Alice Invades Wonderland

What do they teach them at these schools?”

“Nothing now remains for us seven but to go back to Stable Hill, proclaim the truth, and take the adventure that Aslan sends us”.Chronicles of Narnia- CS Lewis




Combat helmet?  Check!  Flak jacket?  Check!  Parachute?  Check!  Climbing gear?  Check!  GPS for a quick getaway?  You betcha!  Bottled water and oxygen mask (to Give Me Oxygen)!  Check.  Alice, a bit weary yet curious as ever, prepares to base dive back down the hole…  So, jumping feet first while yelling, “INCOMING!”, Alice returns to Wonderland.


Alice has heard that the king FINALLY has the report and all is hunky dory.  However, this time Alice is prepared!  Rumor has it that the report mentions the word “trajectory” and to Alice, that means missiles.


She is ready! (video to follow-sorry)




When Alice left Wonderland some time ago, an investigation was underway by the king’s appointed committee.  Please refer to Part One of our Wonderland series (at the end of May) for the very sad details. The new blog is coming soon!


The Fellowship of the Wounded (FOW) has scattered to new kingdoms.  Unfortunately,a cloak and dagger operation was underway because the king's agents were on the lookout for FOW sightings in order to “share” with other kings the negative nature of these "troublemakers".  Yawn: another common battle tactic. The king's men also seem to have a penchant for starting rumors about “marital discord” among the FOW, proving once again the Mad Hatter is alive and well in Wonderland.


“Mad Hatter”, you query… “He wasn’t around in Part One.”  Ah, dear reader, indeed he was.  In keeping with certain literary devices, the Mad Hatter is the disembodied spirit of “Cognitive Dissonance.”  This spirit makes a real mess of things, often forcing people to act and believe in direct opposition to the established king’s law so that the spirit of Wonderland — aka Confusion — will continue to prevail.


For our readers, what do you think was the bottom line of the report?  The Mad Hatter waves his wand, and TA DA!  Everything was, is, and ever shall be “wonderful” in Wonderland.  (It kind of has a nice ring, doesn’t it?)  The king, his merry men, the Knights of the Round Table, and the kings in training performed wonderfully (which is to be expected in Wonderland).  However, even wonderful can be upgraded to wonderlicious!  They love the wonder words in Wonderland…


Skulking around, Alice obtains the skinny on the report.  Salvo number one is fired.  Guess what the numero uno problem was with this wonderful mess?  A lack of supervision for “volunteer kings in training?”  Nope.  The refusal to deal with obvious signs of weirdness?  Ix nay!  How about the rather cold response of the king of Wonderland to the injured?  NOT!!! (Vigorous back and forth shaking of the head.)  It was the “TONE” of the letter the FOW had written.  “It created adverse reactions by nearly all who read it.”  Well, it should have!!!  In fact, that is the first proper emotion that any kingly type has ever expressed!  But guess what?  The negative reaction was not directed toward the gadabouts who run this kingdom.  Oh no… it was directed towards those who had the temerity to approach rulers on their level!


How many of our readers have heard this one before?  The “bearer of bad news” to the king is the problem.  The Mad Hatter’s wand is quite powerful.  So, Alice and her friends have been duly “slapped about the head.”  “Give me oxygen, stat,” she gasps.  Then she breathes deeply through the oxygen mask.  She knew this was coming and was wonderfully prepared.  That is the problem with the Mad Hatter — he is sooooo predictable!


Of course, to make it sound “gracious” the Wonderland committee does admit that, without the letter, the ”investigation” might not have occurred; therefore, they are “grateful” that the FOW raised the issue. Yeah, right…  Alice and the Fellowship of the Wounded really feel the love.  Have any of you ever attended a funeral where the recently departed was not well liked?  As the pastor intones some banality about being grateful for his life, the members of the congregation are checking their watches wondering if they will make it to the 7:10 showing of “Alien”, Part 7 in which Sigourney Weaver discovers that the aliens have taken over a Benny Hinn revival.  It gives new meaning to his “slain in the spirit” segment.  But, I digress…


Now, here's the BEST NEWS OF ALL!!!  The report states that no law was violated!  Whew!  What a relief!  This conclusion was made in reference to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum who did not report that rather unusual summer camp activity in which the king in training announced:  “I’ll show you mine if all of you show me yours.”


There was a king appointed lawyer who was a citizen of Wonderland on the committee, along with a two Knights of the Round Table and another guy who was supposed to bring “peace”.  He was the only noncitizen on the committee, but he must have been invisible because the only evidence of his existence is a resume stuck in the back of the report.


The king appointed lawyer called another lawyer at a law school and VOILA!  They put their heads together and concluded that no one in Wonderland is required BY LAW to report sexual hanky panky with children.  How often have you seen a group of lawyers agree on the reading of the law?   This subject is not open and shut and other lawyers believe differently. In other words, this sort of thing will only be solved in a court, not in a meeting of the merry men.  A couple of lawyers are not the final word, and Alice wouldn’t want to be the one defending this in a court of law.


For the sake of argument, let’s pretend that these few lawyers are correct.  Guess what that means?  Parents in Wonderland, you should be soooo relieved.  The king and his merry men do not have to report pedophilia to the authorities!!!!  How comforting to know that.  They can now continue to keep such matters…private.  In fact, that is exactly what they did!


Alice learned an important lesson from a lawyer many years ago.  Always read the fine print, and that's exactly what she did…  “There was an additional correspondence from one letter writer to another member of the congregation that suggested that such swift judgment should be made because that is the manner in which God judges.  We believe this person seriously misread the “trajectory” of Scripture.”  The report prattled on about how God withholds His judgment on many occasions.  Trajectory, huh?  Here’s some trajectory back at ya.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! INCOMING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


The language suggests that the writer might be a teacher at the king training school.  You know, the one that honored a world renowned king by dedicating a building to him.  (Funny thing about Wonderland…  They claim to follow the Name Above All Names; yet it's the kings’ names that are put above the doors in training schools.  Must be a Mad Hatter thing).


Yes, the king to whom the building was dedicated is the very one who has defended rapist kings and cheerfully (he bragged about it at a "gender" conference while being recorded) sent a woman back to her abusive husband be beat up again!!!  Said teacher took part in the ceremony to honor said king.


Alice thinks this teacher of future kings must hold a very low view of the citizens of Wonderland.  Most people who have no spiritual training are aware that God’s judgment is often slow.  All he has to do is look at the local news for proof.  In fact, that is one of the key arguments that atheists use against a belief in God.  Why does a good God let bad things happen?  Any school child knows about the atrocities of Hitler, Pol Pot, Nero, and Mao Tse Tung.


All of the members of the Fellowship of the Wounded are long time Christians.  Yet, as is the case in many dysfunctional kingdoms, mature Christians are treated like children.  Even worse, at times they are viewed as morons!  Perhaps this teaching proceeds from the very mouths of those who train future kings.  No, Mr. Trainer of future kings, Alice is well aware of this “scriptural trajectory.”


 However, said king trainer also called Alice "bitter and distrustful".  This is just another chapter in the book on spiritual abuse.  However, they all seem to use the same phrases. Could we step it up a bit, boys? How about bitter and exuberant? Maybe sweet and sour? Is there a secret course on “words to insult and intimidate” in the Wonderland schools. Hey, I have an idea. Could all of our dear readers let me know what names they have been called? We could set up a definitive list and then suggest alternatives.We could call it Wartburg’s Thesaurus of Terms to Insult the Little Guy.


Alice has grown weary…  The Wonderland report has left her breathless, and she needs more oxygen.  Tomorrow she'll drop the BOMB.  Stay tuned…  It’s a doozy!

Comments are closed.