fundamentalist and hyper-authoritarian based churches. If one removed the issue of polygamy and Joseph Smith, I contend there would be little difference between the teachings of this group and certain churches and groups that we have discussed on this blog.
 

1. Many groups, both orthodox Christians and cult groups who claim to have Christian roots, often emphasize certain passages in the Scriptures to the exclusion of others. Such groups tend to be authoritarian based, legalistic and occasionally abusive
 

2. Avoid groups who have special rules that they claim are “Biblical.” People are often willing to accept the teachings of their parents or “famous” or well placed leaders without questioning their veracity or validity.

• Patriarchalism
• Quiverfull
• Young Earth Creationism
• Mandatory tithing

 

3. Isolationism can breed abuse. There are many Christian groups which isolate themselves from the outside world. They spend all of their spare time at church or small groups in which rules of the subgroup are taught and accepted without reservation because dissension and questioning have been quashed.
 

4. Some groups present themselves as having the only “true” understanding of the Scriptures and convince their followers that they are the “real” Christians. This makes it hard for people to leave such groups. When they do, they are often told they are giving in to Satan or are in danger of hell.
 

5.Beware of any pastor or leader who fashions himself as specially “anointed”, standing “in the very stead of God, ” or having special “authority.” These men are usually hyper-authoritarian and will stomp on those who bring dissenting points of view. They usually surround themselves with men who will back up the pastor’s special status and will enforce their own peculiar rules and regulations which are often used to shore up their own power base. I call these guys "admirals in rowboats."

 

6. Beware churches in which men are looked at as having special anointings that are unavailable to women.

• Men are to be the “covering” for their wives. So who is the covering for a 60 year old unmarried woman?
• Men are “in authority” and women are to submit to them at all costs, even when abuse is present.
• Men hold the key to the salvation for women. Women ride their husband’s coattails into heaven.

 

7.Run from groups in which women are told that they are “saved” by bearing children.

 

I think this book is a good read for questioning Christians who wonder how such cult groups can go so far off track. However, be prepared to be challenged. There are many notorious and well-known “orthodox” churches who do not practice certain tenets of Mormonism or polygamy but might not be at all unlike Susan’s cult compound. That's a little scary, isn't it?

 

Lydia's Corner: Exodus 17:8-19:15 Matthew 22:34-23:12 Psalm 27:7-14 Proverbs 6:27-35